June 16, 2009

• Family

  As I said in my last post, one of my aunts died.  I received a phone call Thursday afternoon stating that she was not doing great.  It was strange because the past month or two has been hell on her.  First, she is diagnosed with kidney failure, then she had a fire in her house, then a tornado came through and did damage to her house and then her kidney problems really took a toll on her.  So when I received a phone call at 3:00AM I knew that it was a call telling me that she had died.

  I guess what has made this sad for me was the fractured relationship on my maternal side of my family.  Sadly, the fracture was all over money.  My mom was the baby of the family and she stayed close to home while all her brothers and sisters moved across the country.  My mom was left to take care of my grandfather, who died when I was three and in my family tradition he died on Flag Day (I have had a family member die on every holiday), and my grandmother, who died when I was 16 on Easter.  Of course my mom couldn't take care of my grandmother in her later years so she was put in a nursing home and for monetary reasons, my grandmother was forced to have an estate auction.  This aunt that died came up from Illinois and accused my mom of stealing all my grandmother's money.  It was just a mess.  And then when my grandmother died, this aunt came up and searched through the remnants of my grandmother's possessions and took them with her.  Yeah, she ducked out of the visitation so that she could do that.

  I have often heard that there is a thing called sibling rivalry but I wouldn't know since I am an only child.  I see how my mom interacted with her sisters and I was thankful I didn't have to deal with that.  I guess it had something to do with my mom being the "baby".  This gets strange because people don't always believe me but I am two generations removed from the American Civil War.  My mom is the youngest of 8 and my grandmother was the youngest of 23 children and she would be 100 this year.  My great-grandfather fought in the Civil War as if there was anything civil about it.  Anyway I guess being spread that far out between children can tend to be problematic. 

  It's also strange how when a family member dies you learn all the family secrets involving that family member.  Talking it over with my folks on Friday, I learned everything.  It was very Jerry Springer-esque.  I was shocked at all that I was hearing.  Imagine getting punched in the stomach.  Now multiply that times ten.

  I had many great memories of this aunt.  A lot of you weren't a regular reader here when I wrote the story of my worst Christmas present but she is the aunt that sent me that present.  She was also the crazy aunt that went through these fads and one time her and her 3rd husband were visiting my grandma and they decided that they need to collect video footage of the Amish.  They were driving all over our little town videotaping these poor separatists.  Her husband almost had a couple accidents.  See, he was so protective of his car and video camera that he had to do the driving and the taping.  That tape taught me a whole new slough of cuss words.

  I think my favorite memory was when all my aunts and uncles gathered for my grandmother's birthday.  Before we went to the nursing home, three of my aunts stopped at our house to relax after the long drive from Chicago.  This aunt who died mentioned that she saw a lot of construction transpiring in our little town.  My dad informed everyone that there was a new company coming to town.  My aunt asked, "What are they going to make?"  My dad answered, "Rubbers."  See we forget regional dialect.  Like in some areas it's called soda and in others it's called pop.  Then if an outsider visits Milwaukee and asks for a drinking fountain they will be politely told that they can go get a drink at the nearest BUBBLER.  Well the rubbers in this case were rubber boot and shoe coverings.  My aunts looked at each other and were politely smiling.  Then my dad says, "I hope taht I will be able to sell them at my store."  See my dad operated my paternal grandfather's shoe store after my grandfather had a massive heart attack and the doctors told him he couldn't work anymore.  My deceased aunt started giggling and my dad was rather offended.  He went on about how it was such a great business opportunity to be able to sell rubbers and to help promote the local economy.  I piped in and said, "Yeah, even I have rubbers."  My aunt started gagging on her drink and screamed, "WHAT!"  "Yes, I have some rubbers.  Want to see?"  "NO!"  My dad looked puzzled and then another aunt started laughing and asked if the rubbers he was talking about was condoms.  My dad turned every shade of red as I asked, "What's a condom?"  "Go to your room."

  So I guess in all the bad, there are great memories.  It's just too bad that my mom could never have reconciled with her.  I haven't found out when a funeral will take place but it won't be for a while because they are respecting my aunt's wishes.  Anyway, this has left me feeling so down but not because of the death but because those broken family ties now can never be mended.  If you are having problems like that, be the bigger person and patch things up.  Life is too short and too serious to seperate yourself from family over petty matters.

  • 1:34 AM
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