This weekend was quite interesting.  I got my haircut Friday afternoon so now it doesn't look like my mom mated with a baboon.  As I described in my Celebrity Round-Up, I went shoe shopping.  I have to go to a shop about an hour or so away from my house because they deal all sizes mostly because the owner does a lot of business with the University of Wisconsin, in fact this guy almost got the Badgers put on sanctions from the NCAA because of how he was gifting players with shoes.  I walk through this store with the eyes of a kid in a candy store.  I'm like that.  I'm like the stereotype of the woman shoe shopper but I'm that way because I can't find shoes in my size at your rinky-dink stores.  I make my rounds.  Hmmm do I completely sell my soul to the devil and purchase a pair of Crocs?  Do I need a pair of workboots?  Do I need new football cleats?  Do I need golf shoes?  Oh wow, snake skin boots, I wonder if they will fit my calf and if not I wonder if rattlesnakes will become endangered if they make me a pair.  Wow, this shark skin feels softer than the ostrich skin.  Oh there's the sandals.  Summer is quickly approaching.  I think I need a pair of black shoes and a pair of another.  Sweet.  They have a pair in the bargain area in my size.  16 4E.  Oh and a pair of all black hightops in a 164E?  Why thank you?  And a Madison Mallards hat with their original logo?  SWEET!  Overall it was a good trip. 

Saturday I was driving around, don't ask me why.  I run this town so I have to represent and let the townsfolk know I have their best interests at heart.  I happened across a garage sale of a World War II vet who was selling off a lot of stuff.  He had a garage sale a few years ago and I had eyed a particular item but his price was a bit high for me at the time.  I walk up and he pulls out his Japanese saber that he took off a dead Japanese soldier.  "I know you want this."  "How much this year?" "$25."  "Shit...deal!"  So I drive home and put it in my weapons cabinet.  It's now between my replica samurai sword and my 12 gauge shotgun.  I need to get some photos of the sword and my weapons and my shoes for a little old vlog tonight.

Saturday evening I didn't do much other than watch Crazy Heart and make a Caturday post.  See people think I hate Maggie Gyllenhaal.  I can't watch anything with her because someone that was a real big part of my life for some time is her twin and it pains me to see her and think of the "what if" thoughts.  I fell asleep longing.

Sunday I did the church thing and what not.  I find it easier to sit alone in the balcony because it helps me concentrate and I don't see the people whispering about what they're having for lunch, those who are sleeping, or those who are reading magazines or something other else not church related.  After church I went to an aunt's house for lunch.  She wanted me to come over because she needed to make room in her freezer and apparently since I'm fat then I must be a food disposal system.  She made taco salad, parsnips, roasted potatoes, roasted squash and zucchini, corned beef, baked chicken, and freshly baked bread.  I sat there about ready to explode and then she brings out a blueberry cheesecake that was covered in blueberries on the top and bottom.  After I finished that I went to sit down and I fell asleep while watching Bait Car on TruTV.  My mom and aunt wake me up and say they want to go for a ride.  We drove all these backroads and there were a few times that I heard the Deliverance banjos.  Driving around these country areas I noticed there were still patches of snow.  We ended up at a state park.  I love that place and they have this really awesome land bridge/road that crosses a lake and on the sides there are rocks and people sit on the rocks to fish.  Well my mom and aunt are rolling down their windows and shouting "Are they biting?  You catching anything?"  I wanted to hide especially when they yelled at two guys wearing patches for a local motorcycle gang that has been featured on History Channel's Gangland.  After a long drive, I get home and lay down and turn on the TV.  The area where I had been driving got hit with a severe storm that included tornadoes. 

After watching some tv I fell asleep.  I can't believe I'm admitting to this but I was having Xanga dreams.  Oh they were fun but I won't go into specifics because Google adsense is a family oriented deal.  They will break up with you if you give sex advice.  WTF?  If it wasn't for sex, then there'd be no families.  They were offended by my photos of Kirsten Davis.  I'm offended by Sex in the City but I don't block it from my TV.  If I could I would.  Oh well, there goes a few bucks a month.  I guess it's back to gambling for the godfather.  If you follow my Twitter and you totally should because it's the cool thing to do, you'll know what happened next but play along, please.  I hear one of my cats crying and it sounded weird.  It was muffled and I feared that she had crawled underneath my blanket and couldn't find her way out.  I woke up and there was Lua sitting on my coffee table with a mouse in her mouth.  "SHIT!"  She dropped it and it took of running so the rest of the night my cats and I are hunting for a mouse.  I set up some mouse traps around the house.  I was thinking I should get my CO2 pistol involved but I'd probably shoot up my house and if I'd miss I'd get frustrated and grab the 12 gauge.

It was 50 today after it being 80 yesterday.  Wisconsin, I love it. 

TL;DR I did some stuff, bought some stuff, ate food, cats caught a mouse, hate weather.  Now is the part where you laugh.

But are the eggs "being"?

I don't know why but this makes me laugh like a madman.

It's a yodeling pickle.  While the Jolly Green Giant was out plowing the fields of LeSuer his wife was at home working with this pickle.

My mom stops on green or at least slows down when she gets to a green light so she thinks the traffic lights are bananas.

I'm OK with girls stoning me but I don't like when things that appear to be sperm are hurled at me.

You really get what you pay for at the Dollar Tree.

Why can't I be driving a monster truck when I need to?

I think I'd be wary of eating here.

Ummm shouldn't we look into false advertising here?

Yeah, that's about right.

God, they're such pigs.

WORD PLAY!

I'll be back later this evening with a homework assignment for you.