Wow I haven't done one of these in a couple of weeks.  I don't know if anyone missed it but whatever.  Time for the round up. 

Tom Cruise is tiny.  I hear this new movie he's in called Jack Reacher is about a guy who needs to use a step-stool to reach for things on shelves. Even though he's short, Tom is queen of his castle.  Tommy has a full staff that includes an estate manager, a valet, maids, cooks, chauffeurs, gardeners and more than likely a team of human bidets.  There is also a report that says his mansion is split into zones and employees are assigned to specific zones and not allowed to wander into other zones.  I guess that helps keep snooping maids out of his sex dungeon where he has prospective Church of Scientology members chained up for his nasty desires.  And speaking of Scientology, he has the scam church involved in the running of his house.  To be an employee for Tom Cruise, they have to take a test that is about as hard as the SATs.  One person claimed: "The test took an entire afternoon and included questions such as 'if you saw a car stuck on the train tracks with people inside, and a train approaching, what would you do?' The questions were just odd to say the least. Another section of the test dealt with math questions. It was a very rigorous, stressful and grueling test."  I bet the real question was: "If you saw a married, supposedly heterosexual movie star performing oral sex on another married, supposedly heterosexual movie star that is best known for singing and dancing in movies, would you tell TMZ?"

Tom Waits turned 63 this week.  He is one of my favorite singers.  There's just something about his voice that makes me want to fill a glass with scotch and sit in a recliner all day listening to him sing.

Please, Xanga audio, please work.

These two probably aren't that big of celebrities but they are trying...ummm...HARD!  Meet the Sexxxtons, the porn industry's mother-daughter duo.  A lot of people thought these two weren't related but Huffington Post did the research by checking out their driver's licenses and looking at their private Facebook pages.  Jessica is the 56 year old mother and Monica is the 22 year old daughter and like the other mother-daughter duo in porn, Elli and Desi Foxx, they have rules for when it comes to sharing a dude or chick.  They told Huffington Post: "We don't have a problem doing two-on-one. We will have sex with one man, but not interact with each other. It's not easy to do. Our lips never touch and that can be a problem when filming."  Monica got the duo into porn.  She dropped out of school in 9th grade and went into stripping and bartending.  She met some people in the porn industry and got her mom into the business and soon after she followed to help her mom hump dudes and chicks in front of a  camera.  Why does Monica do it?  Here's what she said, "I enjoy the sex and I enjoy being with my mom. During the scenes, I think about how we're going to be filthy rich."  She enjoys sex, money, and being with her mom so why not put all of them together.  I like eating candy, masturbating, and watching Roseanne but I'd never combine them.  Gosh I have so many Lohan jokes and so little time.  If you're wondering where they're from, it's Florida.  It's always Florida.

Taylor Swift turned 23 this week.  I guess she's already a cougar since she's going after guys in high school or fresh out of high school.  I guess that's fitting since she sometimes dresses like a grandma.  I wonder if she'd date me.  Nope, I'm too old and not in high school.  I wouldn't date her because I can't stand her crap music.  Anyway a month after high school junior Conor Kennedy dumped her because she was a smothering, codependent mess picking out table arrangements and wedding dates after their first date.  I think she confuses vaginal secretions with true love which is why she's hopped on Harry Styles of the boy band One Direction.  Seriously. It's okay to be single for five minutes. Don't worry. Breathe. We'll all be here when you get back.  Last week Taylor and One Direction performed at Z100's Jingle Ball in NYC on Friday.  She took a private jet to London to pick up Harry so she could fly him to New York City and she didn't invite any of the other members of his band.  So Harry had a choice: either slip into first class on a commercial plane with the other twinks in his group or he could sit on a private jet and let Taylor Swift braid his hair and sing him the song she wrote for her cat for the entire flight to London.  He must not have a brain since he went with Taylor.  Some of the members of One Direction don't like where this relationship is heading.  A source close to the group told The Sun: "Her presence has stirred tensions in the band as Harry’s now spending most of his time with her, and jetted into the gig on her private jet instead of coming in with the rest of the lads."  We all know where this is heading.  Harry will spend more and more time with Taylor and less time with One Direction and then they will want to do an album and Taylor will come to the studio and drop her two cents in for every song.  "This song doesn't make fun of my exboyfriends enough."  "There isn't enough talk of baking cookies in this song."  Then Taylor will convince Harry to record his own album and it will just be sounds of cats and Taylor baking.  Then she'll dump him once Prince William's unborn child enters middle school. 

