September 7, 2010
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Motivation
You know what's awesome? Seeing that I have no friends on Xanga IM...oh maybe that isn't awesome but sad. Just when I was feeling good about myself...ARGH! I'm Charlie Fuckin' Brown.
I once lost a game at Wii tennis. The person that beat my was such a braggart. I got fed up and left. I then went to the police and reported that he tried to sell me meth. Ad victorem spolias, bitch.
MTV is going to start a new season of My BFF is Paris Hilton so Paris can find a new friend to to the rap for a coke possession charge.
This week Stephen Hawking said there is no God. I was somewhat shocked but the more I thought about I figured it out, Stephen Hawking is just pissed at God and if there is anyone that should be pissed at God, it's Hawking. Or maybe he just doesn't see the need for God since he runs on a car battery.
I once went to a 50s style diner in Minnesota and noticed Michael J Fox's photo on the wall beside the cash register. I asked if he enjoyed the shakes. They kicked me out.
I've been thinking of Xanga fights. Xanga fights are like dry humping; they cause a lot of friction but nothing happens. Xanga fights are like two Beta fish fighting each other in separate bowls. Xanga fights are like gun battles with empty water pistols. Xanga fights are like two blind men having a staring contest. Oh and if you don't agree with me, I'll fight you.
Samuel L. Jackson should endorse Rosetta Stone or at least his character from Pulp Fiction should..."English? Do you speak it, motherfucker? No? Let Rosetta Stone help."
Farts sometimes just don't make scents. "Fart" is really (F)inding (A) (R)eason (T)oLIVE! Fart your life away, my people.
Want to let your significant other know you love them? Leave a love letter on the dirty dishes. Ladies, are you tired of men staring at your breasts when you try to talk to them? Well, grow breasts on your forehead. Ladies, do you want a man to love you for who you are and respect you as a woman? Date an ugly guy. I am single. Guys, do you want a girl that is unlike any other girl? You should date a tranny. Nerds, do you need a pick-up line? Try this: "Baby, you be the 2²+2 and I'll be the ( 5x1 )+ (4x1)." Remember, anal sex is thinking outside the box.
Your weekly dose of motivation:
A diamond is forever because the payments are forever.If you are registering to vote for the first time make sure to tell them you're with the Lemon Party.
The fastest way to get into a girl's pants is to become a crossdresser.
I know you didn't like this post but you didn't have to look at me in that tone of voice.
Comments (52)
"A diamond is forever because the payments are forever."
That is funny lol
I love campus police! lol
actual boobs! omg!
does this i'm secretly a 14 year old boy?
I very so motivated. To like touch a boob or something.
LOL I was watching the first gif thinking SOMEWHERE it happens. And BAM! You delivered.
"Xanga fights are like two Beta fish fighting each other in separate bowls." = best line everrrr... man, that couldn't be any more true lol
and, wait, nothing for the ladies this time? what's up with that??
gross.
also xanga fights are way dumb.
i liked it better when i was frustrated. time for porn hub?
and diamonds are forever cause the payments are forever huh? thats ok, my future husband will be a drug lord so he wont have to worry about that. cuz niggaz get mad paid wen dey playin da game!
people with huge tits must trip alot.. i do. and i can see the ground lol.
I love your opening act.
I shouldn't have laughed the Michael J Fox joke...but I did.
Does that make me a bad person?
I really needed some motivation - this was a good start anyway. Maybe I'd better get busy drawing my next Sticky Toon - I'm sure that may cause some friction, maybe even start a fight. I need something to get me moving around here and that might just do it. Rats - the liquor store doesn't open for an hour.
I agree with F. A. R. T
and I love the nerdy pick up line.
And what comes to dimonds I'm not so worried about payments cuz I'm not the one payin it hehhheee
@my_little_niche -
You and me both.
@bosefius - Yep. We're terrible people.
@Shining_Garnet -
Thanks...it's so true though
@escaping_logic -
I should look for local opportunities to be a campus police officer because then I wouldn't complain about not getting any action.
@BranmacFeabhail -
No, it doesn't mean you are a 14 year old boy. Boobs are just that awesome. This may be sexist but it's always been on my mind. With the awesomeness of boobs, I'm surprised women can get things accomplished. I know if I was a woman I would have my mind and hands always occupied.
@KickingSheep -
Ummm, there was an old slogan for some product that was "Reach out and touch someone." I wouldn't advise doing that since people are uptight about personal space.
@TheDarkCreature -
I found the first one and within 2 minutes of finding it, I found the good one. I love the internet.
@Peridot21 -
Thank you...I was thinking up more of those last night and a few were funny but I laughed myself to sleep and I lost them all.
