OK so here are some of my haikus.  Nothing exciting.  I included a lot of the ones I used as comments from my last collection.

A pelican haiku                                      I apologize
I would never have thunk it                    I'm a huge asshole right now
I still fear the birds                                 How about a beer?

How could I forget                               Charlie Sheen is god
To write a haiku for you                        He will never go away
I apologize.                                           Just like HIV

That unique haiku                                Coprophagia
written for Rob of the Sky                    I should give it up for Lent
Rick Astley is god                                There's always next year

Love your approval                            Buddha is quite smart
the laughter makes me fuzzy                He came to my home last year
loosening my tie                                  Really just my town

I do what I want                                 I'm glad you enjoy
Haikus are what you make them         These unreal, crazy haikus
man man man man man                      Here's your very own

Watching The Office                          I make the pizza
inspired me to write more                  You should bring the alcohol
win back Angela                                Hot wings for breakfast

Baskets filled with cash                      Thank you very much
or better yet cash baskets                  Did you notice these haikus
What's up Big Tuna                           Comments are haikus

Must get back clients                         Will do my dear sir
Should I turn right or go straight          Are you working on any
Car is in a lake                                   New stories about blues.

Where are the turtles
GIVE ME BACK THE TURTLES NOW!
They just don't get it

Let us hug it out                                 Speaking of bingo
over a couple fine beers                     I should get to the casino
I swear I am straight                          Shuffle up and deal

Vampires in Nawlins?                         Winning is winning
Such an eerie location                         This is another haiku
Witch training camp near my house     You will now have two

(OK I found it really weird that a few weeks before bin Laden was killed I wrote one about him.  I'm like some sort of freaking haiku Nostradamus)
You want a haiku?                              Do you crave a beer?
Find Osama bin Laden                        I have some varieties.
Then you get haikus                            Schells and New Glarus

Evil teenagers                                    I consume some wine
The bane of society                           Wine made in Minnesota
Shouldn't be vampires                       Morgan Creek Vienyards

Thank you very much                         Should write about sex
I appreciate your thoughts                  Can't remember what it is
Thanks for stopping by                       Spam haikus suffice

Comments are haikus                         Whiskey yum yum yum
I love to write my haikus                    Whiskey in a girl who's dumb
It's time for whiskey                           That makes me happy

You watch TBS                               Keys you hang up there
Wow, I watch that station too           Sometimes you can be useful
According to Jim                              But not when I'm drunk.

Episode today                                  Wooden plank holds books
Launch Party part one of two            It also holds other things
I hate two parters                              Its color is brown

Can I start talking                              There you are full with cheap ink
Is this thing on, give signal                  Grey and black, made of plastic
Need real sushi                                  You printer of stuff

Alfredo's Pizza                                   A painting of boats
Hot flaming circle of trash                   Looks like a paint by numbers
quote's hard in haiku                           Hotels fucking suck

You've heard it here first                     Fan in room is on
I hope you have a good night              Blowing cool air while playing
Here's a hug and kiss                          Dungeons and Dragons.

Picture of cancer;                               Colorful and small
Article on how to stop                        Stills upon its pedestal
It from killing you,                               Unfortunate hat

Corner of my wall                               Both Calvin and Hobbes
Nothing is anywhere near                    Getting high on my desktop
Just chilling up there.                           I too can relate

My name is The Hulk                         Small can of Nestea,
You shouldn't make me angry             Artificially sweetened,
I will rape your face.                           I want to drink it.

Book about improving my brains,        Oh lamp over there
Even the white tiger passes you by.      You illuminate my room
A muffin skeleton.                               When the sun is down

Puckered swollen flesh                        As I peer into
I don't think that belongs there             The darkness beside my screen
Crimson summer rain                           Eyes cannot adjust

Oh magic 8 ball                                   Big Sanyo TV
You predict nothing of use                   You were cheap but also a
But I shake you still                             Bit blurry and lame

Books over yonder                              Pillow on the floor
Filleth mine mind with knowledge         You have a sock that's on you
If i ever read...                                     I should pick it up

Empty Poweraid                                  Haiku start with five
Bottle sitting on my desk                      Then seven in the middle
Why are you empty?                            And five at the end.

Slowly killing me,                                 Crazy ass fan thing
With Monotonous garbage,                  You have no blades inside you
Damn television.                                   Are you a wizard

Blue lava lamp,                                     Boobs inside lacy bra
Why are you never turned on?              You tease me so 
Hold on I'm coming.                             I will rape you with a stick

Companion cube                                  Rice field in china
How I loves you so much                     Poster i got for birthday
Cake is a lie                                         Starts getting dusty

Bowl of emptiness                                Neon green dishrag
You once were full of food                   Why do you blind me so much?
Barren and now dead                           Time for a lighter

DSL Router,                                        Electric kettle
How much internet you give,                 Turn it on for hot coffee
Thank you for the porn.                        Sexual metaphors

Goddamn wine bottle                            Guitars make music
You've been on the window ledge         Sometimes they're decorations
Since my last haiku                                I'm no guitarist

My shoes are awesome                         Hi amplifier
Step in dog shit on way home                Why do you make things louder?
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!               It is annoying

Ugliest curtain                                       Five inch heels of death
In a room of ugly things                         Sexy leather crossed spiked straps
Fuck, is that an ant?                              I love hooker boots

Oh, soft sweet kleenex                         Japanese haikus
Without you I'd make a mess               Americans love this shit
You poor cum dumpster                      You fucking weaboos

Balls hanging too low                           Haikus are easy
Careful you'll put an eye out                 First line; five syllables, then
Give them room to swing                     Seven, five again

Jerking lubricant                                  V For Vendetta
Providing such sweet relief                   I never saw that movie
During those hard times.                      The Mask is cool though

Pictures that move so                           A warm sandy beach,
Show me what I want to see                Palm trees on the horizon,
You're my slave, TV                            Poster is wrinkled.

Jabroni beatin'                                     Freddy Garcia
Pie eatin', Trail blazin', Eye-                 Oh how I hate the Yankees
Brow raisin', Great one                        Here we go Red Sox

Such a great album                              A highlighter pen.
It's Jethro Tull's "Aqualung"                  The color is navy blue.
I have the vinyl                                     This haiku sucks dicks.

Jack Daniels candle                              Picture of my ex
Candle sitting in bottle                          Why can I not take you down
I want Jack Daniels                              You are such a bitch

Hello, dirty sock                                    IE shortcut icon,
You are hung up there to dry                 Patiently waits on desktop,
Till we meet again                                  It is never used.

Monster energy.                                    The world is so small
Keeping me awake all night.                  Shrunk down so minuscule why?
It will kill me soon.                                We see it so light

Ghost of my dead dad                           I've been wondering  
First thing that comes to my mind           How to drive away Xangans
Bring on the whiskey                             Photos of my dick.

And for those that don't want to read haikus:

You know, this pretty much sums it up.

Have a great night and may all your parties be awesome.