October 29, 2009
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Questions with the Godfather and his Cock
So last week I didn't make this post because Cocky was on vacation.
Me: So Cocky how was your week off?
Cocky: You should be asking how was my week getting off.
Me: Umm...no.
Cocky: Anyway, fruit pie, I went back to my native Scotland.
Me: Oh yeah? How was that?
Cocky: Oh it was exhausting and nerve-wracking.
Me: How was it nerve-wracking?
Cocky: Well there was an incident and the police were after me, it was just a mess but I did get to see all my old friends and family.
Me: If the police were after you, how did you get around?
Cocky: Oh I hid under a few kilts.
Me: So there really is a Cocky underneath a Scotsman's kilt.
Cocky: And I smuggled in a crate of our sponsor's goods under my kilt.
Me: Well, Cocky, are you ready?
Cocky: Cocked, locked and ready to unload.
Me: Excellent...and now a word from our sponsors.This blog brought to you by Cockburns
Cockburns produces some of the world’s finest Ports; make sure you try the full range and experience the signature Cockburns taste, picking your favorite for different occasions.Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I really like this girl and I want her to like me. People think I am pretty dumb and a goof but I really am smart. I know this girl is interested in languages. I am wondering which language I should learn so that I may impress her.
Language Learner in LodiMe: Well, first off I would say never do something like learning a language because it may impress a girl but you should do it to better yourself. With that in my, I may suggest Latin because then the other Romantic languages would be easier to learn and no, I don't mean romance kiss kiss languages but languages derived from Latin, the language of the Romans. If you can get an understanding of Latin then French, Italian, and Spanish will come easy for you. But if you want to skip that and go to a hot language, I would suggest Italian. I could tell you stories.
Cocky: Forget learning a language. All you need to do to impress a girl with your tongue is to learn how to tie knots in cherry stems. Do that on a first date and you're a shoe in for a second date and that is when you show her other tricks your tongue can do.Dear Godfather and Cocky,
So I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now and don't get me wrong but we have spectacular sex. It's just that I am curious about doing something different. Some may consider what I want to be immoral or uncomfortable. I hear my friends talking about it and I have been curious. What I want to know is, how do I get my girlfriend to let me have butt sex with her?
Anal in AntigoMe: Well if it hadn't come up in your previous love-making sessions then maybe she just isn't that into it. BUt if you want to initiate things and are too shy to bring it up, maybe caress her down there but really if she isn't mentioning it, then it isn't on the agenda.
Cocky: Damn...well my fighting coach, Jose, always tells me "peck and move, peck and move" so I guess you follow his advice...peck and if she doesn't like it, you move because she'll get kicking.Dear Godfather and Cocky,
So the NBA season has started. Who you got?
NBA Lover in North FreedomMe: Well this one I haven't really thought of because I am not much of an NBA fan. I think some of the prices those guys are paid to play a game is ridiculous but that's just me. Is there still a team in Seattle? I think the odds on favorites for the Finals will be the Cavaliers and the Lakers but due to the catastrophic downfall of the Cavs in last season's playoffs, I will pick the Orlando Magic and the Denver Nuggets to make the Finals with Orlando winning.
Cocky: This is a simple question...Atlanta Hawks, baby! They will win it all. You know, I have to support my own.
Me: But who will they face in the Finals?
Cocky: Hmmm what wakes me up every morning? The Suns. Atlanta over the Suns.Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I run with a tough crowd in high school. Well a few of my friends didn't like the grades our English teacher gave them. They decided to get back at the teacher by vandalizing her house. They did a wicked job. Now I don't approve of what they did nor did I plan or participate. I had nothing to do with it but I get along with this teacher and I feel so bad that it had to happen to her. What should I do?
Ruffian in Rock SpringsMe: The first thing you should do is sit down with your parents and come clean and then suggest that you go with them and tell your school's principal. You need your parents with you because every kid needs adult representation in the school system. Tell the principal the truth and let him or her sort it out because that is why they get paid the big bucks and have special parking spaces.
Cocky: Oh my god, turn this poor kid into a narc? See what you really want to do is tell these friends you have the evidence of what they did and then hold it over them for blackmail or you could possibly drop hints in an essay for your teacher that you know who did the act but will only tell her for better grades or monetary reimbursement. If none of that works, two words: throat punches.
Me: But whom would she punch in the throat?
Cocky: Don't bother me son, I say, I say leave me be, I'm on a roll.
Me: Yeah, if you would punch someone in the throat, you would be on a roll, a Kaiser roll and you would be chicken salad.
Cocky: OuchDear Godfather and Cocky,
I am a 27-year-old man interested in a woman at work. We are almost the same age and have an excellent work relationship. Due to sexual harassment laws and other workplace laws, it is difficult to ask someone out at work. How can I do this without risking my job?
