December 2, 2009
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Motivation
This morning I had one of the most surreal moments of the day. I wasn't that sleepy because I had so much on my mind. I was sort of drowsing, I guess, plus I had a cat kneading my back with her sharp claws. Anyway my cellphone starts vibrating. It was too early, like 5AM, for my emergency alarm clock so I picked it up and said, "hello". And before I could say another word, I heard "Happy birthday to you/ happy birthday to you/ happy birthday dear Scott/ happy birthday to you!" I replied, "Thank you, but my name isn't Scott. I think you have the wrong number." And with that I hung up. I should have told this woman who sounded a bit elderly that when she calls Scott that she should wish him a happy birthday for me. Hmmm I wonder if she even called this Scott back Maybe the wrong number could explain why my parents never contact me on my birthday. Do you know when my birthday is?
I've never met an unhappy person with hard nipples. They're as good as a smile.
I think it's sad that the inventor of masturbation isn't making money hand over fist.
I didn't get any Google Wave invites. Just as well, I hear it's not compatible with my Commodore 64.
Repetitive jokes crack me up. Did you know repetitive jokes make me laugh? I LOVE REPETITIVE JOKES!
3 of a kind beats 2 pair in poker but not in breasts.
I'm drinking ginger ale. It tastes like 100% natural red-head.
Motivation:
OK so I will share a dream. Last night while drowsing, I dreamed that some lady from Xanga came to visit me. I couldn't tell you it was and whenever she spoke it was type. I couldn't hear but had to read. We laid underneath my afghan...not the people we are fighting, they're Afghanis. We just talked but I never figured out who it was. So I guess what I am asking is, if it was you, please let me know.
And because I deliver on 74% of my promises:
I uploaded that a little over a year ago.
Comments (69)
LOL Oh that was great!
about the morning call -- false alarm. And since you're a Pisces, your birthday is probably in Late February or in March. When is it?
The iPhone and Dane Cook one was funny! Haha! ... but wait, maybe I should say that the Dane Cook one is NOT funny... =P
Great dream, although that sucks that whenever she spoke it was typed... Somewhere, somehow, I know this, and I wouldn't be surprised if somebody has made a joke about "Afghans".
Man there's some major douchebag hating going on here.
I had a dream that I owned an i-phone. Does that make the dream version of me a douchebag? or is it all my other douchebag qualities that do it?
Sucks that you were woken up by birthday wishes for someone else. I probably would have said thank you and then hung up.
Interesting dream... it wasn't me, I was off in some random seemingly haunted house, at least it was old and creaky and rather creepy. Good thing I had my flashlight though... heh
yeahhhh, Chris Cornell woo-hoo! :)
74% huh? pretty darn impressive, godfather
so Axl made it into the dictionary as an example of a definition (that *is* him, right?)... it's his new hair-do, ya know... that put him over the top ;P
Okay...I admit it: IT WAS MEEEE! I would love to snuggle with you under your afghan and talk shop.
yay for chris cornell. ave maria is one of my favorite songs period.
LOL! Pooing to the internet
That kid is going in a pot....really???
Should dreaming about Xangans (even unknown ones) be worrisome? I feel like Xanga already takes up an inappropriate amount of my daily time without dreaming about it.
Haha! Happy Birthday, Scott! Muahahahahhhhh!
Serious douchebaging..or douchebanging?! Nono, no banging with douchebags.
Hahaha, she had to type. So, did you hear the ..sound of a keyboard typing?1 Because that is some fun awesome shit. Sitting under an afghan and just talking, that sounds pretty. If food was around, surely, next time you must be dreaming me.
When I first got my current number, I would get random calls from a girl calling herself Bugaboo looking for some dude name Teshawn. This went on for about six months, only because I thought the voicemails she would leave were hilarious. One day I get a voicemail from Bugaboo wishing Teshawn a happy birthday and then confess her undying love for the guy. I sent her a text message back saying "this isn't Teshawn's number anymore, sorry. I thought I should let you know so you can find him and wish him a happy birthday again." She replied with, "fuck you Teshawn. I said I loved you and you're gonna lie to me like that?" I didn't respond. A few days later she leave a voicemail again. "Teshawn, I got you're new number from your cousin. But when I called it, no one picked up. I Knew you were fucking lying to me! Bitch, just hope I don't find yor car in the parking lot at your job" *CLICK*
I'm guessing Teshawn's gone through a few numbers trying to avoid this chick.
