February 27, 2009

• Lukewarm Links

  Winter has returned.  Yesterday I was sure that springtime was here.  It was in the 50s and sunny and I was cruising around with my windows open listening to my brakes that need to be replaced.  Today I woke up and turned on the news and saw that a majority of schools were closed or closing early.  The snowstorm came and it was pretty nasty.  At first we got hit with freezing rain and then it switched over to snow.  I think there is about 3 to 4 inches of snow on the ground but then there is all sorts of ice under that.  For awhile my driveway looked like a skating rink.  Tomorrow morning is going to be fun.  We are supposed to get a couple more inches of snow overnight.  I have this feeling that it will be winter for some time and then one day it will be 50s and then the next it will be 90s.  Spring will cease to exist.  Enough bitching, time for links.

  Do you ever read How to Guides?  I do from time to time especially when it comes to making home brews, wine, or cider.  Here is a list of 11 how to guides that are completely unnecessary.  The one on changing channels is hilarious.  It reminds me of one of my universal remote controls and how I have to go online to find the entry codes.  It explains how to fully enjoy TV with the remote by how to raise and lower the volume and change channels.
  
  This story was one of the saddest stories I have read this week.  It just seems so typical.  I picture the person who bought the bird looking like the Monopoly guy.

  Many years ago when I was young and naive, I came very close to buying a van for my first vehicle.  It's a good thing I didn't because I probably would have made it look something like this.

  I love urban legends.  I never knew that urban legends extended into the realm of video games but here is a list of some video game urban legends.  That Duck Hunt one is funny because when I was a child I played the arcade version and shot the dog but then the home version I would try and try again to get that damn dog but could never do it.

  Stories like this scare me when it comes to the dating scene but then I am not into swinging so I guess I shouldn't be scared.  Who knew Cottage Grove, WI was so seedy?

  I laughed so hard when I read this story.  I think your basketball program is in a terrible situation if you need a 73 year old man to be on your roster.  It is a good thing that players are staying in school but come on.
  
  I am thinking I am going to add this play into my football playbook.  Wait, a friend who went to a different high school had a play similar and they tried it every single year that he played and it only worked once but not for a touchdown.

  THIS IS THE BEST ADAPTATION OF ASTEROIDS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You might as well jump to that site.

  This website has a long url but it has to because it deals with some of the most expensive items in the world.  If someone asks you, "what is the most expensive margarita in the world?" You can go here and give them the answer. 
  
  Here is another sad story.  I read it and it made me realize that I never want to call out a pro-wrestler.  Verne and the other guy had been fighting in the home for weeks because the man who died said pro-wrestling wasn't real.  Verne also had to be pulled off because he put the other man in the sleeper hold.  God, I don't want to get old.  So we know what happened to Verne Gagne but what about some of the other wrestling stars of yesteryear?  Mental Floss did a where are they now feature on some wrestlers.  You have to read about The Ultimate Warrior and read his ramblings.  They sound like some people here on Xanga.  So I know I don't want to be placed in a nursing home with a former wrestler but I would buy a house from The Dog Faced Gremlin as long as he promised not to give me a bulldog or a Steiner-line.

  I saw this on Craigslist and have been tempted to submit resumes like this to jobs where I know I will never be hired. 

  I live near a Baptist church and from time to time I get the tracts that try to convert me to their church.  Well one of them had a website listed and I searched around and I thought these tracts were pretty funny.  Islam and Halloween...do those convert you?  The greatest thing I ever received was years ago a fire and brimstone preacher gave me a card that said Get Out of Hell Free.  It looked like a Monopoly card but on the back it contained Bible passages.  I keep that in my wallet right next to my...next!

  I was thinking of growing a beard and entering the World Beard and Moustache contest but then I went to the website and what I saw made me shave.

  This is a pretty cool website.  A dad wanted his son to have a fun photo collection so he started getting famous people to pose with his son.  That kid is pretty lucky but I wonder to what extent his dad has gone to to get those photos.

  This website lists the most used words in the English language.  It's good to see that prostitute is hanging in at #14,003

  The Rick Roll is getting old.  We need to find something new.  MSNBC has a list of possible replacements.

  I am so anxious for The Watchmen.  Here is a video about how they made Rorshach's mask.  Oh and I was reading(this may only be for Watchmen comic readers) that the comic within The Watchmen is being made into a short film and will be available in an upcoming DVD.  Gerard Butler is playing the main character.

  Sham-Wow Vince is a pop culture icon!  I love those commercials and his new one for the Slap Chop...forget about it!  Anyway here is a soundboard featuring Vince's favorite sayings.  I crack up every time I see the new Slap Chop commerical and Vince says "You'll love my nuts."  I can't not press that enough.
  
  And I thought the cops in my hometown were incompetent.  I could add an off-color Irish joke but being part Irish I don't like to degrade myself unless I am talking to a certain someone via the messenger.

  I just learned about the karaoke feature on Myspace and this entry has me clamoring for more.

  I saw this link on another Xangan's site but I can't remember where...I am a fool.  Anyway go to the Demonstration Mode and it will let you take psychology tests that will bring up your subconscious.  I took the one about Presidents and it gave me some interesting results.

  When I first saw this fun item on eBay, I thought it was Gonzo from The Muppet Show in male underwear form.  Then I had to remember that not all men are equal and that when I worked in the tourist trap we sold boxers that had a fire hose on the front.  Damn...never sizes for us BHM(Big Handsome Men).

  So this guy goes to jail for impersonating a police officer.  Now that he is in jail he is telling the other inmates that he is actually an undercover officer.  That has to be one of the dumbest moves ever.  I think the other inmates wouldn't enjoy having a cop live with them and his life would be at risk but of course I have never imitated a police officer, not even as a child, I was always a robber.  The last time one of my neighbors played cops and robbers with me, I was the robber of course and he runs into my "hideout" and says I am under arrest.  I said, "Show me your warrant."  He asks, "What's a warrant and how do I get one?"  I answer, "Damned if I know."  Then I ran to the lake, where he couldn't go because he would get punished.  The secret to being a good criminal, going to places where the police can't go.

  Finally, a new way to draw penises online.  Honestly, check out the gallery.

  I finally have found a home that may survive nuclear holocaust or Mormon missionaries.

  All the sex ed I need I can find at WikiAnswers.  At least it is better than some of the stuff I have seen on Yahoo Answers.

  I am not an old man because I can hear the Teenage Audio Test.  I listened to it and heard it and now I have a headache...YAY ME!  My cat started howling like a dog when I played the file.

  Our new President has a potty mouth.  I remember reading his book and I was shocked that this politician could use such language.  I had no clue he did the audio book.  I guess I shouldn't be shocked at his language, I mean Dick Cheney told all of America to go fuck themselves.

  This is some sad Maury Povich type stuff.  The answers however are not what Maury would say, they are better.

  Well I hope you enjoyed.

  • 1:32 AM
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