So here I am again. Would've been on earlier but I went out for supper. I think I did poorly on my interview. The lady didn't quite care for my answer when I was asked what I'm looking for in a job. Apparently financial stability and security aren't part of this job. Sigh. I guess I'll keep babysitting for a while. Anyway, time for the round up.
Zac Efron was on vacation for Easter and apparently he was trying to find a Cabury Creme Egg. I don't think he found it. I've heard those high notes he hit in High School Musical.
Tony Romo and his wife Candice welcomed a baby boy into the world this week. They named him Hawkins Crawford Romo. He weighed 8lbs and 8oz. Hawkins Crawford...doesn't that just roll off the tongue like a cinder block? Maybe he could go by Hawk Romo and become a WWE wrestler, bounty hunter, or gay porn star. Oh and Jessica Simpson is still pregnant. The sad news is that when the nurse handed Hawkins to Tony, Tony fumbled him and another father came and picked up Hawkins and ran him in for the touchdown thus eliminating the Cowgirls from the playoffs.
Tom Clancy and David Letterman both turned 65 this week. They were born on the same day. That's sort of amazing. Both of these guys have contributed so much to comedy. I seriously don't know who the bigger comedian of the two is. If you ever want to read a laugh riot pick up copies of The Sum of All Fears and Roman Numeral Two!! An Altogether New Book of Top Ten Lists from Late Show with David Letterman.
Ryan Gosling was photographed taking a stroll this week. You know we have so much in common. Whenever we go out for walks the streets are safe and people take our photos and admire us for being the handsomest man they've ever seen. It's like looking in a mirror.
Taylor Kitsch turned 31 this week. You know, it's sort of funny how he spent his mid to late 20s playing a high school student.
Three years ago, President Obama united Americans by expressing his hatred of Kanye West because he interrupted Taylor Swift at some meaningless awards show. Now with gas prices soaring, North Korea threatening to do shit because they're being ignored, war with Iran looming on the horizon, racial tension flaring, an election, insurance companies dropping my dad from their coverage thereby giving him two weeks to live if he doesn't receive treatment, and a general overall shitty malaise in America, President Obama has decided he needed to speak out about Kanye West once again. A writer, David Samuels, asked President Obama a hard-hitting question: "Kanye or Jay-Z?" President Obama responded, "Jay-Z. Although I like Kanye. He’s a Chicago guy. Smart. He’s very talented." Samuels replied, "Even though you called him a jackass?" President Obama answered, "He is a jackass. But he's talented." I see the president is once again trying to get his approval ratings to go through the roof. If he said this two or three months from now after we've had to endure all the rumors of Kanye dating She with the Big Ass Who Must Not be Named it would've meant more. Right now I don't know what to think of politics. I mean the president likes Jay-Z and Mitt Romney supports plural marriage for straights. Hmmm. Maybe Kanye will support Mitt Romney and the 1% because most all of Kanye's songs are about him being rich. Does anyone else feel that politics are becoming a reality show like American Idol? Well the good thing is that the president didn't flip flop on proclaiming Kanye to be a jackass.
Paris Hilton was spotted leaving a business in Beverly Hills this week. You may want to enlarge this pic to understand the punchline. It looks like Paris is missing something and, no, it's not her bra. It's her fame. HAHAHAHA...YOU SUCK, PARIS!
People are claiming that Miley Cyrus' recent slimming down is due to her being anorexic. Miley says otherwise. She claims it's diet and exercise. Oddly enough, three seconds after this photo was taken, Miley was chewing on that fence. Miley took to Twitter to address all the skeptics: "For everyone calling me anorexic I have a gluten and lactose allergy. It’s not about weight it’s about health. Gluten is crapppp anyway!" "Everyone should try no gluten for a week! The change in your skin, phyisical and mental health is amazing! U won’t go back!" Miley, you know what you need to try? Learning how to spell and how to type words like "you". Then Miley brought her younger sister into the mix by Tweeting this: "Love u noie! U saw how much I ate today at Easter lunch but all of it was healthy and even more fulfilling! Health is happiness!" Oh Miley methinks thou doth protest too much. Oh wait, you don't know Shakespeare so I'll hillbilly it up for you, "Damn, girl, youse fixin' to get people on reckonin' that you may be tellin' fibs. Now come sit on Uncle Skeeter's lap and take off them breeches for a paddlin'." She also went back to talking about how she's considering moving back to Nashville because of negative attention from paparazzi. The only reason why she's getting all that attention is now that Britney Spears has calmed down and is medicated, Miley is the last hillbilly doing hillbilly things like parking in handicapped spots while you go to yoga class or posing with a giant chocolate cake shaped like a penis. You know those things are frowned upon in Nashville and Uncle Skeeter may just take you out behind the woodpile for more than a paddlin'.
