Well it was a day.  It has been such a strange couple of days.  In case you didn't read my pulses, a kid at a school where I was for the day threatened to kill another student with a gun he had in his car.  Well a teacher heard it, called the office and police and they got there in seconds and the kid was restrained and arrested for making the threat.  The weird thing with all these faculty members running around the hall and people screaming, most kids thought the shoot was in the building taking people out.  Kids were in classrooms screaming, hiding under desks, saying prayers, crying, and saying their last goodbyes.  It was surreal.  Well the kid was released on a bond and I guess the kid who got threatened is seeking a restraining order or that's what I heard.  The kid who did the threatening is the son of a former police officer in this small town.  The cop let power go to his head and he would harass teenagers and trump up charges against them just because he was an asshole.  He harassed me once.  I was standing out on my parents' driveway drinking a rootbeer and apparently he saw the shimmer of the silver can and thought it was a beer.  He drove up and pointed his nightstick at me saying that I had best obey him and he slapped the can out of my hand.  Two of my friends were with me and we went with my family the next day to report it to city hall.  Then whenever I came home and drove in my car he would follow me, more like tailgate me.  Anyway he pulled shit like that with other kids and ended up having so many complaints against him and potential lawsuits that the city fired him.  Oh and the kid who was threatened, he lives on my block.  Anyway it was such a wild time and tonight I tried to unwind.  It didn't really work.  Oh well, tomorrow I'm going out with a friend to do some fishing on the Mississippi and maybe visit a riverboat.  Time for the round-up.
 

There has been a dark cloud over Tila Tequila for the past year.  She lost her fiance, miscarried a baby, and these week she almost died two different ways.  Tila's roommate called 911 because Tila was falling in and out of consciousness all day long.  She was observed at the hospital and they didn't think anything was wrong with her so she was released.  Later that night her manager called 911 because he didn't think she was normal.  She was soon taken to the hospital for observation.  It turned out she had a brain aneurysm and in a state of confusion because of the aneurysm she downed two entire bottles of pain killers.  She was taken to the hospital and treated for the aneurysm.  Doctors say it's too early to tell but they think she may have permanent brain damage.  I hope she's OK and this isn't another publicity stunt like when her "girlfriend" died and then when she tried to adopt her children.  I hope she finds help either way. 

Lord help us!  She spent weeks negotiating this cover for the right price of money.  I may be in the minority here but I think Snooki is going to be a great mom.  I don't see anything going wrong...until I read this quote about when she discovered that she was pregnant: "Shit, I've been drinking!' I was worried. It was New Year's Eve and we were in Vegas, so I did go crazy."  If that kid isn't born with two heads, claws, and the ability to shoot lasers from its nose, then it's a minor miracle.  Snooki is taking full advantage of her child and pregnancy by slapping her name on all sorts of baby products like clothing, bibs, rattles, mobiles, strollers, and cribs.  If any of you buy this crap, you'll be charged with child abuse.  Isn't motherhood glorious?  There's nothing better than selling Snooki brand nooks on QVC.  Did you really expect Snooki not to cash in on something growing inside her?  She's also planning on marrying the father and they will have their own MTV reality show about raising their child.  What will the show be called?  "I've Narrowed Down the List of Potential Fathers to Two and a Half Men"?  "Survivor...of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome"?  "24 and Pregnant...again"?  "The Cockadile Hunter"?  "Poon Stars"?  "Doctor, Whose is it"(OK so my Dr. Who reference was weak)?  "Behind the 8 Balls"?  "How I Met Your Mother After Downing a Liter of Tequila"?

Here you go @raiderjester This is for you.  If you don't like this, blame Demi Moore because ever since Demi posed naked in the same way when she was pregnant women have been doing it and you know what...I love it.  I think she looks radiant.  Maybe I'm a perv but she is rather attractive.  Jessica was also interviewed and she told them how she knew she was pregnant: "We were goin’ to have an all-day drinking binge. Gonna ride our bikes, hang out…do naughty things. But I started feeling this overwhelming guilt. Why would I feel guilt at the idea of going out and having cocktails with my friends?"  What was the hardest part of her pregnancy: "Givin’ up my Scotch? My Macallan 18? That was hard for me! … Though now, being pregnant, you crave other things. A big thing of water sounds great!"  A...big...thing...of water...well no one ever said she was the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Jessica also revealed that she's going to have a daughter and is worried about her daughter being an athlete: "I swear, I will croak if she asks me for a pair of Nikes instead of Christian Louboutins! Eric is so athletic — we're gonna have this ath-a-letic girl and I won't even be able to take her shopping, 'cause all she's gonna want is sports bras and Nikes!"  Jessica also revealed how she's going to name the child: "It's nothing shocking and nothing you'll have to add to the dictionary. Still, when people hear it, they'll know ... why."  My guess is Chicken of the Sea. 

