Another Friday night and here's another round-up.  The sad news is I didn't win the lottery but then I guess you have to buy a ticket to win.  Anyway...round up time

Warren Beatty turned 75 today.  I've watched some of his films and he was a great actor but then after 1987's Ishtar, which may be one of the biggest box office flops of all time, his career took a downturn.  There may have been two movies after 1987 that people would consider "good".  I am on the fence with Dick Tracy and I did like Bugsy despite all it's inaccuracies.  Anyway I thought the my lady readers would appreciate this because I remember he was once considered a sex symbol.  Also celebrating birthdays today...Norah Jones(33), Celine Dion(44), Piers Morgan(47), Tracy Chapman(48), Ian Ziering(48), MC Hammer(50), and Eric Clapton(67).

Adam Sandler was spotted swimming in Miami this week and I think it's time he confirms the rumors.  He hasn't had his period since Jack & Jill.  Adam Sandler is pregnant.  I watched Jack & Jill this evening because it was nominated for so many Razzie Awards and the awards are on Sunday.  I got 30 minutes in and I check to see how much time is left and my DVD player says 1 hour.  I sighed because 30 minutes felt like an eternity.  Oh it was so bad.  I feel bad for Al Pacino.

Speaking of bad movies, it was announced this week that there will be a sequel to the 1988 comedy Twins which starred Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The movie will feature Arnold, Danny, and Eddie Murphy as their long lost brother and the movie will be called Triplets.  Really?  Who wanted this?  At first I thought this was an April Fools Day prank because you can't spell Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Devito, and Eddie Murphy without A-P-R-I-L-P-H-O-O-L-S.  Sadly this isn't a joke.  Ivan Reitman is set to produce it.  Reitman has given us such hits as Meatballs, Ghostbusters, Stripes, Kindergarten Cop, Twins, and Ghostbusters II.  Why do we need this one?  It'd be like if someone decided that Clueless needed a sequel so they decided to call it Cluelesser.  In good sequel news, Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy was on Conan O'Brien the other night and announced there will be a sequel to Anchorman.  Then this morning he was on The Dan Patrick Show as Ron Burgundy and he said that filming was set to begin in 2013. 

Here's Vannesa Hudgens on the set of Spring Breakers.  Does anyone have a clue when this movie is coming out?  I think this is going along the lines of The Hunger Games.  I've see so many still shots and gifs that I can piece it together without having to see it in the theaters.

When I was five years old, my parents had to tear me away from my G.I. Joes and Transformers not multi-million dollar fashion deals.  Apparently, five year old Suri Cruise is such a fashionista that fashion designers are offering her millions of dollars to design clothes AT FIVE YEARS OLD!  However Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes(she was in Jack & Jill and she was so robotic just like real life after being brainwashed) have refused to let Suri sign any deals.  Xenudamnit, Suri is sure living the high life.  Since Suri is going to live her entire life in the lap of luxury I will now shit on her parade.  She will never know the pleasure when you wipe your butt with only the last two sheets of toilet paper in the house because you can't afford it and your Maxim magazine is really rough on the tuchus.  She will never know the pleasure you get from sliding under a neighbor's car and poking a nail through their gas tank because they blocked your driveway.  And she will never say the words, "I can't pay my rent this month but I am willing to make other arrangements."  My rent was never late and I haven't had nightmares for quite some time.  I am quite shocked they haven't let her sign a deal because Xenu needs more money to run his church.

Steven Tyler turned 64 this week.  You know, I can finally see where they got the inspiration for the song "Dude Looks Like a Lady".  Those lips.  I wonder what brand of lipstick he used back in the day.  You know if that whole Aerosmith thing didn't pan out he could've always gotten work in as the Joker in a Batman movie.

Quentin Tarantino turned 49 this week.  I really like the guy and I love his movies.  I don't think I could name any other director that uses such dialogue in movies.  Now accolades aside, what is it with the feet?  Of all the fetishes out there, I do not understand the feet fetish.  Maybe that's because my feet are ugly.  I look at them and I see callouses and dead skin not something like that so I don't understand how people can find feet attractive.  I think the only other fetish I don't understand is the whole infantile thing but that's for another post.

Here's Paris Hilton at a performance by her boyfriend DJ Afrojack.  Out of instinct Paris put that long, hard, white thing in her mouth.  She knew there were cameras around to capture it.

TMZ is reporting that Octomom was near foreclosure from her home so she did what any mom of 14 would do.  She posed nude for a tabloid magazine for $10,000.  She posed for Closer Magazine and they made a payment of $10,000 on her house.  I look at that photo and I can't help but think of Groucho Marx.  I hope you aren't throwing up yet.  Not only did she bare her body but she bared her soul in an interview.  She says she hides her beauty because men hit on her too much: "I get too much male attention, but I won’t date until the octuplets are 18 - I live for them. I know a lot of women like male attention, but I’ll go out with no make-up on and wear tracksuits, a wig and even a fake pregnancy stomach to put them off."  HAHAHAH...APRIL FOOLS...wait...she actually said that?  OK.  I don't think men are slobbering all over her with their eyes, they're looking for the nearest exit so she won't suck them in to her house and make them pay for her house.

Last December, Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter rekindled their romance in Paris.  How lame!  Paris?  That's so cliche!  Every time a girl I'm interested in loses that spark with me, I jet us off to Paris.  If a dude like me does that, you'd expect more from the captain of the New York Yankees.  Well Derek Jeter and Minka have broken up once again.  I wonder why she isn't returning my phone calls.  It's because she's been seen around Hollywood with Wilmer Valderama.  Well, Minka's stock is dropping.  She definitely downgraded.  I guess there is no shame in being part of the ex wives of the New York Yankees club but there is plenty of shame in being part of the Wilmer Valderama plowed me and a dozen underage Disney starlets club.  I hear that t-shirt is flying off the shelves at Disney stores.

It sounds like the Cyrus family is going to clear out the trailer park and have a whiskey fountain, dick shaped cakes, honey glaze roasted raccoon, squirrel kabobs, and pigs in blankets for a wedding banquet because Miley is supposedly engaged to Liam Hemsworth.  Earlier in the week Miley tweeted a photo of what appears to be an engagement ring and then she was spotted wearing the ring at an event later in the week.  I don't know.  It could be an engagement ring but more than likely it's a "Look at me, y'all" ring.  People close to Liam are saying he's embarrassed by her because of her behavior when they go to clubs.  Hmmm how can he be embarrassed by her at clubs since she's only 19?  She shouldn't be in any place where alcohol is sold unless it's a Walmart.  I think he just graduated from the Kevin Federline School of Gold Digging with honors.  You squirreled away all your money from The Hunger Games before she did something really embarrassing.  Sure you could've knocked her up and lived off Disney money for the rest of your life but you have goals and ambition and if you ever run out of money, take a page out of Ashton Kutcher's playbook by marrying an older, washed-up, actress who huffed up her SAG earnings. 

