I first want to thank everyone who has commented on my site over these past 1000 posts. What a long strange trip it's been! Anyway I wasn't around much yesterday because I had a doctor's appointment. Ugh...I hate them. The only redeeming thing was that I was wiped out afterward and I fell asleep in the waiting room. Today I got a all that the H1N1 vaccines were in at the hospital so I had to go back. I had to get the spray one. I was dizzy for some time this evening and also my joints ached. I fell asleep and now I have all the energy in the world. I feel like I should be out bench pressing my blazer. Anyway...here's the round up. Just a reminder, some images may not be safe for work or for life. Does anyone remember Three Men and a Baby? How about the sequel Three Men and a Little Lady? Well if you remember both of those movies then I salute you. To satisfy the world's desire to see more Steve Gutenberg they are in the early stages of production of the third in the series, tentatively titled Three Men and a Bride. Gee...I wonder what that one will be about. If the world really wanted a sequel of a Steve Gutenberg movie why didn't they just ask for more Police Academy? Or what about another Cocoon movie? If I need any Ted Danson or Tom Selleck I just look for syndication episodes of Cheers or Magnum P.I. Sam Ronsonand Wilmer Valderama were photographed together exiting a restaurant this week. You know they probably went out to discuss their war stories from their days of dating Lindsay Lohan. Wilmer: Did Lindsay ever show you the tricks she could do with a ping pong ball? Sam: Yes, but by the time I dated her she was doing that trick with grapefruits. You know I was originally just going to say "Here we see the biggest cock in Hollywood with Wilmer Valderama." You know, it was going to be a cut out how Fez went on all the radio talk shows to brag about the size of his manhood and all the celebrity starlets he deflowered. What a dick! Did you know Olivia Munn has her own magazine that is set to release soon? Did you know these photos are from that issue and that all the photos are of her prancing around in lingerie? Did you know that this magazine would make the perfect Christmas present for me? Well...I'm just saying. Oh Olivia...you so hot. You know I caught a bit of Shallow Hal today and was sort of freaked by it. Apparently skinny people are hot and fat people are ugly. So I need girls to get hypnotized like Hal so they can see me as hot and skinny. Nicolas cage's financial problems are coming to light because he is filing a lawsuit against his former business manager because Nicolas claims that the manager allowed him to spend recklessly and not pay his taxes. Anyway let's look at some of things he has bought over the past few years. He houses in Newport Beach, Venice Beach, Malibu, San Francisco, Middletown, Rhode Island, New York City, Las Vegas, a castle near Bath, England, an 11th Century Castle in Etzlewang, Germany, two Bahamian islands, a 1940 Belair mansion, and two foreclosed mansions in New Orleans...THAT IS JUST HIS PROPERTY. That Belair mansion was bought for $30million but he sold it for $15million. That mansion also held a Christmas party that many people say was the most lavish Christmas party in Hollywood history. He did do some good with his money by giving $1million to Hurricane Katrina relief and $2million to Amnesty International. Two sources have said that Cage owns 50 cars and 20 motorcycles. Some of the cars include a $500,000 Lamborghini that was once owned by the Shah of Iran. They also said that Nicolas spent 6 figures on a Bentley and then another $50,000 for customizing the interior. They say he had a TV, stereo, and bar installed in the back of the Bentley but with all that added there wasn't much space and basically only people under 5'8" could fit and Nicolas is 6 feet tall. He also owns two yachts and a Gulfstream jet which at the least can go for $45million. Nicolas Cage also was an avid comic book collecter and at one point owned the issue of Action Comic which contained the first appearance of Superman. He sold that collection for $2million. People have said that when they went to Nicolas' mansions they would see shrunken heads all over the place and he also outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a dinosaur skull, which cost him $276,000. He basically had a kennel of purebred dogs and an aviary of rare birds. He also had a collection or rare lizards and snakes. The prize of these snakes were two albino King Cobras. His spending habits for food was even worse. While filming in New York City, Cage would go into a restaurant and spend $2000 on a snack for himself. I guess Biggie Smalls had it right when he said, "Mo money, mo problems." You know, I don't think my life is complete without albino king cobras. Mischa Barton caused a bar fight this week. She stepped on a guy's foot causing him to spill his drink. He yelled at her so she threw her drink in his face. One of her friends then came over to fight this guy. They tangled and police had to take them away. You know who should have been arrested? Mischa Barton...she should be thrown in jail for all that alcohol abuse. I love Iron Chef and I think First Lady Michelle Obama is rather attractive. When I heard those two things were going to be one, I had to change my pants. They have filmed a special episode of Iron Chef where Mario Batali and Emeril Lagese take on Bobby Flay and the White House chef. The secret ingredient is they get to use all the vegetables from the White House garden. I hope Batali cooks with class and losses the Crocs for the White House. The episode will air January 3rd. Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana gave birth to a daughter this week. They named their daughter Lucia. I was sort of surprised that they didn't name her after Mel's most favorite person in the world although they would have to make the name feminine. The name would have been Jackeline Daniella. This is Mel's 8th child. I wonder what the Catholic Church has decreed on the topic of vasectomies. I bet they are against them because if they weren't then Mel could have avoided this child. Alright alright alright...Matthew McConaughey turned 40 this week. I bet he celebrated with some buds. Alright alright alright. You know the best part of turning 40 for Matthew? It's the high school girls, man because the older he gets, they stay the same age. And the key to staying young after 40 is livin' that's L-I-V-I-N. ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! Does anyone get this? If you do, you are my hero. This is a screen shot from Mariah Carey's new video H.A.T.E.U. Why does it look like she is trying to drop a deuce? That look on her face...been there, done that. Living in Wisconsin with all this cheese leads to constipation. Maybe she isn't constipated, maybe she just likes to sing when she has a grumpy. No the Twilight kids aren't dressed up for Halloween. They are posing for a photograph spread for Harper's Bazaar. Bizarre is more like it. Kristen Stewart is in fact wearing a dress made of garbage bags. Something tells me that once the Twilight movies have run their course she will end up wearing garbage bags once again. See to maintain an acting career you must know how to act or at the very least show emotion. This may be the first photograph of her where she does not look stoned. DAMN! Guess the ass...ok stop...it's Khloe Kardashian and I take back every bad thing I have ever said about her as long as she continues to wear those jeans. Katy Perry didn't wear this for Halloween. This was for some sort of European MTV award show. This outfit is amazing. I love how she found that fabric that almost matches her skin tone. The outfit makes her music seem tolerable. I think she should make this look permanent. Iggy Pop was debuting his new DVD this week. It's called Elderly Guys Go Senile. Seriously, I like Iggy. It just struck me as funny because when I found this photo there was a commercial for Girls Gone Wild on my TV. I think Hugh Jackman was showing off his Halloween costume here. He's wearing a trench coat and dark sunglasses, he has his hand down his pants, and there's a child within ten feet. yep, I think he is showing off his pervert costume for Halloween. Actually he was just strolling with his wife and child when the acting bug bit him. Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt are suing the video game company Activision because of the game Band Hero. No Doubt is upset of how they are portrayed as a karaoke circus act in that game and that Activision promised the band would only be available for three songs in the game however they can be accessed to sing other bands' material. Then another part of the lawsuit was that the bass player sings I'm Just a Girl. OK, I'd be pissed too. And so it begins...expect other bands to sue over these games, bands that don't have their own special editions. Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers turned 47 this week. I am sort of shocked that he has lived that long. If you don't understand why, read his autobiography Scar Tissue sometime. It is eye opening but then again most of their recent songs allude to all his problems. People behind the scenes at the new Melrose Place are claiming that Ashlee Simpson was written off the show for two reasons. The first being that she was a diva. She would show up late and make insane demands and hold up shooting. Secondly they say she was written off because she couldn't act. I thought that was harsh but then I went to imdb and looked up animal actors. There are horses, dogs, and monkeys that have had more roles than Ashlee. You know she is a failure at acting, just look at how horrible her lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live was. No, this isn't Dakota Fanning's Halloween costume. She actually goes to high school and is on the cheerleading squad. She was also elected homecoming queen at her school. I bet those other girls at her school were jealous because she makes so much money and