July 18, 2010

• 50 Question Survey

  Because I go above and beyond the call of duty
  
  

  1.  Were you named after someone?

  Yes, I think it was some dude out of the Bible who wrote a book and named it after himself but my parents thought they would put a spin on it and use a European version of said name.  Too bad when I got old enough to speak, I couldn't say my name.  Thanks a lot hippies.

  2.      When was the last time you cried?

  About 10 minutes ago when I realized I should finally fill one of these out.  Actually it was a few days ago when I was throwing up.  I don't know why but whenever I vomit I cry.  I'm weird like that but I think it's because of the force and it hurts my tear ducts.  One time I vomited I broke blood vessels in my eyes so the whites of my eyes were red.

  3.      How many brothers and sisters do you have?

  My brothers and sisters claim to be only children when asked about me.  Why, yes, I am an only child.

  4.      If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

  Probably not since I think Xanga should start a whole new -ish site revolving around my page and call it Assholish

  5.      Do you use sarcasm a lot?

  Never...it hurts kid's feelings but then that makes my day.

  6.      Do you still have your tonsils?

  No, I had them removed when I was like 3 and it was a botched operation.  They destroyed nerve endings in my mouth that suppress appetite.  I don't know what it means to be "full" or at least haven't experienced that since I was 3.

  7.      Would you bungee jump?

  Probably not.  If you read the above question you can figure out I am fat so I would probably break the rope.

  8.      What is your favorite cereal?

  The drunken Irishman in me says Lucky Charms and the old man in me says Honey Bunches of Oats so I'll go with Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

  9.      What is your favorite candy bar?

  Oh...hmmm...whatchamacallit...it's that one with the funny name

  10.  Do you think you are strong?

  Yes, you have to be strong when you are me.  I once coached a weightlifting team so there.

  11.  What’s your favorite ice cream?

  Culver's technically isn't ice cream but frozen custard.  Joe Biden learned the hard way even if it's Kopp's.   But if I had to pick an ice cream...Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

  12.  What’s the first thing you notice about people?

  If they are repulsed by me and then their eyes and then their smile.

  13.  What is your favorite type of music?

  I am getting all mellow in my old age so no more rap and metal for me although I do occasionally enjoy the Pantera and Cypress Hill.  I like most everything except goat-ropin' music.  Hell right now I am listening to some Bach.

  14.  Who do you miss the most?

  I think that is a bit personal and would probably show I haven't moved on and am still grieving.

  15.  What do you want to be when you grow up?

  Batman or a mortician...there will never not be crime or dead people.

   

  16.  What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

  I am not wearing shoes nor am I wearing pants.  I am wearing a pair of black shorts and a smile.

  17.  What are your favorite smells?

  Gasoline, freshly laid blacktop, that one perfume Happy Clinique, and cooking cow

   

  18.  Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

  My representative Ron Kind, the best name in all of politics.

  19.  What places do you want to visit?

  Places where people want me so I guess that means the Vaterland and Cuba

  20.  Favorite sport to watch?

  Football but to be specific...Wisconsin Badgers football

  21.  Do you play a musical instrument?

  I play several...piano, guitar, theremin, and my dad is trying to teach me accordion so I can be wicked cool like Weird Al

  22.  What is your eye color?

  This is a mystery to me.  They actually seem to change but most of the time they are greyish blue

  23.  What was the last movie you watched?

  Choke

  24.  What is your favorite school subject?

  I loved history, psychology(but not at my college since they discredited any psychologist who wasn't Christian), economics, and religion

  25.  Summer or Winter?

  My German body is made for winter.

  26.  Favorite dessert?

  Sour cream and raisin pie

  27.  What is your hair color?

  This too fluctuates.  I had black hair up until I was 2 and I also had very dark skin.  People questioned my mom's fidelity but then I took on a more Aryan appearance.  Currently it is light brown.

  28.  Diamonds or pearls?

  I love giving girls pearl necklaces but I most definitely would rather wear diamonds

  29.  Love or money?

  Love of money

  30.  Hugs or kisses?

  Whatever whoever isn't repulsed by me wants to do to me is fine by me.

  31.  Ever been caught masturbating?

  Do pets count?  Actually I had a problem catching people in college.  I must have walked in on 2 dozen different guys.  Weird.  I think God was punishing for how many times I shook hands with the devil.

  32.  Could you murder someone?

  I ain't saying anything.

  33.  Have you ever showed a psycho side?

  Have I Xanga?  I did go into a catatonic state for a couple weeks once and that wasn't fun.

  34.  Has karma ever visited you?

  Not really but I sure as hell hope it does soon.

  35.  Is there anyone you would like to see get punched in the face?

  Ryan Seacrest, Glen Beck, and Kevin James

  36.  Do you have any pets?

  Two cats

  

  37.  Name three things physically close to you

  A fan, a lamp, and a 50 page outline that I am trying to magically turn into something special

  38.  What is the last book you read?

  "Tell All" by Chuck Palahniuk and I am currently reading "Mike and Mike's Rules for Sports and Life"

   

  39.  Who tells the best jokes?

  Anyone but me?  Actually I really enjoy these comedians.

  40.  Do you drive? If yes have you had any accidents?

  Yes, I drive and I have had 6 accidents, 5 of which involved deer.

  41.  How do you like your eggs?

  Not impregnated....wait, I don't worry about that....sunny side up

  42.  Have you ever given money to the homeless?

  There was this one time I was going to Sex World and this guy comes up to me and says he is a student at a Lutheran college in Minneapolis and asks for money because his truck broke down on the interstate.  I gave him a couple of bucks because it was so obvious he was lying.

  43.  Do you have any nicknames?

  They call me Tank, Tiny, and Wurm

  44.  Where were you when 9/11 transpired?

  Honestly...I was sleeping off a night of drinking.  A friend was bartending and if you gave him $5 you got the secret special...ALL YOU CAN DRINK.  I didn't have class until noon that day so why not?

  45.  What is your ringtone?

   This:

  And this:

  46.  Favorite position?

  Well I would like to be president on whatever committee I serve.

  47.  What are your thoughts on homosexual marriage?

  You know churches can marry whomever they want.  My church actually did not allow a hetero couple to wed because they were living together before marriage.  I think we can't make this a religious thing and we should allow all people to marry but churches can have the right to refuse whomever they want.

  48.  What would you do if the president called you?

  Probably hang up because I would think it was a prank call.

  49.  Do you have any tattoos?

  No, I can't because I am allergic.  I have weird skin allergies...ink, Ivory soap, nickel, and certain types of laundry soap

  50.  What curse word do you say when you are really pissed off?

  "Your sister's cunt."

  • 7:06 PM
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