We all knew this day would come.  Megan Fox is expecting the love child of David Silver Brian Austin Green.  An inside source told Star Magazine that the couple is incredibly excited but it's still early so they're only telling close family and friends.  I bet Megan's pregnancy goes just like Jessica Simpson's.  She'll talk about how she loves being pregnant because she can eat whatever she wants and how she loves deep friend candy bars covered in enchilada sauce and how she can fit ten deep fried cheese curds in her mouth at once and how they know her name at every fast food restaurant in a 25 mile radius and how she's built a fort in her house out of peanut butter and Nutella jars.  No, I'm kidding, Megan had some semblance of self-esteem.  I was completely caught off-guard by this news.  I was expecting the news to be delivered straight to DVD like most of her recent movies. 

There are rumors going around that Marilyn Manson is dating Lana Del Ray.  A German tabloid is reporting that they have been spotted together in Germany and they have been seen sharing dinner, embracing in an elevator and apparently sharing his hotel room.  I sort of have a feeling that this story was written after a monkey was given darts and threw them at a dartboard filled with photos of celebrities and one dart landed on Marilyn Manson and the other on Lana Del Ray.  The only way this story can be true is if a monkey is involved.

Is it me or do Kendra Wilkinson's breasts look like they are trying to run away.  Maybe she had magnetic implants and they are reacting.  Maybe she had a flashback to Hugh Hefner rubbing his withered hands on them and they are trying to escape her body.  Well I'll be damned, it's not just that first photo.  Here's another.  She was in Las Vegas hosting a spring break pool party.  I'm shocked they don't have her in Washington D.C. practicing to host the National Spelling Bee.  "cuh-cuh-cuh-cat!  The word is 'cat'."

Here's a recent photo of Jessica Simpson.  Jessica and I have a lot in common.  We both love barbecue sauce, we both like beer, and we both have huge guts.  Remember when Beyonce gave birth and she had the hospital on secure lockdown?  Well Jessica is trying to outdo Beyonce and will basically turn the delivery room into Fort Knox.  When people come to visit Jessica after she's given birth to little Maxi Pad, friends and family will have to go to a private maternity wing that Jessica rented to sign in and go through multiple checkpoints in the hospital.  Jessica has hired 30 armed security guards to make sure she and Maxi Pad are safe because she's afraid of kidnapping and she doesn't want paparzzi snapping photos.  The security detail is set to run Jessica $1.3million.  She has already spent upwards of $2million on furnishings for Maxi Pad's nursery at home.  So let's say she's spending $3million on this baby.  Well, she's still going to profit off the birth because she has signed an exclusive photo deal for $4million.  That's an awful lot of money for a kid who already has been overexposed in my professional opinion.  Jessica's pregnancy farts are shaped like dollar signs.  The child only gives the parents a regional bump in popularity.  Beyonce is popular in El Salvador where she had a surrogate carry her baby and also Blue Ivy will be popular at the Grammy's and Source Awards.  Suri Curise will one day address the council of planets to implore the Klingons and Romulons to join the fight against Xenu.  Maxi Pad won't have that because Jessica really doesn't do much.  Maxi Pad will have to become famous the old fashioned way by being a professional realty TV star and professional chili eater just like her mother. 

This is for @justjace because you made me remember her and a story surfaced this week about her.  This is Jan Crouch and I had to have this story after the Jessica Simpson story because Jan's hair matches Jessica's dress.  Jan is like the first lady of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, one of the biggest Jesus channels in America.  How could this goddess commit sin?  Well one of her granddaughters is accusing Jan and her husband, Paul Crouch, of skimming millions of dollars out of their Christian network to pay for their lavish lifestyle.  How could a Christian televangelist use donations from their followers to pay for their lavish lifestyle?  This never happens.  Their 26 year old granddaughter Brittany Koper(and after hearing that name I imagined Jan doing an Edward G. Robinson imitation saying "you'll never get me alive Koper") is suing Trinity Broadcasting Network for wrongful termination.  She was the CFO and claims that after she discovered her grandparents used donations to pay for their toys, she was fired.  She found out that Paul and Jan took money as a "loan" to buy a $50million jet for Paul and Jan, an $8million jet for Jan's personal use, 13 homes throughout the United States, and a $100,000 RV for Jan's dogs.  The dogs don't like flying apparently so they need to be driven around the country in the lap of luxury.  Brittany claims that when she told Paul and Jan that she was on to their scheme, they made her turn over her house, car, and life insurance policy as an act of contrition because she accused them of sinning.  Brittany then took the matter to the TBN board and she was promptly fired.  Lawyers from TBN say that Brittany is making these accusations to cover up the fact that her husband embezzled over $1million from TBN.  Oh and TBN made $92million in donations alone in 2010.  Remember, this is a church.  Yes, Jan Crouch swindled her followers out of their hard-earned cash by telling them she would use their money to feed the starving children of the world and instead used it to buy an $8 million private jet, but I'm sure they forgive her.  God doesn't fly commercial so neither should Jan and Paul Crouch.  Yes, most Christians believe that lying is a sin, but lying is not a sin when you're doing so in order to buy a cotton candy machine to whip yourself up a gorgeous head of hair every morning. It says so in the Bible....somewhere in Levitixodusoromy.

Remember the 90s?  Remember TGIF on ABC?  Remember Family Matters?  Remember Steve Urkel?  I try to forget a lot of that stuff but Steve Urkel and Family Matters will always hold a place in my mind.  Well it turns out that the guy who played Urkel wasn't as squeaky clean as his character.  His exgirlfriend says he's a compulsive cheater and abuser.  His exgirlfriend told Radar that she confronted him with his cheating in May of 2010 and he responded by hitting her multiple times.  She then ran for the bathroom and he followed her and pushed her head into the toilet and broke the toilet and the water went everywhere.  The woman said that he was also verbally and emotionally abusive throughout their relationship.  She also claimed he was racist because he referred to her as "white trash".  Jaleel offered her $200,000 after he beat her to leave their child with him and leave the house.  She then took a trip with their child and when she returned all of her things were gone and she found out that Jaleel put them in a storage unit.  Jaleel White has been charged with nothing and denies everything.  I just imagine Jaleel being confronted with all of this and shown all the evidence and him saying, "Did I do that?"

This may be the most bizarre story I've ever read or posted here but then it involves Gary Busey so there's no reason why I shouldn't expect it to be bizarre.  It all involves a fight over what heaven looks like.  See Gary knows a thing or two about heaven since he died on the surgery table in 1988 after a horrible motorcycle accident and while dead he claims to have been to heaven but came back when doctors revived him so when it came to filming a movie with a scene in heaven Gary had to a lot to offer.  For those of you who know me, I enjoy reading The Onion and The AV Club portion of The Onion.  Well this week's edition of The AV Club had an interview with Curtis Armstrong (He played Booger on Revenge of the Nerds) told a story about working with Gary Busey on the set of a movie where Busey's character is reincarnated as a dog.  Here's the story and these are Armstrong's words: "It was just what you’d imagine. That’s about the best way to put it. We were shooting this movie—which is a horrible movie—and he was supposed to come back from the dead. And he of course, Gary Busey, supposedly had done this—he’d been in an accident and died and came back. He showed up on a set made to look like Heaven, and he looked around and said, “I can’t play this scene.” They were three days behind at this point. But Busey said, “It’s nothing like this. I’ve been to Heaven and it doesn’t look like this. That sofa’s all wrong. That mirror is ridiculous. They don’t even have mirrors!” It was ridiculous. He was completely nuts about the design of Heaven.  But then on top of it, one of the guys playing an angel, had also died and come back. And this guy got into an argument with Busey about the way Heaven looked! The two of them wound up coming to blows and they had to send everybody home. So there you go. That’s what we were working with."  Gary Busey fighting with an actor in an angel costume about what Heaven looks like IS what Heaven looks like.  So to summarize, Gary Busey walked onto a set and claimed he couldn’t ACT like a PERSON WHO DIDN’T EXIST in a movie about a MAN WHO IS REINCARNATED AS A DOG because WHILE THEY DO HAVE COUCHES IN HEAVEN, THEY LOOK DIFFERENT THAN THIS COUCH at which point another actor DISAGREED WITH HIM until they both were SENT HOME AS ADULTS.  I have the best idea for a TV show.  We just have Curtis Armstrong tell this story for a half hour every week.  I would so watch it.  Forget that, we need a show about Gary Busey.  THIS IS INSANE!

