June 27, 2009

• Celebrity Round Up 6/26

  I was at the doctor's yesterday because the sunburn I got last weekend has turned into a horrible rash.  I had to get some prescription lotion.  It is doing the trick.  Anyway the best part of the visit was that my blood pressure, which I have had issues with all my life, dropped 60 points.  The doctor was pleased.   On to the round up.

  
  Stephen Moyer(left) is one of the stars of True Blood. Recently he was asked what he thought of Edward Cullen(right) from the Twilight series.  Moyer said, "He's a pussy!  He's the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires."  My god...this is going to get awesome.  I have heard stories of Twilight fans physically attacking people who voiced their opinion that twilight was no good.  Then there are very devout True Blood fans.  I think I will be safe on my little hill enjoying the fallout.
  
  This is a photo from last year at the premiere of Dear Lord, Why?  Shia LaBeouf recently leaked a secret that there would be a fifth installment in the Indiana Jones series and he would be returning.  Shia said that he saw the early version of the script.  Harrison Ford is 66.  The only adventure that could be suitable for him is waiting for the Viagra to kick in.  So I guess they are going ahead with another unnecessary Indiana Jones movie and this brings up an important question, how much money does Steven Spielberg need?
  
  Shortly after Paris Hilton kissed this dolphin, it had to be put to sleep because of a deluge of STDs.
  
  This week Paris Hilton offended millions of Muslims by posing in her bikini while on vacation in Dubai.  She was warned by many people that if she went in public in a bikini she faced possible jail time.  I wish the "true" Muslims would have tied her to a pole in the town square and hurled rocks at her for being a whore. 
  
  Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce Orit Fox.  She is a model and actress in Israel.  Orit is also the owner of the largest breasts in Israel.  People, this is why America must intervene on behalf of Israel.  We must protect Israel and her most beautiful creature.
  
  Olivia Munn was spotted at a premiere of Transformers 2.  I hope she lived through the ordeal.  She was blowing out kisses on the red carpet.  BACK OFF!  THOSE BELONG TO ME!
  
  I am beginning to think that all these photos of Miley Cyrus that have been surfacing with this new movie are really inappropriate.  The movie's director, Adam Shankman, took these photos and placed them on twitter.  I am sure he will soon be getting a visit from Mickey.  So do all 16 year old girls pose like this nowadays because if not I am sure they will soon be following their idol.  I like how MIley is trying to be all sexy but to me she looks about as sexy as the banjo playing kid in Deliverance.
  
  Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker became parents this week.  Not biological parents but adoptive parents.  They had a surrogate mother give birth to twin girls.  They went with a surrogate so maybe there is some truth to the rumors about Matthew.  They named the girls Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick.  I am surprised Matthew didn't lobby for Judy and Liza.
  
  Lady Gaga performed at the MuchMusic video awards last weekend.  The fight between Perez Hilton and a member of Will.i.am's entourage wasn't the only fireworks at that show.  I think this bra should be marketed for retail and sold for July Fourth celebrations.
  
  Kendra Wilkinson had her shotgun wedding at the Playboy mansion this week.  This was her dress.  I guess she couldn't wear white but she did keep it classy.  She makes a whorific bride.  When asked what she planned on doing for her honeymoon, Kendra said that they planned on going to a deserted island so they could spend their entire honeymoon naked.  So where is the excitement in that?  She spends her days naked already.
  
  Katy Perry posted this photo of her bathing and eating pizza.  She posted the photos on Twitter.  I think if I was guaranteed to see more photos like this, I would join Twitter in a heartbeat.
  
  Johnny Depp was at the premiere for his new movie Public Enemy.  It looks like he is trying to recapture his youth and revisit his 21 Jump Street days.  I am anxious for Public Enemy, some of it was filmed near my hometown.
  
  George Clooney recently planned a trip for he and his friends to Mexico but numerous friends dropped out of the trip because of the fears of Swine Flu.  He told his friends that they would be safe from the Swine Flu is they drank massive amounts of tequila.  Clooney also told his friends that he was immune because he owned a potbelly pig for 18 years.  George needs to be made the surgeon general of our country.
  