Aw, I'm not a douchebag. I love my iPhone *pout*
The douchebag motivational posters are super appropriate since "Jersey Shore" premieres on MTV tomorrow night. It's a 'reality' program about the guidos in Jersey, should be a cesspool of gelled hair, spray tans and tacky puffy lips. I have been to Jersey once, it's not a place I would like to visit again. Except to make fun of it.
I've never noticed the similarities between HP and Star Wars, freaky. I still adore them both, I'm a proud nerd.
Oh, it was probably me. I have weird dreams all the time, and Xangans are'nt unknown to be in them. The other night I dreamed I was sleeping with Michael Jordan! I don't even know what that motherfucker looks like!
I think I had posted under the wrong blog post! But you should've pretended you was scott and said " So did I get that Porsche I always wanted?" LOL
It might have been me. I like being under afgans. I've even been known to get under Afghanis before. Also, been under Danes...well, you get the idea.
I've dreamt about a few Xangans before. Weird. 
Ha, that phone call you got was funny! I can laugh. Some weird lady DIDN't wake me up at 5 a.m. If she had, I wouldn't be laughing! Love those statements at the top! "3 of a kind..." That's snort laugh funny! 
Love the motivational posters this week!! Good ones!
you're FUNNY.
Omg, you are so funny! Every line above the pictures made me laugh!
The Harry Potter poster is something I need to show one of my friends who is a real fan. lol
I've had such a typing-conversation dream before too.
This is great lol
it must have been me. your entire post is screaming that it was me. my dad's birthday was today. i love axl rose (why is he a douchbag? did he do something else stupid today?)
and i dream so much i probably live in that alternate reality more than i do in the real world.
I'm told that a dush is a device woman used to clean out their vagina.
You have a wonderful fun corner:)
@mZdejavuZ -
The phone call was actually quite awesome. It made me think of an audio file I uploaded. The artist is named Green Velvet and he makes house music. He used messages from his answering machine in the song but he inserted one that wasn't real. He has challenged people to figure out which one isn't real and believe me, it isn't easy.
I think in this case you can say Dane Cook is funny. Speaking of Dane Cook, I still have to get my favorite comedians up and I think it was Newsweek did a review of the unfunniest comedians and many of theirs matched many.
I was talking on facebook a long time ago about how my mom made me an afghan for Christmas and people actually asked why she gave me a terrorist and THEY WERE SERIOUS!
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
Yes, I have put up with a lot of douches in my life so it's time for payback. Oh there is no douchiness to you and I will make the exception of the iphone dream. I think the iphone one is more geared at that website guys with iphones...you'll thank me.
@xXsnowgrlXx -
yes, that flashlight does come in handy.
@Peridot21 -
I went to limewire and downloaded it because my ninja google mp3 skills couldn't work. I uploaded the file and then searched my audio blog and I realized I had uploaded it on June 28th of 2008. Oh and remember 68% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Yeah that is Axl and that was a few years ago when he announced that he was working on Chinese Democracy. It's a good album but it was not worth the wait.
@Another_Perfect_Wonder -
I bet that it could be fun but would I have to read what you were saying?
@BranmacFeabhail -
Even though I am not Catholic and belong to a group that does not get along with Catholics, I love Ave Maria as well but not for the spiritual aspect but just for the pure beauty of the song.
@NoGraySunflowers -
Kids do the darnedest things?
Last year around this time I had a Xanga dream. I remember it quite well because it was during the time people were debating gay marriage and abortion. Anyway the dream consisted of me going to the doctor's office. I walked into the waiting room and saw two very popular male Xangans making out. These were the ones who were vocal against gay marriage. And then a pro-life supporter on Xanga walked to the desk clerk and quite loudly announced that she was there to have an abortion. The guys stopped making out, stared, and then went back to making out.
