So where do I begin?  I get a phone call at 3:30 from my mom asking me if I wanted to help her go get some things for my aunt who just got home from the hospital.  I said that I needed to get out of the house and it had cooled off.  It was actually only about 85 today.  She picked me up and said all the places we needed to go.  I filled a car with bags of soil.  I have no clue what a woman who just had knee replacement surgery needs with 20 bags of soil.  I almost had a feeling that it involved me being taken out of the family because I remember earlier in the year she bought a lot of lime.  When I got that to her house I unloaded into her shed and saw that she has more soil, mulch, potting soil, and other lawn care products than most lawn care stores.  Anyway after we picked that up, we had to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions.  My mom said she was there to pick up the pills and the pharmacist does the lawful thing and shows my mom all the pills, which I don't understand..."Hey you dullard, this is what your pills look like.  Hope you don't mistake them for candy."  "And this is the Vicodin." DING DING DING DING...what?  They just handed my mom a large prescription of Vicodin.  You mean I could just go in and say I'm there to pick up pills and hope I'm picking up Vicodin?  I have a new summer project.  I then walked to the next door liquor store.  The place was brand new because you could smell paint and varnish.  I found a nice assortment of Four Loko and blueberry wine and my favorite beer, Hopalicious.  Then my mom says we may as well get supper and I was thinking light but she insisted on going to a Mexican restaurant.  After that she needed to get my aunt some supplies and I bought myself some new sheets.  We also had to pick up Culver's for her.  Culver's...mmmm.  Get everything to her house and I was surprised I didn't eat all the Culver's custard.  Then my mom and her are talking and I doze off.  Next thing I know it's 9 and my mom says that it's time to go.  We get home and my mom asks me if I would water her plants.  It's 9:15 and I can't see anything.  So I'm just spraying my house everywhere, sort of like when I have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.  I get the hose back and she thanks me and hands me a box of Nerds.  I get home, prep for my celebrity round-up and come to Xanga.  Once I post this, I'm going to christen my new sheets and eat some Nerds.  If only there was innuendo in that last sentence...sigh.

1.  Do you read The Onion?  If you don't know what The Onion is, it's a newspaper that was originally based in Madison, WI at the U.W. that was an excellent satirical newspaper.  Now it's a massive enterprise.  They have some pretty funny articles.  This is the first article I ever read.  Anyway, I came across a tumblr that had real headlines that read like they were from The Onion.

2.  There was a website that sprouted up called Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes.  It was geared to get The Onion a Pulitzer Prize.  Well it didn't happen and ever since the Pulitzer Prizes were awarded the site has gotten very interesting.

3.  Sometimes The Onion can read like it is real.  If you don't know what The Onion is, you can get very confused.  Of course, with the rise of a certain social networking site that rhymes with mace look, people are getting really confused with The Onion.  Here is a site that is devoted to posting some of those confusions.  I don't blame people for getting confused, even FOX News has been fooled by The Onion.

4.  I caught this story on another Xangan's site and I can't remember your name now...sorry...it's about a live action movie of a comic book character that I'd never in a million years thought would be adapted.  I for one am quite anxious.

5.  The folks at Black Acre Brewing Co. offer a nice product but to view their website you need to be over the age of 21.  For shits and giggles, click that link and say you are under 21.

6.  I have been sitting on this one for a while but it's a fun site that has been collecting votes for the most hated athlete in pro sports.  I'm actually sort of surprised as to who is number 1.

7.  For those of you who didn't know, Pauly Shore is a close friend...ok, so maybe not close but he did accept my facebook request and I'm pretty sure he's stolen some of my status updates.  Well if you want to work for the Weasel, click here and you can learn how you could be his assistant...that is if I don't win.

8.  Do you have a catch phrase?  Is that your final answer?  Winning!  Anyway, here's a list of the most played out catch phrases. 

9.  I don't think we need to state the obvious here but Saved by the Bell was the greatest show to ever air on TV.  Well here are some facts about Saved by the Bell that you may not have known.

10.  According to Rotten Tomatoes, here are the worst 25 current movies.  I'm surprised I haven't seen any of those.  There actually are a couple that I would be interested in seeing.

11.  I once was a horrible cook but then I took time to read a cookbook and started to get a knack for it and over time I've become quite excellent if I say so.  Well if you aren't a good cook now, check out this site called Cooking for Assholes.  It will help.

12.  Just in time for Shark Week, you can watch sharks at the Atlanta Aquarium.  It's supposed to be 24 hours but I've found that they don't always broadcast at night.

Why, yes, Coco, I finally understand what you mean when you claim it burns when you pee.

The sequel is called "Stayin' Alive: Argentina After Hours"

The first little pig made his house out of straw.  The second little pig made his house out of sticks.  The third little pig made his house out of bricks.  The fourth little pig made his house out of his brothers and now he's living in a white padded room.

And then get congestive heart failure and diabetes.

Look, I swear it's really mayonnaise.

I was thinking of adopting this but I'd probably get sued but then I could sue them for stealing my name and making a movie about my life.  Oh well, they'll just have to enjoy my nude pics.