I can't believe I got a post out last night complete with videos.  I was going to do a tattoo post but my head is all full of fuck and I have to clean up empty bottles scattered around my house.

That will never get old.

Guns, God, and guts made this country great but black roots, black gloves, and black boots made this senior photo at the local Walmart great.

One of these days I am going to catch a hipster.

I wonder if she has a copy of Scarface like every person on MTV Cribs.

Yeah, that's why I'm not having kids.

I miss New Ulm.

Domestic violence is never funny.

Get it?  If you do and are female...marry me?



And people think these folks are world class chefs.  Want to hear my recipe for Funyuns?  Go to street corner, talk to guy named Jose, buy weed, go home, roll joint, smoke weed, get munchies, go to store, buy a bag of Funyuns and a candy bar and a Slush Puppy, walk home, eat everything, wallow in despair.  That's a much more complicated recipe.

Coachella seems fun this year.  I can't believe they got Christ and Keyboard Cat to play the same venue.

The truth is...he's fucking awesome and not really from Milwaukee.  He's a hood from West Allis.

womp womp womp womp womp womp

Before you take some sexy photos make sure your kids are properly locked up and you get rid of the piles of dirty laundry.

Did you listen to my vlog about Notre Dame?

Oh man, I miss this guy but wait he has returned to football.  He's coaching an indoor football team near me.  I took my dad to the doctor once and I talked to Gilbert.  I hinted that I may try out for the team.  My knees couldn't handle it.  Anyway, there's the alleged Gilbert Burger but all us Wisconsinites know that ain't it.  They just made that for the non-Wisconsin people.  A real Gilbert Burger was a double-Double Whopper.  4 meat patties and double all the other stuff. 

Anyone want to make my day?

So here I am writing on St. Patty's Day after running out of Floppin' Crappie.  Oh you want to know what a Floppin' Crappie is?  Check the vlog!  I know I'm mean but hey, we've got bills to pay around here.  I love you.  Really, I do.  If it wasn't for you, well, I don't know what I'd be doing.  Probably reading or some lame shit like that.  Someone, and I honestly can't remember who, asked for phone numbers for drunk dialing.  I was going to give out a phone number for a local sex predator.  I figure that would be bad even though he should be castrated.  You don't want to hear me ramble and I have nothing of substance so here's the links.

1.  The NCAA men's basketball tournament is upon us and I was watching a lot of that today when I wasn't babysitting or eating a tradition Irish lunch consisting of enchiladas.  Yo soy El Hombre.  Anyway as I prep for my favorite Catholics to play tomorrow, I realized that a lot of the players this year have pornographic names or at least names that would be used by porn actors.  Lo and behold, I found a site that had such a list.  I sort of wished B.J. Holmes played for Morehead State.

2.  You know, I like Japan and fuck those people that say, "oh this is payback for Pearl Harbor" and fuck that guy who said the proper spelling was "Pearl Harbour" fuck you and your fancy spelling.  It's a proper name of a location in the United States so it's spelled "Harbor".  I spell the names of places where you live properly.  Give the dead soldiers who shed their blood for the freedom of the world some credit.  But the thing with this earthquake and nuclear disaster is that someone is going to exploit it.  Well here are the 7 people most likely to exploit it as well as the odds they will.  OH I AM SO FIRED UP MY SHIRT AND PANTS ARE OFF AND I'M READY TO WALK THAT AISLE BECAUSE TO BE THE MAN YOU HAVE TO BEAT THE MAN AND, BROTHER, I'M THAT MAN!
 
3.  Hey, it's Saint Patrick's Day a religious drinking holiday or is that a drinking religious holiday.  anyway I thought I would pass along Drunk Fail...be careful...it's sick and that's not the cool skateboarder slang that means cool.  There are some photos that are sick.  In fact the first may be the worst.

4.  Here's a conversation between me and my jackass brother Leonard
L: Hey do you like funny things?
Me: Fuck yeah, funny things are awesome.
Yep, that's how Leonard and I roll.  We love funny things and witty conversation.

5.  I'm not Asian therefore I don't have an Asian father with his high expectations but I still enjoy High Expectations Asian Father.  He's a meme.

6.  You know when I was a kid I used to enjoy those Where's Waldo books although they banned them from my church because they distracted children from learning the Bible because they were too busy searching for a pedophile in a red and white sweater.  Anyway, this is my new favorite version of Where's Waldo.  It's called Where's Randy Savage.  You'll be surprised.

7.  One of my favorite Xangans who should post more because the troll is gone and he no longer sics his 13 year old minions on people to harass them until they leave Xanga posted this link to a psychological test.  I can't remember what I scored but it shocked the shit out of me.

8.  OK this photo baffles my inebriated mind because apparently everything in the photo happened on the internet in the year 2010.  Can you remember that far back?  I can honestly only pick out 3 or 4 things.

9.  I don't always understand painted fingernails.  Do you paint your fingernails?  if you do then maybe paint them like this and I'll propose marriage.  Serious.

10.  I think I may move to California after reading this.  But how will I get a prescription for medical marijuana?  "Oh doctor, I have this chronic paper cut.  Can I get some medical marijuana?" "What, man, sure whatever man I'm so high man"

11.  This was supposed to be posted during Oscar week but it will work here.  This is a collection of the people nominated for academy awards and their most embarrassing projects.

12.  Here's another one that was supposed to be posted during Oscar week but I have so many links that I want to share with you because I love you.  Yes, I do.  It's because you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true but I saw you in this crowded place and I leave the eprops but I'll never have you.  Oh wait, here's a list of the predicted top ten grossing films of 2011.  Sadly our sextape didn't make the list.

Before

After



This is what happens after drinking and falling asleep while watching FOX News.  Fap?

I think he's talking to you Rebecca Black.