Bill Haverchuck is pleased because Dallas is coming back to TV and from the looks of the promo poster it looks like they're trying to win Photoshop awards.  There's Linda Hamilton, Josh Henderson, Larry Hagman, Jordana Brewster, Patrick Duffy, Jesse Metcalfe(who was recently at the local casino), Brenda Strong, and Julie Golanzo.  So basically this seems like it'll be a sequel to Desperate Housewives but will be centered around oil instead of mediocrity.

Last year, there was plans for a "Carrie" remake and Stephen King said he'd want Lindsay Lohan to star in a movie based on one of his books and he wasn't talking about her starring as the rabid dog in "Cujo".  He wanted her to play Carrie in the 10,000th remake of "Carrie".  Well this week the director of the 10,000th remake of "Carrie", Kimberly Pierce, announced that the 15 year old Chloe Moretz would play the titular role instead of the 55 year old looking Lindsay Lohan.  Jodie Foster and Julianne Moore are rumored to be the front-runners for the role of Carrie's mom.  I always loved the original version of that movie but I never saw any of those horrible remakes or sequels.  I don't know why they can't leave things alone.  The next thing you know they'll be remaking Child's Play...wait they are...The Crow...ditto...Dune...yes...The Evil Dead... uh-huh...Godzilla... yeppers... Highlander...check...Mortal Kombat...yes...Oldboy...sure enough...Robocop...affirmative...Scarface...si... Short Circuit...aye aye...Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...by all means...Tomb Raider...certainly...Total Recall ...indubitably...The Twilight Zone...naturally...The Warriors...yes...ok so they're remaking everything.

Amy Sedaris turned 51 this week.  She's a pretty funny gal.  I love Jerri Blank.  If you ever have a chance check out Strangers with Candy. 

THIS IS THE FIRST PHOTO OF BLUE IVY CARTER!  YOU CAN SEE THE BACK OF HER LEGS!  OMG!

Amy Winehouse's parents hit the lottery and like me they didn't buy a ticket.  Records show that Amy left an estate valued at $4.6million.  She died and left assets totaling nearly$7million and after all her debts were paid her parents inherited $4.6million because she had no will and her father was manager of her estate.  Her husband Blake gets nothing because they divorced in 2009.  That is sort of sad.  I guess I should get my shit together because I don't know what my parents will do with baseball cards, Simpsons figures, cds, dvds, fishing poles, guns, piano, humidor, stereos, tvs, and cats. 

I saw this photo of Coco and I have to ask, are those pants painted on?  Holy crap!  I am sorry.  I'm just so alone and thinking about that will.  I have no one.

Here's a shocking turn of events, Adrianne Curry posted photos of her non-nude breasts on Twitter.  The fascinating thing about her is that she is a virtual nobody except for winning a modeling reality show, being on another reality show, marrying Peter Brady, and then being on more reality shows yet she gets so much attention because she posts photos of her breasts on Twitter.  I haven't posted much of her photos lately but I realized how alone I am so I had to post these.  Oh and they aren't even her breasts.  They are implants.  I guess that way if anyone judges her photos she can blame the plastic surgeons.  It amazes me that someone who does nothing, offers the world nothing, has no interesting thoughts or opinions, who is only known because of a series of reality shows when reality shows were just starting, can lure thousands of people to sign-up to her and wait around for pics like this.  And I wait like a dog wanting to go outside.  Sigh.

Have a great weekend.  And if you haven't yet, go wish Tallman a happy birthday.

I've had guest bloggers in the past because sometimes I think that having a guest explain current affairs is better because I tend to have a slant on my views and it's always refreshing for you to hear what others have to say.  In the past I've had guest bloggers cover the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, The Economy, Swine Flu, The Nobel Peace Prize, The Times Square Bomb Scare, Xanga Suicide Hoax, The BP Oil Spill, The Crisis in Egypt, FBI Poker Sites Seizures, Penn State, and Christmas.  And so to keep the tradition alive, here's a special guest blog concerning the death of Trayvon Martin.

On February 26th, 2012, a 17 year old boy named Trayvon Martin was gunned down by a 28 year old man named George Zimmerman who was a neighborhood watch leader and thought that Trayvon was exhibiting suspicious behavior. 

The guest blogger's views do not necessarily reflect my opinions.

Guest blogger: Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli

Well, hello everybody, the Godfather of Green Bay asked the Fonz to write a guest blog and, whoa, how cool is that?  It's been a long time since the Fonz has been asked to give his opinion on anything.  Usually Al or Arnold ask me how the food is and I have to tell Al that the fish is horrible and that I may have been wro-wro-wro-wro-wrong to put it on the menu.  Then Arnold asks if if he should put locks on the stall doors in the bathroom to make extra money because he was losing it after Officer Kirk instituted a city-wide curfew for people under 18 and I say to Arnold that people will just slide under the stall doors.  Anyway, the Fonz is sidetracked and it's time to share my thoughts on Trayvon.
We gotta have a little chat here and I think this is a tragedy.  Here's a school boy who is just walking home after buying some candy and iced tea.  Oh the Fonz has a sweet tooth and he enjoys his candy but no one has ever shot at the Fonz for his love of candy and cola.  Speaking of cola, a good friend of mine loves to drink Pepsi and milk.  Whoa.  So Trayvon is just a boy in school and he gets shot.  The Fonz didn't graduate from high school when I first went through.  It was just too hard.  I'm sure Trayvon did good despite all the reports circulating in the news.  Who could be a perfect angel in school?  It's survival of the fittest.  You have to be tough otherwise you'll be pounded but school has its good points like smoking in the bathroom, cutting classes, and showing my tattoo to all the chicks.
I don't get how the people of this community put this George Zimmerman in charge.  I mean, whoa.  It's like they put this guy in charge and then they let his brain take a vacation.  I suggest they take him out of that position otherwise the Fonz will have him make medical history.  He says it was an accident but accidents just happen but this was his fault.  All I have to say to Zimmerman is "sit on it".
I know people are saying that what Trayvon was wearing is what got him killed.  Well a lot of people think bad about the Fonz because I wear my leather coat and drive my motorcycle all over Milwaukee.  They are just a bunch of squares.  Sure, there are some bad apples that try to ruin it for everyone but like my Grandma Nusbaum used to say, "You can't judge an apple by its peal." 
This has me all riled up.  To think a young boy walking through his neighborhood gets shot.  It boggles the Fonz's mind just like the time I had to drive the Polaski twins home on my motorcycle.  I made sure I took all the bumpy roads.  Anyway the Fonz is riled up.  I think I'm going to go punch Potsie.
Also some people are wondering what the Fonz has to do with anything in this post and why my opinion belongs on the internet.  Well let me tell you something, Mr. or Miss Doubter.  The Fonz belongs everywhere and Miss Doubter, why don't you give me your phone number so we can discuss this further.
And a lot of people think that the Fonz is against black people because Milwaukee is one of those segregated cities in America but what people don't remember is that the Fonz singlehandedly ended segregation.  Now, you're going to support Trayvon's family and you're going to stop talking about racism because as Americans we don't want to look where we've been, we want to look where we're going and we want to look cool doing it.  AAAAY!  *finger snap*

