OK today or maybe yesterday was April Fools Day.  Last year I posted about Johnny Depp dying and then I got weird links to some blogs from the Netherlands and Denmark that I think thought I was telling the truth.  I have no special post for the day nor am I inserting a fake story here.  I have four statements, one is false and the others are true.

Academy Award winner Sean Penn was an extra on Little House on the Prairie.
I am LoBorn
The trucking company that Elvis Presley worked for as a young man was owned by Frank Sinatra.
George W. Bush is related to every single U.S. president.

OK which is not true.  And trust me, even though it may seem like it, none of these stories are false.

NSFW and NSFL

Sylvester Stallone announced that he is going to be working on a fashion line.  He says it will consist primarily of t-shirts and jeans so basically what the people on Jersey Shore wear.  He says the clothing will be great because clothing is the first step toward building character.  Not in his case, that was steroids.  He should just market a line of clothes based on his characters.  A red bandanna for Rambo and a grey sweatsuit for Rocky.  I should actually market that.  Back off it's mine!

When she finishes obedience school, Snooki hopes to be as well behaved as that Lab.

The Situation is going on tour to promote a vodka named Devotion.  His rider makes some unbelievable requests.  No one is allowed to speak with him or make eye contact with him directly.  When printing his name, The Situation, must always be trademarked.  (Guess what I didn't do!)  He requires that he be greeted at the airport, hotel, and venue and must be accompanied by security at all times.  At his last appearance he also required 6 bottles of said vodka, 24 cans of Red Bull, 2 bottles of champagne and security to "keep the grenades out".  I think the only demand he be making is that the girls he is with have more STDs than he has.  He needs to transform himself into an entertainer that's more talented and less annoying...someone like JLO or Carrot Top or Lady Gaga.

This is Scott Grimes.  He was on ER and does a voice on American Dad.  He recently shaved his beard which is the first time he's been beardless in 8 years.  Holy crap!  He totally looks like his character, Steve, from American Dad.

Rihanna is on the cover of the most recent Rolling Stone.  I really don't care about the contents.  I just want to know when they started making denim wash cloths.   Or is that spray on denim?  Here's what she said about Chris Brown: "We don't have to talk ever again in my life. I just didn't want to make it more difficult for him professionally. What he did was a personal thing – it had nothing to do with his career. Saying he has to be a hundred feet away from me, he can't perform at awards shows – that definitely made it difficult for him.  That's my decision.  It doesn't mean we're gonna make up, or even talk again. It just means I didn't want to object to the judge."  She also talked about her sex life: "Being submissive in the bedroom is really fun.  You get to be a little lady, to have somebody be macho and in charge of your shit. That's fun to me...I like to be spanked. Being tied up is fun. I like to keep it spontaneous. Sometimes whips and chains can be overly planned – you gotta stop, get the whip from the drawer downstairs. I'd rather have him use his hands."  Oh great, now Chris Brown fans are going to use that as an excuse for his behavior and say they were just having rough sex.  He wasn't beating her, he was initiating foreplay.  Maybe using her face as a pinata is the only way she can get off.  Just remember this the next time you hear of a woman being abused.  It could be just some rough sex.  Oh well, it sounds like she's forgiven him and moved on.

Chris Brown posted this photo of himself on Twitter this week while he was partying at his house.  Thank god he's done with that Sisqo look.  Maybe he's trying to clean up his look for the eventual court case because we all know he doesn't play well with others and in this case the others are his neighbors.  They have been complaining because Chris is throwing late night parties during the middle of the week.  Since there is no condo board they can't really kick him out but they have to continue to call the police when they hear loud music or screams of women coming from his place.  There's really nothing left to say about this ass.  Has anyone considered dropping him off on an island prison where the prisoners fight for survival?  We should look into that.

Reese Witherspoon got married last weekend in a small ceremony.  It was all a smokescreen.  There were rumors of a huge summer wedding but she was quietly wed in a private ceremony.  Come on!  Tracy Flick needs to celebrate it big time.  This was supposed to be a huge deal but I barely care.  Just enough to write these sentences.

Perez Hilton is writing a children's book.  I think it will be illustrated with MS Paint and semen on everyone's face.  It's called "The Boy with Pink Hair".  The story is about a boy with a strange hair color that is excluded because he's different.  PLAGIARISM!  The story's been done.  It's called "The Boy with Green Hair".  I have expressed my hatred for Perez Hilton before in these blogs and I will do it again.  So this book is a lesson in how kids shouldn't bully other kids because they are different but what is conveniently left out is how Perez has bullied people on the internet since 2004.  And of course he justifies bullying straight and gay celebrities alike by saying it benefits the gay community.  Oh and of course a few gay kids killed themselves and Perez jumped on the anti-bullying bandwagon and no longer does that.  Oh and whatever happened to him with the charges of possession and distribution of child pornography?  He posted nude photos of Miley Cyrus on his site when she was 17.  GLAAD hates this guy and if you think he's doing anything to benefit society...well you are a fucking idiot.  I'm sorry if that hurts but it's the truth.  And here comes the hate mail saying I'm a homophobe.