Office Man in OntarioMe: Well in the old days, it was considered bad form to fish in the office pool. If you work at a company with a personnel office, I would ask them for relationship guidelines. A number of businesses protect themselves from harassment lawsuits by not allowing employees to fraternize, especially employees in dominant and subordinate jobs. There are both federal and state laws to consider here, so I would not begin to guess what applies. I think you would be wise to clarify your position and responsibilities. Remember, girlfriends either become former girlfriends or wives. An angry former girlfriend could be a walking lawsuit.
Cocky: You go up to her and say, "You, me, bottle of scotch, dance floor, 8PM." If that doesn't work then you start following her home and making a detailed list of her routines and then at work you mention some of those routines. Like if she jogs you ask her where she jogs and if you can come with but not as a jogger, maybe just following her in a car because if you work in a cubicle there's probably no way at 27 you could jog. Then you go to company records and find her home phone number. Forget asking her for it because if you surprise her with a call at 2AM then there is no way she could forget you. After the detailed routine and phone calls at 2AM, you make her a collage of photos that you secretly take of her throughout the day when she isn't paying attention. Trust me, this will work and get you plenty of attention.OK, that is it for this week and I plan on timestamping this. I am warning you ahead so if you are a challenged Xangan and don't understand the mysticism behind the dreaded timestamp, DO NOT BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I AM HARASSING YOU! I just want all people to enjoy the wisdom I dispense with my cock.
If you have a question for myself or Cocky you can either email here at Xanga or at advicewithcocky@gmail.com.
Comments (36)
woah, how ya doin wallnuts
Hey, Godfather! Hey, Cocky! So good to see you both! I say, I must say...Your answers got me to giggling!
There are SO many funny lines here, I can't begin to tell you my favorite! Ha! But, "a collage of photos"...I'm still laughing about that! 
Hey, Cocky...I must, also, say...You are my kind of cock....because, you're right, tongues are VERY important!
HUGS to you both!
Hey cocky you seem like that of mine:)
i agree with carolinaatnight... so many funny lines... Cocky seems extra umm fresh this morning
...oh and Atlanta over the Suns, huh? sounds good to me (of course i had no idea the Hawks were even any good but still, sounds good 
The other day you mentioned the construction noise from the library bothering you early in the morning. You must be going nuts having to put up with that - and this mouthy bird too! Cocky looks like he has put on some weight. Must have been from all of the crabs and fleas he pecked up while hiding under those kilts.
What did you say to Dan about time posts? arararar (That's my seal laugh)
This has to be the year for the cavs, otherwise there is no hope...
@dikdoktor -
I don't mind them. The only time I mind timestamps is when the post came from months ago. Like I have seen two guys timestamp posts they wrote in February. That is overkill.
Don't you know I was only funnin' with you? I thought your remark to Dan was funny. He's timestamped that post about 50 times I think. You were the only one to make a crack about it.
I don't care about time stamping really, --- if the article is worth it.
You might have to do that some day when Cocky is limp - I mean dead and gone.
hehehehehehe
LMAO! The Song BIG COCK is Funny!!!!!!!!
haha, I can totally do the cherry stem thing.
But everyone should learn a foreign language. Latin is a spectacular suggestion, but, it should also be accompanied by one of the romance languages (for practical purposes). Italian and French are both excellent choices.
And as for the anal sex question...the guy really should just ask. If he's not confident enough to ask, then, they are probably not ready. Because anal sex is much more dangerous and there has to be a stronger degree of comfort, patience, and communication between the two participants for it to work right.
@carolinaatnight -
So when you see the cock pic it's me Cocky. Thank you for the hugs but I hope they are my favorite type of hugs.
@PeaceSearcher -
I don't know what I am of yours but it sure as hell ain't that boob or that baby. But thank you for the support...I had to throw that one in because the godfather doesn't want to piss off his readers.
@Peridot21 -
The Hawks have been decent the last two years. They made the playoffs and each year they gave the best teams a run for their money. I was actually impressed by what I saw.
@dikdoktor -
Yeah Cocky did pick up crabs but I think it is mostly from the women he runs with and judging from his comments this week it would explain why he is always broke out around his mouth.
I was beginning to wonder if anyone would get that joke. Glad to see it worked for you. I was also referring to two other Xangans one of whom recently blocked you.
@dlmcniel -
Yeah I am beginning to wonder about the Cavs. I hope they didn't buy into the hype. Once they signed Shaq it seemed like everyone picked them to win it all. The game I saw it looked like LeBron was the only person trying to play offense.
@rickystar1 -
Yeah it is very good. I remember listening to it in college before every Thanksgiving vacation. It was always the first song I would play on the way out of my campus.