Rihanna recently approached her record company asking if she could take off time to have a baby.  She wants to have a baby with Chris Brown.  They told her she has no free time until 2014.  Maybe they are just saying that for her best interest.  And since we all know for the best way to get a woman to do something is to tell her that she's not allowed to do it, we can all thank Rihanna's mom. So thanks, Rihanna's mom! A source close to Rihanna said this about Rihanna's mom: "She called Rihanna to yell at her, asking what she's doing with her life.  They've been blowing up over the Chris issue for weeks now. Her mom has told her not to waste any time on Chris and said, 'Is this the type of man you want as your baby's dad? He's acting just like your dad used to.'  This has made Rihanna even more determined to marry him."  Chris Brown may have recently deleted his Twitter but he didn't delete his penis from Rihanna's vagina.  So who won here?  We can all agree it won't be the baby unless Angelina Jolie adopts it.

I took this image out because it involved male nudity and I know that there are some of you out there that don't like it.  Anyway if you want to see it here.  It's Patrick Warburton of so many different things but I probably know him best from The Tick, Seinfeld, and Family Guy.  This was from a movie called The Civilization of Maxwell Bright.  Well...I guess we finally know why Elaine kept going back to him.

Future one hit wonder Psy is apologizing profusely to Americans this week.  Apparently 8 years ago he rapped about killing Americans with a bunch of other South Korean rappers and the rap group N.E.X.T.  They were performing a song called "Dear America" and Psy took the mic and rapped a line that went "fucking Yankees and their families should be killed slowly and painfully."  Remember that was 8 years ago.  For some reason it is just making the rounds,  More than likely it's because the Gangam Style song has plateaued and is no waning in popularity.  Apparently he was reacting to how South Korea sent troops to Iraq and a South Korean missionary was kidnapped and killed by an Islamic terrorist group and they blamed his death on South Korea supporting America and also the killing of two South Korean 13 year old girls by U.S. servicemen.  Here's the apology letter: "As a proud South Korean who was educated in the United States and lived there for a very significant part of my life, I understand the sacrifices American servicemen and women have made to protect freedom and democracy in my country and around the world. The song I was featured in -- from eight years ago -- was part of a deeply emotional reaction to the war in Iraq and the killing of two innocent Korean civilians that was part of the overall antiwar sentiment shared by others around the world at that time.  While I'm grateful for the freedom to express one's self I've learned there are limits to what language is appropriate and I'm deeply sorry for how these lyrics could be interpreted. I will forever be sorry for any pain I have caused anyone by those words. I have been honored to perform in front of American soldiers in recent months — including an appearance on the Jay Leno show specifically for them — and I hope they and all Americans can accept my apology. While it's important we express our opinions, I deeply regret the inflammatory and inappropriate language I used to do so. In my music I try to give people a release, a reason to smile. I have learned that though music, our universal language we can all come together as a culture of humanity and I hope that you will accept my apology."  Now that he's apologizing can we get him to apologize for that stupid dance and all the drunken renditions we'll have to endure over the holidays?  Maybe this is part of his masterplan.  Making me watch someone dance that does kill me slowly.  I notice that even though he may hate our country he still loves our education services and money.

Miley Cyrus' hair keeps getting shorter.  Please, Miley, stop with the hair cuts.  There can be only one Susan Powter and you ain't her.  But your shirt...you can keep that.