Oh and I will have you know that I looked these type of posters for ladies. There is a lack of them so for you...I will have to make my own. No, I won't be posing so you don't have to worry about gouging out your eyes.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
Hmmm trying to figure out what was gross. Yeah I think the only fighting on Xanga that I do is when people misspell something or leave a word out of a sentence. Oh and I totally fight Bears fans.
@darkarin88 -
I may have to visit that site sometime today either that or go through my collection.
I was talking with someone on facebook about that..."First you get the sugar, then you get the power, and then you get the women."- Homer Simpson. Good luck finding a drug dealer boyfriend.
@anonymiaous -
You know...I have always wondered how gravity works with boobs.
@POETIC_ISIS -
Thank you...it probably went downhill from there.
@my_little_niche -
No, it makes me a bad person for thinking it.
@DickDoktorII -
I hear ex-lax gets people moving...;) I am intrigued about this new Sticky toon. What is the best liquor for helping you draw those? It has to be whiskey.
@tweeny_tear -
I would love it if a woman asked me to marry her. I would even wear an engagement ring.
Good luck with FARTing today.
@bosefius -
I feel so bad...I am leading all these people astray.
lol. all the motivation posters. gross.
and bears fans are awesome.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
I buy cheap wine or sherry before I do a Sticky. It reminds me of the old days, back when I lived in the pool hall and had all kinds of wino's to make fun of. Ever piss in a wino's bottle, then put it back in the snowbank? Actually, it's better to just dump out half of the sherry, top it up with piss. They still drink it. I have never done this - but I've seen many a wino come out of the washroom or in from the cold with a very sour look on his face after ingesting urine with good old "Bright's 67 Sherry" A buck five a bottle - it was pretty wild shit. Damn inflation. Now it's $7.80 a jug. I wonder if Cocky has heard of Brights?
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
Sorry...I don't think I can give up these posters. I just can't do it when there are real ones all over the place that make absolutely no sense.
I am afraid not. The Bears fans that come up to my town are not awesome.
lol. I'm not saying don't do them. lol. I'm just saying I think they are gross.
and I am an awesome bears fan.
;p
@DickDoktorII -
Oh the poor winos...there used to be this guy in town that was like that but he was more of a fiend for cigarettes. I remember one morning waiting at my bus stop that was at a gas station. This lady set her cigarette on the ashtray outside and this guy, everybody called Strawberry because his nose was large and red, picked up her cigarette and started smoking and then he walked away. The lady came out and asked if I took it. I said, "It was Strawberry." She nodded and walked away. I also saw him digging out butts and lighting them and smoking for a few puffs.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas -
OK OK we have that cleared up. I will do them and you will barf...deal.
OK as long as you are awesome then I will be cordial.
haha. who am I to tell you not to be gross? ;p
and sounds good.
You made me laugh so hard I fell on the floor! But, I still got my ass! Darn.
I will be back in the future to read more. Your motivational posters motivated me to do something. I'm trying to be good this hour, so I won't say what.
I have no Xanga friends yet.
[Or maybe he just doesn't see the need for God since he runs on a car battery.]
Awesome. And the one about girls growing breasts on their forehead is a winner, too.
Finally, thanks for posting the .gif in which we DO see the woman's tits! YAY!
@adamswomanlost -
I am glad you weren't hurt. I am intrigued as to what my posters did but I guess that might be a don't ask situation.
well I sent a friend request so you could have at least one friend.
@Unstoppable_Inner_Strength -
I saw that frustration one and was frustrated by not having the second. I waited a few minutes on a forum and there it was. Boobs always make for a great day.
I hadn't seen the follow-up Frestration GIF. Thanks for the Motivations.
@curiousdwk -
I deliver
@BranmacFeabhail -
yeah, I noticed too...this is a boobs-driven post....
I like it... want more...
Being math impaired, I had to think about that equation for a minute. "Outside the box" ha ha.
Bouncing boobs are all well and good but couldn't you throw us ladies a bone or two?
@judyrutrider -
Yes, I am somewhat of a math nerd and I am glad someone appreciated "outside the box".
As I mentioned to another commenter, I could find very few male ones so I have to make my own.
@godfatherofgreenbay - ha stop that talk right now... and, actually, i made a mistake... i was confusing your motivation with your celebrity roundup... that's the one where you usually have "something for the ladies", so all is well :)
@Peridot21 -
Well I will have something for you in the round-up and I will make you something for these posters. It's fair.
@godfatherofgreenbay - aww well that is awfully sweet of you... you don't have to do thaaaat... but danke just the same
@Peridot21 -
It's all but fair considering all the things I've posted here and believe me, before I had many Xanga readers, I posted a lot of things.
Lol, great post.
@A_NY_Zone61 -
Thank you
@godfatherofgreenbay -
You're welcome.
Comments are closed.