Tonight was fun.  I went out looking for deer at a cousin's farm.  Hopefully they'll still be there come hunting season.  Then I went to a couple liquor stores looking for empty wine bottles.  I know one of the stores sold make your own wine and beer kits so I thought maybe they'd sell empties.  No luck.  I'll have to head to a hobby shop in Madison but the stuff is still fermenting.  It's bubbling like mad.  I then ate at a truck stop.  Truck stop food is so good.  A group of 20 Amish came in as I was leaving.  Then as I was getting in the vehicle I see all these Amish guys walking by with ice cream cones in their hands.  Then at Walmart I watch an Amish guy push a cart filled with Mountain Dew and another Amish guy push a cart filled with celery.  And the whole time I was having a fun conversation.  I'm going to make candy tomorrow so that should be interesting.  Now it's time for the round up.

The Situation is now doing work for PETA.  That cat looks traumatized but then I would be too if I had to be near him.  Hasn't he hurt enough pussy?  I guess that stint in rehab helped him bulk up.  He probably didn't have anything else do in there other than weightlift.  Maybe he was just beefing up for the Vice Presidential debate.

Whoa, girl, you best step back from all this masculinity.  I was thinking he looked like The Situation but now I think he looks more like Mr. Bean.

Sarah Palin has been turning heads because she is looking rather thin with dental work and new hair styles.  I guess there's nothing wrong with that but when asked this week why she had undergone this transformation Palin revealed she's writing a book about fitness and self-discipline.  I don't really picture Sarah Palin sitting down and trying out recipes and then writing about them but who knows.  I figured she was just preparing to mock Tina Fey on some new late night comedy show.

Reggie Bush has knocked up a girl that attempts to look like Kim Kardashian, Lilit Avagyan.  He called into a sports show to announce that he's proud to be a father and this child is a blessing.  Yeah, a blessing to Lilit's bank accounts.  Why is it that guys who used to be with her or wanted to be with her hump on chicks that look like her?  It's like Kim leaves a nasty taint on every thing she touches and that is even nastier than all the STDs.  Kim is also supposedly very upset that Reggie became a father before she had a child and that Reggie refused to have a child with her.  Oh poor Kim!  I shouldn't even be writing about you because you contribute nothing to society but I'm sure you'll recover once your mother gets you some new clothing line or TV show or sex tape appearance.

Kris Jenner or Mama June: who is the shameless famewhore?  This should be a no-brainer.  Just a couple of weeks after making fun of Honey Boo Boo, Kris Jenner has switched her opinions about the show and said she wants to manage Honey Boo Boo.  She must've changed her mind when she heard about how much money this family would be making for the next season of the show.  Sources claim that Kris has had a reversal because she loves children so much and not because she's being upstaged by a seven year old hillbilly beauty pageant contestant.  And since her own kids aren't raking her in money she is figuring she better pimp out some fresh blood.  You have to applaud her dedication to whoring and lack of dignity and self-respect.  Remember when she called Mama June "classless"?  Please let Mama June have one of her gas attacks and fart and burp in Kris' face while having a full mouth of sketti and Honey Boo Boo is snapping her fingers and please let it all be captured on tape.

Here's a nice story of mother/daughter bonding.  This week Tish and Miley Cyrus were seen leaving a clinic in Los Angeles and both were wearing bright bandages on their arms.  There is nothing like going to the clinic to get tested for STDs with your mother.  Miley claims she had an earache.  Earache my eye!  She should be edgy and cover that song.

Mila Kunis was declared the sexiest blah blah blah blah alive.  Apparently the Duchess of Alba and Jocelyn Wildenstein weren't in contention for the award.  The only reason magazines put out "sexiest alive" awards is to make every rage and say, "THAT PERSON ISN'T SEXY!  ______ is totally sexier!"  Do they ever have a sexiest woman dead award?  Also do you find it interesting that the cover put "Where to Eat Now" next to her ass?  Yeah.  Subliminal messaging.  She also claims that she had her career threatened in the past because she wouldn't pose provocatively for the cover of a gentlemen's magazine.  Hmmm that's interesting too.  And "hmmm interesting" is what the male population of South America, Sweden, and Asia are saying right now.