At a celebrity poker tournament last weekend, Mel Gibson told the TV show Extra that he plans on reaching out to Lindsay Lohan to help her with her problems.  He wants to be her mentor.  Hmmm I seem to remember another person a while back that Mel tried to help.  Oh yeah, he tried to be Whitney Houston's mentor.  That worked out.  This actually may work and be about more than rehabilitation.  Think about it.  Lindsay gives blowjobs as a survival tactic and Mel demands to be blown or he'll commit arson.  Lindsay Lohan blames everyone else for her problem and Mel blames the Jews.  Lindsay has been called a fire crotch and Mel needs the fire in his crotch to be put out so he doesn't light his baby's mother's house on fire.  Well it might be a match made in heaven since Lindsay once blew a guy so good he went insane(remember the rich guy she robbed and he dropped charges after they had a private conversation).  Maybe she can blow a guy so good that he'll become sane.  Maybe Mel won't sit outside synagogues with bazookas telling everyone the Holocaust was fake.  Sorry about all the blowjob talk.  I'm alone and I hate it especially as we get closer to Christmas.  Anyway enough of my fake problems, the first thing Mel should help Lindsay with is paying for her storage unit.

Lindsay Lohan is off traveling with some band called The Wanted probably not because they make good music but because she needs a place to stay.  Her accounts have been seized by the IRS, and she reportedly hasn't paid rent in a while. She also apparently owes $16K to a storage company. A storage company that's about to auction off all her shit.  TMZ says that she owes that money and the storage unit contains expensive designer clothes, family heirlooms and potentially embarrassing items.  The unit can't be opened until Lindsay pays the bill in full and that won't happen because the IRS has seized her bank accounts because she hasn't paid taxes.  It looks like her unit will be auctioned off later this month.  Oh lord please let this happen because I think we all need to see what's in this unit. Make it a special episode of Storage Wars and put it on pay-per-view. Just let me see the coat made out of heroin and the posters of Samantha Ronson with the eyes cut out.  "Is that Darrell bidding?  YUUPPPP!"

I keep seeing photos of Matthew McConaughey from the set of his movie The Dallas Buyers Club and I keep thinking, "Golly gee whiz, that Matthew McConaughey sure is trying to win an Oscar."  He is playing homophobe turned AIDS activist Ron Woodruff.  If he does win the Oscar I wonder who will carry it for him.

Porn star and former gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey was spotted at the Donny and Marie Osmond Christmas Show this week.  Nothing says "Christmas" like a porn star with boobs-a-plenty-a-poppin' out of her dress.

Nick Cannon was on the Howard Stern Show this week and talked about his sex life with Mary Carey lookalike Mariah Carey.  Oh wait, that's the other way around.  Mariah once sued Mary because she claimed Mary was stealing her likeness.  Nick claimed that they never had sex before they were married and the furthest they got was second base.  Some people claim that's feeling up breasts.  I have no clue since I'm alone.  I just know what fifth base is.  Howard asked how could Nick marry her without knowing if she gives good blowjobs.  Nick said, "She's Mariah Carey! I just knew she's good!"  Now, Mary Carey...well yeah.  Maybe he equated that since she was an award winning yodeler then that must mean she's good at the real French kissing.  I am now imagining her hitting those high notes.  I don't know if I'll be able to finish this post.  Give me 30 seconds.  OK.  There.  Nick also told Howard that they play Mariah's songs while they have sex.  They should throw in some Flaming Lips and Nine Inch Nails.  What he didn't tell Howard was that he has to wear a Mariah Carey mask while they bump genitals.  He also admitted that when Mariah is away he masturbates to her songs and his favorite is "Hero".  It used to be whenever I heard that song I got a picture of Darrell Bevell leading the Badgers to a Rose Bowl victory over UCLA in 1993.  Now...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!  Why would a married person admit that on a radio show?  Oh I suppose if I was in a relationship I'd talk about my sex life quite openly here on Xanga and I guess you'll never have to worry about that.

Mario Lopez's wife, Courtney Mazza, took this photo and sent it over Twitter.  He's decorating the family tree while wearing his underwear.  Surely this photo is not staged.  Their daughter will be in need of therapy years from now when she can't figure out why she hates Christmas so much.

Kristen Stewart wore this outfit for a screening of On the Road.  I don't know which is more awkward, the outfit or her. 

