March 17, 2009

• Lukewarm Links

  OK, they are a little late.  I have been busy with my tournament and Cocky.  Make sure you vote and send Cocky a question.  I have to get this in through the tears of laughter because the cable channel I had on is airing an infomercial about vacuum therapy for men.

  Lately I have been reading about sexual fetishes because some celebrities are coming out and announcing what their fetishes are.  Sometimes the fetishes are just bizarre and people end up having sex with random objects.  Here is a list of the strangest objects people have been caught having sex with.  Sort of reminds me of the doctors who talk about all the things they pull out of people's rectums and every time the excuse is, "I fell on it.  It was a one in a million shot."  I did come across a website featuring homemade sex toys and one was attaching a dildo to a sabersaw.  WEll you have to take major safety precautions when attempting that.  These people didn't.  Another sexual fetish that I find "interesting" is Cosplay but I am not thinking of the sci-fi stuff.  Maybe it is just because that Cosmo said I was into role-playing.  Anyway here are some photos of Cosplay gone wrong.  OK too much sex for one week in this post.  This story is almost the equivalent of an ice cold shower.  Church is the last place that I want to talk about sex.

  When I check my email there is one email that I receive from my friends promptly when I see the three little letters...FWD.  Here is a list of the lamest forwarded emails and why your mom loves them.  So how many of those do you get on a daily basis?

  How many of you watch the pornography?  Well, I plead the fifth but I can say that porn movies aren't known for the acting however this list of 6 non-sex scenes from porn movies may just change your mind.

  When I was out in Colorado a few years back, I remember driving down the interstate and saw a sign that read, "If snow, turn around".  What the hell is that supposed to mean?  Do I look behind me?  Do I turn the vehicle around?  Here is a collection of bad signs.

  If I ever need to hire a private investigator, I think I am going to hire this guy.  Us fat guys have to stick together.

  Have you ever found yourself wanting to explain World War 2 but couldn't quite get it right?  Well this cartoon explains everything perfectly.

  I remember having a squandered opportunity back in grade school when a girl told me that she practiced kissing on a mirror but wanted to have someone to practice on.  She looked at me in a longing fashion and I said, "Well, I hope you can find someone."  Now I probably would have sent her to this website.

  Need to expand your vocabulary to cosellian heights?  This website may help.  I really need to spend some time there.

  After reading this website, I am tempted to move to Orem, Utah.  Wait, MC Hammer did a concert at one of the local indoor waterparks.  I think I'll stay put.

  Yahoo Answers is the scariest website in the worldwide web.  Last week this priceless question made the rounds of Xanga and I just had to share it with my readers who may have missed it.  In ways I am glad I never had sex ed in grade school or high school or college.  I am also glad I am not a child with questions in this society because I would go see this stuff on yahoo answers or this.  I have also learned that if I have a serious question about song lyrics, the rocket scientists at Yahoo Answers may not be the people to ask.  OK but that was classic.  Yahoo Answers will never replace the desperation of Craigslist.

  I am still not a member of Twitter.  This Twitter account complete with the Tweets as the kids say(sorry B-Money) is one reason I have to join that site.

  I had found memories of being a DJ for dorm parties and at White House of New Ulm parties.  The worst time was at a wedding.  I think it was the weather that got me down that day.  It was about 103 and I had to wear a tux.  At the wedding dance, these two young girls kept asking me to play a song I never heard of and then when I said I don't have it they went to the pastor and he came and requested it.  I was pissed.  Here are some DJ stories about their horrible experiences mixing it up. 

  Have you just been introduced to this wonderful thing called the internet?  Here is a list of the 99 most definite things you should view on the world wide web.  Strange, my Xanga page isn't on that list.

  A few years ago my parents had a skunk infestation at their house.  The river flooded so all the skunks came into town looking for shelter and a female had her litter of 13 under my parents' porch.  Well a guy at church caught them with his specially designed skunk trap.  I am thankful they've never had a Godzilla outbreak because a Godzilla trap is quite pricey.

  Want to know what happened to your favorite TV nerd?  Well here you go.  Screech has become a horrible person.

  B-Money turned me on to this site.  This guy writes about drinking and having sex.  Man, I am in the wrong business.  I have some good stories...or so I have been told.

  This could only happen in Beloit, WI.  Well I guess I have to scratch a name for one of my future daughters off the list after reading that.  There will not be an Angel Dust R.C. Cola of Green Bay.

  So after the all the years of Americans predicting the fall of the USSR, now the Russians are predicting the collapse of America.  The funny thing is that if McCain was elected, the U.S. would have fell a year earlier.

  I like cupcakes and to a lesser extent I enjoy politics.  So this article was a combination of two delightful things for me.  Can I say Obama looks tasty?  Speaking of President Obama, here is a new doll in his honor.  that's nice but I wonder if it as pleasing as the Head O State.

  I can't believe this is a real museum.  I think they will eventually dedicate a wing solely for my work.

  SWEET JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK!  I HATE BIRDS!
  
  I am tempted to answer this in a job interview.  I would only do that if I had another job and the interview was pointless.

  GAME OF THE WEEK:  The Orignal Oregon Trail!  I used to rule that game.

  FOR THE TEACHERS OUT THERE:  Hip-Hop in the classroom.  I am thinking this could actually work except when you have to learn the rules of grammar.  A hip-hop style song helped me learn the name of Jesus' disciples so I guess all things are possible with hip-hop.

  I used to have dreams of moving to Australia and living in the rough and tumble wilderness and being around those girls with those accents that give me chills and make my fingers turn blue.  Well I read this story and have decided that Australia may not be the place for me.

  There is a band that I enjoy called The Blood Hound Gang.  On one of their albums there is a track where the lead singer calls his mother and asks her for another word for vagina.  Too bad he didn't have this website and it would have saved some embarassment but wouldn't have given a funny lead in to a song.

  St, Patrick's Day is upon us.  I have my refigerator stocked with beer and my bar is raring to go.  I will have some photos tomorrow...hopefully.  In case you won't be able to get out but want to celebrate, here is a way to make your own green beer.  Also in case you have Das Boot, here's a little diagram to help you drink without getting the beer bubble in your face.  Hmmm I have green dye and Das Boot...ST. PATRICK'S DAY ROCKS!

  MARCH MADNESS!
  
  NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
  Have a safe St. Patrick's Day

  • 1:46 AM
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