For those of you who have been with me for the long haul, you'll remember that three years ago I was fascinated with the college basketball rankings and I started making my own top 25 and I called it Power Rankings.  These days ESPN usually rates all sports teams based on their particular sport and a lot of times they call it Power Rankings.  I like to think that they stole the idea from me but they didn't.  I really have no clue how they rate teams and why some rise in the rankings despite losing and some go lower despite winning games.  These are just going to be random and if anyone is offended it's just a fricking imaginary ranking system.  I have no clue what the points mean, just like the DOW Jones or the NASDAQ or Whose Line is it Anyway.

#25.  Xanga Audio 351pts
The audio portion of Xanga has mystified me for years.  I can upload my favorite songs to share with my friends but after listening to them for a number of times they stop working.  Xanga audio would've ranked higher if it had stellar and trustworthy performance.  I'm sort of sick of spending time to upload a song, play it twice, and then not have it work ever again.

#24.  Digital Cable  380 pts
Screw you analog tv!

#23.  #20.  Family Guy 382pts
People don't like this show.  I do.  Get the fuck off my back.  Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty...

I can't wait to see if this one works because right now all it says is "This is a placeholder for the audio".

#22.  Vodka 402pts
Be it cheap or uber-expensive, vodka remains the silent assassin.

#21.  Teddy bears 403pts
I have a teddy bear my grandfather gave me a week before he died when I was 3, what of it?  Wanna fight?

#20.  Church League Softball Fistfights 407pts
Getting washed in blood on a Tuesday night, what would Jesus do, well he wouldn't do that, hit the preacher in the head with a softball bat.

#19.  Box Elder Bugs  413pts
WTF!?!?!?!  These things don't die.  They're everywhere!  I think the cold will kill them off but it just freezes them and then when it warms up they come back to life and crawl over me while I'm trying to watch Sons of Anarchy.

#18.  Sons of Anarchy  415pts
HOLY HELL THAT WAS SUCH AN AWESOME FINALE!

#17.  Paul McCartney is Dead Hoax 417pts
Still going strong all these years later.

#16.  Maury Povich 419pts
He continues to give us great television in this time of fiscal cliffhanging.

#14-15 tie.  Cheech and Chong 420pts/Marijuana 420pts
Those guys have given us the best marijuana related humor.  Marijuana continues to be labeled a gateway drug by the squares.  Oh and my last doctor visit, he joked that if I was in California, my symptoms may get me a prescription for the medical variety. 

#13.  Facebook 427pts
That social network continues to baffle experts.  How can Jim Morrison have 25 different pages and be dead unless he isn't dead? 

#12.  Memories  432pts
I have a lot of them, just ask me.  I could tell you about the time I met Scottie Pippen or the time I hung out with a professional wrestler.

#11.  Nude Beaches 447pts
Nude beaches slipped to #11 this week because it is December although a couple days this year would've been good for visiting a nude beach.  Some doubt that Nude Beaches deserves to be in the Power Rankings because most of the time it is a sausage fest and those sausages at the party aren't looking for a bun but they are looking to be placed alongside another sausage.  OK my euphemisms for gay sex are lacking.

#10.  Sexual euphemisms 469pts
They make sex easier to talk about.  Why say "inserting the penis into the vagina" when you can say "Cannonball the fiddle cove with the pork steeple"?  Hahaha...69!

#9.  The Economy -3000pts
The economy slipped to #9 because of its poor performance against the world, investors, credit, and Purdue.  The economy is sick and fucking tired of losing to fucking Purdue.

#8.  Brent Bielema 
The University of Wisconsin football coach stunned everyone this week by announcing that he was quitting to take the head coaching position at the University of Arkansas.  It's fitting since he grew up on a pig farm and now he's going to coach a team that has a pig for a mascot.  He will forever be known in these parts as the "Poon Hammer" for his dalliances with the UW co-eds.

#7.  Xanga  500pts
You actually stood up for harassment.  Now if we could just get rid of the pop-ups or whatever people are complaining about.  AND FIX XANGA AUDIO!

#6.  President Barack Obama 502pts
What list isn't this guy on?

#5.  Mixed drinks 542pts
I have somewhat given up drinking but it hasn't stopped me from trying to come up with the next great cocktail and giving my experiments to my neighbors or friends

#4.  Wine 545pts
Even though I've somewhat given up on drinking, I'm still making wine.  I have a new batch ready to bottle and I'm currently in the works to make 60 gallons of a new kind of wine.  I hear it's good for the heart so since the doctors are baffled by my condition then I'll drink wine in hopes that it'll help me live a few extra months.

#3.  Girls 690pts
They baffle me.

#2.  Xanga friends 945,765pts
Thank you for all you've done for me over the years.  It's really helped.  Thank you for reading all my random crap.  Thank you for putting up with my pointless nonsense.  Has it really been 2726 days since I joined?

#1.  Princess Kate's Unborn Baby  1,000,000pts
OMG OMG OMG OMG PRINCESS KATE ISPREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  THIS IS GOING TO HAVE SUCH A HUGE IMPACT ON MYLIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’M THANKFUL THAT THE U.S. NEWS OUTLETS ARE GIVING THISMIRACULOUS EVENT SUCH THOROUGH COVERAGE!