This week was a fun one for Lindsay Lohan.  First she got drunk with her mom and then called 911 after they had a fight over money and cocaine.  Lindsay claimed that her mom owed her $40,000.  Usually when Lindsay says something you believe the opposite.  Well it turns out she was telling the truth.  TMZ obtained court documents that showed that JP Morgan Chase Bank was foreclosing on Dina Lohan's Long Island house because she was behind on mortgage payments.  The bank and Dina cut some sort of new payment deal and that Dina got money from Lindsay to keep the house.  Lindsay helped her get out of the hole but Dina fell back in and asked Lindsay to bail her out again to the tune of $40,000.  For the first time in 7 years, this is actually the first time I actually feel bad for Lindsay.  She's basically an adult Toddler & Tiaras contestant who treated her like a friend and gave her a sense of entitlement and the whole time were sucking her bank accounts dry because she is their meal ticket.  They actually want her to be addicted to drugs and alcohol so she'll be oblivious to all their underhanded dealings with her money and so she'll be easier to control.  In other news, fuck you Dina Lohan for making me care about Lindsay.  Also this week, a trailer for Lindsay's new movie "The Canyons" was released.  It looks like a bonus feature on the Grindhouse DVD.  Also this week Lindsay answered the prayers of Mitt Romney by saying she was voting for him.  At a red carpet event, she was asked who she was supporting.  She said this, "I just think employment is really important right now. So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.  It's a long story."  Well it's nice to know she's concerned about her long term employment futures.  She seems logical considering her conservative values and all.

Leona Lewis is some British singer .  I really don't' keep up with the pop stuff but I caught this interview with MTV.  Apparently MTV thinks the in thing these days is to ask people about 50 Shades of Grey.  They asked Leona who she thinks should play Christian Grey in the 50 Shades movies.  She answered it should be Chris Brown.  I guess if they want him for the role they might have to change the name to 50 Shades of Black and Blue.  Then they'll have to change the ending to Anastasia Steele going to the ER.

Lady Gaga met with Julian Assange of Wikileaks fame at the Ecudorian embassy in London.  Wikileaks and Lady Gaga's hat and Assange's shirt...I'm getting a Spy vs Spy vibe from that photo.  Julian is hiding out in the Ecuadorian embassy because he's wanted in Sweden for allegedly raping two women.  He and Gaga had a meal and left after 5 hours.  What did they have to talk about?  They are both highly skilled copy and paste artists?  You know if they do become a couple we have to give them one of those cute couple names like Brangelina or Bennifer.  I say we call them Ass Gag.

Photographer Terry Richardson released some outtake photos from a session he had with Kate Upton.  I am so happy right now.  I could care less if I won the lottery.

During a concert earlier this week, Justin Bieber claimed he had his laptop and camera stolen.  Then he went on Twitter to complain.  He tweeted this: "- sucks when u take personal footage and people dont respect your privacy.  - yesterday during the show me and my tour manager josh had some stuff stolen. really sucks. people should respect other’s property  - i had a lot of personal footage on that computer and camera and that is what bothers me the most. #lame #norespect"  Of course everyone started thinking "SELENA GOMEZ SEX TAPE!"  But a more reasonable response would be "Oh swell an Usher sex tape."  Also it was teased that he and Selena were breaking up over this potential leak.  Then a supposed photo circulated Tumblr in which people claimed it was Justin Bieber holding his penis.  The only reason they said it could be was because people claim he's uncircumcised.  You know, that's pretty bad that you are so famous that people know whether or not your circumcised.  I wish I could be that famous but I doubt anyone cares.  The biggest sign was a tattoo on the stomach which people claimed was blurring and obvious photoshop.  Well it was because today it was revealed that this was all a stunt to promote a new music video with Nicki Minaj.  Everybody who fell for this should slap themselves with a diaper full of maple syrup for falling for a prank by a toddler.

Jenny McCarthy is a sexy scientist.  She cracked the code of autism being a massive pharmaceutical and government conspiracy.  She is convincing since she has large boobs and bends over a lot.  She makes a lot of good points.  If you look at the increased numbers of autism to the instances of vaccinations...look away, Matt!  She's also out promoting her book and in an interview with Billy Bush for Access Hollywood she talked about the night she blew a guy at a truck stop for $20 so she could fill her car with gas.  She claims that when she was a teenager she and two friends were heading for spring break and got stranded in Tennessee when their car ran out of gas at a truck stop.  She then said she recalled eating a hot dog and then made a blow job motion with her hand and mouth and said, "A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do."  Billy Bush then said, "You're worth more than $20."  Damn straight!  Back then $20 could easily fill a gas tank.  And this is why parents live in fear of their daughters going on spring break.  She doesn't have a classy bone in her.  The classiest bone she ever had in her was Hugh Hefner's withered penis.