Mike Wallace, one of the original correspondents on 60 Minutes, passed away this week at the age of 93. He was with 60 Minutes for nearly 40 years and retired in 2006 and his last interview was in 2008. Morley Safer wrote this one the CBS website: "For half a century, he took on corrupt politicians, scam artists and bureaucratic bumblers. His visits were preceded by the four dreaded words: Mike Wallace is here. Wallace took to heart the old reporter's pledge to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. He characterized himself as "nosy and insistent." So insistent, there were very few 20th century icons who didn't submit to a Mike Wallace interview. He lectured Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia, on corruption. He lectured Yassir Arafat on violence. He asked the Ayatollah Khoumeini if he were crazy. He traveled with Martin Luther King (whom Wallace called his hero). He grappled with Louis Farrakhan. And he interviewed Malcolm X shortly before his assassination." Wallace was 60 Minutes and did a lot for news reporting. He will be greatly missed.
Mayim Bialik has said repeatedly that she's not a conventional mother. Apparently like her characters on both her TV shows, Mayim is a nerd and no-it-all type and she wrote a book titled The Sling: A Real-Life Guide To Raising Confident, Loving Children The Attachment Parenting Way and in this book she discusses how they don't use diapers, doesn't force her children to sleep by themselves, and doesn't put an expiration date on breast feeding. She was interviewed and here's excerpts from the interview: The progressive parents live in a very small Los Angeles home — their one-bedroom has two mattresses on the floor on which the family co-sleeps. The children don't have a playroom filled with the latest toys — Bialik and Roosevelt have made a conscious decision to keep their material lives simple and minimal. “Our society's obsession with consumerism, especially in the realm of baby things, baby soaps and baby products. ... That's something that my husband and I, partly for frugality and partly for environmental reasons, have really rejected.” In “Beyond the Sling,” Bialik also writes about elimination communication as a form of early potty training that encourages parents to recognize their child's natural signals instead of waiting until the child is older, then introducing the toilet. “You're basically training your child to use their pants as a bathroom and then two years later we have to turn around and do all sorts of complicated manipulations to get them to unlearn that,” she said. They were breast-fed until ready to quit — Bialik still nurses 3.5 year old Fred sporadically, as he slowly weans himself. Yes, her son is 3.5 years old and she still breast feeds him. I do think she makes sense on the potty training but then then that's all negated by breastfeeding a 3.5 year old. If the kid can open a fridge door by himself he doesn't need to suck on the tit. Oh well what do I know about breastfeeding. Maybe 3.5 is perfect but when he needs a drink during his high school graduation ceremony you'll here my tap dancing shoes loudly doing a song and dance I call "Told Ya So".
Remember when I was complaining about Lindsay Lohan and all those other wannabe starlets trying to be too much like Marilyn Monroe? Remember when I said I hated reality shoes? Well the two are going to combine. A story broke on Deadline this week and this was a press release: "Entertainment One has teamed with the Estate of Marilyn Monroe to develop and produce Finding Marilyn, a competition reality series that will emulate Monroe’s journey to stardom by featuring twelve young girls as they travel to Los Angeles to compete for a chance to become the next Hollywood “it” girl." The producers of this shoe may as well have called it "We Don't Have Anything Better to do Than Fuck with the Memory of a Dead Celebrity and Need a Fucking Clue". I wonder how many will be named Norma Jean or something with a middle name of Jean. I wonder if when the winner is declared she'll win a lifetime of sadness, broken relationships, and an addiction to barbiturates. Then when she's dead, reality show producers can make a game show about her life. It's the perfect vicious circle!
