Here are some more horrible tattoos.  A big thank you to the Xanga Team for fixing the photo uploading feature.  You guys are saints for putting up with my bitching.

All the ladies love it when he lies.

His neighbors never quite figured out why they heard "TELL A LIE!  TELL A LIE!" coming from his house late at night.

Well I'm scared.

I was thinking of showing this one on Caturday but I would love to pet kitties every day of the week.

I think if I had this model it would've made biology class more interesting.

This one is simply called "The Angry Dragon".  It doesn't burn fire...well it does after he enters the cave of Paris Hilton.

Tribal band and tribal penis tattoos?  ULTIMATE DOUCHEBAGGERY!

This is one of Steve-O's tattoos.  I also think that shows how some people feel about their country.  I know I get a chub when I look at the Statue of Liberty.

Isn't this tattoo the truth?  But why tattoo running genitalia on your thighs?  No entertainment can come of that.

I bet he'll one day be a senator or even president.

The psychiatrist asked me what I saw here.  How many penises can you find?

Another lovely butterfly tattoo...don't you just love the antennae?

A self-stimulating tattoo...he had to be drunk.  I wonder if that is to scale...why did I just think that?

So she's eating a creamsicle and it's gotten all over her face.

Wow, look at those grapevines. 

Look into my eyes...or maybe not.

But don't all men revolve around vaginas? 

I bet her family was proud.

OH MY GOD...I have an irrational fear of zipping up and getting caught in the zipper.  Thanks, There's Something about Mary...but this...THIS...oh my god.

And this is what getting a penis tattoo looks like.  It looks rather painful.  I'm also surprised there aren't more magnifying glasses involved.

Don't I have issues
I should really be locked up
Straight jacket for me

I'm American
The only cure that I need
is even more pills

Zoos can be much fun
Single moms bring their children
Single moms need fun

A water closet
To a Wisconsinite is
The great outdoors, ja!

My love life is dead
Much like Martin Luther King
But I'm not that free

I woke up early
Weeding blueberry bushes
Oh sweet, blueberries

Love lives are haikus
They are short and long and short
Just like my penis

Haikus can be fun
All of the time and each time
Tumblr is not fun

The Pro Billiards League
My balls need to get in holes
That's innuendo

It's interesting
because it's the spice of life
not coriander

Haikus in German
Ausgezeichnet but too hard
I'll stick with English

The lake at nighttime
One can hear the bugs humming
Over the silence

Winter, we don't speak,
But spring brings me back to you
Autumn leaves fall like me.

Snow falls heavenly.
Blanketing the earth in white.
I repose in thought.

I see you drivin’
round town with the girl I love,
And I'm like, fuck you

I see you drivin’
round town with the girl I love
and I’m like, fuck you

In the moon you fly,
only to be lured away.
The candle flickers.

You're all indifferent.
Post-industrial mindset.
America in decline.

With work tomorrow,
I await the rise of the sun.
I don't give a fuck.

The trees are bleeding
Their leaves have covered the ground
Where we shall return

Collective conscience.
You're all fucking slaves to me.
Solace in groupthink.

Winter Battle dawns
Snowblower is ready, OH FUCK
Starter cord snaps in two

I should go to bed
My television interrupts me
God damnmit pawn stars

My penis itches
A prostitute gave me this
Doctor tomorrow

Fleshlight seemed cool
Does not alleviate sadness
It’s fucking plastic

Ungh. Oh sweet Jesus.
Gotta take a wicked shit.
Ungh. Oh lordy. Shit.

I killed a hooker.
Said my dick was "mangina"
Just like Uncle Joe.

Haikus can be fun
Not everyone can write them
Eat watermelon

Bravo, I like this
Haikus can be really fun
Orange elephants.

I love the haiku
I am the haiku warlock
yours is much better

I need to write more
Xanga revolves around it
Haikus and drama

Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs melons.

winning at winning
I'm writing winning haikus.
women still hate me.

This is a rabbit.
It was born to fuck non-stop.
Too bad it's not straight.

Wow bitch, you scare me
I need to get away now
Oh crap Im so screwed

my penis rages
at the sight of this lady
goddamn, I'd hit it.

I'd take my cum hose
and fill her with my man-juice
I guarantee it.

my glasses shatter
why do you do this to me
my nutbladder broke

I've had it with these
Motherfucking snakes, on this
Motherfucking plane

yes i hope they die
and they deserve to burn
I am Sam Jackson

it'll get you drunk
hows it taste muthafucka
this is how i talk

Captain Obvious
Is that you? You still fucking
fail, again, die please.

watching while you sleep
you sleep with your mouth open
which is convenient

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER
FOUNDER OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE
I GUARANTEE IT

girl, eating her lunch
suddenly drenched by manseed
flash mob bukkake

stretching, chunky pain
maybe we need more butter
mmm corncob assplug

i pulled up to the
house around seven or eight
and yelled to the cab

homes smell you later
then i looked at my kingdom
i was finally

there to sit on my
throne as the prince of bel air.
Will Smith still sucks dick

loving you is hard
but not as hard as Slayer
that shit fucking rocks

Birthdays are so fun
Why did my friends leave early?
Stillbirth party hat.

I had killed a man
he had a wife and two kids
I slept peacefully

we are going back
to potatoes to get my
fucking power wrist

She never forgets
to clean up after herself
Because I beat her

She don't move around
She don't make a single sound
Necrophilia!

salty taco bell
three dollars for a whole meal
my farts are drippy

George W Bush.
Santa declared terrorist.
North pole genocide.

I eat the mushroom,
I become a man, so tall!
I'm a shit plumber

An in-call stripper
Makes virtually no noise
When stuffed in the fridge

A Big Mac, some fries
Oral sex from a hobo...
Things that cost a buck.

Unhooking the bra,
The moment of truth...oh no
Bologna nipples!

worker bees can leave
even drones can fly away
the queen is their slave

This is Major Tom
Captain, something has gone wrong
Send help; Major Tom

God, Fucking magnets
How do they work, Fuck this shit.
Ima just go troll

refrigerator
antidisestablishment
so many elephants

My alligator
he is like shining gold sun
gives me big hard on

You wrote a haiku
I am known to dabble too
Sex sex sex sex sex

these haikus are good
I try to write some haikus
Green Bay Packers win?

Yes, the Packers won!
They are America's team
Drink beer and eat cheese

Haters gonna hate.
Art thou furious broski?
They see me rollin'

I like poetry
Especially my haikus
I need to write more


I saw this on the Secrets post and I was all like...AWESOME...but think I was like ONCE?  I bet it was past tense because of all the masturbation jokes and creepy haikus or they saw the true me in my vlogs...sigh...please tell me who you are.

This really made my day.  I hope this post didn't repulse you even with the necrophilia haikus.

I will never forget.  I just need to know who you are.

So I  will keep posting Caturday posts...AS LONG AS YOU TELL ME WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME A BLOW JOB!

Someone hates their job.

They really have run out of ideas in Hollywood.

You lost to a girl.  You mad, bro?

I am so addicted to winning and writing haikus.

and in case you want to troll...remember, I have a crown.