September 6, 2010
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Porn for the Amish
I had quite a day. I woke up early and walked down to church. Yeah...yeah...yeah...religion. We entered a float in the town's Labor Day parade. I'll have to post photos of the finished float later. Anyway, I did some finishing touches and then the guy showed up with his truck and we went to the designated line up space where we added one more thing. Personally, I like being in the parade more than I like watching parades. Why? Well I read about Anwar Sadat, I have an irrational fear of being assassinated and I think that since every parade is pretty much the same you get to see more by going through the parade route. You can see the places where the number of people outnumber the number or teeth. You can question the law and why some people are allowed to breed. You can hear old ladies call out your name..."MATTHEW MATTHEW MATTHEW...your float is pretty!" You can also drink beer in the truck that is hauling the float and no one will know until you throw out your empty like it's candy but instead of seeing kids scramble you see old guys jump with their lawn chairs still stuck to their ass because they have had one beer too many. After the parade which I think we won but I'm not for sure what the final score was, I stopped at the church and talked with a semi-retired pastor. We spoke in German so that was fun. He said German was his first language so it was easier for him than for me. Then I drank a few beers and had a few rice krispy treat. After that we disassembled the float and I headed home. Then my parents, my aunt and I got together and I grilled steaks for everyone. Dad went to work and my aunt wanted to go for a ride. We went over this highway to drive through Amish country. Be thankful you didn't have work or school today. The Amish did. It was sort of funny to see kids walking home from school wearing no shoes. Then we ended up at an Amish auction where they auction off produce. I didn't bid on anything because I hate squash and I don't have a need for a wagon full of pumpkins. Hmmm maybe I should have bought them so I could start my Smashing Pumpkins tribute band but all I'd honor was their name. Down the road, there is cheese factory so we stopped there. It was pretty cool because you could watch people make cheese. I bought some cheese curds and wasabi covered peas...really Amish, right? Oh and if anyone is interested, this place sells Amish bonnets. Speaking of interested...I have some postcards if anyone wants a postcard. I know a few of you have done that so I figured I'd try to be a nice guy and not so assholish and send out some postcards. Well it's Monday night and it's football season so I need to get going. Have a great night!
Comments (45)
now that is my kinda porn... and I am not even Amish
i like to see that ha ha
LOL
Wasabi covered peas are the shit.
I think it's super sad to be in certain religions. They'll never see the world or internet porn.
OH baby that car pr0n was super hot.
im so turned on now, I just want to call somebody and drive somewhere!
@Callisto23314 -
Glad you liked.
@dmcx -
Glad you liked
@methodElevated -
I remember getting small bags of Wasabi peas at Target for an insane price but they were worth it. This bag I got today was about 2lbs and cost me $2. Amish country is great.
@anonymiaous -
You'd be surprised. The Amish kids come over to the library across the street from my house and I was on a computer there and they were looking up porn but I think for them it is educational because they were researching for their wedding night.
@Thatslifekid -
YES! They love it. I was talking to a guy about it and he said these young Amish boys will come over to his farm to ask if they can drive his truck up and down his driveway.
@ShimmerBodyCream -
Oh man...I forgot to include phones. Funny story, this one guy that was in my dad's band was talking about how one month his phone bill was $800 when normally it's like $75. It turns out all these Amish were walking to his farm late at night and making phone calls on his barn phone.
Amish porn . . . you should have had a microwave and refrigerator . . . you could have put a black rectangle over the ice water dispenser (will anyone get that?). Whatever . . . I loved this post! Congratulations on your float - if you really did win . . .well, even if you didn't.
omg lol see what i mean about the funny expert?
...i'd like to think that if i had thought about it for a second, i would have seen this coming, but i didn't so i didn't lol 
...the song won't show up for me to play, what song is it? ...oh, and deff post your float pics! 
I haven't been up on the modern world much lately, but it is good to swing by here and catch up again... now I must go look at boobs...
I want the truck... but I'm trying to understand how a PT Cruiser got in there... ( great paint though)
@jacksoncroons -
Now here's an interesting fact. Many of the Amish around here have multiple jobs on top of farming. Most every Amish farm will have a sign out front saying what they sell..."Hickory Furniture" "Shoes" "Leather Goods" "Eggs" "Fruit" "Vegetables" "Candy" "Bakery". The state stepped in and said that when selling eggs and baked goods, they need refrigeration. So most all of the business parts of their farms have electricity and in those shops, the back rooms often have multiple freezers and refrigerators where the business owners will charge a rental fee to their fellow Amish who don't have a business that requires refrigeration. It's amazing how they can skirt around their rules. Like they can't own phones and cars but they can use them.
Man look at those crops. Smokin'.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Que ganga!
@Peridot21 -
Awww...thanks. I've often thought of doing a side business in the summer where I would haul the Amish to appointments in the big city. People around here make good money doing that but then you have to sit in a car with them and they don't use deodorant.
