June 24, 2010
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Questions with the Godfather and his Cock 6/23
It's that time of the week again and yours truly and his cock are ready to dispense answers to your questions. I am glad to be back with my cock after his bout with fatigue. And for those of my new readers, my cock is my pet rooster, Cocky McCockburns
Me: Hey, Cocky, how are you doing?
Cocky: I am full of vim and vigor.
Me: I've noticed you have been quite active as of late. Is that because of our sponsor's gifts?
Cocky: No, I raided your nightstand and took a few of those pills from the bottle labeled pick me ups.
Me: Well did you leave any?
Cocky: Actually I was hoping you would get me some more.
Me: Hmmmm not like I actually need them.
Cocky: Yeah your bed has been quite bare as of late.
Me: Yes, I guess I haven't had a lot going on because I have so much weighing on my mind.
Cocky: May as well go to the doctor to have your nads removed now.
Me: It's time to hear from our sponsor.
Questions with the Godfather and Cocky is brought to you by:
Fighting Cock Bourbon.
Fighting Cock Bourbon is aged for 6 years in oaken barrels to make it a classic 103 proof bourbon and giving it a smooth and robust flavor. The brand name reflects the proud, passionate, independent spirit that the Fighting Cock bird embodies. Indeed, during World War II, a fighter squadron adorned the cowls of their planes with this proud but fierce emblem. Fighting Cock is a hallmark of Heaven Hill's fine Bourbons.
Me: Cocky, are you ready?
Cocky: I'm cocked, locked, and ready to unload some life-changing advice.
Me: Alright, on to the letters...Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I am a middle-aged woman who enjoys her B.O.B.! How often do you think is too often? And, as a cock, are you offended by my behavior?
Carolyn in CashtonMe: I have often been under the assumption that there can never be too much of something but I think if you are changing batteries on a daily basis then maybe you need to put it down
Cocky: Yeah and grab me. I love being mouth hugged.
Me: Cocky...what do you mean...hugged?
Cocky: Hugged with a mouth but seriously in this economy we have to scrimp and save and if your battery operated boyfriend is going through more batteries then you can afford you better hang it up. When I was in my state of not being able to get up in the morning, the henhouse had an extremely large number of cucumbers and carrots sitting outside. And if you have any enemies, make them a salad. By the way, I take no offense as long as I get some mouth hugs.Dear Godfather and Cocky,
About three years ago, my husband and I bought an above ground pool for the kids. They love it and I have to admit it is a blessing on those summer days when the temperature gets above 80. The problem is my husband. If he isn't in the pool swimming, he is cleaning it or tinkering with the filters. I can't spend all my time with him out by the pool because by the end of summer I'll look like a lobster! What should I do?
Barbara in Baraboo
Me: That is a tough question. I would be upfront with him and tell him that he is spending too much time with the pool and not with his spouse. You might want to get rid of the kids for the night and have a pool party of your own and talk things over.
Cocky: Can you believe it? The Milwaukee Bucks traded for Corey Maggette. Do they really think they can win with that douche? He's a bigger cock than I.
Me: Cocky, Barbara asked us a question.
Cocky: OK...pool...summer...husband...tinkering...lobster...here's what you do; you disassemble the filtration device and place each piece leading to your bedroom and then you are waiting in bed with the last piece and when your husband comes in dumbfounded as to why his wife is lying naked on the bed with a disassmebled pool filter, you say, "Hey, big boy, why don't you take out that stick and measure my ph balance."
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I always give a lot to my relationships, my husband, family members, and friends. I am starting to resent this because I don’t get much back. I hardly ever get what I really want. What should I do?
Pissed Off in Plum City
Me: Everyone should have boundaries. Relationships such as the ones you mention are like volleyball. You serve and you get a volley back unless you are an adult serving against grade schoolers. Sometimes you serve two or three times but get nothing back but there should be equal generosity in return. You can expect not to get much back from three groups: babies, teenagers, and the elderly.
Cocky: Don't listen to him. What you do is this: you do something nice for a family member or friend or husband and if they don't give you instant respect or appreciation, you grab them by the shirt and scream, "RESPECT ME!" And if they don't apologize then you punch them in the throat.
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
How would you seduce a woman after sleeping with her daughter?
Seducer in Seneca
Me: Really? These are the type of question we’re asked? Maybe opening up to formspring wasn’t the best way to go.
Cocky: Quit bitching…you’re lucky people come to us with their problems. See what you just tell her you want to get to know her daughter better by being inside the same vagina that her daughter came out of.
Me: Cocky, that is horrible.
Cocky: And you’re not getting any so what now?
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Wanker in Wonewoc
Me: Typically I wouldn’t answer this but I’d have to say Golda Meir
Cocky: What the fuck? Golda Meir?
Me: Hey, power is an aphrodisiac. So I suppose you have someone better.
Cocky: Yes, Elivra when I was 5…not when she was 5 but when I was 5 because that is when she was at her best.
