30 | July | 2011 | godfatherofgreenbay's Xanga Site

Well how about that? It's time for another round up. I really didn't do anything today other than get totally relaxed and sit in the glory of my new air conditioner. I'm addicted. I'm thinking of buying another for my upstairs. OK time for the round up.

NSFW and NSFL

Tila Tequila did a guest appearance on the Howard Stern show this week and after her spot she came outside and posed for photographers. If you look closely you'll notice a pearl necklace hanging from her chest. Oddly enough that's not the first time she's been in public with a pearl necklace dangling off her chest. Tila was also in good form. She was showing off how she auditions for all her roles. The weird thing is off camera there was a conductor yelling, "All aboard! Make sure you have a ticket for this ride."

I found this photo of Selena Gomez performing the first concert of her new tour. Selena looks great but she's not what caught my eye. See that guitarist. I have that same shirt. I should totally get my silver shirt and guitar and become a guitarist for a Disney pop singer. It would be awesome because they always have the best drugs.

Wow, Renee Zellweger really likes coffee. I'm not one to tell people how to spend their money but I think if she's going for a buzz from drinking all of that and because it's from Starbucks, it would be cheaper to get some meth or coke.

I have been a fan of Morrissey not only for his music but also for his bitchy attitude. A while back he angered the Chinese by claiming that they were a subspecies. Sometimes I think he speaks just to hear his own voice. Well I think he did that again this week. At a concert in Poland he shared his thoughts on the recent tragedy in Norway: "We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown, with 97 dead [sic]. Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried shit every day." Yes, Morrissey loves his animals and is a huge champion for animal rights. We know he hates humans and loves animals more but sometimes animals don't like him. Sometimes I feel the same way but to think fast food is worse than a massacre of children is unbelievable. He's the type of guy who if you told him you had a headache he'd say something like, "Poor you! Just imagine what it's like for a cow to have a drill placed through it's skull so that you can eat a steak." I'm saying this as a fan...shut the fuck up and get fucked. Wait, Morrissey is a vegan and has sworn off meat so I guess he can't get fucked unless he uses a tree branch.

Some random dude posed for a photo with Miley Cyrus and he is so excited that he is bleeding orange from his neck (I know I know so don't correct me). Why is he so excited? Miley Cyrus is an adult now so she doesn't need to be confined by a bra. AWESOME! I'd be excited too but it would only be noticeable with a microscope.

Lynda Carter turned 60 this week. I bet she could beat the asses of all the fake new Wonder Woman wannabes.

Lindsay Lohan was interviewed this week about what she wants to do now that she is a free woman. Lindsay said she wants to get back into acting but she is only going to consider A-list roles which do not require her to be nude. Good luck trying to find work if those are your standards. Before she considers an A-List role she should try a role in "Chick Who Wakes Up with Cocaine in Her Hair" or "Person Not on Probation" or "Sober". Lindsay is also being sued again. While she was on house arrest she had a $1,100 stereo installed in her car and because she is a thief and kleptomaniac and drug addict and alcoholic who has less cash than the country of Haiti, she hasn't paid for it. The installer sent emails to her and TMZ got a hold of them. Lindsay claims that she is changing business managers so she wasn't able to pay but she would as soon as possible. The installer fired this email back: "You're a RECOVERING addict who goes to the santa monica probation dept. Should I share this as well? You're a born druggie!" I'm sure her excuse will hold up in court because the judges know that the Lindsay keeps the key to her vault around her neck and it's so difficult for a business manager to slip the key off because Lindsay is always bent over snorting up another line of coke and if the business manager tried to write a check for Lindsay then a gypsy would curse her to become a werewolf and we all know that werewolves never pay their debts. The good news is that after I wrote this bit Lindsay paid up. The reason for the delay was that the only ATM that would accept her card was in North Korea.

