October 24, 2009

• Celebrity Round Up 10/23

  Tonight was great...where to start?  I went down to see my friends, J and L, and my goddaughter.  She is so cute, just a little cut-up.  The only downfall was I get about 20 miles or so from my house and I realize that I forgot her birthday presents.  Anyway that got sorted because I asked my parents to pick them up because they had plans on going out for supper and shopping.   So we ate at a restaurant that was converted from a barn.  It was great food.  I had a Luther Burger.  I am trying to figure out if it was named after Martin Luther.  It did contain the holy trinity of meat: hamburger, bacon, and chicken tenders.  The place had some other great burgers; a Packers burger which was a bacon cheeseburger but topped with a bratwurst and a sunshine burger which I believe had Canadian bacon and was topped with a fried egg.  After that we went back to their house and my goddaughter loved her presents.  I got her a couple dresses, a plush bumble bee, a toy camera, and a drum kit.  She was playing the drums about as well as Meg White so I was pleased with that.  Then J and I went to the Old Baraboo Inn, the haunted bar I frequent.  It was packed for a birthday party.  No ladies there for me, either they were married or not into dudes.  Oh well it was still a great night...on to the round up....some images may not be safe for work or for life.

  
  Here's something for the ladies.  Zac Efron turned 22 this week.  Really?  Only 22?  I thought he was much younger.  22...I guess he shouldn't be doing anymore movies where he plays a high school student.  He's actually pretty ancient for any Disney production...RUN ZAC RUN!
  
  FOX announced that they are in works to adapt a sitcom based around the Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan.  They are set to have Wilmer Valderrama play the lead.  Wow, when will FOX learn?  Did they learn nothing from that sitcom based around Emeril called Emeril?  Did they learn nothing from Kitchen Confidential...of course Anthony Bourdain wasn't a reality star when that aired.  Didn't they learn anything from Dark Angel; Titus; Undeclared; Action; That 80's Show; Wonderfalls; Fastlane; Andy Richter Controls the Universe; Skin; Girls Club; Cracking Up; The Pitts; Firefly; Get Real; FreakyLinks; Wanda At Large; Costello; The Lone Gunmen; A Minute With Stan Hooper; Normal, Ohio; Pasadena; Harsh Realm; Keen Eddie; The Street; American Embassy; Cedric the Entertainer; The Tick; Louie; and Greg the Bunny?  Sorry had to borrow that one from Family Guy, another great show canceled by FOX.
  
  Trent Reznor got married last weekend.  He married his girlfriend Mariqueen Maandig.  It was hard to find out about this marriage because Trent quit blogging and Twittering because of how racist freaks attacked him because of his girlfriend.  Well one of Trent's friends was on Twitter and announced that Trent was married.  I wonder now if she gets to find out if that rumor of how he got the name for his band, Nine Inch Nails, is true. 
  
  Tommy Chong smoked a whole mess of weed this week.
  
  Stephanie Pratt, "star" of The Hills and sister of Spencer, was arrested for DUI this week.  When she was pulled over she failed a field sobriety test and then she blew a .09 on the breathalyzer.  The reason she was pulled over was because one of her headlights was blown out.  Stephanie has made two accusations.  First, she says that the cops were waiting for her to leave the bar.  Second, she claims that her brother and the other producers of The Hills knew she was drinking so they tampered with her car so she would get pulled over so there would be a new storyline for the upcoming season.  Which is more believable to you?  Since we don't live in Nazi Germany where the cops laid in wait for people to mess up, I'm going with the second accusation.  It doesn't help Spencer's case in innocence when he wears a black cowboy hat because we know only bad guys wear black cowboy hats.  He also twirls his flesh colored mustache like a villain so go figure.
  
  Oh Paris Hilton...you never looked better.  Well Paris is making a cameo role in an upcoming Will Ferrel movie and her scene required her to be on set for one day.  Paris made some huge demands.  She required a dozen live lobsters and a case of Grey Goose vodka for one day of work.  Well I don't think those were for her but for the living things in her crotch region.  Her crabs are carnivores....Paris writes her own jokes.
  
