Day: January 30, 2012

  • Homework Assignment 1/23

    I enjoyed reading your answers to the last homework assignment.  I also included my movies.  I included more than what the assignment called for because a few of you opted for extra credit.  Overall I was pleased so your grade is A+.

    Now your next assignment:

    A. 

    B.    

    You can do one or the other or for extra credit you can do both.  Make sure you explain your answer.

    Now...get to work.

    OK...here are my answers:
    A.  First, off I'd probably squeal with delight because now I could feel up a woman and not get slapped for it.  Then I'd probably go do my hair and find out why my last girlfriend loved her showerhead.  Then I'd head for the shipyards to welcome all the sailors to port.
    I have a feeling most girls would go around doing jumping jacks and the helicockter and then impregnate things and most guys would use a vagina as a convenient storage space.

    B.  1.  They'd have to be able to tolerate me.  2.  They'd have to be quirky to match my sense of humor and I'd like them to have that same humor but not upstaging.  3.  They have to be rich so I can be a gold digger.  And I bet you thought I was going to say boobs.  I'm more refined than what you think.

  • Huzzah for Haikus!

    Evaporation
    Not Transubstantiation
    Benefits mankind

    Evaporation
    The water goes somewhere else
    You can't explain that
    Evaporation
    Out of ideas teacher
    these science haikus
    Earth needs some water
    Evaporation does it
    Do not ask me how

    Evaporation
    Is not as fun as pickles
    Give me some pickles

    Oops I dropped the ball
    Each person needs a haiku
    I am so sorry

    I'm defiantly
    The best haiku writer here
    that writes all my posts
    There’s dinner for one
    I have enough booze for five
    This feels familiar

    Let’s be friends we said,
    As we said our last goodbye.
    oops guess you forgot.

    Celebration time
    Pizza and beer are reward
    For a job well done
    The main difference
    Between right and wrong is the
    Way that you spell them

    Her heart was like a
    Bag of donuts and I was
    Just a hungry cop

    Haiku is easy.
    Just cut up the sentence and
    Split into three lines

    You are beautiful
    Hold these words close in your heart
    Believe in yourself

    I know I’ve written
    A ton of depressing shit -
    Forgive me, I’m sick

    My knees are Pop Rocks
    They pop whenever I walk
    They’re not very sweet

    It’s quite simple, girl
    Blow it before I stick it
    Nintendo cartridge

    What is a haiku?
    I should write a “real poem”.
    Problem: I’m not real

    Now I ask myself
    Why am I always such a
    Fucking idiot

    What is a haiku?
    What can haikus really be?
    They are short ass poems

     Do not invoke God
    The lotto is for mortals,
    Same goes for taxes.

    It might not be smart
    To bellow and curse your ex
    While in line for gas
    Gas station pizza
    Goes for one oh five a slice;
    That’s the best review

    As I walk the halls,
    I can’t help but steal a glance,
    To see your warm smile

    Winter’s cold breeze here
    Shoulder pain dragging me down
    How do magnets work

    I have to go pee
    But I am much too lazy
    To get off my ass

    The dog made me laugh
    Laughter exists in haikus
    HA HA HA HA HA

    I drank wine last night
    It feels like a power drill
    Drilling in my brain

    If your boyfriend is
    Shirtless in his Facebook pic,
    He is a douche bag.

    Make me breathe heavy
    Lover, let me love fill you
    Take it all right now

    Touch me with your tongue
    Open your heart and your legs
    You will taste my love

    Lost in your body
    Soft, sweet droplets of your sweat
    Collect on my chest

    I miss your contours
    My rough skin on your soft breast
    Was it good for you

    I would select death
    If we were reunited
    I need one more day

    Alas, I must pee
    My bladder is full again
    I will be right back

    I sigh to myself
    Another week has flown by
    I will die sooner

    When I reply here
    Remind me to give you your
    Personal haiku

    You should write haiuks
    They make you very peaceful
    I just pissed my pants

    Xanga Haiku Club
    Is now in session, people
    We are so nerdy

    I know you are all
    Jealous of my haiku skills
    Off to bed I go


    Isn't that the name of an Asian porn star?

    Ja, wir können!

    OK, have a good night.