I know I promised to cut down my writing about She Who Must Not Be Named but I couldn't pass this up.  Kim Kardashian went to Iraq and Bahrain because she is up to date on the current state of the Middle East to open a couple Millions of Milkshakes stores and by "open" I mean "walk around in a tight dress while drinking milkshakes".  I guess you haven't heard but this religion called Islam is pretty big in the Middle East and you can imagine the adherents delight when they found out Kim was going to visit them.   Hardline Islamic protesters rioted over Kim Kardashian being in their country of Bahrain on Saturday. Riot police fired tear gas into the crowd, putting down protesters holding signs that said "Kim Not Welcome," some in Arabic and others in English.  "Her values clash with our traditions as a religiously committed people," Mohammad Al Tabtabai, a Kuwaiti preacher, told the Gulf News. "Her visit could help spread vice among our youth."  Sorry about your luck, Islamic protestors. Because here in America we stand for freedom. And if you can't understand and accept how a rich girl who wasn't famous enough so she made a sex tape then leaked it herself so she could have 20 shows on E! for her and her family and a clothing line that's made by Chinese kids in a sweatshop so she can sell it to mindless lemmings in K-Mart, then you really don't understand how freedom works, do you? Oh, no. I think not.

Gosh...Ke$ha...ugh...anyway, on a recent episode of Teen Mom, teen mom Jennelle Evans became a role model to dumb kids everywhere when she told her lawyer that she couldn't start serving her jail sentence because she didn't want to miss the most important event of her life, a Ke$ha concert.  Well, Jenelle's personal messiah Ke$ha has responded to one of her devoted followers risking being put on probation for another year to watch a trash heap refugee pussy pop for 2 hours.  Huffington Post asked Ke$ha if she had seen the episode of Teen Mom.  She responded: "She is the reason I do what I do. Go grrrl don't let the man hold you down! We R Who We R!!!!"  I hope that interview was conducted via text because I'll kill myself if that's what they consider to be spoken word.  Now Jenelle knows how one of Je$us' disciples felt when he spoke to them personally.  Ke$ha is right, Jennelle is this generations Martin Luther King Jr.  I can't wait for the day she delivers a speech with the line, "I had a dream or maybe it was a shroom hallucination."  Jennelle's new husband is so lucky to be married to such an activist.  Marrying her is the best decision he's ever made next to getting her name tattooed above his nipple.

This is some Coen Brothers type shit right here.  Convicted murderer Dana Martin, who is serving two life sentences for the rape and murder of a teenage girl, tried to terrorize the world after he hooked up with two criminals who were ready to keep his murder spree ongoing.  Dana met Mark Staake in prison in New Mexico and they planned their murders.  Mark was released and he got together with his nephew Tanner Ruane.  They were going to go to Vermont to murder two of Martin's acquaintances.  They were going to strangle them with paisley ties because that is Martin's signature.  Then for good measure they were planning on going to New York City to a Justin Bieber concert.  They would sneak backstage, strangle Bieber and his bodyguard with paisley ties of course because Martin is a fashionista and then castrate Bieber.  Hey!  You can't castrate a castrato.  Martin was set to pay Staake and Ruane $2500 for each set of balls they cut off.  If that doesn't sound weird enough, it gets weirder.  Martin is obsessed with Bieber.  He has a tattoo of Bieber on his leg and I bet that makes him a very popular inmate.  And the funny thing is, when he went into jail he didn't have that tattoo so he got a Justin Bieber prison tattoo.  It must be lovely.  Well I bet he was staring into the tattoo's eyes and the tattoo told him to turn himself in.  He told police his murder plot and the police caught Ruane and Staake.  Ruane was found in New York after a phone conversation with Martin where Ruane told him that he was upset that he hasn't been able to kill anyone.  Justin Bieber's publicist says the star is fine and they take extreme precautions to make sure that Meal Ticket Justin Bieber is safe.  The authorities need to take this extremely seriously and laws should be put in place to make sure this never happens again. What I mean by that is anybody with a Justin Bieber tattoo needs to be thrown on death row before they start strangling people with paisley ties.  Also I think Dana Martin should consider himself lucky since he's in prison and doesn't have to face any of Bieber's fans.