Miley Cyrus is upset with the popularity of Rebecca Black.  She claims that people shouldn't get famous for putting a video on Youtube and then be given a tour.  Yes, Miley worked really hard to get where she is.  It took a lot to leave Billy Ray's testicle. 

Mariah Carey posted this photo on Twitter of her pregnant belly which is filled with twins....omg.  I think they hired Lisa Frank to paint her belly.  Is this a trend?  If so, please send me photos.  Oh and Mariah turned 41 or 42 this week.  No one is sure how old she is and when you ask her she tries to say she's only 18.

Here we see Lindsay Lohan on the ground outside a bar in NYC.  Either she's drunk and can't stand up or she's snorting lines off the ground or (And this is what she claims) she is clumsy.  I think she's actually preparing for a role in the new Scarface movie.

Lindsay also took time to pose for the paparazzi this week.  Wait, that looks too staged.  Oh yeah, it's her new calendar...Faces of Meth.

Katy Perry's mom is going through with her book and it reveals that her mom hates when Katy exposes her breasts like ↑.  I wish Katy's mom would realize if it weren't for those boobs, no one would buy her book.  In fact she should give her book the title: My Daughters Boobs Bought Me This Car.  And she has to get personalized plates: TITS4GOD

Katie Holmes was recently on the Ellen show and she talked about the incident with Suri from a few weeks ago when Suri "stole" a package of gummi penises.  The strange thing about the interview was whenever Katie came to the word "penis" she spelled it instead of saying it.  It all makes sense.  Katie was artificially inseminated because Tom Cruise is gay therefore Katie has never seen a penis and she is shy.  I don't worship aliens, I can help teach her.  Oh I want to teach and not scar.

This week's sign that the apocalypse is upon us:  Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher are shopping a movie.  The movie is tentatively called "What Would Kenny Do" and it's about a 17 year old boy who somehow finds a hologram of his future self who guides him through high school.  This has horrible written all over it but it will more than likely be a blockbuster hit because people will just want to see Bieber.  I have a better title for the movie: Huge Steaming Pile of Dog Shit That Has Been Eaten By Another Dog and Puked Up By Said Dog All Over A Movie Screen

Speaking of Ashton Kutcher, word has it that he has really been creeped out by the 2012 prophecies as well as all the natural disasters and radiation.  He went to a survival gear store and bought $40,000 worth of equipment.  He has water, meals ready to eat, gas masks, radiation suits, radios, flashlights...everything you could need to survive a nuclear holocaust.  You know, all you need is a handgun and bullets when a natural disaster occurs.  I'd be set for life if I was in Japan but then the radiation would make my balls disappear and I've grown attached.

John Cena is a professional wrestler.  I hate the wrestler but the real guy has a heart of gold.  He's granted over 200 wishes for make a wish foundation and this weekend he's granting 30 wishes by bringing in 30 dying kids to the WWE's Wrestlemania.  Not only will they get to see the matches but they'll also have a private autograph session with all the WWE wrestlers and have a pizza party hosted by Cena himself.  Ina Garten could take lessons from this guy.  This guy is wrestling 300 days a year and has granted over 200 wishes.  Ina wouldn't take time out of her 17 stop 50 day book tour to grant 1 wish.  I want Cena to piledrive her.

Jessica Simpson has resorted to bribery to convince her boyfriend to marry her.  A person behind the scenes says there is a contract drawn up that will give him $500,000 for a wedding present and then for every anniversary he'll get $200,000.  At the five year anniversary he'll receive a $500,000 bonus and when they get to 10 years of marriage, he'll receive $1million.  Isn't that prostitution?  I'd marry her for a lot less.  $50,000 and a pair of headphones...that's all I ask.  I think the boyfriend is apprehensive because he thinks she's too fat.  That was an issue and Jessica was reportedly starving herself.  He's probably worried that once they get married she'll gain weight faster than Roman Polanski volunteering to be a chaperon on a middle school field trip.

Rumors are spreading that Jenna Jameson split with Tito Ortiz.  I guess that is why she broke out the "fuck me" boots.  She's on the prowl.  Those boots...damn.

