November 7, 2009

• Celebrity Round Up 11/7

  I first want to thank everyone who has commented on my site over these past 1000 posts.  What a long strange trip it's been!  Anyway I wasn't around much yesterday because I had a doctor's appointment.  Ugh...I hate them.  The only redeeming thing was that I was wiped out afterward and I fell asleep in the waiting room.  Today I got a all that the H1N1 vaccines were in at the hospital so I had to go back.  I had to get the spray one.  I was dizzy for some time this evening and also my joints ached.  I fell asleep and now I have all the energy in the world.  I feel like I should be out bench pressing my blazer.  Anyway...here's the round up.  Just a reminder, some images may not be safe for work or for life.
  
  Does anyone remember Three Men and a Baby?  How about the sequel Three Men and a Little Lady?  Well if you remember both of those movies then I salute you.  To satisfy the world's desire to see more Steve Gutenberg they are in the early stages of production of the third in the series, tentatively titled Three Men and a Bride.  Gee...I wonder what that one will be about.  If the world really wanted a sequel of a Steve Gutenberg movie why didn't they just ask for more Police Academy?  Or what about another Cocoon movie?  If I need any Ted Danson or Tom Selleck I just look for syndication episodes of Cheers or Magnum P.I.
  
  Sam Ronsonand Wilmer Valderama were photographed together exiting a restaurant this week.  You know they probably went out to discuss their war stories from their days of dating Lindsay Lohan. 
  Wilmer: Did Lindsay ever show you the tricks she could do with a ping pong ball?
  Sam: Yes, but by the time I dated her she was doing that trick with grapefruits.
  You know I was originally just going to say "Here we see the biggest cock in Hollywood with Wilmer Valderama."  You know, it was going to be a cut out how Fez went on all the radio talk shows to brag about the size of his manhood and all the celebrity starlets he deflowered.  What a dick!
  
  Did you know Olivia Munn has her own magazine that is set to release soon?  Did you know these photos are from that issue and that all the photos are of her prancing around in lingerie?  Did you know that this magazine would make the perfect Christmas present for me?  Well...I'm just saying.
  
  Oh Olivia...you so hot.  You know I caught a bit of Shallow Hal today and was sort of freaked by it.  Apparently skinny people are hot and fat people are ugly.  So I need girls to get hypnotized like Hal so they can see me as hot and skinny.
  
  Nicolas cage's financial problems are coming to light because he is filing a lawsuit against his former business manager because Nicolas claims that the manager allowed him to spend recklessly and not pay his taxes.  Anyway let's look at some of things he has bought over the past few years.  He houses in Newport Beach, Venice Beach, Malibu, San Francisco, Middletown, Rhode Island, New York City, Las Vegas, a castle near Bath, England, an 11th Century Castle in Etzlewang, Germany, two Bahamian islands, a 1940 Belair mansion, and two foreclosed mansions in New Orleans...THAT IS JUST HIS PROPERTY.  That Belair mansion was bought for $30million but he sold it for $15million.  That mansion also held a Christmas party that many people say was the most lavish Christmas party in Hollywood history.  He did do some good with his money by giving $1million to Hurricane Katrina relief and $2million to Amnesty International.  Two sources have said that Cage owns 50 cars and 20 motorcycles.  Some of the cars include a $500,000 Lamborghini that was once owned by the Shah of Iran.  They also said that Nicolas spent 6 figures on a Bentley and then another $50,000 for customizing the interior.  They say he had a TV, stereo, and bar installed in the back of the Bentley but with all that added there wasn't much space and basically only people under 5'8" could fit and Nicolas is 6 feet tall.  He also owns two yachts and a Gulfstream jet which at the least can go for $45million.  Nicolas Cage also was an avid comic book collecter and at one point owned the issue of Action Comic which contained the first appearance of Superman.  He sold that collection for $2million.  People have said that when they went to Nicolas' mansions they would see shrunken heads all over the place and he also outbid Leonardo DiCaprio for a dinosaur skull, which cost him $276,000.  He basically had a kennel of purebred dogs and an aviary of rare birds.  He also had a collection or rare lizards and snakes.  The prize of these snakes were two albino King Cobras.  His spending habits for food was even worse.  While filming in New York City, Cage would go into a restaurant and spend $2000 on a snack for himself.  I guess Biggie Smalls had it right when he said, "Mo money, mo problems."  You know, I don't think my life is complete without albino king cobras.
  
  Mischa Barton caused a bar fight this week.  She stepped on a guy's foot causing him to spill his drink.  He yelled at her so she threw her drink in his face.  One of her friends then came over to fight this guy.  They tangled and police had to take them away.  You know who should have been arrested?  Mischa Barton...she should be thrown in jail for all that alcohol abuse.
  
