September 29, 2010
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Motivation
You know, I think they are going to move the White House to Wisconsin because it seems that Obama has been spending more time in Wisconsin than in Washington D.C. I guess that is to be expected since they call this area "God's country" and he is from Illinois and it seems like people from Illinois spend more time in Wisconsin than in Illinois.
When Kellis sang, "My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard." I wonder if that included the lactose intolerant.
Dyslexic girls are KO with me.
You know this may sound sexist but I think when God made women he intended them to be cooks. Why else would he put eggs and milk inside them?
If Nicolas Sparks writes one more romance novel it will probably be about the time my foot romantically kicked him in the genitals.
I'm only five pounds away from my goal...of having $8 worth of British currency.
If a woman who works at a 7-11 gives you a STD, would it be slurpees?
Sex advice from someone who's not an expert: Ladies, want to do something your man will remember this fall? Shut your mouth. You know why blind dates are the best? If the date goes bad they can't see you walking out on the bill. Guys, the best girls you can date are Jamaicans because they will jerk any meat you have. An ex once told me that the easiest way to take the fun out of spanking was to enjoy it. Ladies, the real way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, it's through your chest. Ladies, little white lies never hurt anyone so try saying "last night was great" or "you're huge" more often. If you have a complete stranger sleeping next to you in bed and want them to get out, call the police on them. Guys, remember the quickest way to get a girl to drop her panties is to scare her while she is folding her underwear. Also try reverse psychology, "Why no, I don't like oral sex." "No I don't want to see your boobs" 1.1 million people aged 20-25 in America have never had sex and about 700 of them take my sex advice.
I've figured out the best way to cure my ADD. I'm going to buy a Ford Focus.
And now for your weekly dose of motivation:
Whenever someone says, "A vasectomy is an easy procedure," it is always a woman.
People consider it expensive living in certain cities but they have to realize they are paying for a free trip around the sun every year.
Why is Charlies short for Charles when they have the same amount of letters?
Excuse me while I check my watch...yep, I'm still awesome
Comments (51)
Yes you are still awesome! The milk and eggs thing killed me, I laughed so hard. I love your posts..them make me happy.
you have the funniest posts and the best music
What the fuck is wrong with a Ford Focus?! I have one of those!!!
Aha! Are you still up knocking back a few?
@DickDoktorII -
More like knocking up a few
The one with the dog!!!
(((
I don't think I've ever heard Korn's cover of Creep. Awesomeness.
@fortheloveofblogging -
Thank you...I obtained a copy of a pastor's paper about the roles of men and women and how God created these roles and the whole time I was thinking of that.
@macphoto -
Glad you enjoyed and didn't hear the song I uploaded this afternoon. I was cruising a downloading platform and found a song about my town. It was very creepy and brought up nightmares.
@crazy2love -
Nothing...they will help me focus and not have attention problems.
@KickingSheep -
I think that version of Creep was performed on their Unplugged show. I remember when the MTV Unplugged shows were awesome.
Oh you're in fine form tonight, Godfather.
Tell me, what is your name?
I'm sad.
--Khai
I had a ton of comments for these great jokes a minute ago but then my browser crashed. I think it took them with it, and a few brain cells as well.
Do you have any idea who this new person is that posted about the anal cancer? I wish I had that IP checker thingy in here - I'd hate to get scammed and find out it was Sticky later.
Love your sex advice and the woman jokes! Those ALWAYS slay me! I've used reverse psychology similar to your suggestions, and it always works for me.
I'm totally with you on the Sparks kick! Really let him have it for me, would ya'?
HUGS and thanks for the laughs!!!
If that football team didn't win after the president himself gave a peptalk, they never will.
Still great!!! Haven't failed me yet
:giggle:
The loyalty one is priceless.
Creep cover is awesome! I miss the good ol' MTV unplugged..
i seriously got the song on repeat...
Thanks for the chuckles.
And thanks for the time it takes for you to make all these posts on Xanga.