Martha Stewart is pissed and I wouldn't want her upset because she spent time in jail and probably knows how to sharpen a toothbrush so she can stab a person with it.  Well she's pissed that Rachael Ray's show is moving into her old studio now that her show has been cancelled.  Well Martha and Rachael were dining in the same restaurant this week and Martha stared at Rachael so hard and so long that it made Rachael leave because she felt so uncomfortable.  Honestly, I'd leave Martha alone.  She probably knows how to kill a person and then hide their body in a tasteful Thanksgiving centerpiece.  Honestly, how does someone as annoying as Rachael Ray still have a show and Martha Stewart is cancelled?

Besides butter and diabetes, Paula Deen knows how to run a restaurant and be racist and at first I thought she knew how to wear Cheetos but apparently that's a microphone.  Paula is a co-owner of a restaurant in Savannah, GA called Bubba's Oyster and Seafood House.  She shares ownership with her brother Bubba Hiers.  Well a former employee at Bubba's filed a harassment lawsuit this week and in the lawsuit she claims that Bubba watched porn all time time and made employees watch certain scenes, showed printed out emails about why gay marriage should be legal and the photos were graphic photos of lesbian sex, he grabbed the woman's face to try to kiss her, forced black employees to use a bathroom in the back of the restaurant while he allowed white employees to use the customer restrooms, said the president should fix the oil rig in the Gulf by n*gger-rigging it, and what made her quit was he spit in her face during an argument.  This woman claims that Paula hired her to be the general manager of the restaurant because the last gm was a man and he was accused of trying to have sex with waitresses and Paula said this after she was hired: "If you think I have worked this hard to lose everything because of a piece of pussy, you better think again, and now I'm going to do something I have never done I am going to put a woman in a man's job."  The woman also alleges that Paula dropped the n-word when talking to staff about catering a wedding: "Well what I would really like is a bunch of little n*ggers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn't it? But we can't do that because the media would be on me about that."  I know we've only heard one side of the story but how can we trust any family with someone named Bubba.  It's hard to imagine that an old, rich white lady from Georgia would be horrifically racist but then that's where Neo-Nazis go to feel inferior.  The sad part of all of this is that Paula probably said those things in the most loving way possible and then followed them with a big heaping helping of apple pie.

I don't know if I've ever talked about my dislike of the show Everybody Loves Raymond on Xanga before.  I hate that show for one reason and that's her.  Patricia Heaton.  I shouldn't hate on her because it was her birthday this week and she turned 54 but she opened her mouth on Twitter and I can't stand her.  Her character on that show was nice when the show first started but then she turned it into this woman that just made you hate her.  My teeth are clenched right now.  I realize that the other characters were not angels but she always came off as holier than thou and her character is pretty much how she is in real life.  Well Patricia jumped on the Rush Limbaugh bandwagon of bashing the college student Sandra Fluke and the birth control fiasco.  I can't believe people think that you take birth control every time you have sex and I can't believe that people think that birth control is prescribed to kill unborn babies.  She said on twitter that if Fluke's parents paid for her birth control then they should get a voice in who she sleeps with.  Heaton also said that if Fluke wore her underwear inside out then she could save on money to afford birth control.  And she should also stop buying shampoo and toothpaste because then no one would want to sleep with her.  I have some more in the photo.  Well she received so much heat for what she said that she shut down her twitter account.  Then she opened a few days later apologizing because she didn't properly show Sandra Fluke God's love.   I don't think that character on Everybody Loves Raymond was a character after all.  If I was Ray I would left her years ago.

Did anyone watch Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night Live last week?  I didn't because I totally forgot.  Apparently people say she bombed but only one person thought she did good and that person's name rhymes with "Lindsay Lohan".  Lindsay said she was proud of the episode but people are laughing about how bad it was.  Lindsay, delusional...come on.  She couldn't have really bombed since Saturday Night Live hasn't been that funny in years.  They should hire her as a headliner because she is funnier than most of the current cast.  She invited Tina Fey to the show because Tina wrote "Mean Girls" which was probably the movie that made Lindsay a star.  Tina didn't attend the show because her children were sick but I bet she thought that Lindsay wouldn't show up because she'd overdose and die in a gutter on her way to the show.  Also Lindsay is one step closer to being a porn star.  She has signed on to do a movie that is described as a sexual thriller.  Unless she does hardcore porn, I'll pas on any of her upcumming projects.  Get it?  She should just sign with Vivid already.  It's basically the only company that wants to film her.

