Even though I am celibate...not by choice...I have thought about giving some sex advice here.  Guys, don't get a girl too drunk that she can't remember the best night of her life but just drunk enough to do the real kinky stuff.  Guys, after your sex sessions you should always leave a girl looking like a newborn dear, shaking and covered in fluids.  Ladies, Disney had it right.  You don't need friends.  Just talk to inanimate household objects.  Oh and if you have kids and they want to know about sex, just tell them to watch the dog dance with the pillow.  And if you want more bang for your buck, wear sweatpants to a strip club.  And, ladies, if you really want to get a guy to listen to you, lose the shirt.  Maybe I'll stick to whatever it is that I do.

You know I just realized Hurrican Katrina hit 5 years ago and the only person to hate Kanye West was George Bush.  Kanye also says he's an artist.  So if he's half rapper and half artist, does that make him a rapist?  And I was totally shocked that Katrina and the Waves didn't play any benefit concerts.

Woman in a white t-shirt=instant wet t-shirt contest.

Banana peels are the seeds for face plants.

When someone posts something sad on their Facebook status, I usually press the like button.  It's a good feeling that someone other than me is sad.  I've been sad long enough.

Oh and politics...did you realize that the number of people at the Glenn Beck rally outnumbered the total amount of teeth 3 to 1?  I saw a guy with a Glenn Beck sticker flip off an old lady that was jaywalking, so much for restoring honor.  When are conservatives extremely liberal? When they're estimating attendance at the Glenn Beck rally.  And dear humorless conservatives...I make jokes.

Michael Jackson turned pale, had a hand that sparkled, and died? No, he just moved to Forks, Washington.

And your weekly dose of motivation:

I've been doing my daily exercises weekly and weakly.

If your phone isn't ringing, it's me calling.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

The law of averages says I'm above it.

Did you realize that men spend the first 9 months of their life trying to get out of a vagina and then the rest of their lives trying to get back into one.

Well I think I did a good job masking the pain.  Thursday is Beverly Hills 90210 day because it is 9-02-10.  Think I'll hang out at the Peach Pit.

I am going to bring back some old recipes I posted a long, long time ago when I had about 1 or 2 readers who had Xanga accounts.  No I don't have photos...sorry.  They are quite tasty...trust me.

Dill Pickle Soup
3 tablespoons butter
¼ cup finely chopped onion
½ cup white wine
½ cup plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
5 cups water
1 ½ cups dill pickle juice
2 teaspoons dried dill weed, crushed
½ cup whipping cream or milk
Salt and white pepper to taste
1 large dill pickle, cut julienne

In a large soup pot over medium heat, melt butter.  Add onion and sauté until soft.  Add white wine and continue cooking until almost all liquid evaporates.  Reduce heat to low and stir in flour (do not brown).  In a large bowl, combine water and pickle juice; add and whisk in all at once to onion mixture.  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, until soup slightly thickens.  Add dill weed.  Stir in whipping cream or milk to desired consistency.  Season with salt and white pepper.  Remove from heat.  Serve in soup bowls and garnish with julienne dill pickle.
Makes 4 servings.

Guiltless Oven-Fried Chicken Fingers
1 cup low-fat mayonnaise
1 tablespoon curry paste, or more
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
2 cups panko (Japanese) bread crumbs

Heat the oven to 350 degrees F.  In a large bowl, combine the mayonnaise and curry paste, to taste.  Thin this with a little water, 1 tablespoon at a time, until you get the consistency of heavy cream, and season with salt and pepper.   Cut the chicken breasts into thick strips.  Drop the strips into the bowl and coat them well with the curry mayonnaise.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 5 minutes or up to 1 hour.  Pour the bread crumbs onto a plate and toss the chicken strips well to completely cover them.  Put them onto a nonstick baking sheet and into the over.  Cook for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the chicken is browned and cooked through.
Yields 4 servings.

Microwave Chicken Curry
2 tablespoons Indian curry paste
3 tablespoons olive oil
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into strips
½ bunch basil, leaves chopped
½ bunch cilantro, leaves chopped
2 (13.5 ounce) cans coconut milk
2 tablespoons soy sauce
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Steamed rice, to serve
Paprika, for garnish
1 scallion, thinly sliced, for garnish

In a large microwave safe pot with a lid, mix together the curry paste and oil.  Microwave on high for 3 minutes.  Add the chicken to the pot and stir.  Cover with the lid and microwave on medium for 8 minutes.   Add the basil, cilantro, coconut milk, and soy sauce and season with salt and pepper.  Give it a good stir, cover it, and microwave on medium for 4 minutes.  Stir it again, cover, and let rest for 3 to 4 minutes.  Serve over steamed rice, garnished with paprika and scallions.
Yields 4 servings.

Grilled Banana Split Sundaes
2 to 3 bananas
1 frozen pound cake, thawed
1 whole pineapple
About 10 maraschino cherries
½ stick butter melted

Sauce:
1 pint heavy cream
9 ounces good-quality semisweet chocolate, chopped

Vanilla ice cream for serving
Special equipment: wooden skewers, soaked in water for at least 30 minutes

Preheat an outdoor grill.  Peel and cut the bananas into ½ inch thick slices.  Trim the top off the pound cake and cut the rest into the same size squares as the banana chunks.  Cut the top and bottom off the pineapple and remove the rind from around the sides.  Cut the pineapple in half and then into quarters.  Trim the core and cut each piece again lengthwise.  Cut the strips into ½ inch thick pieces.  On a wooden skewer, alternate pieces of banana, pound cake, and pineapple until skewer is full, leaving about 2 inches for a handle.  You should have 8 to 10 skewers.  Finish with a cherry.  Brush with melted butter and grill for 1 to 2 minutes each side.  (Alternatively, you can broil the skewers for about 1 to 2 minutes per side)

Sauce: Meanwhile, heat the cream in a small pan over medium heat; do not let it boil.  Add the chocolate to the warm cream.  Let sit for a few minutes, then stir the mixture to melt all the chocolate.  Cool for a few minutes and pour into a squeeze bottle.  Scoop ice cream into bowls and top with a skewer.  Squeeze some chocolate sauce over the top and serve.
Yields 8 to 10 sundaes.

Have a great night