October 13, 2009
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My Balls
I thought since there is all this focus on breast cancer and female Xangans are posting photos of their breasts, I would take a second and post a photo of my balls.
So here they are, my balls:
Like I would really post a photo of my testicles here on Xanga.This is a story from a few years ago when I had a close call with what I thought was testicular cancer. I felt a sharp pain in my groin and it went away so I thought nothing of it. Anyway about two weekends later I was sitting around on a Friday night and I decided it was time for a self-examination of my testicles. So maybe it wasn't really a self-exam but screw you for judging me. It's not like you've never done that before. OK I'm over it now. I was "examining" and I found a lump on Ol' Lefty. So I freaked out. I was so scared. Something like that isn't supposed to happen to a 25 year old guy (at the time). I started worrying I would never have kids and I would lose my balls and women wouldn't want a guy who has no nuts and can't produce children. I had visitors over that weekend and well I think I was a little withdrawn from them and seemed out of it. I had a lot running through my mind. I just couldn't talk about it. I was thinking of going to the pastor for advice but how would I put it. "Hey pastor, last night I was manipulating the ship's primary firing mechanism and I found a barnacle on the starboard side." Yeah like that would happen. So I went to the doctor while I was at home visiting my family. While my parents went to the grocery store I snuck out and went to the clinic. I almost chickened out when I saw the receptionist. This knock-out blonde...how am I going to tell her I have a lump on my balls. Well I told her that I had a skin condition that the doctor needed to check out. The doctor saw me right away which was odd because usually a nurse pre-examines and a doctor just checks out. He came in and I told him and he looked at it and said I had a cyst. I was foolish and just felt the lump and didn't go further into my exam. He said it wasn't cancer because it wasn't on the testicle. Yes he pulled my satchel to show me. He removed the cyst with a scalpel which was a little scary. So he stitched me up with two stitches and everything was all swell. He said that it was good that I examined myself and when I found something I went in. The doctor also said and I quote "It takes a lot of balls to do what you did today." Apparently most guys just shrug it off and it's too late when they find it and they might have to lose Ol Lefty or Righty. He also said that I should try to look at this with humor. Yeah, I thought I wouldn't ever have kids and now I am thinking that the swelling might attract the females. Guys feel your balls. It's an issue. I didn't even have cancer and it scared me. Girls stop thinking about balls and examine your breasts. Early detection is the key. Sorry not to just focus on my balls but I do support the fight against breast cancer. Just remember the words of Tom Green, who lost his balls:Hey kids feel your balls
So you don't get Cancer
Hey kids feel your balls
So you don't get cancer
Feel your balls
Squeeze your balls
Tease your balls
Please your balls
Early detection is the key
Rub your balls and you won't get cancer
Hey kids feel your balls
So you don't get Cancer
Hey kids feel your balls
You don't want cancer
Rub your balls
Squeeze your balls
So you don't get cancer
MASTURBATE EVERYDAY!
Hey kids feel your balls
So you don't get cancer
Hey kids rub your balls
So you don't get cancer
RUB YOUR BALLS WHILE MASTURBATING!
Hey kids rub your balls,
While masturbating looking for lump
If you find a lump
Then go to the doctor
And get your testicle removed
RUB YOUR TESTICLES,
WHILE MASTURBATING OR WHILE NOT MASTURBATING!
Rub your balls for no reason
Other then for checking for cancer
Or rub your balls
Specifically for the only reason of
Checking for cancer
Or rub your balls
Only for pleasure
Or for pleasure and
For checking for cancer at the same time
You can pleasure your balls
And aslo check for cancer
At the same time
You can pleasure yourself
And also check for cancer
At the same time
TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE!
Pleasure your balls
And check them for
Cancer at the same timeSeriosuly, check yourself.
Comments (41)
When I saw the title to this post I chuckled. I was wondering what it would be about. You know, just knowing your sense of humor....I couldn't help but laugh.
Thanks for your ball photo! I love your balls. I've even played with them before. I've been told I handle balls well. I love to handle balls.
This is a very serious subject, but you handled it (I seem to be using the word "handle" a lot here. Calm down, Carolyn!) but...you handled it with humor.
I'm so glad you just had a cyst!!!
As you know I had a recent scare like that myself...after a recent mammogram. It turned out I have a cyst and some other normal things going on, but it was scary to think of the possibility of breast cancer.
Thank you for this post. And thanks for making me laugh, too. I'm still laughing about the "....screw you for judging me..."
I actually love Tom Green's sense of humor...I loved his TV show when it was on...all this says a lot about me. Sigh.
I shall have to rec this post!
Hugs!
Good post, made me laugh a little. In all seriousness I have had testicular cancer, and I'm just luckily I have 2 kids already. I won't go into more details here, but great post anyway.