waltzes into their school and gets homecoming queen. I wonder if the homecoming dance turned out like the movie Carrie. Remember a week or so ago when I mentioned that Carrie Prejean was suing the Miss California pageant company? Well her lawsuit was dropped this week. The reason? Two words: sex tape. A while back TMZ came into possession of a sex tape involving Carrie. They say that it is just her in the tape and that it was too racy for their website. Why is jillin' off racy? Anyway she dropped the lawsuit after the pageant company displayed the video in the judge's chambers. OK, kids, what does this teach us? When you want to play, the camera goes away. That is why I never video tape myself. I don't want to be known as the blogger with the huge Schwanz. It would just get in the way of my blogging. A judge in Australia wants Britney Spears to put a warning on all her tickets and posters because the judge claims that Britney lip-syncs. SAY IT ISN'T SO! Wait, I knew that. Notice that when Britney comes to your area they never say, "Britney, live in concert," it just says "Britney in concert". That is the admission that the concerts are lip-synced. They aren't promising a live show. Oh Britney...you're so crafty. Oh Britney...you're so noticeable. Hmmmm pants and shirt at the same time? LA-DEE-DA! What a classy lady!
Halloween Costumes I would say that Bai Ling has the best Halloween costume of all but knowing her she probably had no clue that it was Halloween and she just showed up to a party wearing that. I think she is supposed to be Paris Hilton in the year 3000. Bette Midler threw a Halloween party this year and this was her costume. She never said what she was supposed to be so I am going to guess that she went as Lady Gaga 25 years from now. Speaking of Lady Gaga...WTF! I don't know what she is supposed to be so I am going out on a limb here and am going to guess she is a cat's furball. I have been thinking of how she and all these fashion people say she is so stylish. If that is true, why am I not seeing more people dress like that? I mean I still see the angst-filled teen girls dressing like Avril Lavigne but none dress like Lady Gaga. Jessica Alba went as Dora the Explorer for Halloween and she still didn't smile although it looks like one could be forming. Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies went as Alex from A Clockwork Orange. You know, I wouldn't mind seeing him as a lead in a remake or a possible musical rendition for the stage. Damn...I need to start working on that, right after I finish the musical of Triumph of the Will. Does anyone know who this is? Let's just say he isn't dressed as fabulous as he normally dresses. That is famous cross-dresser Rupaul. So because we rarely see him/her out of drag does dressing as a male mean Rupaul in the photo is in drag? My head is going to explode. Paris Hilton threw her own Halloween party or should I say Slut-oween party. Never has the Wizard of Oz been so skanky. Her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt wore the same costume. AWKWARD! Paris Hilton and her boyfriend went to a different party so they needed all new costumes. This time I don't know what she is supposed to be but he looks like a fairy, a tooth fairy to be exact. Mariah Carey dressed as angel. She looks heavenly but the devil in her made husband Nick Cannon dress just like her. Oh well despite looking like he doesn't want to be there, he's still smiling because he gets to take Mariah home. DAMN! I take back everything bad thing I have ever said about Kim Kardashian. I was trying to figure out who she is supposed to be. The conclusion was she is Princess Jizzmine from Analaddin. Her magical power is that she makes the penises of male men suffer from rigor mortis. Kate Pierson, left, of the B52s dressed as Annie Oakley and her partner Monica Coleman was Davy Crockett. You know I really need to get more b52s news because I have heard much of her lately. She looks so gorgeous. Who could pull off posing as Homer Simpson so perfectly? Why, Tony Soprano....I mean James Gandolfini. I was surprised he was one of the voices in Where the Wild Things Are. I thought he would be forever type-casted because of The Sopranos. Heidi Klum and Seal always throw a major Halloween costume party and Heidi always has to have the best costume. Last year she went as the Hindu god Shiva. This we I think she and Seal were my favorite 90s blues rock band, The Black Crowes, but they are more like Heckle and Sexy Jeckle. Coco and Rihanna dressed up for a Halloween party. Actually I don't think they dressed up. Rihanna usually wears something like that in her music videos and that is Coco's regular church attire. Coco also showed off another costume on her Twitter. She makes a great topless dolphin. Sometimes I wonder why she even bothers wearing clothes. I hate to say this but I saved the best costume for last. Heidi and Spencer Pratt went as Jon and Kate Plus 8. You know, that's a pretty clever costume and to think THOSE TWO pulled it off.