  Farah Fawcett passed away yesterday at the age of 62 after a long battle with cancer.  I know this is cliche but heaven just got another angel.
  
  Here is more proof that Hollywood has run out of ideas.  It was announced this week that there is a film in the works that will tell the story about the creation of Facebook.  David Fincher is attached and will possibly be the director.  Fincher has directed such hits as Seven, Fight Club, Zodiac, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  So what will this movie be about?  Sending people invitations to find out which unicorn they are?  Sending out the green patches?  Will there be poking?  Maybe it will change formats once you get comfortable with watching the film.  I can fart things that are more creative than this.
  
  Ladies, here's your chance!  VH-1 has announced that they are casting for a new reality dating series starring Frank the Entertainer star of such VH-1 shows as I Love New York 2, I Love Money, and I Love Money 2.  The show is tentatively called  The Entertainer of Love.  If you want to fall in love with this guy and move into his parents' basement then click here to check out the casting call.
  
  Eddie Murphy certainly is well built.  I guess a steady stream of transsexual hookers and making horrible movies does a body good.
  
  Ed McMahon passed away this week at the age of 86.  He will be greatly missed.  I still see that smile and picture him handing me a giant check for millions of dollars.  He is now reunited with Johnny Carson for the ultimate late night gig in the sky.  Hi-yoooooo!
  
  The angel of death was loose this week and using taxicabs.  Actually Courtney Love escaped from her tomb is is preparing to feast on your soul.  Remember all those years ago circa 1996 when she was rather attractive?
  
  Christian Bale has bailed(I am so clever) on the next Batman movie because Christopher Nolan will not be directing.  AND SO IT BEGINS!  The third movie in a series always sucks.  If they go ahead and make this next Batman movie it will just follow in loo of the first Batman movies.  The third began the serious suckage of the series.  I hope this rumor is true and kills the Batman series because of all the other rumors I had heard.  They want Catwoman and they are going to have Johnny Depp play the Riddler even though in the Dark Knight Anthony Michael Hall was clearly set up to be a major villain quite possibly the Riddler or maybe a new take on Harlee Quin. 
  
  My confidence in the legal system is shot.  Chris Brown faced multiple years in prison was patted on the head and given 180 days of community service and 5 years probation.  Prisoners within the California penal system were upset because they were looking forward to getting a new girlfriend on their cell-block.  So this Chris Brown sentence is telling me one of two things:  If you are famous, that fame can get you out of all problems or violence against women is OK.
  
  Brad Pitt's was set to star in a movie called Moneyball.  However, his movie studio axed the production because they didn't think it would make any money and also there were serious problems with the script.  It must have been horrible because Brad Pitt was to star and Steven Soderbergh was set to direct.  It was supposed to be about Oakland Atheltics' general manager Billy Beane and how he fielded a winning team despite having limited money.  Damn, with this movie ending production, it looks like Brad will have to spend his summer with the "wife" and kids.
  

  
  

  These are some early promotional photos from Tim Burton's adaptation of Alice in Wonderland.  You have in the upper left, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, upper left is Helena Bohnam as the Queen of Hearts and on the bottom is Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter.  OK so this fits Tim Burton movies and looks very creepy.
  
  You know these premiere stunts for the new Bruno movie are getting pretty bizarre but they don't make me want to see the movie any less.  I spent some time looking at that outfit and thought I had seen it before but I couldn't remember where.  Then it hit me, that creepy family.  So I was going to make a joke about this movie being a triomphe but then I realized they were outside the Brandenburg Gates and not at the Arc de Triomphe.  God, I would have been a moron if I typed out that joke.
  
  Michael Jackson died at age 50.  I  don't really have much to say about him.  It is for personal reasons that I am not ready to divulge. 

  Video Section
  I'll let Katt Williams discuss Michael Jackson.
  
  Danny Devito was on Letterman and he explained his drunken behavior.  I love It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
  
  Bruno was on Conan this week and it was an interesting interview.

  
  
  I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

  • 1:42 AM
  • 37 Comments