November 16, 2008
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Pringles Chips and Craiglist
Normally on Thursdays I do an entry featuring random websites that I have found throughout the week. Well I have had bad luck with craigslist entries because they always seem to be taken down by the time I get to posting them but not tonight. I am finally seeing straight so I am doing a cut and paste.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.htmlDO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.
Date: 2006-07-17, 2:10AM PDTDon't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.
I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.
The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...
Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope
...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."
Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.
So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.
Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?
So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.
The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.
I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.
That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.
So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.
You fucking Pringle bastards.
The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.
Fucking Pringle bastards.
This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.
- this is in or around ANAL LEAKAGE, ANYBODY?
- no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
I found this hilarious because I remember when the Olean craze first took shape. I was scared to death to even touch the packaging lest I suffer some foul anal leakage. I remember a friend eating a giant bag in a single setting. I shook my head and said he would pay. He never did. I hear that it doesn't affect all people the same but has th reaction to certain chemicals within the body. Oh well. It was a fun day. Too bad it was so cold. I had Camp Randall going at my house today. The Badgers win. Down 21-7 at halftime and win 35-32. BOWL ELLIGIBLE! Here I had written them off. I'll be back tomorrow. I have an idea of what I want to post.
Comments (28)
Great another anal leakage post.
You know not for nothing..but I had me half a bag of Ruffles..the 1/2 the calories bullshit..and the next day I was shitting up a storm..it was quite devasating..really..This totally reminds me of that day! -Sighs-..what drama!
P.S.
Thanks for stopping by my xang..Nice to see new peeps over my way.
My stepdaughter is a pharmacist, and she said the new diet pill (I think it's called Allay or something) works of the same principle. It reacts with the fat in the food you eat so if you eat too much, it makes the same thing happen. The people who have used it, told her they want to lose weight so badly the always carry around spare clothes, just in case. I was astounded.
that's some funny shit there !! lmao !
Why the fuck did that person eat a WHOLE FUCKING CAN of Pringles in the first place?!?!?!?!
hahaha man with every passing year I appreciate more and more the fact that I was a bio major and still keep up with the latest in the fields of nutrition, genetics, etc. Knowledge really IS power.
http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/brands.html
You should forward that post to the FDA.
Hey there! I saw you on my Footprints and wanted to thank you for checking out my Thanksgiving post. I never expected to find such an amazing post! LMAO that is sooooo funny. I never eat anything with Olean/Olestra because though I'm not diagnosed with IBS, certain fats well, let's just say they can cause me trouble. If ever I thought of it for the sake of saving calories, this post will remind me... NOOOOOO Don't touch the stuff! Thanks for stopping by! Great Post! <3 SuZ
@Curse_of_Greyface -
If you read The Onion, in the AV Club, they have a sex advice columnist, Dan Savage. He got people to name certain types of anal leakage, Santorum after the Pennsylvania senator who said that homosexuality was a form of bestiality.
@SignificanceOfTheMightyClit -
Sometimes the healthier the food is the more damage it can do. Give me good old fashioned kettle cooked salt and vinegar chips.
@jacksoncroons -
I know the pill that you are talking about. I was thinking it was Ali but pronounced like an ally because it is helping you combat the battle of the bulging stomach. I read the side effects and thought against it. I have a small bit of dignity left and I wouldn't want to have to lose by carrying around a diaper bag.
@droptop11 -
Shit...hahahaha...a while back I happened upon a guy who for a comedy site did an experiment of eating all sorts of olean and olestra. It was hilarious. Now I can't find it but it is at this site: http://www.zug.com/ There are so many other funny features that I have to share.
@Evolutionary_21 -
Because they are delicious?
@godfatherofgreenbay - You're probably right about the name. It just gets me angry because so many of these people have healthy issues and are terrified of surgery. They're so desperate, they'll do anything. What a terrible and humiliating way to get what you want. I don't even want to think about all the diseases they're going to attribute to its usage in ten or twenty years.
@denigma21 -
I have always been scared of diet pills and all those diet supplements. The sacarin caused cancer and all these new "treatments" cause horrible oily anal leakage. Thanks for the link.
@VioletMoonDancer7 -
Sorry I didn't leave a comment on your post. I was "under the weather" to fully express rational thoughts. I am always amazed by what I can find on craigslist. I have had stomach issues since Easter of this year and so far has been undiagnosed. Certain foods cripple me. If I eat fast food I could be out for days.
oh gosh! Nothing is safe!
@jacksoncroons -
Oh the diseases...going to be horrible. They attributed cancer to sacrin when that had been out for some time. I have used Splenda instead of sugar but now they are saying that Splenda increases obesity. I had thought about surgery but I got terrified to see a student's father that had it and he would always be nauseous. One morning we were talking outside before school and he threw up on the parking lot and continued speaking like nothing happened. He then explained it was because of the surgery.
@AlterEgo909 -
I don't think any food is healthy any more. It seems like whatever you eat it is labeled as bad.
I would laugh if I weren't so sorry for you. Thanks for the warning.
@godfatherofgreenbay - you know, i think i saw that and i probably have it saved somewhere. it was a hoot !
Enjoyed the game greatly, Itty goil being a native of Minni-soda was of course pulling for the Gophers and I the Badgers.
She was worn out from the morning adventure so we flopped down in the 'deer shack' to watch it on satellite TV. I love roughing it in the great north woods.
@curiousdwk -
I hope you don't think that is me. I won't touch the Olean stuff. Regardless, stay away from it.
@ElevenStones -
Bielema has had me pulling my hair out this season. I love his style of coaching however at moments he has been so frustrating. I still think that the only game this season that they truly beat by a better team was against Penn State. All of their other losses came down to poor management and blown defense.
When I was up in Belle Plaine, my place was known as Camp Randall West on game days. I had three grills going and the beer flowing and I even got the UW marching band cds so we could have pre-game festivities. There were a lot of transplanted Wisconsinites up there so it was a wild time. My neighbors, the majority being born and bred in Minnesota, couldn't believe our devotion to the Badgers.
Thanks for the smile!! And I have never been a fan of anal leakage. For some reason, people think you have to have stuff leaking out of your butt to be skinny (remember Alli, they tell you to make sure you wear dark pants, WTF!!) Anyway, great post, I'll be laughing myself to sleep now!!
HAHA oh my gooooooooooodness.
That is terrible!
@spicyhotcoffee -
Well thank you for your posts. I can't believe the lengths to which people will go to lose weight by avoiding some of the obvious methods like calorie counting, exercise, surgery etc. I have heard how people on that Alli carry around an extra set of clothes wherever they go sort of like a diaper bag. What has become of our country?
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Obviously we've become a country full of overweight "wet-farters." Sad, but mildly hilarious. LOL.
@CanadianConspiracy -
I can't find it right now but this one comedy site had a guy do an experiment with the olean chips and they documented the results. It was so horrible.
Comments are closed.