@no1charmerlondon - Hey, KID! Your recent post on this subject was excellent. Tom Green had this cancer, too.
I'm so glad you are a cancer survivor! You are important to so many of us! Hugs!
@carolinaatnight -
Hi Mum thanks for that big hugs to you!
i am disappointed.
Although it's a serious topic, you wrote it very humorously!
hilarious, but informative
Thank you so much for not posting a picture of your balls. :p Lol.
Funny.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
I agree, that would be a little awkward... lol.
Good to hear you're okay. I hope you stay that way.
Haha, I must admit I was hoping you would not have a picture of your testicles..but I could not resist looking. Phew! Great post--light but still got the point across.
@MissKatieSue -
just a little bit.
hahahaha
Good post!
I knew it from the 1st place!!
right on!
Isn't it true that more men die of testicular cancer than women die of breast cancer? I might be making that up, but this is a real problem and it doesn't get talked about.
Good post! For some reason, it made me laugh. haha
You're priceless!
I loved your suggestion of how to approach and what to say to the pastor. And I see that you can laugh about it now. Is that song promoted by the AMA? It should be.
I'm really glad you posted this!!!! I think too many men just ignore issues with their man bits until they are about to fall off.
I remember when my husband and I were dating and noticing whenever we played around he would cringe in pain if I touched his balls even slightly. Of course I worried that I was hurting him is I asked about it and he told me that his balls always hurt, everyday.
Me: "They always hurt?" All the time?"
Him: "Yeah, since I was a teen. There is a lump too."
Me: "A LUMP!?! Where???? Do you know how bad that could be? Have you had it checked?"
He had not had it checked and it freaked me out. I pushed him to immediately go to a doctor, which he tried to get out of doing until I made him an appointment and drove him there myself. He was very lucky that it was only a varicrose vein and the lump was aggitated swelling from it. It was all very easily treated and I felt sad for him that he had walked around in constant chronic pain for so many years when he wouldn't have had to.
Don't be dumbasses boys....get your nutleys checked every once in awhile!
@AibellFaeire -
According to the American Cancer Society testicular cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer and they estimate there will be 8400 cases in 2009 with 380 deaths. The other thing is that the death rate is rising while breast cancer death rates are decreasing. According to the ACS 192,000 women will detect breast cancer and about 40,000 will die. More women die from lung cancer and colon cancer than from breast cancer.
@carolinaatnight -
It was a scare for me because cancer is not something I should be worried about at 25, when this happened. I am glad you came out safe from your scare.
Thank you for the comment! It made me laugh.
@no1charmerlondon -
Your post reminded me to re-post this. I am glad you were able to have your children. I don't mean to be insensitive with this but those are the thoughts going through my head when I discovered it. I'm glad that you are a survivor and you can share your ordeal with all of us here on xanga.
@odiada -
Sorry, guy.
@nattata -
Humor is how I handle tough situations like that.
@noree_n -
Thank you.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
You're welcome...I think?
@MissKatieSue -
Thank you.
@Ampbreia -
Yes, I hope I never have to go through something like that again. To me that was worse than having the illness I have which the doctors can't diagnose. That was visible and I couldn't wish it away.
@Shopgirl0393 -
Thank you
@Lighthouse_Oceanlover -
Thank you.
@ThePraisedOne -
I'd be somewhat worried if you came here wanting to see my balls.
@pansybradshaw -
Thanks you! I don't think any guy should have to go through that experience.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Not at all. It would be an honor!! LOL!!
@xchinkylaydee -
Thank you, glad I could make you laugh.
@RestlessButterfly -
Well I think you are one of few people who thinks that.
@curiousdwk -
At that time, I was on my own and my parents are 5 hours away. He was the closest father figure I had.
That song should be put out by the AMA or American Cancer Society. Tom Green had cancer and he had to have them removed. At the time he had a show on MTV and they had a special episode that detailed his ordeal. I can't remember if they showed the surgery but it was pretty in-depth.
@ExposedWrists -
I think it is a pride thing that us men take in our junk. It's what makes us men and we fear losing that or having problems with our manhood. Now, we shouldn't think that because there is more to measure the makings of a man than his testicles or penis. I know I have issues with talking to a doctor about it. Now one reason I went was because I knew the doctor was a male. If it had been a female...yikes! I once had a female doctor do my physical and well I embarrassed myself when she checked for a hernia. So I guess this is mostly a pride thing. Anyway...thank you for your encouragement.
Don’t underestimate yourself… you never know.
One of your balls has a weird shape. I'd get that checked out if I were you.
@lostxinxthexdarkxx@datingish -
Yeah and they have odd colors too. I think I will be heading to the doctor soon.
Comments are closed.