September 19, 2009

• Celebrity Round Up 9/18

  Did anyone watch The Office on Adult Swim.  It was the original version of The Office.  I think they actually explained why the cameras followed around the people in the office.  I don't remember that in the American version.  I could be wrong because I just started watching it in syndication and in reruns.  I am weird, I readily admit this. Oh and Faster, Pussycat!  Kill!  Kill! is on Turner Classic Movies so I have to cruise through this because I hear Q is planning on remaking it and wants Lindsay Lohan for the lead.  On to the round up...may contain images not safe for work or life.

  
  Terri Hatcher competed in the Malibu Triathlon last weekend.  This is what we were treated to.  You know that would have been hot when she was on The Adventures of Lois and Clark but not so much anymore.
  
  Now that his divorce with Robin Wright is a sure thing, Sean Penn has been seen around town with his new girlfriend, Sports Illustrated model Jessica White.  She's 25 and he's 49.  There may be hope for me yet but before I start dating Sports Illustrated models I need to make award winning movies and talk about communism in a positive sense. 
  
  Pink recently wore this outfit for a concert.  I'm not complaining but she does look a little too much like Brigitte Nielsen.
  
  Pete Wentz wore this disguise while walking to a music studio.  I think the kid standing behind him got it right.  This isn't V for Vendetta but V for Vagina because that is what Pete is.  Hey, Bronx Mowgli...THAT'S YOUR FATHER!
  
  Patrick Swayze passed away this week at the age of 57.  He died of pancreatic cancer which he lived with after being diagnosed for 20 months which is a LONG time.  My family's first doctor died of the cancer and he only lived for 3 months after diagnosis.  Tila Tequila lives and this class act has to die, may he rest in peace.
  
  Mary Travers of the band Peter, Paul, and Mary passed away this week at the age of 72.  She did so much for folk music.  It was interesting driving my parents around as they talked about her and how much they loved their music.  This summer of death is unrelenting.  She will be greatly missed.
  
  Henry Gibson passed away this week at the age of 73.  He was a great film and TV star.  He was probably best known for his roles on Laugh-In and Boston Legal.  My personal favorite role was in The Blues Brothers where he played the head of the Illinois Nazis.  "There is nothing I hate more than Illinois Nazis."  He will be greatly missed.
  
  Punk rocker, poet, and author Jim Carroll died this week at the age of 60.  His book The Basketball Diaries was made into a movie of the same name which starred Leonardo DiCaprio and is probably Leo's best work.  Carroll's music was excellent.  My favorite songs were Catholic Boy (and here is a version he did with Pearl Jam) and People Who Died.  I loved his work and he will be greatly missed.  Jim, I salute you brother!
  
  Of course Paris Hilton has to wear a t-shirt with her name on it.  It's not because she is so dumb but because she sometimes gets a little loopy from semen overdoses. 
  
  Paris was spotted holding this sign in a bar in Milan, Italy this week.  Initially she refused to hold the sign so the patrons of the bar booed her.  Finally she relented and held the sign.  When asked why she didn't want to hold the sign she said that it said "Stop Tensomes".  In Paris' defense, she can't read.
  
  Everyone's favorite meth-faced, actor turned boxer turned actor and dog lover turned 57 this week.  Mickey has defied medical experts on reaching such a ripe old age.
  
  Lily Allen wore this dress at a recent performance. It is covered with mirrors.  I do not like the dress because I can see myself in the mirrors lusting after her and it is quite disgusting.  I need help or a girlfriend, a girlfriend would be better because then she could help me.  I need to set up a place where ladies can apply.
  
  I should just stop talking about Lady Gaga.  Here we see her dressing and acting normally at the Video Music Awards.
  
  Kendra Wilkinson's husband, Hank Baskett, found himself out of a job earlier this week.  It seems that his team, the Philadelphia Eagles, needed room on their roster for a guy who fights dogs and owns something called a rape stand.  Hank was desperate for work because he has a new mouth to feed.  Thankfully he filled out an application and was hired by an upstart team called The Colts in Indianapolis.
  
  Jessica Simpson supposedly witnessed her beloved dog Daisy dragged away by coyotes.  She supposedly hired an agency that specializes in finding missing dogs.  They have been blanketing the area looking for leads.  I don't think it will end well.  Jessica has been criticized for doing this.  Rightfully so, because I think Daisy staged the whole thing rather than spending another minute with Jessica.  Oh and her Twitter message...isn't that insulting to all the mothers of the world?
  
  Speaking of mothers...here is Katherine Heigl with her new daughter.  Awwww so cute.  She has named her daughter Nancy Leigh after Katherine's mother and sister but she refers to the baby as Naleigh.  I'm not going to argue with her.  She looks happy for a change.
  
  Jon Gosslein has to return his beloved dogs to the breeder because he can't keep them at his apartment and his lucrative pool party hosting gig would keep him away from the dogs.  Kate refuses to take care of the dogs when Jon isn't there because being a cunt with a crappy hairdo is a full-time job.
  
