Last week I posted a batch of Christmas and Hanukkah tattoos.  This week I'm back with more Christmas tattoos.

Have I ever told you about the one girl I dated who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week?  I once dated a girl who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week.

So because I dated a girl who watched A Nightmare Before Christmas at least 3 times a week I loathe these tattoos.

I refuse to watch that movie.

I don't know if this is Zombie Santa or Demon Santa. 

A lot of people tell me Elf is a good movie.  I've seen it once.  It's definitely not tattoo worthy.

I found this tattoo and it said it was supposed to be Darwin but I thought it looked like Santa...interesting how my mind interpreted that.

Here's another tattoo from the best Christmas special, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  I don't know why but I think it's because of Rudolph's expression that makes it look like Santa's trying to get Rudolph to do more than guide his sleigh by night.

This is the only deer to stand up to Santa.

Sweet Jesus!

That tattoo will die hard.  I just hope he never encounters a man named Hans Gruber.

And that, children, is why candy canes are red and white.

Jeden Tag, jeden Jahr!  That says, "Merry Christmas every day" in German for those who don't sprech Deutsch.

Immediately, my feet began to sweat as those two fluffy little bunnies with a blue button eye stared supply up at me.

Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.

I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.

It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me. Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand...

Oh, life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries, when our joy is at it's zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.

Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.

With as much dignity as he could muster, the Old Man gathered up the sad remains of his shattered major award. Later that night, alone in the backyard, he buried it next to the garage. Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of "Taps" being played, gently.

You used up all the glue on purpose!

Tonight! Tonight! It's coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!

They'll send the deed for cripesake. I didn't expect them to send a whole damn bowling alley.

The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...

Naddafinga!

Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.

A Bad Santa bad tattoo?  Actually it's not that bad if you are considering the artwork but why would you get a Bad Santa tattoo?  WHY?  Did you ask Santa for it?  My brain hurts.

I hope you have a happy holiday season and you avoid getting a regrettable tattoo.

Christmas and it may be a little NSFW

I think Santa is testing the mistletoe.

Like this I do...notice you ever Jews like talks Yoda?

Someone gave me that outfit last year.  It didn't look good on me at all.

Suddenly I wish I was one of Santa's reindeer.

Lately I've felt that Christmas is nothing but a pile of shit and everyone out there likes to shit all over me but hey it only comes once a year sort of like me.

Santa gives good gifts to all the kinky girls and boys.

TAKE IT SANTA!  I think this brings new meaning to my recent thoughts of "screw Christmas".

Bad boy, you're a bad boy...naughty list?  Don't make me roll up this newspaper.

Repost but the thought counts.

Best. Christmas. EVER!

TAKE IT JUST STOP LOOKING AT ME!

I could go for some hotwings about now.

Yep...that's how my Christmas parties turn out.

The 12 Days of Holiday Havoc are winding down and I haven't seen the usual tranny surprise where Maury goes around the audience asking if the people walking on his stage are real men or surgically made women.  I'm betting the last day will be a special paternity show.

I was reading a report today that people identified Adam Sandler's Hanukkah songs with Hanukkah over the Dreidl song.  
 

Well bubeleh, remember Hanukkah Harry has to schlep all your toys to you so be a mensch and leave him some nice matzah.  Your meschuga to not leave anything out for Hanukkah Harry...why that is plain chutzpah!  Also don't be a kolboynick and deny the existence of Hanukkah Harry.  Drek for you, putz!

Happy Hanukkah!  Rosh Tov!

And now a blast from the past not starring Brendan Fraser but starring MASH-UPS!  I used to post these things a few years back and people grew tired of them so I stopped posting.  I think I got upwards of 100 mash-ups in the audio blog section of this site.  Anyway here are some special holiday mash-ups.

Here's a mash-up for all my Jewish friends out there.  Mazel Tov!   For the goyim out there, it's Hanukkah.  And for those people that are demanding stores say "Happy Holidays", remember Hannakuh has been celebrated hundreds of years before Christ was born and besides that Christ was born in April...just saying.  Anyway this mash-up is a song from Sarah Silverman called "Give Da Jew Girl a Toy".  It 's mashed with what could perhaps be the greatest song to ever come out of Germany.  That song is "Da Da Da" by Trio.  Back in the late 90s, "Da Da Da" was used in Volkswagen ads.  I rushed out to the Best Buy and bought that album.  It helped my German.

This mash-up contains "Bang a Gong" by T. Rex and a Christmas song called "Back Door Santa" .  I like how this one flows, it's just amazing how well "Bang a Gong" fits.

This is a rather intense mash-up.  It contains multiple Christmas carols mashed-up with multiple songs by Led Zeppelin.  Merry Axe-mas from Jimmy Page!

I couldn't find the name of the Christmas song in this one but I still loved it because it isn't Christmas until you hear some AC/DC.  There is nothing I love more in this world then sitting around the Christmas tree, watching the snow fly, sipping hot chocolate, and rocking out to "Ballbreaker"...Yes, "Ballbreaker"!

OK this may be the mash-up of the week.  It is one of the strangest mixes I have ever heard.  It takes a Christmas song by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and mashes it with "All the Small Things" by Blink 182.  My description can not properly say how awesome this song is.

This little mash-up is a combination of "Christmas Time is Here Again" by The Beatles mashed with "More Than a Feeling" by Boston.  That song by The Beatles has to be the most annoying song in their library yet it has a funny moment.  I'll have to upload the original because Paul McCartney admitted later in life that when they recorded that he was enjoying some Christmas green...he was smoking the marijuana.

I just wanted to be a little serious here and wish all my friends and enemies a Merry Christmas.  I hope that you and yours find a peaceful respite during this holiday season.  For those who habla espanol Feliz Navidad.  For those that sprech Deutsch, Ich wunsche euch ein frohes Weihnachten.  I hope my Jewish friends had 8 nights filled with mirth and craziness.  May you always land on gimel.