This photo of Lindsay Lohan recently surfaced. I thought she was sober and clean. I wasn't expecting photos like these. It probably came from Twitter or some old guy's private collection. Also this week, a woman filed a battery complaint against Lindsay claiming that on Thursday night of last week, Lindsay shoved and punched her at a nightclub. I cry foul, madam! There is no way Lindsay could've been in a nightclub. She was obviously reading to blind orphans. Lindsay's attorney says the person who filed this complaint is just seeking fame and money. Someone looking for money? So she picked Lindsay Lohan as her target? Either this chick is really fucking dumb or she's been living in Middle-earth for the past five years. Targeting Lindsay Lohan for money is like targeting Rosie Perez for English lessons. Good luck with that.
well last week Lana Del Ray was spotted with Marilyn Manson at his hotel in Germany. This week she was spotted at a hotel in L.A. with Axl Rose. I figured it was only a matter of time for those rumors to surface since she does do a song titled Axl Rose Husband and probably has a replica of Stephanie Seymour's wedding dress from the November Rain video. If she is sleeping with him then she is a devoted groupie since most people gave up on him in the mid 90s. So if she's doing this trend of sleeping with musicians who have faded over the years, who is next? My guess is the Baha Men or Right Said Fred.
Kristen Stewart turned 22 this week. She looks so happy and excited to be 22. I'd be just as thrilled as her if I was 22 again. I just hope she calms down or her heart may explode.
This is quite possibly my favorite story of the week because it shows you can't teach old dogs new tricks or teach old men how to be culturally sensitive and politically correct. A while back, Mel Gibson announced that he was going to make a movie about Judah Maccabee, a Jewish warrior who is commemorated with the celebration of Hanukkah. Everyone saw right through it and knew he'd still burn yarmulkes and masturbate to photos of Eva Braun. Mel hired Joe Eszterhas to write the script and Joe wrote more than just the script, he wrote a 9 page letter detailing Gibson's behavior while they worked together. I could've summed it up in four words, "Dear Mel, fuck off." Eszterhas says the reason the script was rejected by Warner Brothers was because of Mel ranting and raving about killing his former girlfriend Oksana Gregorieva while they had anal sex, which actually sounds like something Eszterhas once wrote(see the movie Sliver). Here's the full letter but I'll include some excerpts if you don't feel like reading the whole thing. On Mel's use of slurs: "You continually called Jews 'Hebes' and 'oven-dodgers' and 'Jewboys.' It seemed that most times when we discussed someone, you asked 'He’s a Hebe, isn’t he?' You said most 'gatekeepers' of American companies were 'Hebes' who 'controlled their bosses.'" On the Holocaust: "You said the Holocaust was 'mostly a lot of horseshit.' You said the Torah made reference to the sacrifice of Christian babies and infants. When I told you that you were confusing the Torah with The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, ... you insisted 'it's in the Torah -- it's in there!' (It isn't)." On Oksana: "You were raving at Oksana even after you’d reached a custody agreement over Luci.... And then you were even more explicit about your threat: 'I’m going to kill her! I’m going to have her killed!' You said you’d become friends with two FBI agents (or former FBI agents) and they were going to help you to kill her. You said, 'I want to fuck her in the ass and stab her to death while I’m doing it.'" On something I could've told you going into this project: “I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason you won’t make ‘The Maccabees’ is the ugliest possible one. You hate Jews." Mel Gibson issued a statement through a publicist: "I will acknowledge like most creative people I am passionate and intense. I was very frustrated that when you arrived at my home at the expense of both Warner Brothers and myself you hadn’t written a single word of a script or even an outline after 15 months of research, meetings, discussions and the outpouring of my heartfelt vision for this story. I did react more strongly than I should have. I promptly sent you a written apology, the colorful words of which you apparently now find offensive. Let me now clearly apologize to you and your family in the simplest of terms. Contrary to your assertion that I was only developing Maccabees to burnish my tarnished reputation, I have been working on this project for over 10 years and it was publicly announced 8 years ago. I absolutely want to make this movie; it’s just that neither Warner Brothers nor I want to make this movie based on your script." COLORFUL WORDS! If Mel Gibson's words were Crayolas they'd be Holocaust Hazel, Anti-Semite Sepia, or Razzle Dazzle I HATE JEWS Rose. I'm not shocked Mel said of that. He has problems. I've heard Joe Eszterhas isn't an angel because his father wrote anti-Semitic propaganda in Hungary during the 30s and 40s but there is one thing that makes me side with Joe. He wrote Showgirls. All other arguments are invalid.