Video Section Weezer has released their own line of Snuggies. I may just get one because that is how big of a fan I am of that band. I'm such a big fan, I think Pinkerton is still their best album.
It's hard to imagine that I have made 1000 posts here on Xanga. It seems like just yesterday I was making my 500th Post Spectacularrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Yeah, I can't roll my r's so I type extras. Nudity...really did you expect anything less from me?
So the last few days I have been seeing all these posts about why people love Xanga and how people came to Xanga and since this is my 1000th Post, I will wax nostalgic.
When I came here to Xanga I was in a weird place in life. I was basically starting my adult life all alone. After graduation my friends were scattered throughout the world by our particular church to be ministers all around the globe. I needed a way to keep in contact with everyone and this was before Myspace and Facebook took off. I got the hint from a friend I met on a file sharing program. She said that was how she kept in contact with all her friends in the same predicament and then I found out another girl that I knew was on Xanga so the madness began. I started this Xanga to keep in contact with friends and to impress girls.
If you have read my blog you know that the girls end didn't really pan out. My friends from college that used Xanga soon stopped because they got married and started families but I kept writing and they kept reading. It was great. I had my own little blog and I could have cared less.
I started a Myspace and a Facebook but Xanga has always had a precedence for me and that is because of the people I have met here. I've met published authors, poets, lovers, construction workers, conspiracy theorists, grocery store workers, sandwich artists, boat captains, lawyers, doctors, nurses, dancers, parents, teachers, students, hunters, people against hunting, cat lovers, dog lovers, the athletes, the nonathletic, basically people from all walks of life. And I love it. I love Xanga for the people that are here. I've had some dark days over the past few years but the love I have been shown by this community is astounding. Fuck facebook, some of those people over there that I went to college with could care less but someone across the globe spends a few minutes reading one of my posts and tells me that they laughed well that makes my day. I refuse to do any of those favorite Xangan posts because I would feel devastated if I left anyone out.
Despite all the negativity, I have plugged away at Xanga. There have been only three times where I have considered packing it all up and moving away. Once was during this recent racism controversy and oddly another time I considered leaving was when the racism controversy started for the first time on Xanga. The other time was when I was in the hospital. I didn't know if I could come back or maybe I should say would come back because I didn't know if I would make it out of the hospital. Anyway I can think back to that time and how 3 very special Xangans pulled me out of my corner and exposed me to Xanga. It's odd to think that even though I have been here since 2005, it wasn't until 2007 or so when I started talking to people on here. Once again I feel so fortunate to have met all of you.
Another thing people have been talking about here on Xanga is what changes need to be made. Why do we need change? This community is powerful and loving and that is all that matters. Maybe if Xanga wants to boost exposure they need to get famous people blogging and I'm not talking about the Xangacelebutards or a fake celebrity blog run by the aforementioned people but actual famous stars. Did you realize Fred Durst once blogged at this place and that his blogs were often linked to many of the places where I get my links for my Lukewarm Links posts? Get someone famous here and people will come and then if people are as loving to new people as they were to me, then that should get people to stay.
So where to go from here? I think I am going to do more of the same. My strange sense of humor mixed with my eclectic taste in everything.
Since my 500th post Spectacular was nothing more than a glorified links post, I thought I would link to some of my favorite posts. So if you want to read these, click the links because I don't plan on timestamping these.
500th Post Spectacular....well this is where I got the idea for the above photo. I guess it was also a glorified "About Me" post.
One of my favorite posts was one that I called Round Table. It was a round table discussion about gay marriage. I always enjoyed the political round table discussion shows so I figured it was time to inject my humor into a serious setting and subject.
