July 25, 2009

• Celebrity Round Up 7/24

  Another week...I was a bit worried about posting tonight.  We had some major thunderstorms roll through here.  I haven't been out tonight but people are talking about flooding.  There are places near me that are reporting they had something like 5 inches of rain today.  Oh well...here's the round up.
  
  When I first saw this photo of Whitney Port, I thought to myself, "I hope that is a merkin under her bikini or maybe it is an elaborate tribute to Groucho Marx."
  
  This photo was taken at David Beckham's triumphant return to Los Angeles' professional soccer team.  Did you see the game?  Posh Beckham and Tom Cruise missed the game in which David was booed loudly and had a fan jump security rails in order to try to fight him.  Posh and Tom were too busy talking about boys, gag reflexes, and their fake tans.  Americans will never embrace soccer or Scientology.
  
  Sienna Miller claims that she almost had her breasts burned off while filming the new G.I. Joe movie.  She said a fireball shot off close to her chest and nearly burned her.  I guess that was almost like a karmic intervention because she has burned up the beds of so many married men and she is also making my blood boil by what she is doing there.
  
  Robin Williams turned 58 this week.  I wonder if anyone has researched the value of his fur coat.  I should try to manscape mine to look more like Robin but I am afraid that I would need Rogaine. 
  
  Olivia Munn makes a hot pin-up girl.  Excuse me for a minute and a half.  I will have to post some photos of her in an exclusive entry.
  
  The Naked Cowboy is running for mayor of New York City.  He plans on running on the ticket of transparency and has said that he plans on keeping all his press conferences brief.  Here's the official press release: "The Naked Cowboy’s platform speaks to the real issues facing us, and will cultivate the rebirth of the small businesses that made New York City what it is today. Known as the 'Naked Stimulus Package,' the plan includes micro loans, tax holidays and other incentives to help small businesses thrive. Other points of Naked's platform include Taxes (if you’re rich, stop whining and pay your taxes), Transportation (taxi call buttons on every city corner), Homeland Security (as mayor he will keep the city’s security on high alert, making frequent stops at the tunnels, bridges, and guard posts of every building), Gay Marriage (as an ordained minister and he’d love to marry all citizens of NYC, not just the straight shooters), and of course Tourism (he plans to build a Times Square Wedding Chapel and establish a billion dollar wedding business that will rival Las Vegas)."
   
  Hey Mr. and Mrs. C!  How are you doing?  Me?  I couldn't be cooler, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!  Hey Mrs. C, your hair, it hasn't changed a bit since the show went off the air.  What?  It can't be a wig.  I thought it was real.  That would make me wr-wr-wro-wr-wron-wro-wrong!  The first family of Milwaukee made an appearance to sign autographs at a TV convention this week.
  
  VH-1 announced they were having another Divas concert.  This time the divas would include Miley Cyrus, Kelly Clarkson, Leona Lewis, and Adele.  Um....remember when they actually got real stars to sing at their Diva concerts?  I guess Clay Aiken and Adam Lambert were busy.
  
  Mickey Rourke has been spending time in London and he got drunk and then got into a fight.  This time the fight was with a traffic barrier.  Mickey said he punched the barrier because it was "too fucking orange."
  
  In his drunken state, Mickey also stole a statue of Jesus.  Miceky is playing dangerous games.  Jesus ain't 'bout havin' his statue stole.  Jesus could send lightning bolts to scar and disfigure Mickey's face...wait...steal it, Mickey.
  
  Why did this photo of Lisa Rinna attract me so much?  It must be the new hat.
  
  It has been so hot in California this week that Lisa Rinna was photographed melting at the beach.  I also have a feeling she could be melting because she just got wet and she is a witch.
  
  I think Millions of Milkshakes violated millions of health codes by letting Lindsay Lohan work behind the counter making a custom milkshake.  I hear the milkshake had some unique ingredients.  First she started with vanilla ice cream, added some chocolate syrup, then dumped in a pack of cigarettes, a can of tuna, on can of Red Bull, peanut butter, an unpaid credit card bill, some stolen jewlery, a borrowed fur coat, and to top it all she sprinkled it with some cocaine.
  
  I saw this photo of Lindsay Lohan and was going to make a joke about her being a squirter but that made me feel unpleasant.
  
  Most normal women wear something like old sweat pants or shorts when it is laundry day.  Not, Lady Gaga, she wears the newspaper. 
  