  Rihanna released a new single this week.  In the cover she looks like she escaped from one of the Saw movies.  It looks uncomfortable but maybe she digs the BDSM.  Then I got thinking, where have I seen that album cover before?  Yes, I am horrible that I would know that.
  
  Olivia Munn...omgomgomgomgomgomgomg
  
  Octo Crazy admitted that she found Jon Gosslein to be "hot".  Now that would be a show I would pay to see.  It would be AWESOME.  Jon and Crazy Plus 22!  The good thing is that if he did go for Octo Crazy, she would probably less of a nag than Kate of course he would have to worry about having his genitals super-glued to his stomach or thigh while he slept.
  
  SPOILER ALERT!  Miley Cyrus is going to be in the new Sex and the City movie.  Apparently the plot line involves Miley showing up to some awards show wearing the same outfit as Sam.  DAMN THAT'S COMEDY GOLD!  So that's Miley, Liza Minelli, Penelope Cruz, and Tim Gunn.  So the movie will be cameos and that's it.
  
  At a nightclub recently, Mariah Carey made a request in honor of her husband, Nick Cannon's, birthday.  She requested the song go out to DJ Sex Fingers.  Whoa...I thought that was Sam Ronson's DJ name.  I bet none of you knew I used to be a DJ...well you would if you read my blogs, I drop hints.  My DJ names were DJ Hung Like a Celebrity Gossip Blogger and DJ Licks His Own Eyebrows.  I was popular but not for my music.  Misleading names for the win!
  
  Lindsay Lohan posed with Donatella Versace at a recent fashion show.  Were they separated at birth?  I think this would be a good anti-drug commercial.  Ah...I can't look, it may make me quit blogging.
  
  No this is not a Lindsay Lohan mugshot...SURPRISE!  She looks like she crawled out of a gutter and is trying to sell a half and half for $20.  She needs help or she won't be around here much longer.
  
  Lily Allen made a brief appearance this week.  She went on the balcony of a hotel where she was staying.  This is why I love her but damn her boyfriend who has to ruin everything for us.
  
  Larry King's hair is real, baby!  I wish I had such luxurious locks.
  
  Kourtney Kardashian was photographed at a nightclub the other night.  Here's my question, ladies: which trimester is it that you stop going to nightclubs dressed to "hook-up"?
  
  Katie Holmes recently said that she lets Suri pick out her outfits.  AH-HA!  Black bra with a black sheer top...Suri is a hussy!  I guess it makes sense, Suri dressing a robot.
  
  Hey kids, want to have a scary Halloween?  Here's a little known fact.  If you go into a darkened room and look into a mirror and say "Kate Gosslein" three times, she will appear and suck out your soul and reason to live and when she is done doing that she will nag you to death.
  
  John Krasinski turned 30 this week.  That makes me feel so insignificant.  I have to be honest here.  He was the reason I didn't really watch The Office.  There was just something about him that I couldn't stand.  Oh well we made our amends.
  
  Heidi Montag proved to be the worst human being ever to live.  She wouldn't attend her sister Holly's birthday because the club where the party was held refused to pay Heidi's appearance fee.  You'd think she'd have to pay to get into clubs.  If she wants people to pay her just to hang-out, maybe she should join a sorority.
  
  David Cross was at a White House Correspondents Dinner and he snorted some coke 40 feet away from the president.  Of course he didn't get caught because the security was so tight.  No, he snorts the coke, not the pop but the drug, 40 feet from Obama.  Good thing David never did that while Bush was in office.  Bush would have bogarted David's stash. 
  
  This may be the first post-op photo of Chaz Bono.  You know, if Chaz scores with girls, I may stand a chance.  Why does he look like a frat boy so quickly after his sex change?  Pop that collar, Chaz.
  
  Carrie Prejean, former Miss California, isn't fading into obscurity that fast.  She is being sued by the production company of the pageants for the money they gave her to get breast implants.  They want the money or the implants.  Now does she unzip them or....?  So this is a counter-suit to her lawsuit for unlawful termination.  In the official counter-suit, the lawyers quoted the Bible numerous times.  Oh great, this means she is going to be entering the gates of martyrdom on FOX News...AGAIN!
  
