YES!  I'm doing a survey!

Promise you won't lie?
OK I promise but there's something you have to do for me first.

Have you kissed anyone in the past 10 days?
hahahaha...no, you think women would get that close to me?

Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
My mood has changed drastically as of late.

Did you speak with your father today?
Yeah, he begged me to get him some dvds from the library

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
no, there has to be trust

Are you shy?
I prefer the term reserved

Could things possibly get any better?
I was thinking about that yesterday.  It was about 75F, the sun was out, I was fishing, I had a beer in hand, and it was just perfect.  The only thing that could've made it better was if I was being serviced orally.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
Yes, my cats went nuts because there's a raccoon outside my house.

Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?
Actually, yes

Are you wearing jeans, shorts or pajama pants?
I am wearing shorts and a smile

Do you ever crack your knuckles/ back/ ankles/ wrists/ etc?
My knuckles and ankles...I crack my ankle about every time I walk on it.  Thank you, football.  My ankle sounds like a cement mixer.

Do you love the last person you called today?
no one called me so I guess I am unlovable.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
there are many people of the opposite sex who mean a lot to me

Do you need to say anything to someone?
yes but I can't

Do you think before you speak?
Not really, I think that's the way the Founding Fathers intended it or so FOX News and TBN has led me to believe

You’re thinking about someone, aren’t you?
I'm actually thinking about who wrote this survey and the person from whom I stole it.

Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today?
yeah, I was sitting under an apple tree trying to become enlightened or discover gravity

Did you see the person you liked today?
no but I saw her in my dreams

Was today better than yesterday?
No, as I mentioned before I went fishing yesterday and today I didn't.

Honestly, what’s running through your mind?
a low buzzing sound

Have you ever asked a girl for advice?
the last time I asked a girl for advice about a girl I liked she thought I was coming on to her and now her husband no longer talks to me

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I actually replied to all the comments on my posts

Do you straighten your hair often?
I don't really have that problem, I mostly curl it or do it up in a pompadour.

How are you feeling?
a little cool and anxious and tingly

Is there something you’re not looking forward to?
yeah, death and sleeping

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
See I can't remember so I guess I'm not cute

How late did you stay up last night?
I was up to about 3AM and had to be up at 6:30.  I'm not a smart man

Do you think boys truly understand?
Yes we do, you just fail to see our understanding because it doesn't fit in your weltanschauung.

Choose: bonfire on a beach or clubbing in the city?
I'd have to go with the bonfire because I can't stand loud places any longer.  I'm getting older and my hearing is going.  I don't technically have a hearing problem but when I'm in loud places I can't distinguish.  Plus...FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE

Would you say that you are an intelligent person?
no, I'm pretty much a dullard but people may argue that when they find out I can speak 7 languages but languages are easy.  I can't believe there are people who only speak one.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I doubt it, if I haven't been called cute or kissed anyone then I don't think anyone is thinking of me.

Who have you texted today?
a pandas' rights activist

I bet you're going to kiss someone tonight, right?
have you been paying attention?  You know that question about my mood?  I'm getting ticked off.

Who was the last person you texted?
I think Twitter because that's how lame I am

What would you do if you walked in on the last person you kissed having sex?
I'd probably be alright since I hate her

Do you remember who you liked on New Years?
sort of and I'm pretty sure she was on Xanga

When was the last time you cried?
 when was the last commercial with Sarah McLachlan singing to get me to give money to help animals?

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
no, I've had too many head traumas.

Are you dating the last person you texted?
well I guess I'm pretty much dating Twitter since I use it for Xanga and Tumblr now

Are you a patient person?
I've been told it's one of my virtues

How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
none, my wrists are too large for watches so how am I going to wear a bracelet

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
I can't even remember but I'm assuming that person is now dead

Do you think the last person you kissed cares about you?
no

Are you wasting your time on someone?
I think I'm wasting my time trying to get @AmericanAlien to return to Xanga

Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating?
yeah, snuggling helps fight hangovers

Do you like silver or gold better?
I actually like silver better but that's probably because it will protect me from supernatural beings

Do you know anyone who smokes pot?
yeah, the kids like to gather across the street in front of the library at night and smoke pot and play on the internet with the free WiFi

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
only if she loves the bottle more than me

Was last night terrible?
nope it was great, the Packers and Brewers won

Has a girl sat on your bed before?
you can see where my mind is at because I read "bed" as "face"

What were you doing 12 AM last night?
well let's see, it was either surfing Xanga or touching myself.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone?
A friend who wanted to go fishing

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed on the lips?
no

Does anyone hate you?
I am certain there is at least one person with 40 profiles here that hates me

What are you doing tonight?
Probably watch some SVU and then head to bed

Have you ever played a Wii?
actually I haven't, I am so technologically behind in that respect but I don't think I'm any less of a human being

What color are your eyes?
I can't see my eyes

Are your parents home?
Well it is after midnight so should they be home?

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
I have before and people told me I looked better as a blonde

How long until your next birthday?
hmmm 4 or 5 months, I'll have to go check my ID because I can't remember

Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you, but spelled differently?
no, my middle name has a pretty standard English spelling, there are no deviations

Would you rather long or short hair?
I like my hair short but I'm balding so I'm growing it out as a last ditch effort to trick a girl into liking me before I go bald

What's your favorite season of the year?
I like winter

Are any of your friends virgins?
there probably are a few

Day been rough?
the Brewers got hammered so you tell me

How often do you straighten your hair?
I don't really have that problem, I comb it and it's straight.

Do you look decent when you wake up?
I never look decent

Do you get jealous easily?
yes but my jealousy usually leads to defeat

Would you date someone who lived in another state?
why not, life is too short to let it be defined be imaginary lines

What is your favorite color?
I like navy blue

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
people say I have but I don't think I have

Are you texting anyone?
ummm I'm filling out this survey

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I hide them because I need to practice my hiding skills...never know when I'll need to use my skills for an impromptu game of Hide and Go Seek

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
I like to but sometimes I think shit just happens because it's the gods love to shit all over me.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
I think but then I'm not that talkative

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I suppose so

What kind of mood are you in today?
dejected

Do people underestimate you?
not as much as they undervalue me.

He truly is the 99%

And on the 6th day, the beer drinking douche will emerge from his cocoon.

I so want that sweater.