@RestlessButterfly -
Well thank you, I'll have to remember you wished me a happy birthday when it is my birthday.
@windoftheforest -
No I didn't hear any typing. It was almost like a cartoon bubble coming out of the mouth but it came in a box form like here or in IMs.
I will have to look for food next time.
@Lithium98 -
I'd hate to see what Teshawn's car looked like when and if she found it.
My landline is one digit off from two major businesses. One is a dentist's office and the other is a beauty parlor. I love getting these calls and pretending that I am the actual business. But the people that call for the dentist's office catch on. I guess I don't have a receptionist or dentist voice. The beauty parlor...oh man, these little old ladies call all the time and ask if Kathy can get them in. I usually say "Well Kathy's pretty busy but I can sneak you in and give you a buzz cut."
@ithiliya -
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it for you. Now I feel like a jerk...I think that was more geared for the guys with iphones...you don't want to click that at work.
@twistedmistletoe -
I think when I first saw a preview for that show, that is why I went out and found all the "douchebag" posters. I can't wait for the spray-on fist pumping. I still remember an episode of True Life where they went to the Jersey Shore, that was spectacular for douchebaggery.
Star Wars is one of the greatest stories ever told so it is fitting that other popular stories "borrow" from it.
@Shy___Away -
Interesting dream. I've had a few dreams about Xangans but I think this is one of the first that I didn't know who it was.
@rickystar1 -
that's alright. The next time I get a phone call for Scott, I'll remember to ask for a Porsche. Oh and this summer I remember getting a phone call from a woman asking when she should take the tractor out to the field to pick up the hay bales. I told her, "Now will probably be good" and then I hung up.
@carolinaatnight -
So you've been under a veritable United Nations?
It's so true about the 3 of a kind.
@And_I_love -
Thank you
@nattata -
I think that last night I was in one of my attention deficit hey look a blue car disorder nights.
When I first saw that Harry Potter one, I just sat at my desk unable to say anything because the similarities are astonishing.
@AlterEgo909 -
Thank you
@NightlyDreams -
Weird about the dream and your dad's birthday but I know the phone call was real because the number registered in my phone.
I have really disliked Axl for all the crap surrounding Chinese Democracy. It was a good album but not worth the wait or all the hype.
@afuncynicalbash -
That is what I hear as well
@PeaceSearcher -
Thank you for visiting.
Thanks for the Motivations. I loved the one of the Amish wayward.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Indeed it does
@godfatherofgreenbay - Please remind me to wishes you when your birthday is come. I might send you a Tiger Dance as your birthday gift.
@godfatherofgreenbay - lol what is up with your ninja skills not working? that doesn't sound right
...and, yeah, i remember all the chatter about how disappointing the chinese democracy album was ...if he had a plan going on there, it kinda backfired on him i guess ...still, there's always Sweet Child O' Mine to fall back on, no? 
oh and, ya know, limewire just hasn't been the same since they re-vamped it a while back... not very user-friendly anymore imo...
68% lol ...yeah, i think i remember seeing/hearing that somewhere (wait, was it from you?? lol
@curiousdwk -
Amish rebellion is quite funny. The "liberal" Amish in Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana give their teenagers a year where they can explore the English(their way of saying non-Amish) way of life. I believe they call it Rumspringa. Anyway the Amish own houses where all these teens hang out and they become regular looking teenagers and they drive cars, drink, and basically get into all sorts of trouble. That being said, the Amish here in Wisconsin don't have that practice because they are the hardliners. You're born Amish, you die Amish with no opportunity to leave and if you do leave, then you are dead to the Amish community and your family. Every once in a while you see the Amish teens trying to break out and have a fun time. Like in the tourist town where I managed an arcade, the Amish came in to play video games. It was funny because they were running around like toddlers and they were shouting in German. I spoke with them in German and convinced them to ride the virtual reality ride. They came out white as ghosts. Oh and every once in a while I hear and see an Amish buggy early in the morning like 3 or 4 and they will come to a stop near my house and those darn Amish kids are making out and doing other things in the buggy.