  Cameron Diaz and Mike Meyers(I went with Cameron Diaz because she looks better.  You have to admit that too.) have been banned by a movie studio to use Twitter.  The studio doesn't want them using the micro-blogging service so they won't leak information about this new movie they are working on.  Well movie studio, you just gave away what movie they are working on by banning both of them at the same time.  Hmmm what movies have Cameron and Mike filmed together?  None...haha I know your rouse!  They voiced all three Shrek movies so currently they must be working on Shrek 4.  Now if only movie studios would do this to Demi and Ashton or Heidi and Spencer.
  
  This has nothing to do with Christian Bale so relax.  Brett Easton Ellis recently said that the character Patrick Bateman in the movie and book American Psycho was based on Tom Cruise.  He saw how Cruise acted during an interview on Letterman and the proverbial light bulb was illuminated.  I think it makes perfect sense.  I know some people have trouble watching American Psycho but truly the book makes the movie look like something produced by Disney.  Well if you will excuse me, I have to go return some videotapes.
  
  53 year old Bob Saget was at a nightclub this week and he was approached by a very attractive 22 year old girl.  Bob immediately left and didn't say a thing.  You know he probably left because he was in such shock that a woman talked to him without discussing how much he had to pay her.  Bob, you really should appreciate a young girl approaching you because the next time a girl that young comes to talk with you, she'll probably be there to change your bedpans.
  
  I wonder if Bill Murray is practicing his zombie face for Halloween.  I really like Bill and I can see why women would fall for him.  He is a very hot ma---I've said too much.  How about that local sports team?  Can you believe what they did or didn't do?  Do yourself a favor and see Zombieland.
  
  Ashlee Simpson was basically fired from Melrose Place.  Well...her character was written off the show so I guess that is being fired.  This is so sad.  I blame President Obama.  Where are the millions of jobs that he was going to create?  It's a crying shame that an untalented, wannabe hipster, white person like Ashlee can't land a job standing on an X saying or singing words written by someone else.  I DEMAND A RECALL!  Thank you, Battlin' Bob!  "America is not made, it is in the making. Mere passive citizenship is not enough. Men must be aggressive for what is right if government is to be saved from those who are aggressive for what is wrong."  I will not stand by and let our government run roughshod over Hollywood's untalented.
  
  A-Rod?  Really?  You have Kate Hudson and you want to grab a piece of Jeter?  Well I guess it is to be expected when all he does for a living is play with bats and balls.
  
  I was just thinking about something from a conversation I was having about how movies no longer really promote themselves through their soundtrack anymore.  I remember when every blockbuster movie came out with a huge soundtrack release.  Well Adam Lambert is supposedly on the soundtrack for the upcoming 2012 movie.  As I reported a while back Brian May of Queen says it could be the greatest song of all time.  Well I am just curious if it is out because I want to hear it.  Anyway don't worry, Adam's still gay.  He just took time out to partake in America's true national past-time, playing with boobs.
  
  
  One thing I have come to love about Halloween is the costumes that celebrities wear.  Adrienne Curry took time to post some of her costume ideas on her Twitter.  Starting in top left going clockwise:  Silk Spectre from Watchmen, Princess Leia, Amy Winehouse, and Wonder Woman.  OK I call shenanigans on that Amy Winehouse costume.  We all know she doesn't shoot up in her arm.  She shoots up in her butt.
  
  Amy Winehouse opened her shirt a little to show off the new D-cup implants.  Man...that's like putting a fresh coat of paint on a pile of dog crap.
  
  Britney looks great, but there is something missing.  I just can't put my finger on it.  Oh maybe...did she "deflate"?  Anyway looking at her now it's hard to imagine she ever went through that suicidal shaved head phase.  She almost looks like any adjusted adult with an entourage.

  Video Section:
  If you don't watch the Big Brother reality series this may not excite you.  Last season's winner, you know the guy who worked with autistic kids and called them "retards" on the show and was fired while on the show, the same guy who went by the nickname "Baller", Adam Jasinski was arrested in a sting trying to sell prescription drugs illegally.  He was busted trying to sell something like 2000 oxys.  It's great to know that he became a drug dealer with his prize money.
  
  I hope you have a great weekend.  Shine on you crazy diamonds.

  • 6:44 AM
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