The song is "Varsity". It's a traditional song for the University of Wisconsin. I think they play that at the end of graduation ceremonies. It's the last song of every 5th Quarter. Here's the UW band's history of the song. Here's a video of the Badger band playing with Very Special Arts. And I can't determine if this one or this one is my favorite performance. The first, you get Bucky Badger and the Badger band showing up at random student housing and then the second is so damn adorable.
@Aloysius_son -
LOL...I can't remember my last celebrity post if there were any in there for you.
@TheGiantSlayer -
Yeah, the PT Cruiser was there for the chromalusion.
@TheDarkCreature -
I think they do produce crops you can smoke.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I think TECHNICALLY you can smoke any crop- you may just not want too. I was talking to an old farmer not too long ago that told me that him and his brother used to smoke corn silk. Swore they got high as hell off it.
@TheDarkCreature -
I've heard of smoking corn silk. I don't know if you could get high off it. Well I was thinking more along the lines of weed and meth.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I wasn't aware meth was a crop... If you ever get an inkling to smoke corn silk, let me know (:
Wusste ich, dass Sie deustsch sprechen?
@godfatherofgreenbay - oh, so the Amish can be driven somewhere in a car, just can't own one? ...and i listened to all three of those songs, they're great ...the one on the football field, whoa how 'bout all that red? i mean it looked like every. single. person. had on red, that's awesome... the one of them by the dorm, man, that brings back fun memories of college, those were the days, ya know? good times, good times lol ...last but not least, omg adorable is right! and then some!
@my_little_niche -
Ich bin nicht das Beste, aber ich tue mein Bestes
@godfatherofgreenbay - Wunderbar! Ich freue mich sehr viel, dass ich einen anderen Deustchsprecher gefunden habe.
@Peridot21 -
Yeah that is one of the quirks of their religion. They can't own vehicles but they can ride in them and sometimes drive them. Just think about going to a large city and seeing a horse and buggy in one lane. That would be quite a site to behold. It gets bad enough when they come through my little town of 1300. I think the largest town I have seen them drive their buggies is about 10,000 but they used back roads to get to the Walmart. It's pretty funny going to that Walmart and seeing hitching posts. I've heard that certain Amish communities will allow their members to own tractors and use them around the farm but not in their fields. Yet, there is one Amish community here that will not allow their members to paint their buildings because they believe that paint is too prideful.
That last video...it almost makes me want to think about having kids some day.
@my_little_niche -
Nattata kommt aus Deutschland. Erlernten Sie Deutsches in der Schule?
@godfatherofgreenbay - Ja. Ich habe es im Gymnasium (or high school, I can never figure out the right word for high school in German...) gelernt. Ich studierte es auch ein bisschen im Universitaet. Wo haben Sie Deustch gelernt?
@my_little_niche -
Ich studierte im Gymnasium auch. Mein großes - Großmutter sprach Deutsches und ich erlernte einige Wörter.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Sweet!
Trying to do something distracting and normal here so I won't think too much.....you'll get it....
Okay, I'd totally paint my car #2 and #6. I have a thing for orange and cheezy color morphers.
Man...I haven't been to a parade in years! I bet it was fun to drive that float.
Hot cars:)
@ExposedWrists -
Yeah, I understand. I wish you the best with all of that.
The paint that changes color is called Chromalusions. I had a friend who had it on his Camaro. He paid dearly for that. I was just looking for prices on it now. $900 for a quart and I don't know how many quarts it takes to paint a car. I think there is also a price bump for how many colors you want in it. I'd love to have Chromalusions but in this climate it wouldn't be ideal.
How did you learn to speak German?
You speak german? Cool! I used to myself but i'm beyond rusty now. I haven't used them for like 10 years now..
Love the Amish porn, I am totally lusting over cars # 2 and 3 right now. I'm with you on being in the parade vs. watching. It's much better to be in one.
@judyrutrider -
I took German in high school. I went to a Lutheran high school and German is such an important language to Lutherans or at least my branch of Lutheranism. It was fun how every year Reformation Day rolled around we'd translate the 95 theses from Latin for Latin class and then we'd translate the German version of the theses for German class.
@ccRowp -
I speak a few languages. I worked in a tourist town and they needed so many workers so businesses would advertise in Europe and usually college aged people would come and work. I picked up many languages because of that.
@starlightserenity -
I love those older cars. A friend of mine bought a 69 Dodge Charger and he's working on it. His dream is to make it the General Lee.
@godfatherofgreenbay - That's cool! I used to have a 67 Mustang. I loved that car, but wrecked it. If I could, I'd buy a 66-67 Impala. Of course, it would have to be a second car that I'd drive only on weekends, since it would cost way too much in gas to drive all the time.