@RestlessButterfly -
Now I just have to remember my birthday because I am so intrigued by this Tiger Dance.
@Peridot21 -
Well my skills involve me using codes to get into a search of google where I look through the indexes of websites for mp3s and I couldn't find any of the mp3s for Chris Cornell's performance of Ave Maria but I obviously had to since I had found it before. I'm positive I didn't download it from limewire because I remember downloading all these tracks of a live performance from Sweden which included him covering songs by Led Zeppelin and Michael Jackson. I actually like Limewire now so who knows.
Yes, 68% is a tried and true joke for me.
@godfatherofgreenbay - lol.
okay I'm glad I don't come off as a douche.
I think I might just get a blackberry storm or something. screw you i-phone.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
Yes, blackberry storm is totally the way to go even though I don't have one, I've just heard plus the stuff with the iphone apps is ridiculous. That Droid phone is supposed to be way better
I don't honestly care enough.
fancy phones aren't my thing.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Thanks for the warning
Don't feel like a jerk, I'm sure you had a perfectly understandable reason
Haha, when I started reading this I was like your name is not Scott! I would have been a bit upset if someone called me that early & had the wrong number! Douchebags are continuing to come to you via MTV!
@ithiliya -
OK I am jealous I want a fancy phone. Actually the Droid sounds better right now
@TiRocKiinPiinK -
I think the MTV previews for that show inspired me to find some of these and some of the ones for next week.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
yeah that kind of sucked waiting 10 years. i've waited so long that i didn't even go out and buy the cd yet
they lost me!
@godfatherofgreenbay - The Amish at 3:00 am gives a new meaning to the expression "bouncing baby buggy".
Yes...I'm haunting your dreams...and no you had it wrong, we were laying under Afghanis...about four of them if I recall correctly!
:-p
@ExposedWrists -
AH-HA! Those pesky Afghanis.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
LOL, that sounds like a really interesting and cool house song!
Oh yes, I also saw that Newsweek article when it first came out! And I was laughing when I saw Dane Cook on there. Although, I was surprised that Jay Leno was on there. I haven't seen his new show, but I've seen some of his monologues on his Tonight Show, and some of them were really funny.
"people actually asked why she gave me a terrorist" HAHA! Omg... People cease to amaze me...
I always thought the Star Wars -- Harry Potter comparison was a bit of an unfair stretch... now Eragon... that is the same fucking story with dragons.
@mZdejavuZ -
Well if you want to hear the song all you have to do is click here.
I have always been on the fence with Jay Leno. I like the Jay-walking and the headlines stuff but I don't know, there is something pandering about him.
@Curse_of_Greyface -
Oh yeah, Eragon, I haven't even bothered with that
@godfatherofgreenbay -
HAHAHAHA WOW, that was HILARIOUS!!! Thanks so much for sharing that! That was definitely worth a listen! =P WTF! The first msg on that song is soo fricken funny!!! I think that one is the fake one! That one, or the 3rd one about the horoscope (although it sounds more like a prank than a fake msg). =P Do you know which one is the fake one?
@mZdejavuZ -
Green Velvet never stated which one was fake. He is an odd individual. A friend of mine from college got me listening to his stuff when I was in my big house and techno phase. He calls me up and says Green Velvet is playing an outdoor show in Chicago one summer. So we went and it was so weird. He came out on stage and imagine a big muscular black guy with a green mohawk wearing nothing but green bikini briefs...ok maybe you shouldn't imagine that...anyway he had a kiddie pool on stage and he laid down in it. I think it was filled with honey or something sticky and then he jumped into another kiddie pool that had something like green cereal or at least that is what people were saying and then throughout the show people threw stuff at him to get it to stick and also people came from behind and dumped green feathers on him.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
LOL WTF, he is one strange person for sure... I guess that explains why that trance mix was so original and out-there.
There's a lot of douche fuckery going on here. Were you in a bad mood this day perhaps and everyone was a douche? Heh it's okay =]
@crazy2love -
Actually I think I had just seen the first preview for the MTV series Jersey Shore. I also have some other reasons, revolving around why women go after guys like that.
Comments are closed.