So...how ya doin'?

I still am not technically "back".  What I think of as being "back" is when I can actually sit down and be able to read everyone's posts.  I said that I will be "back" within a fortnight.  I told that to someone on Facebook and they asked, "What is a fortnight?"  Look it up.  Sorry, but if someone uses a word with which I am not familiar, I will bivouac myself in front of a dictionary and look for that specific word.

Lately I have been watching Duke basketball just so I can see a former Xangan.

I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone the other night and something I said startled my cats.  They were sleeping in a chair across the room from me and when they heard what I said they jumped up looked at each other and took off running.  For some reason they thought that I wanted to dine on feline.  Oh this was just a joke because there is no way I could have a girlfriend.

So this newly-wed couple was on their honeymoon and they went to see the Pacific Ocean.  When they arrived at the beach the woman looked out with a dejected look and said, "I thought it would be bigger."  The husband sadly remembered that was the first thing she said on their wedding night.

So I have narrowed down the two songs for my first dance at a wedding reception...not that I am getting married..."Gigantic" by The Pixies or "Let's Get it On" by Barry Jive and the Uptown Five

I thought that what Conan O'Brien did on Twitter was amazing but I was sad he didn't pick me.

My hometown had a contest for a new tourism slogan.  My suggestion came in second.  It was: Traveling despondently is better than arriving here.

Oh and yes, I watch the Oscars because I always fancied myself a film buff.  The only bad part was that I missed some of it because I was watching Antiques Roadshow.  I fucking love Antiques Roadshow.

Brittney Griner landed a punch against a player from Texas Tech last week.  I was shocked that there were no sexist comments on ESPN seeing as a week earlier Tony Kornheiser was suspended for saying that one of the female broadcasters should dress better and not wear Catholic school girl outfits.  That mentality had me expecting to hear an announcer say after a highlight of the punch, "Gee...must be that time of the month."  Come on this is ESPN.  They hate women and Christians.  When Kelly Kulick won the men's Professional Bowling championship broadcasters immediately said that it didn't count because any sport where a woman can defeat a man isn't really a sport.  AND THEN THERE'S DANA JACOBSON...who while talking about Norte Dame football at a roast of Mike and Mike in the morning said "Fuck Notre Dame and Jesus."  Her excuse....she was drunk.

And so baseball season is about to begin.  I am anxious and have my teams selected for betting.  Yes, I know that if I bet on baseball I will be banned for life from the Hall of Fame but that is a risk I am willing to take.  I am also in the process of writing down the 100 qualities of New York Yankees fans and for some odd reason "common sense" always sneaks in at #79.

Has anyone else noticed that wikipedia is slowly becoming the actual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?