Day: March 26, 2012

  • Homework Assignment 3/19

    Class, I enjoyed your last assignment.  I love this interaction we have.  It's great to foster such open classroom discussion.  Thank you for humoring me.  You all get an A+.

    Now here's your next assignment:

    A.
         

    B. 
       

    Answer either A or B or for extra credit answer both questions.  Make sure you answer all the questions clearly and concisely

    Now get to work

    A.  I have no tattoos.  I have always thought about getting one however I figure that I'll get it and become bored with it and will have to add more and then more and more and more and soon it will become a full-blown addiction.  Also I have never got a tattoo because years ago when I had considered it, my cousin, a tattoo artist, rubbed some of the ink on my skin because I told him I had such horrible skin allergies and sure enough I broke out so he figured I'm allergic to most of the ink that would be used so he told me not to get any work done.  I guess having the chicken pox three times worked out for me.

    B.  I currently drive an automatic.  It's a Chevy Blazer.  I have never driven a manual transmission.  A car dealer said he would teach me if I bought a manual transmission truck.  I didn't buy the truck so I never learned.  I know how to drive a tractor but that has different workings than a car's manual transmission. I don't know if I'll ever learn to use manual because more and more automatics are taking over.

  • Let's Hear it for Haikus

    I’m stuck in a dream
    That I can never recall
    After I awake

    Candy cigarettes
    What the hell were they thinking?
    Worse than Joe Camel

    Smoking DMT
    Will make you question if you
    Even exist now.
    I was never born
    And therefore didn’t Die Hard
    Like Bruce Willis did.

    I filled your notebook
    With drawings of a cupid,
    Arrows in his heart.

    You smell nice today,
    Like burnt peanut butter chips
    Inside a shoe store.
    The sound of your voice
    Makes me believe in angels;
    Just kidding, demons.
    Now your hair looks nice,
    Like it was tied by mothers
    The whole world over.

    I’ve never met you.
    You live inside of my throat;
    It’s your turn to scream.

    February is
    a dynamic month for me;
    wonder what comes next.
    Oh yeah, March comes next
    With the best celebration:
    Drunken Irish Fest
    The cold nips my nose
    I feel the goosebumps rising
    And I want your warmth

    Where, oh, Valentine
    Might I find you in hiding…..
    You do not exist 

    the red roses smile
    just before execution
    on valentine’s day
    Red seams and leather,
    Cracking bats and snapping gloves.
    Sounds that herald Spring!
    I have a secret.
    Promise you won’t tell?
    I think I’m in love with you.

    I can not believe
    Not one person remembered
    My fucking birthday

    Awake and aroused,
    I am experiencing
    woes of morning wood
    My gnarly face hair,
    The place where some ask to sit,
    I am down with this
    Scientology
    Immortality for you
    Laughter for us all

    So many assholes,
    Girls won’t date you so you cry,
    Have fun with Jergens

    You get in my path,
    I wanna fornicate now!
    Not hungry for moss
    Pubic hair, the scourge
    Of a cunning linguist
    Nay! Cunnilingus!
    American Dad
    Oh shit, that took a whole line.
    Anyway: it’s on

    I wanted to love;
    wanted to be someone’s knight
    in shining armor

    I'm so romantic
    Candlelit dinners and farts
    Oops...wasn't a fart
    Boobs really are great
    I love playing with big boobs
    Just like bags of sand
    thank you very much
    Meryl surprised me last night
    She's a good actress

    I should teach haikus
    Just a college of haikus
    It'd be Haiku U.

    Thank you very much
    Haikus aren't complicated
    It's just addition
    I need cold showers
    Quit porn and self-love for Lent
    NEED MORE COLD SHOWERS!
    You really think so?
    My head is swelling right now
    Not that way, pervert

    Thank you very much
    There should be a haiku game
    It's Haiku Hero

    wet panties? you tease
    I am shocked you did not say
    The wash was not dry

    Men do not have boobs
    Well luscious breasts like women
    Flabby ones like me
    I can be thoughtful
    But most of the time I'm just
    Old Irreverent

    The truth about Chris
    Everybody should hate him
    He's despicable

    Oh yeah I wrote them
    And now I wrote one for you
    Comedy Central
    Winning is winning
    And for you, here's a mullet
    Achy breaky heart
    My throat really hurts
    Should have worn a winter coat
    Ow this really hurts

    In a tube you come
    A cream to help heal my wound
    It does not taste good

    I hope someone will
    one day call me his “old friend”
    like Alec Baldwin
    I cannot keep up;
    how often I forget my
    insignificance
    chewy bready crust
    sausage, cheese, peppers, onions
    it’s not delivery

    You would be surprised
    How many Nazis are on
    The site called Tumblr

    King of the Hill rules.
    That is all.  That boyain’t right.
    I will tell you what
    Hi, I sell propane
    And propane accessories
    Taste the meat, not heat.

    I think that one day,
    My heart and soul will be whole.
    Until then I weep.


    And we always giggled when we heard the planet "Uranus" and that's the way we liked it.

    I'd go to the theaters to see it.

    I don't know about you but I know who I'm voting for.

    This here is a cranberry bog near my home.  The next time you drink or eat a fine cranberry product from Ocean Spray, you are tasting me because I like to swim in those bogs.  That is all.



    That Draw Something app looks fun.

    #WisconsinProblems

    This should totally be the first in a line of abortion greeting cards because we seem so obsessed with it why not send out cards congratulating people.

    I bought it but she didn't buy my description of what it's for.

    Disney New Orleans was not a good idea.

    Jon Gosslein is unemployed and has found himself moonlighting as a vase.

    Well I hope everyone had a great weekend.  I felt pretty bad Saturday night and I woke up after a few hours of sleep and went to church.  It wasn't so bad after I got moving around but after I ate lunch the illness hit me and I slept all afternoon.  I woke up after a four hour nap and I have a cat sleeping on my shoulder and another cat sleeping in the small of my back and both were purring.  Magical healing powers?