Weight Watchers is quite upset with Jessica Simpson.  She gained a lot of weight when she got pregnant and was paid $3million by Weight Watchers to lose the baby weight but now she went and got herself pregnant so she won't be losing weight any time soon.  They were already mad at her because she hadn't lost enough weight for the first ad and they had to shoot her from the waist up.  They can't air the ads now because who wants to watch commercials about a pregnant woman dieting?  But if Weight Watchers plays their cards right they can make lemonade with deep fried lemons by making commercials with the tagline: "If you can't do it then you're a dumbass like Jessica Simpson."

Holy crap, Jennifer Lawrence...damn.  She was voted the Most Desirable Woman of 2013 by AskMen.  Mila Kunis, Kate Upton, Rihanna, and Emma Stone rounded out the top 5.  Last year Kim Kardashian was #8.  This year she was #98.  HAHAHAHAHA!  Better release a new sextape.  A lot of women seem to think that these lists perpetuate the belief that a woman's worth is based solely on how she looks in a bikini and how many guys want to fuck her, when in reality it's solely based on her cup size-to- waist ratio and how often she sits in complete silence making you another drink.  I only mention this because women's groups are saying this list apparently shows that a "normal" woman can reach the top.  I'm pretty sure that if Jennifer worked with these women they'd treat her like crap and accuse her of trying to steal their boyfriends because she's so hot.  I really don't know what I'm talking about.  I'm alone.

True love is on the ledge and ready to jump onto a pile of rocks.  I'm just sad that the love of Ice T and Coco isn't as solid as rocks or silicone implants.  Ice T took to Twitter to pour out his feelings about his wife after he saw photos of her cavorting with a rapper from Oakland named AP.9.  They were posing like two high schoolers at the prom.  Here's the site that posted the photos.  Here are Ice T's tweets: "Coco’s in Vegas. She has given me her explanation of the pics on the net from her first weeks out there with some dude. She said he knew someone in the crew from our show and would pop up where ever they would go. He also said he knew me.. I don’t know dude."  "Regardless.. They would take Posed pics every time. Most of them disrespectful and in bad taste. She’s made me look.. And feel like sh-t."  "I say this on Twitter because there's no way to avoid the obvious misconduct of a married couple.  That's it.  Any more questions ask @Cocosworld" "Don’t get it twisted… I’m not happy about this sh-t."  "Daily Game: Trust no one.."  Coco did respond via Twitter of course: "Woke up to people in a panic about some pics,please guys I'm happily married,sometimes fans & friends take silly pics.Its harmless. #RELAX"  "Ice is right,the pics I took with this man were in poor taste & I disrespected my husband however the pics were the only thing that happened"  "I feel so sad,the bottom line is I love Ice & I can understand why he's upset theres no excuse for my actions.I'm so sorry baby & to evryonea"  You're probably thinking, "Why is this asshole writing about these two and why are they airing their dirty laundry in public?"  BECAUSE!  They are America's first couple and we demand explanations.  Also they have a reality show to sell.  Even if this is just a shameless stunt to promote said reality show, I'm still frowning.  Strangely enough, when I pout and frown, my quivering lips kind of look like CoCo's camel toe when it's about to stampede.

This past Halloween I thought it was the end of days because Heidi Klum didn't throw her usual costume parties.  Turns out she had feelings of guilt over cheating on her ex-husband Seal.  Well she decided to throw a costume Christmas party.  This was Heidi dressed as Cleopatra sitting on Santa's lap.  I really don't know what's going on here but would like to know how they airlifted a vat of LSD to that party.

Hayden Panettiere did a sexy photo shoot for Esquire magazine.  She told some jokes and wore a bikini.  I'm thinking some of you may remember her from the TV show Heroes or when she danced around Dorothy after Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the East.  She also recently broke up with her boyfriend, former NFL player Scotty McKnight.  I know if you're like me then your world is spinning off it's axis.  I don't know why they broke up but keep in mind he was a quarterback cut by the New York Jets.  The Jets.  The Jets whose first string quarterback can't seem to play the position and their back-up quarterback seems like he's only staying in the NFL until he makes enough money to build his own megachurch.  I guess you have to be pretty bad to be cut from the Jets.