Poor Jesse James. We all know he cheated on Sandra Bullock. We all know he then cheated on his next fiance, Kat Von D. We also remember when he bragged that having sex with Kat was much better than sex with Sandra. We also remember that book he wrote where he painted himself as a hero for his cheating and that if you cheat once it's the same as cheating 1000 times. So by his logic I should rob 1000 banks and only be punished for robbing one. Well this week Jesse was interviewed and said that he's being persecuted for his serial cheating and says he's been strung up for cheating. Jesse was also upset that no one talks about his poor brother who died of AIDs: "My older brother was gay, and looked just like me, and happened to die of HIV five years ago. Nobody ever cared to ask about that." In Jesse's 800 page book he doesn't mention his brother or his brother being gay or dying of AIDs. So maybe no one asks James about his brother who died of HIV/AIDS because he DIDN'T BOTHER MENTIONING IT!
Jennifer Lawrence is hated by PETA. OK Hunger Games fans, that's not Peeta. It's PETA, People Enacting Terrorism for Animals. During an interview promoting The Hunger Games movie, Jennifer was asked about her role in the movie Winter's Bones. In the scene her character skins a squirrel. She was asked if that was a real squirrel and if that prepared her for The Hunger Games(seriously, do people consider that movie to be a real story?). Jennifer said, "I should say it wasn't real, for PETA, but screw PETA." Well the story doesn't end there because PETA hasn't gone apeshit and overreacted about something or other because one squirrel might cause the world to go off its axis. They released this statement: "She's young and the plight of animals somehow hasn't yet touched her heart. As Henry David Thoreau said, 'The squirrel you kill in jest, dies in earnest. When people kill animals, it is the animals who are 'screwed,' not PETA, and one day I hope she will try to make up for any pain she might cause any animal who did nothing but try to eke out a humble existence in nature." Was that squirrel working on a way to make my gas cheaper? Was that squirrel going to create a new fuel source? Was that squirrel about to make a breakthrough in inertial confinement fusion technology? No? Was the squirrel just collecting nuts? Yes? THEN WHY THE HELL ARE WE SO UPSET?
Jenna Jameson turned 38 this week. Wow, remember all the classic films she made back in the day? I don't know which I enjoyed more, "Cum One, Cum All" or "Up and Cummers" or "I Love Pussy". If she made a movie today, because of her age it would probably be considered granny porn. I feel bad for her. She needs to flip off whoever decided to make her look like a melted candle.
Hayden Panettiere is on vacation in Maui this week and was spotted playing some tennis. Since when did Keebler start making implants? Her current boyfriend is Scotty McKnight, a wide receiver for the New York Jets. Her former boyfriend was Wladimir Klitschko, a former champion boxer. She must have a thing for athletes. Maybe she also likes mathletes. 3.14159265358979323846 I can recite pi to 20 decimals. I am an expert at pi. Am I turning you on, you horny little minx?
This is Dwayne Johnson, probably best known as The Rock, on the set of his new movie Pain & Gain which is filming in Miami. Is it me or does it look like he might work out?
Demi Lovato is currently touring in England and she was out with friends sight seeing when she tried to park into a space and almost hit a guy standing in the parking spot. It turned out it was Paul McCartney. Demi was so excited that she almost ran down a former member of the Beatles. We were almost left with just Ringo. Paul almost joined Heather Mills in shoe shopping for one. Demi said he was cool about almost being hit. Well he's not the real Paul McCartney so I guess she could've run him down.