  I love Iron Chef and I think First Lady Michelle Obama is rather attractive.  When I heard those two things were going to be one, I had to change my pants.  They have filmed a special episode of Iron Chef where Mario Batali and Emeril Lagese take on Bobby Flay and the White House chef.  The secret ingredient is they get to use all the vegetables from the White House garden.  I hope Batali cooks with class and losses the Crocs for the White House.  The episode will air January 3rd.
  
  Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana gave birth to a daughter this week.  They named their daughter Lucia.  I was sort of surprised that they didn't name her after Mel's most favorite person in the world although they would have to make the name feminine.  The name would have been Jackeline Daniella.  This is Mel's 8th child.  I wonder what the Catholic Church has decreed on the topic of vasectomies.  I bet they are against them because if they weren't then Mel could have avoided this child.
  
  Alright alright alright...Matthew McConaughey turned 40 this week.  I bet he celebrated with some buds.  Alright alright alright.  You know the best part of turning 40 for Matthew? It's the high school girls, man because the older he gets, they stay the same age.  And the key to staying young after 40 is livin' that's L-I-V-I-N.   ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!  Does anyone get this?  If you do, you are my hero.
  
  This is a screen shot from Mariah Carey's new video H.A.T.E.U.  Why does it look like she is trying to drop a deuce?  That look on her face...been there, done that.  Living in Wisconsin with all this cheese leads to constipation.  Maybe she isn't constipated, maybe she just likes to sing when she has a grumpy.
  
  No the Twilight kids aren't dressed up for Halloween.  They are posing for a photograph spread for Harper's Bazaar.  Bizarre is more like it.  Kristen Stewart is in fact wearing a dress made of garbage bags.  Something tells me that once the Twilight movies have run their course she will end up wearing garbage bags once again.  See to maintain an acting career you must know how to act or at the very least show emotion.  This may be the first photograph of her where she does not look stoned.
  
  DAMN!  Guess the ass...ok stop...it's Khloe Kardashian and I take back every bad thing I have ever said about her as long as she continues to wear those jeans.
  
  Katy Perry didn't wear this for Halloween.  This was for some sort of European MTV award show.  This outfit is amazing.  I love how she found that fabric that almost matches her skin tone.  The outfit makes her music seem tolerable.  I think she should make this look permanent.
  
  Iggy Pop was debuting his new DVD this week.  It's called Elderly Guys Go Senile.  Seriously, I like Iggy.  It just struck me as funny because when I found this photo there was a commercial for Girls Gone Wild on my TV.
  
  I think Hugh Jackman was showing off his Halloween costume here.  He's wearing a trench coat and dark sunglasses, he has his hand down his pants, and there's a child within ten feet.  yep, I think he is showing off his pervert costume for Halloween.  Actually he was just strolling with his wife and child when the acting bug bit him.
  
  Gwen Stefani and the rest of No Doubt are suing the video game company Activision because of the game Band Hero.  No Doubt is upset of how they are portrayed as a karaoke circus act in that game and that Activision promised the band would only be available for three songs in the game however they can be accessed to sing other bands' material.  Then another part of the lawsuit was that the bass player sings I'm Just a Girl.  OK, I'd be pissed too.  And so it begins...expect other bands to sue over these games, bands that don't have their own special editions. 
  
  Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers turned 47 this week.  I am sort of shocked that he has lived that long.  If you don't understand why, read his autobiography Scar Tissue sometime.  It is eye opening but then again most of their recent songs allude to all his problems.
  
  People behind the scenes at the new Melrose Place are claiming that Ashlee Simpson was written off the show for two reasons.  The first being that she was a diva.  She would show up late and make insane demands and hold up shooting.  Secondly they say she was written off because she couldn't act.  I thought that was harsh but then I went to imdb and looked up animal actors.  There are horses, dogs, and monkeys that have had more roles than Ashlee.  You know she is a failure at acting, just look at how horrible her lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live was.
  
  No, this isn't Dakota Fanning's Halloween costume.  She actually goes to high school and is on the cheerleading squad.  She was also elected homecoming queen at her school.  I bet those other girls at her school were jealous because she makes so much money and waltzes into their school and gets homecoming queen.  I wonder if the homecoming dance turned out like the movie Carrie.
  
  Remember a week or so ago when I mentioned that Carrie Prejean was suing the Miss California pageant company?  Well her lawsuit was dropped this week.  The reason?  Two words: sex tape.  A while back TMZ came into possession of a sex tape involving Carrie.  They say that it is just her in the tape and that it was too racy for their website.   Why is jillin' off racy?  Anyway she dropped the lawsuit after the pageant company displayed the video in the judge's chambers.  OK, kids, what does this teach us?  When you want to play, the camera goes away.  That is why I never video tape myself.  I don't want to be known as the blogger with the huge Schwanz.  It would just get in the way of my blogging.
  