Last week I talked about Hulk Hogan's sex tape which was more terrifying than his movie Mr. Nanny.  This week Hulkster confirmed it and said that his partner was Heather Clem, the wife of his best friend Bubba the Love Sponge on the Howard Stern show.  That's sort of funny since Bubba is a radio host.  Hulk said that he was married to Linda at the time the tape was filmed and he claims that Linda treated him so bad that he stuck his dick in any chick that let Hulkamania run wild all over them.  Hulk is also trying to find out who gave the tape to Gawker since he had no idea he was being filmed.  People are claiming that it was a disgruntled former employee of the Love Sponge's radio show.  Hulkster also claims that this Bubba allowed him to have sex with his wife. People also claim that Bubba proudly showed the footage to people because he wanted to show how good of friends he was with Hulkster.  Talk about friendship.  If I was married to someone named Bubba the Love Sponge I probably wouldn't be exactly faithful.  It's no surprise that Bubba and Heather divorced last year because that is usually what happens to guys who let their wives bang someone who has a dick the size of a thermos you'd find in a kid's lunchbox.  

You'd think that since Holly Madison is pregnant she'd stop with the staged photoshoots.  Oh I see what you're trying to say their holding two pumpkins up to your chest.  You're such a classy lady.  The only classy bone you have had in your body was Hugh Hefner's withered dick.

Because Scarlett Johansson was the only female in The Avengers and her boobs weren't impossibly huge like portrayed in comics, Emily Blunt has been cast to play Carol Danvers aka Ms. Marvel for the next Avengers movie.  Ms. Avenger's powers include staying faithful to Captain Marvel while maintaining an air about her that makes dudes hit on her.  That's a joke.  Her real powers are having huge boobs and flying around in a unitard that is three sizes too small.  I think this will win over all the women who complained that the first movie's fictional team of superheroes wasn't equal opportunity enough. 

A new biography about Elizabeth Taylor titled Elizabeth Taylor: There is Nothing Like a Dame have made some interesting accusations about her.  If they are true then Elizabeth might be called the biggest slut in Hollywood even though some consider her that since she was married 8 times to seven men.  I don't know what else they could accuse her of since most people knew she drank like a fish, had the mouth of a truckstop hooker, ate men like Tic Tacs, and had more jewels than the royal family.  Here are three of the stories.  The book claims that she tried to seduce a 36 year old Ronald Reagan while she was a teenager.  Elizabeth lied to Frank Sinatra to keep him in a relationship by claiming she was pregnant (AKA she pulled a Beyonce).  The last bit is that she had a threesome with JFK and Robert Stack.  Apparently she was hanging out by the pool and she was literally hanging out since she was sunbathing in the the nude.  JFK and Stack saw her and they got all hot and bothered so they took the action to a nearby sauna.  Oh I don't really like books like this that come out after a person dies because they have no way of responding.  The funniest thing is that Lindsay Lohan claimed to be just like Elizabeth Taylor.  Maybe it was a good casting decision but I doubt she has had a threesome with a president.  Hmmm maybe that's why she threw her support to Mitt Romney.

During a recent concert, Demi Lovato stopped the show because a fan threw a Barbie doll on the stage.  She did so because she doesn't agree with the unrealistic body image associated with the doll.  She then said, "I spent my whole life trying to be this and trying to look like this. And guess what? I'm not this...I've been through so much in my 20 years of life. I know how you guys feel and I want to show you guys that you can get through it because I'm living proof right here."  Then she threw it back into the audience.  Settle down, it's a doll and not a commentary on society.  I don't think they want her to be skinny like the doll.  I think they just want Demi to be as good of singer and dancer as the plastic doll.  I know Demi thinks she's all hot to trot because she's Britney Spears' slightly less insane sidekick on The X-Factor but I wish she'd give my ears a break.

David Cross and Amber Tamblyn got married over the weekend.  I used to think the chick from Joan of Arcadia and Tobias from Arrested Development were a random couple and made no sense until I saw David's last book jacket and heard how Amber punked Tyrese.   They are perfect for each other.  She's 29 and he's 48 so I guess there may be hope for me yet.  The band Yo La Tengo played at their wedding.  They had the perfect hipster wedding because all their wedding photos were done on instagram by Questlove.  I can't really make jokes because I'm happy for them.  But they say when one door opens another closes and that's the case with the next marriage.

Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman are no longer starring in a real life version of Little People Big Love.  They have ended their marriage of 30 years and being together for 41 years.  I wrote this on my Motivation post: "Rhea Pearlman and Danny Devito are splitting up after being together for 41 years thus ending the shortest marriage in Hollywood. No word as to what caused the divorce but I’m sure it was a lot of little things.  I also heard she has developed a fear of penguins.  She’s also smart to get out now while she still has her looks."  Well it turns out there is a reason now.  He was cheating on Rhea and pretty frequently and for a long time.  It started while on the set of Hoffa which was released in 1992.  He would prey on starry eyed girls who hoped for fame and fortune by promising them starring roles if they slept with him.  He never made any of them famous but then they are famous for being golddiggers since they slept with someone like Danny Devito in order to get famous.  And then there's poor Rhea over there, actually caring about this fool while he openly cheated on her.  It makes his role as Frank Reynolds more realistic.  I wonder if he ever used this line on the girls he slept with.