Remember, the views of the guest blogger do not reflect those of GodfatherofGreenBay.

A few days ago, @leaflesstree posted her music theme for the week and it was cover songs.  I decided I'd try to follow suit and share some of my favorite cover songs.  So I guess this is sort of a cover post.

1.  "Bohemian Rhapsody" by William Shatner   I love Shatner's musical attempts and that is why I have two of his songs on this list.  Well I don't know if you can call them songs.  They are more like spoken word performance art.  Anyway, he released a new album a while back and I just remembered it while searching for songs from his other album on youtube.  You should really look for his album entitled "Seeking Major Tom".  It's just...awesome.

2.  "Common People" by William Shatner  Here's my Shatner love and all I can think is that you, dear reader, are in deep Shat.   This was originally performed by Pulp.  I think that they did the music for this and actually did the singing.  I know this album, "Has Been", was produced by Ben Folds and if I remember Folds and Shatner did a duet.  That's something else worth checking out

3.  "Tomorrow" by Rivers Cuomo  Back in the late summer/early fall I began my career in the ministry and a guy by the name of Tom Anderson started a website called Myspace.  A few months later I have a friend tell me that I should really check out that site because Rivers Cuomo has started uploading solo stuff to his Myspace page.  Well I checked it out, fell in love with the solo work, and created my Myspace account and that was how I entered the world of social networking.  This comes from the musical Annie.  He has a lot of other good solo material including his rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

4.  "Band of Gold" by Afghan Whigs  I stumbled upon this tune back in the days of Napster when I was looking for the original version by Freda Payne.  I love the song to begin with so this is just that much better.

5.  "We Gotta Get Out of this Place" by Jello Biafra  I really enjoy Biafra.  I know sometimes his politics don't mesh with mine but most of the time we are in tune and this song really summed up my contempt for American government and the original by The Animals was popular during the Vietnam War era especially amongst the soldiers.

6.  "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley  The original was by Leonard Cohen and I really enjoy that one but Buckley's version gives me goosebumps.  One thing that I've hated about this song is how people nowadays say, "Oh that's the song from Shrek," or "_____ sang that on American Idol."  I think the only versions I've enjoyed were this one, Cohen's, and one that is in Hebrew.

7.  "D'yer Maker" by Sheryl Crow  This came out when I was a freshman in high school and when I heard about a Led Zeppelin tribute album I was all over it and then when I first heard this song I fell in love with Sheryl Crow.  There is something so arousing about hearing her sing "oh oh oh".  Still drives me wild all these years later.  I apologize because I couldn't find a studio version but this one is good nonetheless

8.  "Rhinestone Cowboy" by Radiohead  I love the Glenn Campbell original and I love Radiohead so when I heard Radiohead performed this I was in heaven.

9.  "Nobody Does it Better" by Radiohead  This song was originally done by Carly Simon for a James Bond movie.  This song is one that I've wanted to have as a first dance if I ever get married and it has to be the sexiest song ever written.

10.  "Paranoid Android" by Weezer  Weezer covering Radiohead?  OH YEAH!  Rainn Wilson turned me on to this and I was thinking of including the cover of "What if God was One of Us" that he did with Weezer but I liked this one better.

11.  "Whiskey in the Jar" by Metallica  A heavy metal cover of a traditional Irish drinking song.  Oh this got a lot of playtime when I bellied up to the bar at an Irish pub and if it wasn't on the jukebox I'd start singing it myself.

12.  "Where is My Mind" by Trampled by Turtles  I really love The Pixies but I'll admit I didn't really know who they were during their heyday.  I found out about them because when I was looking up some of my favorite bands I kept seeing The Pixies listed as their inspiration.  I guess Radiohead, Weezer, and Nirvana can't be wrong.  I've also heard covers by City Wolf (Featured in the movie Observe and Report), Nada Surf, and Max Cyrin but this one just gets to me.

Yep, Battle Royale...I think the people who say Hunger Games is original should really check out that movie.

I should've went to see him speak today.  He was in my neck of the woods but I didn't want to play into his homoerotic speaking tour.  He spoke at a lumber yard that specializes in hardwoods.

Perverts, UNITE!

I had 25 calls on my answering machine promoting Romney for the G.O.P. primary here this coming Tuesday.  I took a survey and said I wouldn't vote for Romney and when asked why I replied, "Magic Underwear".

You know, that's interesting but I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

But then he didn't eat Skittles or drink Arizona Tea

Since I mocked The Hunger Games, I wouldn't want Twilight to feel left out.

Oh, McLovin, you try too hard.

Have a great time period after you read this.

I hate arrogant people because I am so much better than them.

Now that it’s spring and will soon be summer it marks my least favorite season of the year…too sweaty to get a b.j. unless I shower season.

Not only can unprotected sex be hazardous to your health, it can also be hazardous to your wealth. Kids are expensive with all their ipods and pokemans and Barbies and healing crystals.

President Obama is to blame for high gas prices as much as I’m responsible for high beer and cheese prices.  But I still wish Obama would press his magic gas price reducer button.  It’s right next to the rain missiles on Russia, China, and Iran button.

I’m at the age where I’ve finally learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake and that’s why I continue to do these posts.  And the proof is in the next joke.

A girl on Xanga once asked me if I prefer larger breasts over small breasts.  Frankly, it doesn’t matter.  As long as there’s a nipple that I can shove into my nose all sexy like then I am happy.

Rick Santorum has released his three point economic plan and all three points are “send gays to prison camps”.

One of the worst things that happens to me when I drink mixed drinks is that my drinks get watered down because of melting ice so what I do is take some nuts and bolts and stick them in the freezer and put those in my drinks instead of ice cubes.

My neighbors got a new mailbox and I’m suspicious of their intentions.  This whole episode has really raised a red flag.

I find it awesome that some of you are in the same time zone as me since I think the closest Xangan to me is over 3 hours away.

I am working on a new thesis for a doctorate in political science.  My thesis is 100% of people who argue that Fords are better than Chevys and vice versa tend to vote conservative.

