September 24, 2009

• Questions with the Godfather and his cock

  After a long absence Cocky and I are back.  In case you don't remember, my cock is my pet rooster, Cocky McCockburns.  He's feisty and he's Scottish and he is ready to unload his wisdom all over the place.

  Me:  Cocky, how have you been.
  Cocky:  Pretty tired.
  Me:  How so?
  Cocky:  Well I haven't felt like getting up lately.  No matter how much you would push or pull on me, I just wanted to lay down and be lifeless.
  Me:  And now you are feeling better?
  Cocky:  Hell yeah, I am on some new medicine that has me darting up every morning without that lifeless feeling.
  Me: What's your medicine?
  Cocky:  Viagra.

  

  Me: Well, Cocky, are you ready?
  Cocky: Cocked, locked and ready to unload.
  Me: Excellent...and now a word from our sponsors.

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  Dear Godfather and Cocky,
  Where do you come up with your ideas?  I mean you seem like such a creative person so I would just like to know when and where do you get these ideas?
                                                                    Creative in Cashton,
  
  Me: Well, Creative, you actually have me blushing.
  Cocky: Are you sure that isn't because of broken capillaries from drinking?
  Me: Actually I get ideas all the time for writing and one of the things I recommend is carrying around a small not pad with you because you never know when the creative bug will bite.
  Cocky: You never take a note pad with you into your throne room.
  Me:  Ugh...that's because I am "reading" in my "reading room".
  Cocky: Yeah.."reading".  Look Creative, I find the best thoughts come post orgasm...hahaha come
  
  Dear Godfather and Cocky,
  Recently a right-winger likened me to a prostitute.  My response was "At least the men who come to my street corner have a penis, unlike you."  Was there a way I could have handled this better.
                                                                      Red Light Rebecaa in Reedsburg,
  
  Me: Way to stand your ground!  I figure that if someone insults you like that then they don't have much upstairs to debate with so your response is very proper.
  Cocky:  OK, I have been hanging around Reedsburg for plenty of time.  Which street corner do you work on?  I bet it is by the old movie theater that was destroyed in the flood.  I hear a lot of unsavory activity goes on inside.  Me being a luscious full-bodied cock, I'm just too savory for that place.  Anyway the last girl I picked up in Reedsburg didn't suffer from the problem of your right-winger there.  I should have made sure I was buying a taco instead of a footlong hot dog before I paid.
  
  Dear Godfather and Cocky,
  How do you feel about the plan President Obama (I could type those two words all day) has announced to cut the defecit in half by the end of his first term?
                                                                        Politico in Potosi,
  
  Me: I think he has set a lofty goal; a goal which he he will be taken to task for.  Unfortunately Republicans have proven that even in a time of economic crisis, they will still play the same political posturing. They will do their best to try and make legislation take forever to get passed just to bring the President down.
  Cocky: Some day people will realize that all you need is to let Chickens take over these banks for awhile. We are frugal people who know how to save. Our paperwork will be hard to read though cause of our "Chicken scratch" handwriting.
  Me: Ugh...Cocky, that was horrible.
  Cocky:  Sorry, I've been reading a lot of Family Circus.  I blame Not Me.
  
  Dear Godfather and Cocky,
  I know you two are quite reknown for your sports handicapping.  I am in a bet of a bind.  I need some cash so could you tell me who I can bet on to win the World Series and the Super Bowl?
                                                                           Desperate in Lake Delton
  
  Me: Well as you know my picks are much better than Jimmy the Greek.  He only was able to pick 52% of NFL winners and I am up to 56%.  Anyway my pick for the Super Bowl is the Minnesota Vikings.  It pains me to write that because I detest that team with the mullet mascot on their helmet.  I see no superior team in the NFL.  As for the World Series, I am split between the Red Sox and the Cardinals.
  Cocky:  Cardinals, huh?  You are going for bird power now.
  Me: What are you talking about?
  Cocky: In the April 9th edition of our little column you picked the Red Sox and the Dodgers for the World Series.  Backing off since your boy Man-Ram is a druggy?
  Me:  No, I am just seeing how the season has played out.
  Cocky:  OK, Desperate....don't listen to this loser.  The Super Bowl winner this season will be the Eagles or the Cardinals.  And of course I will remain bold with my St. Louis Cardinals winning the World Series.
  Me: How fowl!
  
  Dear Godfather and Cocky,
  I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out just exactly how one manages to steal the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Can you please tell me where in the world Carmen San Diego is so that I might ask her?
                                                                                 Thief in Thiensville,
  
  Me: Such a masterpiece of art would most likely crumble should anyone try to remove it from where it is.  I think you and Ms. San Diego should just let it be.
  Cocky: Too late. I got dibs on that one. Me and some chicks pulled a heist once, and let's just say the "Mona Lisa" you see there, is actually an elaborate copy maid out of dyed chicken feathers. As for Carmen Sandiego, any fool can find her with the handy internet device known as Google Maps.  She's hiding in the basement at 579 Lake Street in the town of
  *flowerpot falls between myself and Cocky*
  Me:  We must be getting closer
  Cocky:  Oh my god, you are such a nerd.
  
  
  OK, I plan on timestamping this.  I am warning you ahead so if you are a challenged Xangan and don't understand the mysticism behind the dreaded timestamp, DO NOT BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I AM HARASSING YOU!  I just want all people to enjoy the wisdom I dispense with my cock.
  
  

  

  If you have a question for myself or Cocky you can either email here at Xanga or at advicewithcocky@gmail.com.
  

  • 6:55 PM
  • 61 Comments