The last 24 hours have been...interesting?  I was wrapping up my time on Xanga last night when all of a sudden my cat, Lua, jumps up on my desk and walks in front of me.  She smelled horrible so I figured she just was in the litter box.  Turns out I was correct because she had diarrhea all over her hind legs.  God it was so gross.  I went to wipe it off and then I looked at the kleenex and saw blood on it.  I grabbed her and looked and she had blood all around her butt.  I was frantic because AND THIS IS GOING TO SOUND FREAKY but my cats are the closest thing I'll ever have to kids.  God I can't believe I typed that.  Anyway I called the vet and told her the circumstances.  She said not to worry that she was probably straining because she had an upset stomach possibly related to the heat.  I was supposed to keep an eye on her, wash her off, put a hot cloth on her butt, and wipe it with Vaseline.  I kept an eye on her and cleaned her.  I was watching her all night and gave up around 11AM because I fell asleep.  Luckily I had no plans today other than the evening.  I wake up at noon because my aunt called and told me to head to the bank because they were giving out free hot dogs.  Sweet!  Free hot dogs.  I had some and then watched my cat and did work around the house.  I went next door to my neighbor's garage sale and scored a garlic press for 25 cents and some toys for my goddaughter. I was getting ready to leave and here comes Lua through my kitchen dragging her butt.  I look and here is this string hanging from her butt.  I tried to get her but she took off running dragging her butt.  She got it caught on one of my rugs and it pulled out.  I call the vet and take her in for an exam tomorrow morning.  I couldn't take her because she hid and I couldn't find her.  I am convinced there is a portal in my house.  I drove down to see my friends and goddaughter.  It was such an enjoyable night.  We also visited the haunted bar but I had no haunts.  Come back home and see it's still 85F at midnight although the fire department's clock and thermometer said it was 32.  It was broken.  I come to Xanga and find out that two Xangans block me in a 24 hours period and I'm convinced that they are both the same person and that's going against popular opinion at the moment.  Oh well...I like Leinie's Creamy Dark.  Time for the round-up.

This just came in over the wires.  James Arness of Gunsmoke fame is dead at the age of 88.  Is it wrong to think he was already gone?  It was one of those Jack Palance situations.  Arness was best known for his work on the longest running drama in TV history from 1955 to 1975.  He was from Minnesota and his brother, Peter Graves, was the star of the Mission Impossible tv show.  Arness will be greatly missed.

Tony Romo beat Jessica Simpson to the altar.  He was married to Candice Crawford last weekend.  So a guy who tries to be a quarterback in the NFL married a former beauty pagenant contestant who is now a news anchor.  Talk about stereotypes.  She is the next Kathie Lee.  After the wedding guests dined on ribs and pizza.  Oh yeah, it was in Texas so more stereotypes.  Guests were given gift bags with Neiman Marcus gift cards, cookies, mix cds, a bottle of champagne, chips, salsa, bottled water, popcorn, chocolate and beauty products.  They registered at Crate and Barrel because Target was closed.  Romo and Crawford asked for cheese plates, cupcake stands, salad bowls, chip and dip holders, and an ice bucket. Those should work out perfect for the Super Bowl party both will be available to host.   They had a wedding registry of 150 items and 75% of them were priced under $10.  So they made people cancel their Memorial Day weekend plans and spend time shopping at Crate and Barrel to buy things that Tony and Candice will look at once every 15 years sort of like Dallas Cowboy fans' playoff tickets.  Tony also personally selected all the music that was played at the wedding and not surprisingly he didn't pick any music from his exes Jessica Simpson or Carrie Underwood.  A wedding goer said that Candice is all about Tony and with Jessica she put herself and her career before Tony.  I guess the person is correct.  Jessica always did put herself in front of Tony especially when they went to Old Country Buffet and got in line.  And right now Jessica Simpson is reading this, typing with one hand and stuffing her face with a cheesecake with the other.

What the hell is going on with Tila Tequila?  She's beginning to look like the corpse of that alien shot down at Area 51. 

