August 13, 2009

• Lukewarm Links 9

  I was going to post last night but I was too amped up.  You see someone somewhat picked a fight with me.  I ran into some former co-workers while shopping at Walmart.  My friend Steve and I had so much fun just observing this couple.  The wife, we called her Mel-kind, because she looked like a male professional wrestler named Mick Foley but without the beard.  I think she also had some of the same mannerisms as him and the same wardrobe.  The husband, we called him the dope king.  The guy loved his weed.  I don't think he was ever not high.  I still remember the night when he almost ran me over in his minivan.  I was walking down an alley to go into a bar.  Well he slams on the brakes missing me by a half foot, opens his door and billowing clouds of pot smoke coming rolling out of his car.  "Hey...man...I'm so fucked up."  As the smoke cleared I looked in the back and there were their two children, one of which by the age of 9 had already committed major acts of arson.  "Yeah, man, do you want to watch our kids for the weekend?  Me and the old lady are gonna celebrate our anniversary in style.  I got a case of Corona to help me get a bona."  "No, I can't help."  "Damn, man, I was really looking forawrd to quality time with the old lady.  You know she ain't got her teeth."  Yes, that was the Dope King's bragging point; his wife had no teeth.  I understand how that could be a fun thing but 5 minutes of pleasure does not outweigh a lifetime of HAVING NO FUCKING TEETH.  Anyway they remembered me and I was surprised because I figured their brains had been fried.  I was holding a Tony Stewart hat for my cousin because he likes the NASCAR and Tony Stewart.  The Dope King doesn't like Tony Stewart.  "You piece shit...holding a piece of shit's hat."  "Oh this isn't for me, it's for my cousin who likes Tony Stewart." "Well your cousin's a piece of shit."  He wasn't joking.  He was agitated.  I got out of there in a hurry.

  Anyway here are this week's links.

  #1.  I enjoy the LOLCats and I also enjoy forums and I think that Metallica's black album is quite excellent.  This post features all three. 

  #2.  Here is another forum.  It goes on like this for a long time.

  #3.  In a tribute to Michael Jackson, these people made an eternal moonwalk.  You send in a video of you doing the moonwalk and they add it so that it will never stop.  I have to say that is a nice memorial.

  #4.  Sometimes when an actor becomes famous for a particular role, he or she gets typecasted.  Here is a list of some of the worst cases of typecasting in Hollywood.  It also contains some people who escaped being typecasted.

  #5.  Because Megan Fox acts and looks like a whore, here is a soundboard of Megan Fox sex sounds.

  #6.  Ladies, are you having a bad day?  Well I was thinking of trying to cheer you.  Ask yourself, "Who is the cutest?"

  #7.  You know, who are we to disagree with him?  I mean the guy was a former U.S. president.  I wonder if that would work for me if I were to say I am William Taft.

  #8.  Have you ever wondered what happens if the photographer forgets to say "cheese" before taking a photo?  Well you get the happiest people ever and I think I should say they use the term happy loosely.

  #9.  How many people out there have ever been a best man or maid of honor in a wedding party?  I was a best man in my friend Steve's wedding.  I gave a speech.  I made people cry.  I AM THE MAN!  Anyway I am just thankful I didn't make this list of the worst best man speeches caught on tape.

  #10.  Here's a step-by-step guide to find anything on the internet.  It's so complicated.

  #11.  Do you like pizza?  Do you hate how small the frozen pizzas are these days?  Well here is a recipe to make a 7lb pizza that is 4 and a half inches deep.  I feel my arteries hardening already.

  #12.  I remember when I was a kid being told that if you ever looked at a clock and it said 11:11 you were to make a wish.  Well this website takes it a step further in a crazier direction.

  #13.  2012 is fast approaching.  Here are 5 things you probably didn't know about the year 2012.  I love that Coast to Coast AM is capitalizing on the 2012 craze.  That show is insane.

  #14.  OH MY GOD!  I pray that I never put in the situation where I would have to give myself a circumsicion with a set of nailclippers.  Oh wait...next.

  #15.  This is the greatest website of all time...now, who can tell me where that is from?

  
  

  • 11:34 PM
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