So I thought I would share multiple ways you can ruin your Thanksgiving because I did some experimenting this year.  Of course, you will have to try these next year. 

Something may be labeled NSFW

-Call your father a "butt plug" during the pre-meal prayer
-When saying the prayer, throw your arms in the air raising them to heave and begin to sway like one of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men and then start screaming in tongues.
-Tell the cook that Chef Gordon Ramsay would kick them out of Hell's Kitchen for their culinary abortion and that Guy Fieri would enjoy the food because he is a dullard.
-Drink 10 beers in 10 minutes and let the fun begin and of course the beer has to be Schell's Lake Maid and with every bottle say "Normally I wouldn't eat (insert type of fish here) but for Miss (insert type of fish here) I'd make the exception.  You really need to go to the website to understand my lame attempt at humor.  Also you have to remember that I started that company's myspace site and refused to sell.  I am a moron. 
-Be a Lions fan so the meal will be more depressing.
-Hit your brother-in-law in the face while playing a pick-up game of basketball...that happened last year when Barack Obama's brother-in-law elbowed him in the face during a game.  Surprisingly, he's still alive and Obama didn't use one of his free kills on him.
-Discuss how your daughter will be starting college and your granddaughter will be graduating from kindergarten this school year and you are only 30 years old.
-Demand that everyone watches the news and when it's not turned to FOX News go into a tirade saying how FOX News is the only fair and balanced news source and when asked about certain issues facing our country and you have no clue say that FOX News hasn't told you how to think about these issues.
-Become a militant NASCAR fan and demand that NASCAR be deemed a legitimate competitive sport
-Go shopping
-Tell everyone that you got a new job with TSA and grope yourself at the table and say that you are just practicing
-In most states marrying your cousins is legal...wink wink nudge nudge say no more
-When you see a family member drinking Starbucks declare your hatred for the chain and say they are responsible for the collapse of the economy but laud their use of this song in their new commercials because Matt Pond PA really rocks.

-Two words: pro-wrestling reenactments
-Tell everyone that you are a "master baster"
-Talk about how awesome Tumblr is especially when your URL is AnalGoatFister69
-Show how much you appreciate the meal by belching and farting at the table.
-Set all the clocks in the house back or ahead an hour.
-Silly string makes meals memorable
-Explore your new found love of nudism.
-If you don't have a significant other and want to avoid family asking if you're out of the closet yet, hire a hooker to be your date and when asked how you met her tell your family you bought her on the street corner.
-Serve Kool Aid at your family's meal.  Spike the drink with methylene blue.  When methylene blue is ingested it will change the color of urine to blue.
-Unscrew the filters to every water faucet in the house.  Fill the cap with potassium permanganate.  When people use the water, there will be a reaction between the water and potassium permanganate and the water will turn purple.  Hopefully you come from a family of dullards and they love the novelty of purple water and put it on their hands and face.  When the water and potassium permanganate combine and come in contact with human skin it stains the skin brown.  Then when you see family members with stained hands ask if they haven't been potty trained and don't know how to wipe their asses.  If it's on their face, start singing the country song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places".
-Secret ingredient...silver nitrate.  When silver nitrate comes in contact with skin, it stains skin black.
-Let this be your family meal:

"Give us this day, our daily white bread."
-This is your meal:


Don't worry, I'm not a cannibal.  I'm just a deviant.  I hope that didn't trigger any recovering cannibals out there in Xanga land.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.