So Tim Tebow is going to be working with Rex Ryan.  That ought to be fun since Tebow is a super-Christian and Rex Ryan curses like a drunken sailor on shore leave who lost all his money in a back alley poker game.

When I was a kid I was a mobster.  I ran my school.  If you wanted to make a bet on the recess dodgeball, kickball, or races I was who you talked to but you had to be careful that I didn’t have the races or dodgeball and kickball games fixed.  If you wanted Spree,I had a black market of candy.  If you needed better grades so your parents wouldn’t ground you I broke teachers’ kneecaps.  Just the standard mobster things.

A 9 year old had a baby and I can’t even get a girlfriend to hold my hand while we go shopping for patio furniture.  What the fuck is wrong with the world?

I had a friend fill out an application for a new job for me.  I guess my parents and all my teachers were right.  I never apply myself.

Every time I grab a bottle of Nestle water I hope it’s chocolate flavored.  It never is.

A friend informed me that this weekend we are going to party like it’s my birthday.  I asked if that meant we’d be naked, screaming, and covered in amniotic fluids.  I lost a friend.

After reading and watching The Hunger Games, I’m pretty sure Suzanne Collins is warning us about a future where Lady Gaga assumes power.  And FOX News says The Hunger Games is a warning about big government because we all know the Democrats are waiting to regain control of the House so they can push through legislation that would require each state to send two kids for a reality show where the kids kill each other.  You know what?  That may help us get out of debt.

I think the reason I shop online is because it gives me about 5 to 7 more business days to stay alive.

My crazy aunt just butt dialed me.  The weird thing is she only has rotary phones because she believes the button dials are a conspiracy to steal DNA and fingerprints.  She’s not well.

I’m upset that my website “Hitlers who look like cats” never took off.

I think the iPhone needs a pregnancy test app.  You piss on the phone and it tells you if you’re pregnant or not.

And now your weekly dose of motivation:

George Zimmerman is said to be distraught over shooting and killing Trayvon Martin.  I know one way to not be distraught, don’t shoot people. Also to help with George Zimmerman’s depression, members of the Florida G.O.P. are going to amend the Stand Your Ground Law to include counseling for the shooter when they kill innocent people. It sucks to see that it takes the death of a black kid for Republicans to take the side of a Hispanic man.  If Trayvon Martin was killed because of his hoodie then I’m pretty certain Julius Caesar was killed because of his toga and Abraham Lincoln was killed because of his hat.  And I hear a lot of uncircumcised guys are going to the doctor to get circumcised because they don’t want to get shot for having a suspicious looking wiener.

I think my favorite sex position is the fetal position.  It’s the one where you curl up in a corner and cry because no one loves you.

Dick Cheney had his heart replaced this week.  Let’s have a moment of silence for the rabid hyena they killed for Mr. Cheney’s new heart.

I actually like golf. It’s one of the best sports to play and drink beer while playing just like football, baseball, softball, badminton, and hopscotch.

Guys, if you ever go to a classy place that has a bathroom attendant and you’re alone, tip the attendant $20 to tell everyone that you’re hung like a horse.  Word travels fast and soon you’ll be leaving with multiple women to disappoint in your hotel room.

I will never go to a place that oil changes and lap dances ever again.  They only specialize in one and can’t do the other properly.

You know it’s crazy that parrots can talk and that everything you do in life just leads to an eventual death.

Here’s a shopping tip for single guys, buy healthy food to impress ladies and then have a couple of junk food items so you can tell women that it’s imperative you take care of yourself since you’re a single father.

Suicidal cannibals are full of themselves.

Why do guys worry so much if a girl spits or swallows?  That’s sort of like going to a restaurant and worrying about whether the plates are washed by hand or machine.

I sometimes measure sex by how long I sit motionless in a post-orgasm daze before I close my browser.

Ladies, if you want to land a guy like me all you have to do is rub your body with banana bread and have a never ending supply of beer…preferably Banana Bread Beer…and also not be mean.

Ice cream truck music played in the bedroom may be the best form of contraception I know.

Have you ever had a day so bad that you wished all your fingers were middle fingers?

Some one told me that I post too much here on Xanga.  That’s sort of like telling The Beatles they made too much music.  The only difference is they made money and had talent and I fail at life.

I think the funniest thing to ever happen on Xanga was have people friend me and then unfriend me in the same day.  I feel like I didn’t have a chance to truly offend them.

New Xanga motto: Xanga, hate someone in a matter of minutes without the hassle of meeting them face to face.

I should really get off Xanga and explore the world but I’m not really a fan of persons, places, or things.

When people go around Xanga and say on posts that they’re offended by something in the post, what they are really saying is “I can’t control my own emotions so you do it for me by censoring what you post.”

I think some people only have Xanga drama to validate their existence.

Xanga proves that there is a fine line between social media and mental illness.

If all you do on Xanga is complain about other people on Xanga then I can’t even imagine what a gem you are in real life.  And I am a hypocrite.

Class, I enjoyed your last assignment.  I love this interaction we have.  It's great to foster such open classroom discussion.  Thank you for humoring me.  You all get an A+.

Now here's your next assignment:

A.
     

B. 
   

Answer either A or B or for extra credit answer both questions.  Make sure you answer all the questions clearly and concisely

Now get to work

A.  I have no tattoos.  I have always thought about getting one however I figure that I'll get it and become bored with it and will have to add more and then more and more and more and soon it will become a full-blown addiction.  Also I have never got a tattoo because years ago when I had considered it, my cousin, a tattoo artist, rubbed some of the ink on my skin because I told him I had such horrible skin allergies and sure enough I broke out so he figured I'm allergic to most of the ink that would be used so he told me not to get any work done.  I guess having the chicken pox three times worked out for me.

B.  I currently drive an automatic.  It's a Chevy Blazer.  I have never driven a manual transmission.  A car dealer said he would teach me if I bought a manual transmission truck.  I didn't buy the truck so I never learned.  I know how to drive a tractor but that has different workings than a car's manual transmission. I don't know if I'll ever learn to use manual because more and more automatics are taking over.

I’m stuck in a dream
That I can never recall
After I awake

I filled your notebook
With drawings of a cupid,
Arrows in his heart.

I’ve never met you.
You live inside of my throat;
It’s your turn to scream.

Where, oh, Valentine
Might I find you in hiding…..
You do not exist 

I can not believe
Not one person remembered
My fucking birthday

So many assholes,
Girls won’t date you so you cry,
Have fun with Jergens

I wanted to love;
wanted to be someone’s knight
in shining armor

I should teach haikus
Just a college of haikus
It'd be Haiku U.

Thank you very much
There should be a haiku game
It's Haiku Hero

The truth about Chris
Everybody should hate him
He's despicable

In a tube you come
A cream to help heal my wound
It does not taste good

You would be surprised
How many Nazis are on
The site called Tumblr

I think that one day,
My heart and soul will be whole.
Until then I weep.

And we always giggled when we heard the planet "Uranus" and that's the way we liked it.

I'd go to the theaters to see it.

I don't know about you but I know who I'm voting for.

This here is a cranberry bog near my home.  The next time you drink or eat a fine cranberry product from Ocean Spray, you are tasting me because I like to swim in those bogs.  That is all.