A lot of you know by now that I usually do a weekly post called Lukewarm Links (this is the most recent). I regularly visit pages that offer links to weird websites and I wanted to share. I know some of those posts were painfully long so I cut down the posts. I get the name from my college days. I had a computer teacher that referred to every single link as a "hotlink" and so since maybe your humor isn't like mine I figured you may not like them so they are lukewarm.
I spent 18 weeks reviewing every single episode of one of my favorite TV series, Freaks and Geeks. That is last entry in which I have links to all the other episodes. I am glad that I was able to get a handful of people to appreciate that series.
I have also been able to share one of my favorite genres of music: the mash-up. I've felt so privileged to share that music with you especially when some people say they look forward to my Monday Morning Mash-Up Madness.
And if you want more info about me, here's a post entitled Facts about Yours Truly. I usually don't give away too much about my personal life but there is a good look.
Two of my posts that have benefited me in that I have had increased female readership are my Girl posts. I am currently working on the third in the series so please be patient.
I think the most viewed post I have ever made is one on My Least Favorite Comedians. Maybe it is common for some of you but I thought 5000+ views was incredible. And then the next most viewed post was one I wrote sarcastically about my experiences on eHarmony. 3000+ views is nothing to sneeze at.
One of my favorite posts is the stories of my experiences at a haunted bar. I really enjoy going there even though I've had those experiences. The owner has told me he has shared my experiences with the ghost hunters. Oh and the Croatian Sensation, how awesome was it for you that the first time you go there with me and Skinny Wolf that they are conducting a study of the paranormal? I still say we have a Xanga meet and greet there.
Two other favorite posts, ones that I have re-posted every year, have showcased my sweet tooth. One is called (Soda) Pop Culture, which features pop of yesteryear, and the other is I Want Candy(or at least the candy of my youth). I apologize if the photos are down. It probably means that the site where I originally got those from is down so now I have some work to do for a re-post.
One of my favorite posts has been one that I did called Dark Side of the Rainbow. It's about how Pink Floyd's album "Dark Side of the Moon" goes together so well with The Wizard of Oz. That post makes me remember so many good things about college.
One post series I haven't done in some time is a Porno Parodies post. I would find covers to parody porn movies. I find them quite hilarious. Speaking of porn, I was going to post a link to the post about what I have learned from porn but that is coming as a repost...hey, you perverts, no jokes.
Some other posts that I no longer do because of the popularity of other posts are Terrible Tattoo Thursdays and Comic Capers. I think the reason I stopped doing the tattoo posts was that a guy on Myspace did a blog criticizing me for being close-minded about his tattoo. He tattooed his tongue as well as had it split. Anyway, I didn't really make fun of him, I just wanted to know why he did that.
One feature that I plan on bringing back later this winter is my Tournament of Randomocity. If I remember correctly, the cat won. Pussy FTW...as the kids say.
One of the craziest and strangest posts I have ever made was when I decided to post the Roman Ritual of Exorcism. One of my cousins was a Catholic priest and I can't say how I got a hold of that because the Vatican might be upset and I am trying to become canonized. And while we are on the topic of religion, I once wrote an article about something I read on Revelife. I am thankful I no longer read Revelife. That is what made me quit.
One of the proudest moments I have had while on Xanga was the birth of my goddaughter. So that makes me a true Padrino.
Overall, Xanga has been one wild ride. This is Green Velvet, he's a DJ and he makes outstanding music. He made this song with messages from his answering machine. The rumor has it that one of those messages isn't real. I have yet to figure out which one isn't real.
Sometimes I think Weezer wrote this song about me...not that I am bragging.
So what does the future have in store? Easy...more irreverant humor and picking on celebrities. Yes, I didn't include my celebrity round up because I think most of you know those by now. I'll probably include a few photos of my cats in the future. I have taught this cat, Kiki, to speak Italian. Here she has mastered the phrase, "Hey you, shut uppa your mouth." Italian is really a language of subtleties. I still haven't got lua out of that box.