Well Snooki did exactly what you'd think she'd do if she got behind the wheel of a car in Italy and put in front of cameras.  She crashed into a police car.  They should have made a law on the spot that said that any American with orange skin who hits a police car is to be immediately executed.  Snooki was charged with DUI...not driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol but driving under the influence of being dumb.  How are they going to let someone who can't reach the gas pedal drive?  Is it any shock that she hit another car when she can't see over the steering wheel?  Getting into a car with Snooki is like having unprotected sex with The Situation.  After you ride for two minutes you ask yourself if you should go straight to hospital or wait to go in the morning.  It was first reported that there were no injuries but the next day Snooki shows up wearing a neck brace.  Police have 90 days to decide what they'll do with Snooki if they decide to press charges against her.  The Italian authorities revoked her driving license.  Maybe we can get an Amanda Knox for Snooki trade.  The leaders in Florence are not pleased with Jersey Shore.  They say that this is not the centuries of culture that has made Florence famous.  Da Vinci, Michelangelo, and Gallileo were all from Florence and all their contributions have been wiped out by the cast of Jersey Shore in a little over a month of filming.  These walking STDs have done more to ruin Italian culture than Fiat, Steve Buscemi, the mafia, Silvio Berlusconi, Chef Boyardee, Starbucks, and Olive Garden combined.

Ladies, is Simon Cowell's look sexy?  If I didn't have the manboobs I'd totally do that look.  My chest hair needs to breathe.

People are claiming that Sean Penn cheated on Scarlett Johannson at Cannes.  Well spokespeople for Scarlett Johannson are saying that she broke up with him before Cannes so he really wasn't cheating.  They also said that Scarlett Johannson broke up with him when she realized she was dating Sean Penn.

Sandra Bernhard recently said that back in the 70s Arnold Schwarzenegger hit on her.  So what?  Yes, Arnold's been a poonhound for 30 to 40 years but what guy isn't?  He's being demonized for being a sex fiend like every man given the chance, I know I would be.  Maybe Arnold was just hitting on her because he's German and she's Jewish.  I know when I'm embracing my German side I find Jewish girls extremely attractive and then when I'm embracing the Jewish side I find German girls extremely attractive.  I have such issues.

A little while ago I was wrote how Pink was seemingly forever pregnant and then I saw this photo earlier in the week and thought she has to be 9 months pregnant.  I'm half expecting to see an arm or legging hanging out pretty soon.  If you go the maximum time amount in pregnancy you may as well look fabulous doing it.  That was earlier this week.  Today, Pink gave birth to a daughter and named her Willow Sage Hart.  Willow Sage sounds like a Yahoo Instant Messenger screen name seen in a gothic teen chat room circa 1997.  Also I think of little people.  Congrats, Pink.

Be thankful you don't work at TSA and have to pat down Paris Hilton.  The only weapon of mass destruction they found there was a bad case of crabs.  Paris Hilton is America's ambassador of good will and taking it up the ass.

Moby called out Britney Spears and Ke$ha.  Here's what he said about their music: "It’s fun, but I don’t think of it as music. It’s manufactured. I appreciate it as a pop culture phenomenon and some of the songs I like if I hear them in a shopping mall or something, but it doesn’t function as music for me. Music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way. And when I listen to the pop music you’re describing, it’s hyper-produced corporate product. That isn’t really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer.”  Oh, Moby, you're my hero.  I'll just go listen to you sing a manufactured song with Gwen Stefani.

Leann Rimes keeps posting photos of herself on Twitter and people keep accusing her of being anorexic.  She claims these are not bones but her abs and that she's healthy and she loves eating.  Methinks the lady doth protest too much.  God, I would so crush her with all my fat.

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez posted this photo on Twitter.  I think there's some illegal stuff going on here.  Foot massages have to break child labor laws. 