That Draw Something app looks fun.

#WisconsinProblems

This should totally be the first in a line of abortion greeting cards because we seem so obsessed with it why not send out cards congratulating people.

I bought it but she didn't buy my description of what it's for.

Disney New Orleans was not a good idea.

Jon Gosslein is unemployed and has found himself moonlighting as a vase.

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend.  I felt pretty bad Saturday night and I woke up after a few hours of sleep and went to church.  It wasn't so bad after I got moving around but after I ate lunch the illness hit me and I slept all afternoon.  I woke up after a four hour nap and I have a cat sleeping on my shoulder and another cat sleeping in the small of my back and both were purring.  Magical healing powers?

I actually wrote a long post in which I solved all Xanga drama and pledged to block anyone and unsub anyone who brought such issues to my inbox but I'm sick, I have a fever and I have a rattle in my lungs.  LIFE!
Oh well...it's #Caturday

I forgot this one last week.

Watch this video.  My cat Lua does the same thing when I play guitar and/or sing.

Anyway...have a great weekend.
It's time to go watch The Unger Games.

I hope everyone is having a great evening.  I decided to get out tonight and went out to a little diner in a nearby town.  I went there last summer and hadn't been back.  It had really changed.  The name was the first change but I found out that the people running it owned it outright so they changed the name to what they wanted.  The coolest change was inside.  They painted the walls with chalkboard paint.  It was interesting to see all the people I knew who signed the wall and also all the visitors who signed.  How the hell is someone from Virginia going to venture to a town of 700 people in Wisconsin?  Oh and the food?  Friday night fish fry...all you can eat beer battered cod, hashbrowns, and then they also gave the option to have pork ribs, baked fish, or shrimp along with it.  All for the low price of $7.50.  I'm not much of a seafood person but tonight I think I put a dent in the ocean.  Anyway enough of my boring life...time for the round up.

So Lifetime decided they'd tarnish the memory of Elizabeth Taylor by casting Lindsay Lohan as Liz.  Now they are remaking Steel Magnolias.  Does that movie even need a remake?  I liked it the first time I saw it.  Well I was informed that because the cast will be all black, I can't question the decision to remake Steel Magnolias.  I guess that's racist on my part.  Phylicia Rashad will have the Olympia Dukakis role.  Alfre Woodard will have the Shirley MacLaine role.  Queen Latifah will have the Sally Field role.  Jill Scott will have the Dolly Parton role.  Condola Rashad will have the Julia Roberts role.  Adepero Oduye will have the Darryl Hannah role. Also from my Steel Magnolias memories Sally Field operated a beauty parlor and the last time Queen Latifah was in a beauty parlor in a movie she was in a movie titled Beauty Shop and it was a box office flop.  I am surprised Tyler Perry isn't bringing Madea into this movie. 

William Shatner turned 81.  Yes, 81.  The guy is amazing.  I think all that time in space really has kept him young.  Yeah...I went there.

Well, folks, here's the situation on The Situation.  It was discovered this week that Situation (I hate that name so from now on I'll refer to him as Douche) was "relaxing" in a rehab facility because he was suffering from exhaustion.  I guess exhaustion is the code word these days for pill or booze addict.  I mean people who wake up at 5AM every morning, walk the dog, wake up the brats, make lunches, wash yourself in the sink, drive the brats to school, drove yourself to work, work 5 hours, do your taxes at lunch, work another 4 hours, pick up the kids, walk the dog, make Hamburger Helper, do a load of laundry, help the kids with homework, put the kids to bed, drink half a bottle of scotch, masturbate, fall asleep on the toilet are entitled to using the word exhaustion not someone who gets paid to show up and drink at nightclubs.  Douche doesn't even do that.  He has no job.  What is causing him exhaustion?  Well Douche took to his own personal gossip site to set the record straight.  He voluntarily committed himself to a rehab facility because of an addiction to prescription pills that he claims he started taking because of exhaustion...THERE'S THAT WORD AGAIN!  He also said he appreciated the support of his fans.  This guy has fans?  Wow, he really must be high on some nasty shit and if there are fans out there then they must be conflicted.

Sofia Vergara posed for Esquire and did what she does best...make me drool and no matter how many times I've drooled I still find her stunning but not as stunning as you, you hot sexy Xangan.  You really make my nights and days when I see you post and comment.  She did an interview with the photospread and said this: "There's nothing slutty about a dental-floss bikini. You don't even think about it. The first bathing suit your mother buys you is in the shape of a triangle.Nonstop impulsive spontaneity can be difficult for some American men.Just accept the Latin woman for how she is and enjoy her. Embrace the mystery."  Oh I'm good at embracing because that's all I do these days.

Snooki was spotted partying in Cancun one week after announcing she was pregnant.  Yeah that's pretty smart because I remember in biology class where we studied that fetuses love loud noises, bright lights, alcohol, being poked, and going to bed at 7AM.  Why, that's a recipe for success according to the Old Farmer's Almanac!

It looks like Sinead O'Connor is handling her divorce well, a divorce that happened because she took her therapist/drug addiction mentor husband on a late night cruise trying to score some cocaine.  Sinead was on a TV show in Dublin this week and that is what she wore.  I've always wanted to wear a Jesus hoodie but I'm a afraid if I wore one in America I'd get shot for looking like I was a menace and up to no good.  Also, those garbage bag pants are killer.  That being said, if any of you see me wearing garbage bags, I want you to lock me up.

Richard Gere was interviewed by Woman's Day magazine about his new financial thriller Arbitrage and they asked him about Pretty Woman.  Richard got somewhat upset and said this: "People ask me about that movie, but I’ve forgotten it. That was a silly romantic comedy. This is a much more serious movie that has some real cause and effect. It made those guys seem dashing, which was so wrong. Thankfully, today, we are all more skeptical of those guys."  Oh shut up, Pretty Woman had a lot of cause and effect for you.  You got a lot of money and that meant you were able to buy a lot of gerbils.  Seriously though, how many people took that movie seriously?  I never remember hearing a girl at that time who watched it say, "When I grow up I want to be a hooker in Hollywood and hopefully get picked up by a billionaire who takes me on a shopping spree all the while Roy Orbison music is playing and then he defends my honor by beating up George Costanza."  I think the only Richard Gere movie I've seen in the past 10 years that I've enjoyed is Hachi and what Richard Gere movie besides Hachi is not a silly romance movie?  Seriously, watch Hachi.

I think I talked about this a while back but for those who don't remember, Ray J and Whitney Houston had been dating for some time.  Well a rumor has surfaced this week that when Ray J and Whitney were intimate they videotaped all their intimate moments and Ray J has a treasure chest filled with tapes.  Whitney's family knew she was a sex freak and they tried to keep all of that hushed up but they have heard that Ray J knows he is sitting on a goldmine much like the goldmine with she of the big ass who must not be named.  If a movie ever gets released what would the name be?  The Bootyguard?  Waiting to Sexhale?  I Will Always Love You Long Time?  Saving All My Tongue for You?  I Wanna Screw with Somebody?  Well Ray J told TMZ that no tapes exist so this probably means that he and Whitney's family reached an agreement for an extreme amount of money.  And while we are talking about Whitney Houston, her official cause of death was released this week.  Doctors say she had a heart attack from years of drug abuse and she fell into a bathtub and drowned.  She had cocaine, marijuana, Xanax, a muscle relaxer, and benardyl in her system at the time of death.  I wonder if this changes the opinion of anyone who took part in a Whitney Houston tribute or anyone who posted about how much they loved Whitney Houston after she died despite not saying anything about how much they loved her in at least 5 years before her death.  It's sad when someone talented dies young but it's hard to find sympathy for a truly talented person that dies because they do stupid shit. 