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
Can you teach me to be a gangster?
Student in Steubenville
Me: Well what you want to do is go watch as many episodes of ----
Cocky: The Sopranos. You are so predictable.
Me: Well how can you teach him to be a gangster?
Cocky: You can’t learn, it’s something you’re born with.
Me: Am I a gangster?
Cocky: Yes, in some place like Candyland
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I heard that you two were working on a rap album. When is it dropping?
Rapper in Rapid City
Me: Well that plan has been scratched because I am fearful of the gang violence that would escalate because of all the groups Cocky calls out on the album.
Cocky: Oh it’s gonna drop as soon as the Godfather’s balls drop.
Dear Godfather and Cocky,
I’m Asian. Can I drive your car?
Asian in Ashwabenon
Me: Formspring!
Cocky: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…answer the question
Me: I think this is a stupid question.
Cocky: Answer the question!
Me: OK…No, I will not let you drive my car.
Cocky: Racist
OK, I plan on timestamping this. I am warning you ahead so if you are a challenged Xangan and don't understand the mysticism behind the dreaded timestamp, DO NOT BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT I AM HARASSING YOU! I just want all people to enjoy the wisdom I dispense with my cock.
If you have a question for myself or Cocky you can either email here at Xanga or at advicewithcocky@gmail.com or ask us over at Formspring.
Comments (24)
Aww, no rap album? I bet it would have been awesome
lol
Classic. Throat punching for respect almost always gets my vote.
Even candyland needs gangsters.
I dunno, bet Elvira still has it going on
I still say Cocky needs to be on Xanax or Valium, -- in massive doses!
hahaha, great post :]
RACIST!!! Unless no one gets to drive your car except you then you are elitist!
lmao you and your cock clearly have a deep connection
thankyou for your comment btw LOL i can SO imagine you skinny dipping then going for a manicure
Personally, I think the husband spends all his time out with the pool is so he can ogle the teenage next door with the bikini and especially when it's untied so she doesn't get a strap line across her back. Although he gets jealous, he does enjoy it when her boyfriend comes over and they do things together that he has only read about - but never seen. (smile)
AWESOME!!!! I love the advice about punching your family in the throat when they don't respect you . . . not enough people use that strategy anymore.
@Shining_Garnet -
Well it probably couldn't be any worse than a Shaquille O'Neal rap album.
@dirtbubble -
That was kind of my M.O. for a while but the godfather told me to quit because he didn't want people thinking he was too violent...a pervert, yes, but not violent.
@TheDarkCreature -
Someone needs to bring down Gloppy and start up the cocaine trade. Maybe that will be a storyline in the upcoming movie based on the game.
@ElevenStones -
Well the last time I saw her was a couple years ago on a reality series where they were trying to find the next Elvira so that might tell you something. All I know is they had to use a lot of make-up and undergarment scaffolding to get her twin towers to stay in place.
@dikdoktor -
You're sadistic! Why would you want to shove massive amounts of pills down my throat? I would choke. I suppose you love choking chickens.
@HisKeiki -
Thank you
@godfatherofgreenbay - Not at all. I just know the bad effects of walking around with a permanent hard on. It's bad for you! BTW, why can't I see "TheDarkCreature's" comments? She must be hiding from me, - always knows when I'm in a bad mood so she makes herself scarce. Either that or, she disobeyed, didn't go to bed when I told her to and doesn't want me to bust her!
@bosefius -
HAHAHA...yes I am an elitist
@Findingvanessa -
Well I don't do the manicure part but I like to do late night lake swimming. Yes, my cock and I have a deep and meaningful relationship.
@curiousdwk -
Oh yeah I remember when I had neighbors who likes to sunbathe topless. I always found myself doing something in the backyard when they were bathing. I was such a pervert as a kid but it helped me make plenty of model rockets.
@jacksoncroons -
I think there are a few places where they use throat punching as a means of settling arguments but since most of those places now face smoking bans the throat punch negotiation strategy is going the way of the dodo.
@dikdoktor -
Yeah it's bad for you. I always see those commercials about contacting the doctor if you have a hard on for over four hours. Man, that creeps me out to think of one lasting that long.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Back about 20 years ago my Mom had some meds - something like a valium for here nerves. Anyways, I took one when I was all fucked up, - did too much marching powder and figured it would calm me down. A week later, I had a doctor's appt. and I told him that I took the pill because I was feeling weird. (I had a really good doc. could tell him anything) anyways, he warned me, told me never to take it again because they can cause that - a permanent hard on that could require surgery to stop it! No BS, I wish I could remember the name of it. I remember they were really cheap, about $8.00 for 5o pills. Fuck, I could put Viagra out of business!
You still didn't tell me where Ann's comments went. Did she or you delete them?
signed: stunned in Stratford
@dikdoktor -
Weird...I still see her comments as well as the one I replied to. Maybe she is hiding from you.
damn...that is too scary for me.
Comments are closed.