January 14, 2009

• Guest Blogger: The Economy(may contain offensive language)

  This week President Bush talked about an impending financial doom that could be far worse than the Great Depression of the 1930s.  Well I have procured a guest blogger to talk about the economic problems in America.  My views and language do not reflect those of the guest blogger.  My guest blogger is legendary collegiate basketball coach, Bobby Knight.

   

  Thanks, you fat fuck.

  Now, I’m tired of hearing about all this economy shit.  It’s goddamned bullshit.  The Dow Jones sinks 150 points each day.  That’s fucked up. 

  Now I’m not going to sit around and let this shit fuck up my stock portfolio.  I’m sick and tired of losing money just like I am sick and tired of losing to Purdue.  This shit has got to stop.  With all the money I’ve lost, I’m reduced to doing color commentary with that zombie Digger Phelps and that stroke victim Dick Vitale.  It’s got to stop.  You may enjoy losing your 401K or having an 8-10 record in the damned Big Ten conference but not me.  I’m demanding when it comes to my financial well being. Hell, I’m the most demanding coach you’ll ever meet.  I’ll show your son how demanding I am on the court and I’ll take your wife in the bedroom and show her how demanding I am in there.

  

  Now when Obama takes office on January 20^th things better change.  And if they don’t change, well you’re not going to understand what the next fucking four years have in store for you.  I’m not going to get my fucking ass handed to me on a damn silver platter because some idiots can’t pay their mortgage.  Now you better understand that right fucking now.

  This economic disaster is absolute bullshit.  If you don’t do your part to help out, I’ll make you run like you have never fucking ran before.  If you think you have financial woes, this economy will make you think the 1930s Great Depression was a fucking picnic.  Two fucking years ago Americans were spending $1.20 out of every dollar they earned.  Now they are spending 52cents out of every dollar.  Of course businesses are going out of fucking business.

  

  If I have to sit around here and lose all this money I won’t fucking stand for it.  Those idiots won’t put me in that position.  I’ll get my bullwhip after you if you get between me and my cash.  If you fuck around with me, you’ll pay like you won’t believe.  Just ask that tool, Digger Phelps.  He got my wingtips wedged up his ass for questioning me about the decline of the housing market and the auto bailout. 

  Now, get out there, spend some money, and get your heads out of your asses. 

  Where’s my sweater?  Fuck, Purdue.

   

  Ummm that was Bobby Knight.  I am sure his post will get me banned from Xanga so maybe I should have him apologize for his language.

  Me: Coach Knight, maybe you should apologize for your words.  They were a little harsh.

  Coach: I don’t know what I have to apologize for in the country of freedom of speech.

  Me: But, Coach, your words are a little harsh and yes we have freedom of speech but we should respect other people’s ears.

  Coach: Well if you can’t stand just do what I said to Connie Chung, if rape is inevitable just sit back, relax, and enjoy it.

  Me: Wow!  That is horrible.

  Coach:  No it isn’t.  I am making you mentally tough because mental toughness is to physical as four is to one.

  Me: Coach, I don’t understand

  Coach: Of course you wouldn’t.  Everybody hears but few listen.

  Me:  Any parting words, Coach?

  Coach:  When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are passed, I want them to bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass!

  Me: Thank you.

  Coach: Fuck off and get me my sweater.

  • 4:21 PM
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