Remember when Paris Hilton turned 31 in February?  Well here she is partying at a performance by her boyfriend DJ Afrojack.  Isn't it nice to see Paris display youthful exuberance despite all the controversy that has surrounded her life?  HAHAHAH...that was a trick question!  She's still a useless STD petri dish.

This is Miley Cyrus' car.  She parked in a handicapped parking spot as she went to do yoga.  She took a class where she meditated and she meditated on thinking she's an entitled cunt because she can't be bothered to walk the five extra feet when parking in a normal parking spot.  Maybe she developed some rare kind of disorder and was unable to walk to class.  We must pray for her and light candles.  But then I think those handicapped spots are also for the mentally handicapped so never mind.  Hopefully you didn't light those candles, you could probably take them back to the store.

Matthew Broderick turned 50 this week and I believe that was the last time Matthew Broderick ever looked tough and menacing.  If he wants to recapture that look he should buy a hoodie and move to Florida.

A porn star who has sex under the name Voodoo but whose given name is Alex Torres was on a Toronto talk radio show called The Jim Richards Show this week and he talked about the time Lindsay Lohan paid him to have sex with her while her father was sleeping upstairs.  Voodoo is probably best known as a porn star who is in trouble with the police for filming a sex scene while skydiving...just think about that while reading this transcript.
JR: Michael Lohan's coming on the show. What should I ask him?
Voodoo: Um.. Ask him if he knows about that night I had with his daughter while he was sleeping upstairs.
JR: Are you joking?
Voodoo: I'm not joking.
JR: You have had relations with Lindsay Lohan?
Voodoo: Um...many of these Hollywood celebrities pay me a high price dollar to come satisfy them.
JR: Are you joking?!
Voodoo: I'm not joking!
JR: So you've been with Lindsay Lohan?
Voodoo: I'm saying that.
I don't think Michael Lohan was sleeping but was probably operating a camera so that Lindsay has an audition tape for the eventual porn she'll star in.  Lindsay may be a cheap whore but she gets paid.  I don't know anything about this guy, but some company should hire him to be in their commercials. And when the commercial mentions slashing prices and that they are literally giving away the entire store for one day only, Voodoo can jump in and say, "I'm not joking!". Seriously, folks! He's not joking!

Justin Bieber did a bizarre photospread for Complex magazine this week.  That is just one of the photos.  You can see the rest here.  He was also interviewed and one question was about how people always think he looks feminine and he responded: "Every guy has feminine qualities.  You’re raised by your mother and father, and I was raised mostly by my mother."  Well I guess I have the feminine qualities of having manboobs.  One of his managers was also interviewed and he said, "He’s competitive with Michael Jackson.  When he looks at who he should chase and who’s setting the bar, we only talk about Michael Jackson. We talk about Michael probably every other day."  Well one guy I'd never want to compete with is Michael Jackson but that's me, a straight male talking.  I'm thinking that it was a horrible interview because they didn't ask him if he thought this photo was going to be an accurate depiction of what he'd look like in 20 years after the police find him on Sunset because he couldn't jack off but stole the Arab guy's $40 anyway.

You know this magazine cover makes some people uncomfortable?  In some Safeway stores in Arizona people have spotted cardboard covering the front of the magazine.  Safeway hasn't said why they are putting cardboard on front of the magazine racks to block the pregnant image of Jessica Simpson but I have a few theories.  1.  She's naked.  2.  She's naked and pregnant.  3.  Because Jessica is photoshopped, Safeway doesn't want their readers to have delusions of grandeur when it comes to their own bodies.  4.  Teenage boys congregate around the magazine rack and the moppers have been working overtime.  I think whatever the reason is it's stupid because the cardboard should be going over her mouth.  Too bad no one covered her mouth when she went on Jimmy Kimmel where she let us know about her amniotic fluid: "I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha.... Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!"  Does that mean if she farts there's waves on her belly?  So she's naming the baby Maxi Pad and has sex nonstop but this has gone too far.  She's telling us that she's going to erupt like Old Faithful and those around her need to be SCUBA certified for when her water breaks.  And what person over 18 calls their genitals hoo-has?  Freedom of speech freedom of speech...sigh.

Here's a current photo of Jessica.  She was spotted greeting people at her baby shower.  Holy hell!  She has to be a surrogate mother for a new Berenstein Bear.

Jeremy Sisto's wife gave birth to a baby boy this week.  Now, let's review.  Jeremy and his wife have a 2 year old daughter named Charlie Ballerina so you can imagine what sort of awesome name their son will have.  I have a feeling that the kid was named after someone dropped some acid.  The baby's name is Bastian Kick.  Charlie Ballerina is the sister to Bastian Kick.  Bastian Kick...that sort of sounds like my emotions the time my parents forgot me at the mall and I was running around screaming their names.  The good thing with the name Bastian Kick is he is destined to be in martial arts movies.

Hilary Duff gave birth to a baby boy and named him Luca Cruz Comrie.  Hilary and her husband are two of the whitest people there are.  What happened to normal names?  I bet they're secretly racist against white people.

This is Jennifer Lawrence.  She's in this independent film that hasn't received any air time or reviews.  It's called The Hunger Games.  She makes me hungry...nay...ravenous.

They are going to make movies about the harrowing experience George Clooney suffered after being arrested last week for protesting at the Sudanese embassy.  He was incarcerated for 3 hours, paid his $100 bail, and left.  Thank goodness he didn't have to shower in those three hours.  He told reporters outside: "The stay was really rough you can imagine ... Have you ever been in a cell with these guys?"  He also told TMZ that he did use his one phone call and used it to call his mom.  I find that sort of messed up that he didn't call his girlfriend Stacy Kiebler.  They've been dating for 7 months.  That time I got arrested for soliciting an undercover police officer, I called my girlfriend.  I guess I just care more about the person I'm with than George.  Stacy, I'm here for you and that bit about me being arrested, well that wasn't true.  I just wanted you to know that I will always be here for you and you will be #1 on my speed dial.

This is Beth Chapman and Dog the Bounty Hunter.  I think he helped the NFL track down all the shenanigans happening inside the New Orleans Saints locker room.  Beth has breasts that 14 year old boys fantasize about and draw on all the women they draw.  Dog has the hair of a Norse god.  How can't you like them?  I was going to ask about motorboating but I think I'd drown. 

This is a still shot from Daniel Radcliffe's new movie.  I'm glad to see him shed his Harry Potter look.  Even the movies he did during the Harry Potter era he retained that look.  I hardly recognize him here.  He's playing Allen Ginsburg in a movie titled Kill Your Darlings.