Lady Gaga appeared on So You Think You Can Dance and Fight a Multitude of Fighters from around the World, Each with a Different Fighting Style. So Lady Xerox has copied all she can in the music industry so she has turned to copying video games. I can't wait to see her in concert wearing an ape suit and throwing barrels at Italian plumbers.

This is a new poster for Kristen Stewart's new live action Snow White movie. Charlize Theron stars as the evil witch. If I remember correctly they said Snow White was the fairest in the land and even fairer than the evil witch. HAHAHAHA...Kristen Stewart more beautiful than Charlize Theron? HAHAHAHA...this movie will be crap.

I really feel sorry for Kris Humphries. His fiance, Kim Kardashian, crashed his bachelor party last weekend. Kris was out with his future brother in law and a handful of NBA players. They were singing karaoke at a club in Las Vegas and then Kim showed up. 10 minutes later she talked him into leaving. Can't a guy be alone for 5 minutes without having to deal with her and all the cameras that constantly follow her? I bet E! will play it up on The Kardashians that she heard rumors that he was cheating on her just so they can get higher ratings. Maybe the real reason Kim showed up is she heard that the club was giving out free botox injections. Kim also came clean this week and admitted that she suffers from psoriasis. She had this to say: "People don't understand the pressure on me to look perfect. When I gain a pound it's in the headlines. Imagine what the tabloids would do to me if they saw all these spots!" Pressure to be perfect from who? Oh yeah, E! or maybe it's from the people she's tricked into thinking she's famous and flawless so to stay famous she makes up a skin disorder so that the next time she has plastic surgery she can deny it. Red spots on the skin! BURN HER AT THE STAKE! Let's hope the president puts a ban on all cameras so the world won't spin off it's axis because she takes a bad photo. As for the tabloids, they'd publish your photos which is why you sold your soul to Satan.

Katy Perry was showing off her major talent at the Smurfs premiere but she temporarily forgot that there were children present and she was promoting a children's movie. Oh how awful! I wonder what I'd think of her if she wasn't the demure flower I've come to know. Yeah, I'd probably still fap to her photos.

Kat Von D broke up with Jesse James this week and the funny thing is that she announced it on Sandra Bullock's birthday so I guess she was saying "Happy Birthday, Sandra." Remember when Kat said that Jesse was her soulmate and that they'd be together forever? Yeah, she's pretty stupid. I wonder if Jesse has moved on to a woman with even more tattoos. I bet Kat also feels stupid for getting that tattoo of Jesse James.

Yep, that's how she celebrated their relationship. She got a tattoo of a portrait of Jesse from when he was a teenager. She claims she will keep the tattoo. I really should have posted this in my tattoo post.

Justin Bieber and his dad went out and got matching tattoos this week. They both got the Hebrew version of Jesus tattooed on their left side. Here we see Justin holding his daddy's hand for support while the big bad tattoo artist sticks him. I wonder how many of his 13 year old fans will throw temper tantrums until their parents take them to the tattoo parlor so they can get a matching tattoo.

Last week I posted about Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony divorcing. This week this started floating around the gossip sites. I have no comment.

NFL sometimes quarterback Jay Cutler broke up with his fiance Kristin Cavallari this week. So he just up and quit their relationship sort of like how he quits during games. Well his teammates knew he'd quit as did cornerbacks around the league.

A few weeks prior, Kristin did a photo shoot with Life & Style magazine where she posed with wedding dresses. Ooops...someone fumbled that one.