  Joe Jackson showed up at the VMAs with a date.  Some say she is an aspiring musical act and others say she is a trick from Craigslist.  I look at her and I think I go with the latter.  I mean it's no wonder Katherine needs $86,000 a month to take care of Michael's children because Joe is spending all that money trolling Craigslist.  If she is indeed a prostitute, the economy hasn't fully recovered if she has to settle for Joe Jackson.
  
  Jessica Biel has joined the cast of the A-Team movie.  Thankfully she will not be playing B.A. Baracus but will be Face's ex-lover who is an Army officer pursuing the A-Team to bring them to justice.  I don't know about this.  The TV show was blasted for being a sausage fest and misogynistic so maybe Jessica's addition won't be so bad afterall.
  
  Jennifer Anniston captured my thoughts of her new movie perfectly.  I guess she needs the money in this economy but seriously her movies since Friends went off the air have been crap.  Maybe she will get the idea and retire.
  
  Hulk Hogan is suing his lawyers that worked his son's case.  His son got a relatively easy sentence, 8 months, but Hulk is pissed.  See his lawyers billed him when his insurance company paid for his legal fees and they withheld correspondence from the insurance company.  They cheated him out of $1.5million.  As much as I hate Nick Hogan for his dastardly deeds, I think Hulkster has a point.  But before I can fully support him and become a Hulkamaniac, he needs an Ed Hardy intervention.  That crap is so played out.
  
  Fiona Apple turned 32 this week.  When that first album came out I was in love.  There was something so seductive and sultry with her voice.  And that porno shoot video, forget about it.  Sadly, she never returned my letters or phone calls.  Stay tuned for the video section for some news about Ms. Apple.
  
  Elvira turned 58 this week although certain parts of her are much younger.  I always loved how The Simpsons spoofed her...BOOOOOOBS!
  
  Chris Brown took some time to show off his physique after serving a few hours on his community service sentence.  I would say this is for the ladies but you know...
  
  Coco, you were once so beautiful, so elegant, so debonair but now you are wearing Ed Hardy.  You need an intervention.  Ed Hardy clothing is the new crack of Hollywood.  As much as I hate Ed Hardy, I have to admit Coco wears it nicely.
  
  Charlize Theron....um...um...um...yeah.
  
  Burt Reynolds checked into rehab for painkiller abuse.  He realized it was time after a night of heavy drinking and pill popping when he fell and cut himself but didn't feel it and lost a large amount of blood.  Seems he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own blood.  Hopefully he gets better because I need a new Smokey and the Bandit.  I'm not talking about a remake with Adam Sandler but a new Smokey and the Bandit.  Like what happens when the Bandit gets older.  Maybe they will read my fan-fiction screenplay where Bandit has to get a shipment of Viagra over state lines but he is being pursued not only by the police but by Hugh Hefner because Hugh's doctor won't give him a new prescription and Hugh has three 18 year old girlfriends and is hosting an orgy at the Playboy mansion.
  
  Avril Lavigne recently unveiled her new clothing line at a fashion show.  Ugh...it looks like it will be in Walmart by year's end.  Avril doesn't look so hot but that is to be expected when she separates from her husband Derrek Wibley.
  
  This image of Mario Lopez wearing lingerie hit the internet this week.  It is from the new season of Nip/Tuck.  All I can think of is a scene from Mario's classic show, Saved by the Bell. 
  Jessie sings: "I'M SO EXCITED!"
  *Slater drops robe to reveal lingerie*
  Jessie sings/sobs: "I'M SO...scared."  Do you get the reference?  If not check this.
  
  Since Playboy isn't offering her a spread nor is Hustler returning her phone calls, Adrianne Curry took to twitter and posted these photos.  Whoever said Twitter was a waste of time was dead wrong.
  
  Amy Winehouse defied medical logic by making it to the ripe old age of 26 this week.  The alcohol industry has been suffering in this economy but they are expected to make a full recovery since Amy was spotted in a bar this week.  She was "visibly" drunk.  Bookies in Vegas are no longer taking bets that she will become the next member of the 27 Forever club.
  
  Britney Spears has come up with a new way to meet men.  She staged a phony audition for a music video.  She set up the audition and a model named Bekim Trenova was set to try out for the music video.  There were no cameras, no crew, and it was just Britney and Bekim.  He said she started making passes at him.  Oh Britney!  You so crazy!  Now if only I made movies...well I could have a casting call for a phony Smokey and the Bandit movie.
  
  Since everyone has already written about Kanye West, I'll keep it brief.  Since President Obama called him a jackass, I think we need another beer summit between the President, Kanye, and Taylor Swift.  Part of Kanye's apology will have to be that he agrees never to use cap

  Video Section:
  Fiona Apple has some new music out.  Here is an advance.  I like the jazzy sound but I don't know if it fits her.
  

  I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

  • 2:53 AM
  • 27 Comments