This is an early teaser poster of the new Lone Ranger and Tonto movie.  Johnny Depp is Tonto and fucking bloody fucking hell.  Fuckity fuck face fuck fuck.  Fuck Johnny Depp.  Why couldn't Hollywood get a Native American to play the role of a Native America?  Is this going back to the days of Hollywood when non-whites were considered to be inferior animals incapable of acting so they had to paint up white actors to play the roles of other races?  Fuck this shit.

Well let me tell you something Hulkamaniacs, The Hulkster, Hulk Hogan has a sex tape coming out, brothers.  Someone is shopping a sex tape and I bet it's that asshole The Iron Sheik because Sheik has hated Hogan ever since Hogan beat him for the WWF title in 1984.  The woman is not Hulk's wife or ex-wife.  It's an unidentified brunette.  I guess the Hulkster read Pam Anderson's book "How to Extend Your 15 Minutes of Fame".  It's not a bad plan since the Hulkster meets the criteria of being a bleached blonde washed up bimbo with leathery skin and big boobs.  Hulk has no clue who the person is with him in the tape because he claims that for a while after his divorce with his ex-wife Linda he went through hundreds of women.  I just hope it doesn't end with the line, "What'cha gonna do when my python erupts all over you?"  I really don't know what type of man he is but when I make a sex tape I make sure I know the woman's name and her dreams and life goals.  Then I compliment her shoes and say how amazing she is and then how she's so beautiful and that I've never met anyone like her and then I say I'd like to settle down with someone like her.  I find this makes them more open to the kinky type stuff.

This is Connie Britton.  She was in Friday Night Lights and Friday Night Lights and American Horror Story.  (If you don't get the two references to Friday Night Lights then you should ask me and I will tell you free of charge.)  I love Connie.  The way she says "y'all" in Friday Night Lights and Friday Night Lights sends chills up my spine.  It's like some sort of aphrodisiac.  It's better than hearing "ja sure you betcha" all the damn time.  Anyway she turned 45 this week.  She was so hot in American Horror Story.  I hope they somehow bring her back but from what I've read that show is going to be weird next season.

Christina Hendriks and Olivia Munn had their phones hacked this week.  Both deny that the nude photos that were released were them.  I'm not sharing the Olivia Munn nude shots because I'm still investigating.  It's weird because she said that all the photos with her face in them were hers but the nude photos were not her even though some of the photos were obviously taken in the same bathroom.  I think the only person that hasn't had their phone hacked and had nudes leaked is Pope Benedict...just give it two weeks.  But seriously, who keeps nude photos on their cellphone?  If you keep nude photos on your cellphone, I suggest you forward them to me so I can store them on my hard drive and flash drives for safe keeping.  Christina was interviewed later this week and the interviewer wanted to talk about the nude photos but Christina wanted to talk about her acting.  Come on, the last thing anyone wants to talk about is your acting especially with those clothes you wear on Mad Men.  Note to self...start watching Mad Men.

Hey, ladies, this is for you.  Yes, good old Chester Hanks, son of Tom Hanks, posted this photo of himself on Twitter just for you.  I bet all of you are fanning yourselves so you don't faint.  I bet most of you will leave your boyfriends or husbands over this photo.  In fact later on Chester, rapper name Chet Haze, took to twitter and apologized for all the guys out there that lost their girlfriends.  CLASSY!  You know, I should start posing like that on Xanga with my beer belly and manboobs sticking out.  Yeah, if it worked for Chet Haze it has to work for me.

Kids, this is why you don't do drugs and hookers.  Look at those teeth.  Go on, look at them.  If you do drugs that is what will happen.

That is Ben Flajnik.  He is the bachelor on a show called The Bachelor.  The season finale is sometime soon and I'm going to save you the time you'd invest watching it so you can worship me on Xanga.  Ben picked Courtney over Lindzi.  But that's not Courtney he's kissing.  It's someone named Allison.  So in the end Ben thought he found true love but it turns out he's just like the rest of us and doesn't find love.  I can't believe I wrote about The Bachelor.

A couple of weeks ago I posted about a rumor that stated that Simon Cowell was trying to get Our Lady of the Trailer Parks Britney Spears to be a judge on The X-Factor.  Well it is true and Simon has offered Britney $10million to be a judge and be one of the replacements for Paula Abdul or Nicole Scherzinger.  So Simon has offered a world renowned lip-syncher a paid position to be a judge on a singing competition.  The thing is, Britney's camp wants more money.  They say she deserves more because she'd make the same as Christina Aguilera on The Voice and $2million less than Jennifer Lopez on American Idol.  I really hope they work it out because Britney is still "doesn't know the difference between rat shit and Rice Krispies" crazy and on an unscripted show that's begging for fun.  The other judge position is rumored to be offered to LeeAnn Rimes after Janet Jackson turned it down.  I may have to watch The X-Factor whenever that mess is on.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.