  A judge in Australia wants Britney Spears to put a warning on all her tickets and posters because the judge claims that Britney lip-syncs.  SAY IT ISN'T SO!  Wait, I knew that.  Notice that when Britney comes to your area they never say, "Britney, live in concert," it just says "Britney in concert".  That is the admission that the concerts are lip-synced.  They aren't promising a live show.  Oh Britney...you're so crafty.
  
  Oh Britney...you're so noticeable.  Hmmmm pants and shirt at the same time?  LA-DEE-DA!  What a classy lady! 

  Halloween Costumes
  
  I would say that Bai Ling has the best Halloween costume of all but knowing her she probably had no clue that it was Halloween and she just showed up to a party wearing that.  I think she is supposed to be Paris Hilton in the year 3000.
  
  Bette Midler threw a Halloween party this year and this was her costume.  She never said what she was supposed to be so I am going to guess that she went as Lady Gaga 25 years from now.
  
  Speaking of Lady Gaga...WTF!  I don't know what she is supposed to be so I am going out on a limb here and am going to guess she is a cat's furball.  I have been thinking of how she and all these fashion people say she is so stylish.  If that is true, why am I not seeing more people dress like that?  I mean I still see the angst-filled teen girls dressing like Avril Lavigne but none dress like Lady Gaga. 
  
  Jessica Alba went as Dora the Explorer for Halloween and she still didn't smile although it looks like one could be forming.
  
  Rupert Grint who plays Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies went as Alex from A Clockwork Orange.  You know, I wouldn't mind seeing him as a lead in a remake or a possible musical rendition for the stage.  Damn...I need to start working on that, right after I finish the musical of Triumph of the Will.
  
  Does anyone know who this is?  Let's just say he isn't dressed as fabulous as he normally dresses.  That is famous cross-dresser Rupaul.  So because we rarely see him/her out of drag does dressing as a male mean Rupaul in the photo is in drag?  My head is going to explode.
  
  Paris Hilton threw her own Halloween party or should I say Slut-oween party.  Never has the Wizard of Oz been so skanky.  Her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt wore the same costume.  AWKWARD!
  
  Paris Hilton and her boyfriend went to a different party so they needed all new costumes.  This time I don't know what she is supposed to be but he looks like a fairy, a tooth fairy to be exact. 
  
  Mariah Carey dressed as angel.  She looks heavenly but the devil in her made husband Nick Cannon dress just like her.  Oh well despite looking like he doesn't want to be there, he's still smiling because he gets to take Mariah home.
  
  DAMN!  I take back everything bad thing I have ever said about Kim Kardashian.  I was trying to figure out who she is supposed to be.  The conclusion was she is Princess Jizzmine from Analaddin.  Her magical power is that she makes the penises of male men suffer from rigor mortis.
  
  Kate Pierson, left, of the B52s dressed as Annie Oakley and her partner Monica Coleman was Davy Crockett.  You know I really need to get more b52s news because I have heard much of her lately.  She looks so gorgeous.
  
  Who could pull off posing as Homer Simpson so perfectly?  Why, Tony Soprano....I mean James Gandolfini.  I was surprised he was one of the voices in Where the Wild Things Are.  I thought he would be forever type-casted because of The Sopranos.
  
  Heidi Klum and Seal always throw a major Halloween costume party and Heidi always has to have the best costume.  Last year she went as the Hindu god Shiva.  This we I think she and Seal were my favorite 90s blues rock band, The Black Crowes, but they are more like Heckle and Sexy Jeckle.
  
  Coco and Rihanna dressed up for a Halloween party.  Actually I don't think they dressed up.  Rihanna usually wears something like that in her music videos and that is Coco's regular church attire.
  
  Coco also showed off another costume on her Twitter.  She makes a great topless dolphin.  Sometimes I wonder why she even bothers wearing clothes.
  
  I hate to say this but I saved the best costume for last.  Heidi and Spencer Pratt went as Jon and Kate Plus 8.  You know, that's a pretty clever costume and to think THOSE TWO pulled it off.

  Video Section
  Weezer has released their own line of Snuggies.  I may just get one because that is how big of a fan I am of that band.  I'm such a big fan, I think Pinkerton is still their best album.
  

  I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I am going to spend mine taking a Moonlight Drive looking for a Twentieth Century Fox to Light My Fire because I am Back Door Man and a bit of a Wild Child but 5 to 1 she'll only want to Love Me Two Times.  Anyway People are Strange because we are living in Strange Days. 

  • 4:30 AM
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