When you mix Twitter with no shame and drugs, you get Courtney Love being a fool. Ever since Courtney's husband Kurt Cobain died, she has been accusing former member of Kurt's band Nirvana, Dave Grohl, of stealing money from her because he's misusing Nirvana. Now she's accusing him of stealing something else, her 19 year old daughter Frances Bean Cobain. Courtney claims she heard from a driver that drove Frances Bean and Dave to Dave's house that they were all over each other in the back of the car. Watching Courtney tweet is like watching a hamster on meth running on the wheel in his cage. Courtney went on protected tweeting but Gawker got screencaps and here they are.
You will have to enlarge this to read Courtney's madness. Trust me, there are some gems there. She claims a reliable source. Courtney, drug hallucinations aren't reliable sources unless you work for FOX News. The funny thing is, she brings up a Twitter account by the name of @davegrohl. It turns out that there is an actual account by that name but it doesn't belong to the person Courtney thought it did. It belongs to a German student. Also by saying she wants to shoot Dave dead, she sort of set herself up. She'll have killed two members of the three piece Nirvana.
Frances Bean replied to Courtney's ramblings. GOD...how can something so lovely come from something so hideous? Frances tweeted this: "While I'm generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother, her recent tirade has taken a gross turn. I have never been approached by Dave Grohl in more than a platonic way. I'm in a monogamous relationship and very happy. Twitter should ban my mother." HAHAHAHA...biological mother! If Courtney had any feeling left in her face after all the coke and Xanax she's snorted she would've felt that slap across that face.
I think I posted a similar photo to this before but once again Coco was photographed doing squats in her gym while wearing high heels. Granted she's not lifting a lot of weight but I think keeping proper form while wearing heels that large is pretty impressive.
This is Charlie Hunnam, star of one of my favorite shows Sons of Anarchy. He turned 32 this week. You know, last week I was happy to post half naked guys on my post because it made ladies happy. I think I like this pleasing women thing. But honestly, Sons of Anarchy...it's motorcycles meets mafia meets Hamlet. So awesome.
If there's a 14 year old reading this right now, you should probably leave because I'm sure you're violating Xanga's terms of service. But if that didn't scare you off, then if you're a 14 year old thinking you're an uncoordinated dork with a horrible haircut who will never get laid, you have hope. This is Brad Pitt at age 14 posing for a team basketball photo for the Cherokee Rejects of Springfield, MO. The Rejects? A public school team name is the Rejects? Was the Fuck-Ups already taken? I think I have to do a repost of an old post I did of funny team names. Apparently Brad's move was clapping his hands and throwing pixie dust in the opposing team's face. Now fast forward 20 years and Moses couldn't part the sea of horny women looking to jump on his pole. So, kids, it gets better.
Betty White is now on twitter and here are her first tweets. In just a few hours, Betty had 105,000 followers. That might seem impressive but Blanche Devereaux has more notches on her bed post.
Amanda Bynes just doesn't learn. To celebrate the one week anniversary of her DUI and the 3 week anniversary for being pulled over for texting while driving, Amanda was spotted texting while driving by paparazzi while on her way to a party. They also caught her driving over the curb while attempting to park. When are people going to learn that driving like this is not good? It didn't work for Billy Joel and it didn't work for Lindsay Lohan. What makes Amanda think she's going to get by. Well Amanda got the message and let one of her sober friends drive her home. PSYCHE! That didn't happen. Besides, probably having alcohol in her system, driving up on a curb, and texting while driving she broke another law. She was retransmitting a L.A. Dodgers baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. She is a hellion. We need Seal Team Six to take her out. Amanda's dad spoke out about her recent arrest and said this: "She was not drunk. I was told that she blew a zero on the Breathalyzer. She didn't have a single drink that night. My daughter doesn't drink. She was arrested because she was upset and very emotional. She is a good girl. She just chooses not to work, and because of that, people go after her." So apparently she is just like Lindsay Lohan who also chooses not to work but get drunk and crash cars. Has anyone hit a wall faster and harder than Amanda Bynes?
I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'm sorry for wasting your life.
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