Dane Cook turned 40 this week and his comedy is still written by 10 year olds.  Yes, 10 year olds write his comedy.  TEN YEAR OLD BOYS WRITE HIS COMEDY ROUTINE!  OR they just go on youtube and steal it from Louis CK.  Please, monkey, end the world's nightmare NOW!

Coco turned 33 this week.  I would've made the joke "but certain parts of her are much younger" but Coco was on some Doctor show and proved that she's all natural.  Yep.

This is Claire Sinclair.  She is a Playboy Playmate and dates Hugh Hefner's son, Marston Hefner.  Well a couple of weeks ago Claire was photographed moving out of the apartment she shared with Marston and she was seen having a black eye and fat lip.  It turns out Marston was arrested for beating her.  This week Marston was sentenced to a 52 week domestic violence program.  I hope having to sit in a 45 minute class one day a week for an entire year teaches him a lesson.  He also had a vandalism charge dropped because he also beat up her laptop.  I refuse to respect a man who hits a woman.  Men who use violence are weak mentally and physically.  Sure, women will drive us crazy but that's no excuse to raise your hands against them.  I know some of you are like me and think that Marston should be hung up by the thumbs, have his balls cut off with hedge clippers, and then raped until he finds religion but then it hit me...pun not intended...who has done more damage to women?  A guy who beat his girlfriend in an argument or a guy who has objectified women and eating their souls for 60+ years?  Bruises heal and go away but naked photos live forever.

Carl Reiner turned 90 this week.  Reiner is a legend.  He's an actor, producer, director, writer, and stand-up comedian.  Carl is everywhere and even his children have given us classic TV.  He  is probably best known for his Emmy award winning character on the Dick Van Dyke Show and his Grammy award winning album The 2000 year old man in the year 2000

This is Beyonce leaving a fundraiser dinner thrown by Michelle Obama on March 20th.  Beyonce supposedly gave birth on January 7th of this year.  Well I guess it's true, Beyonce is writing a book titled, "What to Expect When Your Surrogate is Expecting".

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Well it's time for another batch of links.  I hope you enjoy these.

1.  I'm pretty sure I shared this Tumblr before but it's one of my favorite.  It's called Paula Deen Riding Things and that's the premise.  It's photoshopped photos of Paula Deen riding things.  Enjoy.

2.  Much like the Paula Deen site, this Tumblr site has a self-explanatory title.  It's called Chandler Dances on Things.  It's photoshopped photos of Chandler Bing dancing on random things.

3.  And while we're on Tumblr and self-explanatory site names, this one is called Batman Running Away from Shit.  It's gifs of the old school Batman with Robin running from random things.  Those right there are what's pulling people away from Xanga...well that and the constant bickering over "trolling" by a person who has like 40 Xanga accounts.

4.  I was searching for info about presidents with allergies and I came across this site that documents the medical history of the U.S. presidents.  This is the type of nerd I am.  I find that stuff fascinating.  I also find it funny that Clinton seemed to be allergic to everything under the sun except the strange.  Oh and Obama wears a size 13 and 1/2 bowling shoe.  I wear 17s but then he's probably a better bowler than me but I'm pretty sure I could beat him at a game of drink the beer.

5.  So often we mock one-hit wonders of the musical world but here are 5 one-hit wonders that deserve praise.  I think I have to agree with all of them.

6.  There are a lot of good books out there that get made into movies when they should be left alone.  Frankly, I think this about The Hunger Games.  I found this article about 25 novels that should have movie adaptations but don't.  I agree with a lot of them except two, Confederacy of Dunces and The Catcher in the Rye.  If there is ever an adaptation of The Catcher in the Rye I wonder if we'll have a new generation of assassins who have a copy of that dvd.

7.  Here's a fun site, scroll over the dots and keep on doing so until you reveal a photo.  I was going to post this Saturday but thought I'd post it now.

8.  I heard the sad news that Encyclopedia Britannica is ceasing production of the hard copy encyclopedias.  I have a feeling part of it was because of Ted Mosby's instance on the "correct" pronunciation of "encyclopedia".  Anyway, here's a list of 5 things people will miss about real encyclopedias.  Back when I was in 6th grade I remember how much time we spent looking at the B, V, and S-Sn volumes of the World Book.

9.  A while back I did a post about famous last sayings and it got me also thinking of funny tombstone epitaphs.  Instead of doing a seperate post, here's a collection of some funny tombstones.

10.  I found an awesome video on Youtube through this site.  It's basically a challenge to see how long you can listen to Darth Vader breathing.  The video is a 10 hour loop of Darth Vader breathing.  The longest I've managed is 3 minutes.

11.  And while we are on the topic of Star Wars, here's ten facts you probably didn't know about Star Wars.

12.  Grand Forks, North Dakota has one of the best culinary critics in America.  Her review of Olive Garden is legendary.

This is a serious problem, people.

The bench says "Only for Aryans".  HE HAS BROWN EYES AND ISN'T PURELY BLONDE!  BURN HIM!

And that is why the people of Wisconsin appreciate Bo Ryan.

And that's the way we liked it!

I bet they weren't kissing when the Death Star blew up.  Oops...spoiler alert.

Oh, George Lucas, why don't you just take your money from the Android phone and leave Star Wars alone.  Yeah, that douche gets money off all of you who buy Android phones because he owns the rights to the word "android".

I bet he wasn't singing in the rain when the Forest Moon of Endor fell into rebel hands...oops spoiler alert.

The force is indeed strong in my pants.

Yeah...da fuck is right.

This would be better than a 3D release.  I still have a sinking feeling about it.

I do have big feet.

Michael Jordan was so amazing.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful time.

Well here are some tattoos for you.  I don't have much to say other than it's dark and dreary here but it's warm so I guess that means severe weather for Wisconsin in March.  Ugh.  It's in the 70s again.  The normal high for this time of year is 45.  25 degree difference...yeah this is weird.  Anyway...the tattoos may not be safe for work and life.

This may be the best Dave Grohl tattoo I've ever seen.  Of course it may be the only Dave Grohl tattoo I've ever seen.  Your challenge is to go get Dave Grohl tattoos.

Whenever I hear the song "Heart Shaped Box" I think love is nothing more than a prison shaped like a vagina.

What would David Lee Roth do?  Probably wear spandex and scream.

You...pigs

I wonder how drunk that turtle was to make it try to mount a helmet.

Well the good news is that not only is Sonic fast at running; he's also incredibly fast at sex.

This may be the most realistic tattoo depiction of tigers procreating I've ever seen.

The KY Jelly Bunny keeps on humping and humping and humping and humping.

A monkey humping a watermelon...I hope that guy lost a bet.

The fastest sport on Earth cannot really be captured in tattoo form although I do like the tribute to Dale Earnhardt.

Yeah

And that's why there are gun ranges.

HEY YOU GUYS!  ROCKY ROAD!

Unless they die.

Oh, Uncle Remus, I told you not to get that tattoo.  Now everyone will think that you hate them.

This may be my favorite tattoo ever.

Well there's Waldo, right behind that nipple.

Something tells me that the person who got this has never had sex before.


And because William Shatner turned 81 today...happy birthday, Shat!

Have a great day.