Tom Brady and his wife Giselle Bundchen welcomed a daughter into the world this week.  I wonder if the baby sashayed down the birth canal like it was a catwalk.  They named the girl Vivian Lake.  Lake?  Giselle had one of those fancy water births so Vivian was born in a lake.  I wonder if the water they used was Evian because Vivian sort of sounds like Evian.  I guess Vivian Lake is better than Vivian Kiddie Pool.  I bet Giselle will have lost the baby weight by tomorrow.

Frankie Muniz is 26 years old.  He's probably best known for his role as Malcolm in Malcolm in the Middle.  He retired from showbiz at age 20.  Well this week he was rushed to the hospital after his friends noticed that he wasn't acting right.  He wasn't speaking properly and couldn't process anything the people were saying to him.  Doctors determined that he had a mini-stroke.  I wonder if it was "mini" because he's so small.  Either way, that's pretty odd.  You don't hear of many 26 year olds having strokes but then you also don't hear of many 20 year olds retiring at age 20 with $40million in the bank.

Courtney Stodden and her husband Doug Whateverthehell had to go out and run some errands.  You know, the typical, pick up the mail, go to the pharmacy.  Well this is the outfit she wore.  Hmmm maybe the next news we'll hear of Doug is that he's a shoe salesman because I think Courtney is trying to be the blonde Peggy Bundy.

Brad Pitt almost lost his life to the hands of Mike Tyson.  He should be thankful for every breath he takes, sunset he sees, and fan he bangs because Mike Tyson would've ripped him to shreds back in the late 80s.  Mike was telling the story on Yahoo Sports this week.  It was when he was going through a divorce with Robin Givens.  Mike said that even though they were going through the divorce they still had sex.  One day he hoping to go to her place to have a quickie before he went to the lawyer to file the divorce papers.  Brad apparently got there before Mike and Mike caught the two in an embrace.  Mike said this: "I guess Brad got there earlier than I did... I was getting a divorce, I was going to my lawyer's office... but I wanted to sneak in a quickie... Before I would go to my lawyer's office to say she's a pig... I would go to her house and have sex with her. This particular day someone beat me to the punch.  I hope Brad don't think I'm mad at him... I was mad as hell (at the time). You should have saw his face when he saw me!"  I can't believe that two decades later we're finding out that Brad Pitt was giving Robin Givens the hard salami. What's even more surprising is that the Mike Tyson of those days decided against pulling out Brad's spleen and shoving it up his rectum. See how you children are lucky to be living today? Back then, if you wanted to know about celebrity gossip you had to go to a magical place called a newspaper stand and buy what our forefathers called a "magazine." Magazines were like giant Applebee's menus, except with more pages and less content. Yeah, in the good ol' days, Mike Tyson sold a lot of magazines -- you could say he was the lithographic Lindsay Lohan of his day, only slightly less insane.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Ariel Winter having issues with her mom.  This story keeps getting more messed up.  It's like Ariel is a 14 year old Disney princess come to life because her mother is definitely a Disney villain come to life with a heart made of vulture shit.  Chrystal Workman lost custody of Ariel to her other daughter Shannelle after she was accused of emotional and physical abuse.  Ariel says her mother is a monster and Chrystal is saying that Shannelle is using Ariel to get the money Ariel makes on Modern Family.  A publicist has stepped forward and said something that may make Chrystal more evil than a Disney villain and put her on par with Satan.  Publicist Jonathan Hay said this: "Chrystal Workman, the mother of Ariel Winter, wanted me to represent her and leak nude photos in the media of her other daughter Shanelle Workman. In all my years of being a publicist, I have never seen anyone stoop as low as wanting to sell out and destroy the reputation of her own daughter. Chrystal said she wanted the public to see Shanelle for who she really was and smear her daughter in attempts to try and get custody back of Ariel.Chrystal has called me nonstop in the last 48 hours, trying to get me to leak these pictures."  The photos are supposed from 8 or 9 years ago which would have been when Shannelle was 25 or 26.  She's an evil mastermind because everyone knows that if you bare your breasts on camera when you're 25 you won't be able to take care of a 14 year old girl when you're 34.  I can hear the judge now, "I have seen your 25 year old titties and give full custody to Chrystal Workman."  I think Kris Jenner and Dina Lohan need to take lessons from Chrystal Workman.