Hugh Hefner's former fiance, Crystal Harris, was on the Howard Stern show and she discussed her sex life with Hef. The one time they had sex this is how she described it: "[It lasted] like, two seconds. Then I was just over it. I was like, 'Ahh.' I was over it. I just, like, walked away. I'm not turned on by Hef. Sorry. He doesn't really take off his clothes. I've never seen Hef naked." All she had to do was picture his penis as his checking account and her vagina as her checking account and the whole sex being a transmitting bar. So who comes off worse in this story, the 85 year old grandfather that lasts 2 seconds or the 24 year old gold-digger who has sex with an 85 year old grandfather who lasts 2 seconds in the sack? In Hef's defense I probably wouldn't last much longer if I had my chance with a Playmate and in her defense the smell of money overpowers the smell of Ben-Gay. Well Hef didn't like what she had to say and needed to call her a liar via Twitter: "The sex with Crystal the first night was good enough so that I kept her over two more nights. Crystal lied about our relationship on Howard Stern but I don't know why. When I said, "I missed a bullet" when Crystal left, I didn't mean I didn't love her. I meant I realized she really didn't love me. I feel sorry for Crystal. She seems lost. Crystal convinced me that she adored me. That was the first lie. I'm happy to be in a better place with new girlfriends Anna Sophia Berglund & Shera Bechard." Long story short...they're both dumb whores. It doesn't matter if they had sex once or one million times. When I hear about it I remember the time one of my cats brought a bloody mouse to me and dropped it next to me while I was in bed. I tried to say "Oh how cute" but the site of all the blood and pulsating veins made me hurl.

Taylor Momsen turned 18 this week. How can she be edgy now that she is legal and old? My money is on her putting out a sex tape within a year.

Now that gay marriage is legal in New York, Dawn Wiener-dog got married. That's right Heather Matarazzo (right) married her partner Caroline Murphy (left). I'm happy for her. She's had to endure quite a bit. Hopefully this was what their wedding reception looked like. Has anyone figured out what one of my favorite movies is? I think I make references quite often. I wonder what Heather said when they first were going to consummate their marriage..."Are you going to rape me now?" God I love that movie.

Here we an ugly bag and a hand bag. Ashley Olsen was spotted walking around New York City with a bag that people claim costs $39,000. Oddly enough, $39,000 is how much money Kimmy Gibbler has made since Full House went off the air in 1995. So Michelle is once again carrying Kimmy Gibbler.

I"ll take "Do Not Fuck with My Stuff, Crackhead" for $500, please. Alex Trebek was in San Fransisco for the National Geography Bee and a burglar named Lucinda Moyers got into his room and tried to steal money and jewelery from Trebek's room. He heard her and chased after her. During the chase, Trebek ruptured his Achilles tendon. Hotel security caught her before she escaped. What is the definition of the word "bad-ass"? That is dedication right there. He has a ruptured Achilles and he goes to host the Geography Bee on crutches. If that was Lindsay Lohan, she'd be laid up in the hospital asking, "So if I press this button, my IV will feed me Oxycontin? Did I die and go to Heaven?"

Adrianne Curry wore this outfit at Comic-Con. I'm shocked she knows more characters than Princess Leia and Wonder Woman. She dressed as Aeon Flux. Apparently the people at Comic-Con didn't like this outfit because they escorted her out. Hell yes, they should have escorted her out. Just walking through that place made hundreds of nerds collapse from massive blood movement.

Larry Flynt was on Nancy Grace the other night...actually that sounds funny in and of itself. I'd love to see Larry driving his wheelchair all over Nancy's head and throat. Anyway, Larry said that he had been approached by numerous men asking him to get Casey Anthony to appear nude in Hustler magazine. Larry said he had formally offered her $500,000 to pose nude. He said he hadn't heard from her. I know it's only a matter of time before we see her naked but I don't think Larry would offer that much money to her in this day when porn is so easily leaked on the Internet. The sad thing is if she did pose that magazine would sell. A majority of the copies would probably be bought up by the women protesting her acquittal so they can burn them. Another funny thing is, Nancy Grace is Casey's biggest pimp. She's having all these people coming on her show talking about all the money that they want to give her. If Nancy Grace had half a brain she'd just drop anything Casey Anthony related from her network and she'd go away and be penniless but by bringing it up night in and night out she's creating more revenue sources for Anthony but then it is her right as an American to make money so let the hoe pose and I would be willing to substitute for the banana.

Amy Winehouse died...1983-2011. I made fun of her a lot. Can't say I didn't expect it yet I was shocked.