January 21, 2013

• Dirty Limericks, Dirty Haikus, and Something Else...oh my

  
  We were clad in just our birthday suits
  You pulled on your black leather boots
  “On your knees!” you commanded.
  “Eat me now!” you demanded.
  I guess this is how you treat new recruits

  Taking stronger pills
  Pissing every five minutes
  Better be worth it

  You cushion that weight
  You look damn good wearing jeans
  Girl, I’ll slap that ass

  You have such a beautiful ass, if-
  I am near it I can’t be passive
  I will spring into action
  And give you deep satisfaction
  But heed my warning, my penis is massive
  

  Makes the world go 'round
  It's emotion in motion
  Sex is exercise

  There is one more book
  It's not written by Adams
  It sucks sweaty dong

  Your unmatched success is astounding
  The acclaim for your dates is resounding
  But from all that I’ve learned
  One thing has me concerned
  Your pussy must take one hell of a pounding
  

  That site worries me
  It's so fun and addictive
  Where I go to troll

  Kids are idiots
  Not everyone is that way
  But a huge number

  It’s too bad I’m hung like a mouse
  I heard it all the time from my spouse
  But you make me feel so manly
  And since you treat me so grandly
  I’ll buy you a house
  

  That's Shakespeare in Love
  Not a fan of that movie
  Because of Paltrow

  I watch pro-wrestling
  How can women love this fact
  Will think I am gay

  You genuinely love your profession
  Certainly you give me that impression
  You get hundreds of bucks
  For all the dicks that you suck
  Growing rich in a recession
  

  Have I become sick?
  Black clouds hover overhead
  Oh snap, it is on

  My head is throbbing
  I am going to throw up
  When did I eat corn?

  I’m amazed how completely you know me
  You are aware that I love when you blow me
  I could not be more thrilled
  When your sweet mouth I’ve filled
  But please don’t feel obligated to show me
  

  The things I would do
  For some love right about now
  Would make Steve O cringe

  Here is your haiku
  Eating people, robbing banks
  That's the life for me

  You take me in your mouth all the way
  I just want to stay there the entire day
  The feeling is exquisite
  Each time that I visit
  I so enjoy the time we get to play
  

  thank you very much
  Too dumb to be poetic
  That's why I'm funny

  your lips are so close
  i can smell how they would taste
  just lean in closer

  The apartment walls seem very thin.
  And we often raise up quite a din.
  “Oh, no, we’re not banging.
  It’s a picture we’re hanging.”
  We lie to the neighbors and grin.
  

  Be happy, be kind
  Because others will see you
  And judge your actions

  My shoes are so big
  They are quite heavy as well
  From wrist to elbow

  I saw you and became aroused at first glance
  You talked about lust and sweet romance

  I tried to think of baseball
  It didn’t help me at all
  I came as soon as you took off my pants
  

  Oh Rick Santorum
  I feel like he's just trolling
  He can not be true

  My mind's with the trees
  with the fresh air and the seas
  Must go somewhere new
  
  My sharp wit has lost some of its keenness.
  My deportment now shows hints of meanness.
  What I’m certain I need
  With all possible speed
  Is the touch of your hand on my penis.
  
  

  • 10:50 PM
  • 18 Comments