Anne Hathaway was seen getting out of a vehicle at the premier of Les Miserables.  There are two things I've learned from this photo.  1.  It's difficult exiting a vehicle while wearing a dress.  2.  Anne Hathaway hates underwear.

If you remember a couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how Angus T. Jones of Two and a Half Men appeared in a video for a Christian group and he lambasted Two and a Half Men and called it filth and urged people not to watch it and claimed he didn't want to be on the show.  I'm shocked he hasn't mentioned giving back the money he made from CBS.  Les Moonves, the CBS CEO who also handled the Charlie Sheen fiasco, admits that he doesn't know Jones' status with the company.  He had this to say: "I don’t know what our status is with him.  We took this boy who started with us when he was eight years old, and it seemed to be what happens with child stars over the course of time.  He’s now making $300,000 per week which is not a bad salary for a 19-year-old kid, and he went on a religious channel and urged people not to watch the show because it was filth. By the way, he’s still collecting his $300,000 a week."  Yea, he makes a good point.  Even though Jones claims the show is filth, he's still collecting his paycheck.  Why wouldn't he give it back?  Maybe he doesn't follow his own advice because Jesus will forgive him.  I don't know, if I went to a restaurant and said it was disgusting filth and told people not to eat there, chances are I wouldn't go back the next week. You know, unless they were paying me to eat there and no other restaurant would let me in because I've been typecast in the other restaurants commercials.

Amanda Bynes is really good at Instagram.  She sent this photo out to her followers along with the caption: "On that no candy diet".  I'm assuming that not eating candy makes you want to take photos of your boobs.  Amanda does seem like the totally sane and rational person who would know the specific side effects of not eating candy.  I guess we should listen to her since she obviously knows what she's talking about.  I bet she read it in a medical journal.

Holy crap...something positive about Charlie Sheen!  Charlie was talking with a Hermosa Beach police officer recently.  Don't worry, he wasn't being arrested.  The cop mentioned how his 10 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with a form of cancer called Childhood Rhabdomyosarcoma.  It's a form of cancer that occurs in the muscle tissue and requires over a year of expensive medical treatments like chemo and radiation therapy.  Charlie told the cop that no parent should have to see a child go through that.  Then the next day Charlie sent a check for $75,000 to the Hermosa Beach Police Department who had started a fundraiser for the girl.  Say whatever bad stuff about Charlie you will and I know that would take all day so don't, this is a heartwarming story.  I'll just congratulate him on handing out money to females who may die soon.  Also remember when Charlie was trying to help Lindsay Lohan?  Well he gave her $100,000 to pay off her IRS tax fine of $234,000.  Charlie told Entertainment Tonight that he did send her money but she didn't send him a thank you and he's waiting for something as simple as a text saying "thank you".  That probably won't happen since if Lindsay can't pay on a storage unit she probably can't pay her cellphone bill.  Lindsay Lohan is smart for not saying thank you. Because saying thank you is confirming to him that she got the money and gave it to a pharmacy in Mexico in exchange for two truck fulls of Oxycontin.  I'm pretty sure I should pay all of you $100,000 for making you look at that photo of Charlie Sheen.

Demi Moore was spotted partying in Miami last weekend.  She recently broke up with her 20 year old boyfriend and it looks like she was on the prowl with those damn stupid glasses.  Ugh...I hate that people wear glasses without any lenses.  Anyway the look on Lenny Kravitz's face says it all.

I hope everyone has a great weekend like Demi up there but please don't wear those glasses.  Fuck, I hate Christmas.