August 5, 2009

  • Motivation

    I had a meeting tonight.  It was boring.  I got another rejection letter.  I guess it isn't so much rejection as just another testament as to how bad the previous administration fucked up the country especially the education system and now the kids have to suffer.  I think I am going to have to start thinking of being a gigolo or making "movies" or "donations".

    I had a bat in my house this evening.  At around 8:30 I heard some thuds coming from the upstairs and then my cats running around.  I just figured they were chasing each other.  I came on here and was typing away and then I hear my cats running around and hissing and growling so I go to check it out and there is the flying rat.  My adrenaline was pumping but I have this phobia of flying creatures.  The thing started swooping at me and the cats so I picked them up and locked them in the upstairs portion of the house.  I grab a mop and started playing baseball with the bat.  Slap...slap...slap...it goes to the floor.  I smoosh it but not hard enough.  Those things have high pitched screams.  I then go into hockey mode and wrist shot it onto my back porch.  I quick close the door as the bat flies right into the glass on the door.  I laugh and then it flies back and hits the glass.  It's frantically flying around on my back porch and I can hear its screams through the door.  I think I hurt it.  It gets tangled in the chain on my screen door.  I laugh and take my mop, which I just used to mop my bathroom, and I swat it against the screen door.  The bat starts screaming.  "FUCK YOU BAT!  TAKE MY MOP!  LOVE MY MOP!  I JUST USED THIS TO CLEAN MY BATHROOM" (yes I said that to the bat as I pressed and it screamed.  Also I have to admit I'm not the best aimer so that explains what I said next) "HOW DO I TASTE?  YOU LIKE THAT?  I'M THE MAN!"  I then open the door and flick it outside as I hear it screeching as it flew into the night sky.  I hope that bat tells the rest of the bats never to mess with me.  I shut the door, turn off all the lights, the adrenaline rush goes away and then my asthma kicks in and I collapse.  Thankfully I have inhalers in every room of the house.  I inhale and breathe and then my cats curl up next to me.  I am alive so I blog.  What's next?  Oh yeah, your weekly dose of motivation:





    Well I hope I motivated you.

    I think it's time for a beer or maybe lake swimming under the moon.

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