I haven't seen much of the VH1 show Couples Therapy but in a recent episode the therapist put Courtney Stodden on the spot and said that people who dress the way she does and act hypersexual are commonly the victims of sexual abuse.  So she was asked if she was abused.  Courtney said, "No, I’ve not been sexually molested, touched in any way.  I just feel more comfortable that way. It’s not like I walk around naked.  I feel like I have a good body, I’m enjoying my youth now."  Hmmm she was how old when she married that 50 year old dude?  The weird thing is, the more I hear come out of Courtney’s mouth, the more I get the feeling that she knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s someone who clearly knows what it takes to get on reality TV and has a pathological need to get on and stay on that medium. That being said, I think she lacks the long-term thinking necessary to back that up. Look there’s nothing wrong with being overtly sexual, but you need to have the talent and likeability to back it up, otherwise you’re just a famewhore. It doesn’t take intelligence to grab headlines, just shamelessness, and if she actually wants to not fade off into embarrassment and obscurity, she needs to discern one from the other.  The funny thing with filming this reality show is that since they film it in their house and California child labor laws are so strict, she can't spend the night at their house.  She has to go to a hotel or some other house.  The law says children aren't allowed to spend the night on a film set after filming all day.  And since she's technically a child she had to leave when they were filming.  She's 18 now.  Poor Doug had to stay at home wearing his boas and high heels alone.  I hope the therapy works for them because in a world without Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman I just couldn't go on if Courtney and Doug split.  There would be no such thing as true love.

I am glad that Christina Aguilera is happy with her new body because doggongs she is rather attractive.  She could give Coco a run for the money.

Aimee Teegarden turned 23 this week.  I loved her in Friday Night Lights.  I wish that show was still on the air.  I think her looks have destined her to play roles where she is a high schooler.  I look at her credits and most everything is her as a high school student.  And before you say anything about Friday Night Lights, her last year on that show she was a college student so there.

Angus T. Jones, probably best known for his role on Two and a Half Men, turned 19 this week.  I am actually sort of shocked as to how many roles this kid has had.  I'm also sickened by how this kid has made more money than some of us will ever make in our lifetimes.

Artie Lange turned 45 this week.  He's an actor and comedian and probably best known for his stints on the Howard Stern Show.  He has been haunted by drug abuse but I think it's because he was basically the head of his family at a young age after his father was paralyzed.  I had heard some of his comedy acts and his stuff on Howard Stern and I thought he was really funny but then I saw his movie Beer League and it was really sad because he was such a drunk and drug abuser.  He lost so many roles because the filmmakers didn't want to take risks with his drug abuse.  He tried to commit suicide in 2010 and has since been clean and is hosting his own radio show.  I heard him on a sports program and he seems like a whole new person.  I hope he keeps it that way.

Brett Favre turned 43 this week.  I am a fan of the guy except when he held the Packers organization hostage by not telling them his plans for retirement.  I thought since I posted sexy female photos I'd post his sexy photos but I'm sure people would rate me EX if I did that. 

Chevy Chase turned 69 this week.  I won't say anything bad about him because he's the type of person that would sue a small time blogger on Xanga just to make a point.  I really liked him in Caddyshack, the National Lampoon vacation movies, Three Amigos, and Nothing but Trouble.  I also learned something tonight.  Chevy Chase, Maryland is not named after Chevy Chase.  Nothing but Trouble...you should really check out that movie.

Michelle Trachtenberg turned 27 this week.  She's in a lot of TV and movies but I probably remember her best from her role in Euro Trip.  Also I'm a sucker for fishnet stockings.

Alex Karras(left) passed away this week at the age of 77.  Alex had kidney disease, dementia, heart disease and stomach cancer.  I knew him best as George Papadapolis on Webster.  I felt bad for him in later years once I found out that he was supposed to be the star of the show but Emmanuel Lewis was so adorable that everyone liked him and he became the star.  Also his wife on that show was his wife in real life Susan Clark and they were still married and she was by his side when he passed.  Karras also played in the NFL and was suspended for a year along with Green Bay Packer Paul Hornung for betting on games.  After a knee injury ended his playing career, he took up acting.  He was in The Godfather, Victor/Victoria, and probably what I remember him most for besides Webster, Blazing Saddles.  Alex Karras will be missed.  A little part of the 80s died.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.