@entendezmavoix -
Hmmm cherry stem knot tying...I am all ears...;)
Yeah you need to use Latin in connection with one of the Romantic languages otherwise all you will remember of your Latin is random quotes from Romans or Semper ubi sub ubi or the old song Latin is a language that's as dead as dead can be/ it once killed the Romans and now it's killing me.
You know that is better advice.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Holy smokes man, don't you ever sleep? You're getting to be as bad as me. Now I know what you mean about some time stamping. I guess when you've scraped the bottom of the barrel, used up almost all of your imagination, going back and digging up shit is the only way to keep posting. The day my brain shuts down to that level I'll shoot myself. I have an advantage though. All of the different voices in my head contribute a lot.
Maybe this explains why all of my posts are all over the place.
5:17 am ---- Coffee time!
@godfatherofgreenbay - godfather i have in real a Fighter Cock (Male adult chicken), I keep him as pet bird and not for fighting as i think to force animals to fight is cruelty on animals.
Handsome guys is Mr. Rooster!
I'm seriously thinking to ask Mr. Cocky for a piece of advice. Y'know, a friend of a friend of a cousin of mine that has some over the edge issues, will surely appreciate your wisdom. C'e grande, no, capo?
@dikdoktor -
Well lately for sleep I have been sleeping 3 to 4 hours at a time. I usually sleep at night and then when I get home. It works for me but every once in a while I crash. Seriously though that guy has dug up stuff he posted from December and that whole thing with the racism, he brought that back from a post in January or February because I was good friends with the person who wrote that article and you had to read her stuff to appreciate the humor. I guess that is the same with me. Anyway it was probably the first time he read any of her stuff and he got all bent out of shape. Obviously he has also never heard of The Onion.
@RestlessButterfly -
Oh and not me? Oh I guess you may have missed the photo I posted of myself.
@windoftheforest -
Well I am sure Cocky would love to receive any questions. Your friend of a friend's cousin can email me here and that email of Cocky's actually works so just drop a line.
@godfatherofgreenbay - All ears? You sure that's the body part that's...haha, most interested? Pics, because it happened. The picture is a bit blurry, but, the proof is there so long as you trust that that is indeed my hand.
Don't know that song...(I continue to fail at pop culture references.)
I assume you speak German based on two pieces of evidence: your description of your town/heritage and a post I noticed that was in German. Do you speak any other languages (besides English)?
@entendezmavoix -
You see right through me and it wasn't ears but I think it's because the best way of putting it is that I am celibate but not by choice. So is that your flickr?
That's not really a pop song or any song. It's just some little ditty that a Latin student came up with probably during the 15th century and it has just been passed down.
Well working with so many foreign workers when I was a teenager and early 20s helped me learn numerous languages. I know parts of Italian, Spanish, Yugoslavian(which can also mean I know Bulgarian and Macedonian), Russian, and Czech but that one is because my little town is the Czech capital of Wisconsin and there are many people who speak Czech.
@godfatherofgreenbay - *high five!* for being celibate but not by choice! It definitely gets old.
How many of those countries have you actually visited?
@godfatherofgreenbay - oh btw, yes, that is my flickr but I don't think I have any public photos up. I mostly use it so I can have reliable links to pictures for web page designs. Why do you ask?
@entendezmavoix -
Ha...but don't tell that to Lefty or Righty, they may get upset. There is a show on VH-1 that is all about Sex Rehab and one of the "celebrity" participants said that she masturbated like 18 times in a day. I guess it doesn't get old for her.
I have visited none but I have plans. One of these days I am going to pretend to be royalty and see how far I can make it.
@godfatherofgreenbay - A reality show that's about Sex Rehab for celebrities? Wow, I'm so glad to know that the quality of television entertainment remains high.
18 times...huh. I think if I was going to masturbate that much I would just rather have sex.
You have plans - that makes it sound like you like to plan on visiting those countries but aren't sure if you're ever going to get there. I say we just buy you a crown and toss you on a plane!
@entendezmavoix -
The first episode was all introducing the participants and why they were there. It was so weird.
I may have to send you a private message to talk about my masturbatory habits but I probably won't.
@godfatherofgreenbay - probably won't? lol, now that my curiosity is peaked i have to decide if it's socially appropriate to encourage you one way over the other.
@entendezmavoix -
Hmmm I will beat you to the punch and offer up something called edging. It's quite fun but I always worry about those commercials that say "contact doctors if an erection last longer than four hours".
@godfatherofgreenbay - Well, if you can do that, then you probably can have multiple orgasms as well. And that's pretty cool since most guys, well, can't. Not "can't" as in "not capable" but merely don't have the control to do it.
@entendezmavoix -
Well I could make a typical guy comment but I am not a typical guy most of the time.
One good thing about that practice is that I take a longer time to achieve orgasm however that could be a downfall if one is looking for a quickie.