Jason Sudekis, it's been nice knowing you.  He was on the Jimmy Kimmel show and talked about how he played against Justin Bieber at a celebrity basketball game during the NBA all-star weekend.  Jimmy Kimmel was on Bieber's team so Kimmel asked Sudekis if he trash talked Bieber (see I have to use last names here because I'm in sports mode). 
Jason: "Trash talk him? A little bit. Just a little bit. I didn't even know it was him for the first two quarters, I thought it was a Make-A-Wish situation."
Jimmy: "You were trash talking a Make-A-Wish kid?"
Jason: "Yeah, easy target."
He's bound to get a few death threats because those Bieber fans are mentally unstable.

The alleged intimate tape starring Jennifer Lopez has been given the go ahead for sale.  It was made when she was married to a waiter.  Apparently there is no sex and she is barely nude so why is she so freaked over the release.  It just goes to show you that you flirt with your waiters or waitresses instead of marrying them.  Drinks aren't free when you have a joint checking account.

Here we see Emma Watson doing something or other.  It's a sad day when a wizard is reduced to reading the crap that is Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Last month a porn star named Echo Valley passed away.  Besides porn, Echo Valley was in Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.  She died in a car accident in San Antonio and friends are claiming it's because of her body.  She was rear-ended turning into a mall and was ejected from the vehicle.  The police said she wasn't wearing a seat belt and her friends say she never wore one because her breasts made it impossible for her to wear one.  She had 65NN breasts.  OK I can't help it.  A porn star dying after being rear-ended?  She probably pulled more trains than Thomas the Tank Engine.  Can't blame her for not wearing a seat belt since she already had two built in airbags.  Safety wasn't that big of an issue for her because if you see any of her other films you'll notice that none of her co-stars wore condoms.

This is Clarice Taylor.  She played Grandma Huxtable on The Cosby Show.  She passed away this week at the age of 93.  She was also in Sesame Street and The Wiz.  She will be greatly missed now that she's eating Jell-O Pudding Pops in the sky.

Clint Eastwood turned 81 this week.  Seriously, he's 81.  What do you get a man who has lived that long?  Depends, Ensure, and a calculator to figure out how many times he fired his gun.

Andy Griffith turned 85 this week.  What do you get a guy that's lived so long for his birthday?  Depends, Ensure, and from the looks of it, obviously Viagra.

Tyrese has been campaigning on Twitter to get a role as Martin Luther King Jr. in an upcoming biopic.  In related news, Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech in heaven the other day.  It was titled, "I have a dream that Tyrese will not play me in a movie".

Adrianne Curry separated from Peter Brady after 5 years of marriage.  And as an anniversary present, she left him on their anniversary.  Since they met each other on a reality TV show, dated on a reality TV show, and were married on a reality TV show, if the divorce is not broadcast on a reality TV show, does it in fact exist?  I feel bad for her.  She was born a huge Star Wars and video game nerd who had body issues so she had to post photos of her half nude body on Twitter.  You know she could probably walk around wearing a necklace made of puppy heads and claim responsibility for 9/11 and people will still want to bang her.  I also feel bad for Peter Brady because his wife is 28 and he's 52 and that's a lot of Viagra and he sees people on Twitter ogling his wife and he's still referred to as Peter Brady.  What's the most surprising thing about this isn't that they are breaking up it's that they've been together that long.  5 Hollywood years is 50 lifetimes anywhere else.  Here's a collection of just a few of the photos she's posted over at the Twitter.

Last week I wrote about how Amy Winehouse was heading back to rehab and before she entered she kept it classy by getting drunk and then barfing at a hair salon.  Well after 6 days in rehab she has checked out.  They say you need at least 90 days in rehab for it to do the work intended.  While the people are sitting through sessions for 84 more days, Amy's going to be drinking all of England's liquor.

Last week I wrote a story about Chyna releasing a new sex tape.  Well it's not really a sex tape as much as it is a hardcore porno.  If you want to see it, check it out here.

Video Section:
Sarah Palin offered up this bit of wisdom on her tour.  I heard it on the radio on my way home and had to pull over because I was laughing so hard.


I hope Palin posted that because she's so gung-ho about being truthful.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. 
Hey, Ms. S, Titanic is on A&E.  I have a feeling you're watching.  I'm watching That 70s Show and they just mentioned my town and the ski show that made it famous.