  One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others, By the time I finish my song?  If you said the center girl, Kimberly Wyatt of the Pussycat Dolls is different because she is a girl next to two transsexual dancers then you are wrong.  She is teh one with the STD.
  
  I usually don't given Kim Kardashian much credit or praise her but she really is good at jumping on a trampoline.  Yes, Kim puts the tramp, in trampoline.
  
  Kendra Wilkinson and her husband Hank Baskett were trying to keep the gender of their unborn baby a secret but Kendra revealed the sex this week.  She said that because the baby is kicking all the time that she has a little David Beckham inside her.  So that means they are having a boy however I find it ironic because at one time she has had the real David Beckham inside her.
  
  This is Katrina Darrell.  She was known as Bikini Girl on American Idol this season.  She had a photo session at the beach this week and 14:55...14:56...14:57...14:58...14:59.
  
  This is Karissa and Kristina Shannon.  They are Playboy Playmates and because they are under 20 years old, they are also Hugh Hefner's girlfriends.  You know...life is not fair.  I have no girlfriend let alone girlfriends.  Oh wait...I have two.
  
  Here is a promotional poster for Jake Gyllenhaal's new movie Prince of Persia.  Great!  Another horrible movie based upon a video game!  I can't take this seriously.  I am surprised they haven't made a film adaptation of Asteroids or Madden Football or Grand Theft Auto.
  
  Another celebrity passed away this week.  This week it was former Taco Bell spokesperson Gidget.  She was the chihuahua in all but one of the Taco Bell ads featuring the dog.  Gidget also made an appearance in Legally Blonde 2...no she isn't Reese Witherspoon although they probably could have been separated at birth.  So when you go to Taco Bell this weekend, order up a gordita and pour it out for Gidget.
  
  I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Fergie is a dude!  Maybe this is why she has this bumper sticker on her car: Women belong in the kitchen and not the voting booth.
  
  There is a video of Erin Andrews, a reporter for ESPN, circulating on the internet.  I will not post it because ESPN is threatening a lawsuit against any site that posts it.  The video shows Erin prancing around her hotel room nude as well as showering and doing other bathroom business.  I also wouldn't advise searching for it because apparently the people who originally posted it are also hackers and use it to gain access to your computer.  Anyway the video was captured with a high-tech camera that caught all her actions through the peephole on the hotel room door.  If that is true, I will kill myself if a video is made accessible of my last hotel visit.  I didn't want anyone to see me re-enacting the dance scene from Risky Business.
  
  A 911 call was made from Bam Margera's house this week.  The person on the phone said they needed help for Bam because of a possible overdose.  It's sad to see a young person get mixed up with drugs and overdose...wait...this is the guy that filmed himself beating up his father while his father was taking a dump.  Bam's mom said that he was just merely dehydrated.  Who doesn't need a good enabler!
  
  Like Bikini Girl, I think Avril Lavigne's fame is up.  Judging by her appearance, maybe she is just undergoing an image re-invention from a wannabe punk to a wannabe goth.  Either way, I think we will soon be seeing her as the opening act for Celine Dion's lounge show.
  
  Guess the ass!  This is the only reason why I occasionally watch the new 90210....Annalynne McCord.
  
  Alex Trebek turned 69 this week.  After seeing this picture...well, I'll take sexy and creepy for 500.
  
  Amy Winehouse went to court this week to face charges for assault.  Amy said that she was defending herself and admitted that she was drunk at the time of the assault.  She must have expected a bad outcome in the verdict because she was wearing stripes. 
  
  And today Amy Winehouse was found not guilty.  She is guilty of being a crackhead.  She shrugged off the verdict, left the courthouse and lit a cigarette.  AND SO IT BEGINS!
  
  Britney Spears could be released from her father's custody in November shortly after her tour ends.  She then may find work to be impossible to find.  No company will insure her in regards to performances or making music.  So maybe having her dad stay as her guardian is a good thing but she says she can't wait to get rid of him.  Expect a return of the good old crazy Britney Spears.  Could you imagine the duets she could sing with Amy Winehouse?

  Video Section:
  The Beastie Boys announced that they will be postponing their next album so that MCA can battle cancer.
  
  Chris Brown issued an apology.  I wonder what his reading level is.
  

  I hope everyone has a swell weekend.

  • 1:24 AM
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