And now for what I said I have only done two times before. I can't find the first one but here is the second:
Yes that is a 15 or 16 year old me in my football attire.
And here I am a grizzled old man who in the picture hadn't shaved and has hat hair.
President Obama was in Madison today to unveil some of his plans to change the education system in America. I liked some of what he said. The Republican party has already jumped on it to say that he has ulterior motives in visiting in Madison now because the state legislature is set to debate a bill that would have schools be accountable for students' progress and also Milwaukee is trying to pass legislation where the mayor of the city would have greater control over monetary disbursement to the schools and they also claim that President Obama is there to motivate the mayor of Milwaukee to make a run for governor of Wisconsin. I would be down for the mayor of the Cream City to be governor of this state. He took quite a beating this summer and he hopped back. I guess in all of this I am asking, "What politician doesn't have ulterior motives?"
Did you know that 68% of all statistics are made up on the spot? If so then did you know that 80% of statistics are wrong 70% of the time?
So with the president in Madison many police officers from my area are being used to help with security. My town has no police presence. You know what that means? SHENANIGANS! Look out, Amish, it's outhouse tipping time.
You know what I detest? When people just call the president, Obama. Give the guy respect.
Hopefully Obama will read my motivation...oops.
So it's day four of No Shave November and I am itching horribly. Most days I shave twice. I have to cave and lose this face fur.
I'll be back with my monumental post later tonight.
I really have nothing much to say here other than I am getting close to a monumental post that has been in the making for quite some time. In this post I am thinking of doing something that in all my time on Xanga I have only done twice. Oh and some images may not be safe for work or life.
I think he played a few years in Green Bay...what was his name? Brent Farf? ALL ABOARD! YES! Instead of tea bag rallies they hold dry martini protests where they throw olives at the poor. Yes, I think I will stay away from that car. Funny thing is a lot of people think deer are such lovely and peaceful creatures...bullshit. I have known people to have been killed by deer. One of my the guys in my neighborhood hit a deer with his car and the deer came through the windshield and the antlers went through his throat. Oh and there was the guy in this area that was out hunting and thought he killed the deer but he startled it and it fainted. When he went to field dress it, the deer woke up and kicked him in the gut. Deer hooves are razor sharp so the guy was slashed across the gut and was disemboweled. In a sense he was field dressed by the deer. And people say deer hunting is unethical...they are evil. This is not how they make kosher hot dogs. Has anyone out there seen the NC-17 version of Requiem for a Dream? That might explain this photo. I think this is mostly for Skinny Wolf. Here's what the dude is thinking: "Chickens...turkeys...her...hell, I'll do anything fowl." Boys will be boys. They say cleanliness is next to godliness but I don't think this is what they had in mind. I bet she said no. Polka in front, dryer in rear? My favorite time of the day however I think my watch is broken.
I was set to do this post last night but the uploaders didn't work for both audio and photos when I attempted. I kept getting a message that said servers were down. Oh well, they're working now. Did everyone get their clocks changed? I forgot one, my living room chiming clock. I took it down and changed it and I think I flipped a switch on the chimes because now on the top of every hour it chimes Ave Maria.
This mash-up is a mixture of Madonna's "Holiday" and Kelis' "Milkshake".
This one combines Tony Bennett's "Steppin' Out with My Baby" and mashes it with T.I.'s "Wherever". I love the combination of the different styles in this one.
Here's a special Halloween mash-up. The music you hear is from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and I believe some of the vocals are also used. The main vocals come from two different songs. The female vocals come from Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughtta Know"(her alleged song about Dave Coullier) and the male vocals come from Korn's "Falling Away From Me". I really like this one and I apologize that I don't know the name of the song from Rocky Horror Picture Show. I have seen the movie a few times but it hasn't been a cult thing for me.
Halloween Here's some costumes I found that I thought you may enjoy.
So these may be why I started drinking.
So what did you go as?
I think that later tonight I will have a post up that will feature something that I have only done twice in all my time on Xanga.
One more....
Happy Halloween, ladies! No, that isn't me, sorry to disappoint but I think there is some innuendo there for you.
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