This is Jennelle Evans.  She's a teen mom on MTV.  She was recently arrested in North Carolina for beating another girl on camera.  You can watch it on TMZ.  They claim they do not know what the fight is about but I have the scoop.  Jennelle claims that Chaucer was the greatest British poet and the unnamed girl said Shakespeare was the best poet.  Dumbasses...we all know it was Milton.

Remember last week when I talked about the evil Cuntessa Ina Garten who refused to grant a wish of a dying child?  Well she now says she will grant his wish after all.  She claims she only found out about the hoopla after TMZ reported it.  I wish she would have said she first learned about it after godfatherofgreenbay at Xanga reported it but oh well, one of these days I'm going to get on twenty mile zone.  She claims she will cook him dinner and invite him to NYC to the Food Network studios where she will cook with him on camera.  Oh yes, all for the cameras.  By the time it airs, everyone will have forgotten and the kid could possibly be dead.  Keep it classy, Food Network.  She will march out with a decapitated dolphin because the kid loves dolphins and then say that this was all a joke and then Guy Fieri will open his mouth which will be the biggest punishment of all.  This all smells of shredded cheese, brownie mixes, and vodka.  I KNEW IT!  Sandra Lee is the mastermind.

If any of you work at a nail salon, refuse to work with Foxy Brown.  She was recently kicked of a Royal Caribbean Cruise because the nail salon couldn't fit her into their schedule.  Foxy, who was performing on the cruise, made an appointment but she was three hours late.  She flew into a rage and security was called.  She was placed under cabin arrest for 2 days and when they reached the next port they made her leave.  She then flew back home to her mansion in Hell.  In 2007 she was arrested for assaulting someone at a beauty salon and in 2004 she was arrested for assaulting two manicurists.  Does she think it's still 1997 and that she's still relevant?  They should have made her walk the plank.

Bret Michaels is suing the producers of the Tony Awards because he claims that his brain hemorrhage is the result of the head trauma he suffered at the Tony Awards.  Here is a photo and here is a video to refresh your memory.  He claims that medical people say that his type of hemorrhage is the result of brain trauma.  OK he claims all this is suffered at the hands of the Tony Awards and they never notified him of how to properly exit the stage.  This has the makings of an AWESOME musical.  I think blaming the Tonys is a bit out of line considering all the injuries the rock of Love skanks suffered when they saw him remove the bandanna.  Oh well, people will probably accuse him of being a homophobe.

Audrina Partridge was at the beach this week with a friend.  Screw it, it's late and I'm not going to write the obvious.  CAPTION THIS!

This is Amy Adams.  She is pretty.  She will use her pretty features in the new Superman movie as Lois Lane.  Thank god they didn't get Anne Hathaway.  I'm actually getting excited for this new Superman movie.

I take back all the negative things I said about the new Wonder Woman.  Here are a few scenes from production.  OK I might have to nitpick.  Maybe Wonder Woman should look into a wonder bra and she is a pretty pathetic crime fighter if she can't stop a butt grope.

Here we see Adrinna Lima, Candice Swanepole, and Alessandra Ambriso posing.  Some might say that is hot but I would say, "Eat a cheeseburger or 4!"  I would honestly fear breaking the middle stick in half.  I would crush her.  I think my calf is bigger than her waist.

Britney Spears is being sued by a perfume company.  They claim that Britney signed with them to produce exclusive fragrances but then she backed out of the contract to work with another company.  I don't know why anyone would want to smell like Britney Spears.  Doesn't she smell something like grease, gas, Cheetos, and glitter?  She's back on tour which must be her way of raising money for a legal defense fund.

Kevin Federline, Britney's ex-husband, has magic sperm.  His girlfriend Victoria Prince is pregnant with their first child together and I think Kevin's 4th or 5th.  No wonder Britney is back on tour.  She has another mouth to feed in order to keep K-Fed's mouth shut.

Denise Richards refused to return a pug dog she shared with Charlie Sheen before they split.  Charlie wants to use the dog as a mascot for his tour which has so far raised $7million and Denise refuses to return the dog because the other dog that Charlie had died because Denise claims people told her Charlie didn't feed or water the pug and it ended up eating cigarette butts and licking water out of a bathtub.  God, no wonder it died.  This is sad and what makes it sadder is that people will pay more attention to this battle than his child custody fight.  I guess we have to look on the bright side of this story.  Do you know how many guys would love to be buried in the back yard of mansion next to a bunch of hookers?  Yeah, I went there.

Video Section
This is the 911 call from the Betty Ford Center the night Lindsay Lohan attacked a worker.  Oh this will be used in her trial.  I'm biting my nails in excitement.

Have a great weekend.