Yep, you are awesome and so are your posts!
president obama cracks me up sometimes! nice post
Dear GodfatherofGreenBay,
Keep bitching, cheesehead. We're building our own water parks now. Soon you won't have anyone to stay at your outdated dumps, buy your crappy plastic souvenirs, or pay $30 for a wagon ride during which the tour guide "educates" you on how the Dells were created by Noah's flood. No one will ever need venture north of Mars Cheese Castle! Bwahahahaha!
Then, all your water parks will dry up (get it, dry up? HA!), and YOU will be forced to come down to civilization, clogging the highways with your synchronized slow driving and schizophrenic, panic-enhanced breaking habits. But that's cool with us; we absolutely adore the look of shock on your faces when you see the price of gas. So cute!
Oh, and when you do come down, don't forget the cheese curds.
Sincerely,
Your neighbors to the south
Yet another wonderful post filled with stuff that just make me smile for quite a while! Thank you!!!
LOL
Sigh.
Maybe Obama just feels comfortable in your state. Maybe ya'll are friends to him. Not as much controversy going on?
Last motivation was kind of sad
Poor little dog.
@quodmenutriut -
Glad you enjoyed. I was in somewhat of a better mood this week.
I have many names but normally I answer to "sir" or "Matt"
@DickDoktorII -
You know...I really got to thinking about that last night and given his scatalogical humor and his discovering the mass friend request feature, it's a good possibility although the person behind it did visit my page. I'll have to watch the language and spelling the author uses because, bad pun here, Sticky is somewhat anal about the -our ending in words.
@adamswomanlost -
Hmmm so reverse psychology does work? I will have to actually try to use it. I knew a guy that would tell women that he was never with a woman and they always wanted to teach him. Maybe reverse psychology would work for Nicholas Sparks.
Glad you enjoyed.
@ItIsAllGravy -
The school where he stopped is La Follette which because of their failures in the sporting world has earned them the nickname Laugh At Us.
@sw33tw3asl3 -
Glad you enjoyed
@Sultry_Sally -
Glad you enjoyed
@POETIC_ISIS -
Yeah that wasn't meant to be funny but when I first saw it I sort of choked up.
@ccRowp -
I love Korn's version of that song because it's the Radiohead classic, it's acoustic, and you get that distinct Jonathon Davis sound.
@curiousdwk -
I usually write stuff down that comes into my mind and save it for these posts. I have such weird thoughts sometimes so I have to share with Xanga.
@nattata -
Awww...thank you. Glad to see you back around Xanga.
@fromprivatetopublic -
Glad you enjoyed.
@ithiliya -
All I heard was "Us Illinois residents are so jealous of Wisconsin that we are trying to copy all the best features to keep in our neck of the woods but we will ultimately fail because nothing can compare to the low, low prices of Wisconsin even in the tourist spots and tremendously lower prices of stores in non-tourist towns."...;) We will not export our cheese curds much like how Wisconsin outlawed margarine years and years ago.
@nov_way -
I am glad you enjoyed. I love getting the feedback.
@Shining_Garnet -
Glad you enjoyed
@Aloysius_son -
Oh man...I let you down. Sorry, sir.
@NightlyDreams -
Yeah I got choked up when I saw that dog one. So touching. There is another one like that I will have in a future issue.
Well here's the thing as I alluded to in my comment to another person above. The town where I live is a huge tourist town and it mostly caters to people from Illinois although we get a fair share from all over the country. It just always seems to be the majority come from Illinois. I actually think Obama mentioned the Dells in campaigning in Wisconsin. I wish I knew when he was up here because that would have been cool.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I don't much like what's going on in the white house but it would really be cool to meet the president anyway. I think it's just one of those things you could tell your kids about like my dad did when he met Clint Eastwood on a golf corse several decades ago.
Just something that is cool.
@NightlyDreams -
My dad has met all these famous people. JFK did a campaign stop at his high school when JFK was running for President and my dad shook his hand. He also marched with Dr. King and shook his hand. It's hard to put down who the most famous person I've met...probably Brett Favre. I had coffee and donuts with him. Oh and I also hung out with a wrestler from WWF once.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Wow Martin Luther King jr.? That is just wonderful. What a memory that would have been. I think the most famous encounters I've had haven't been much. Poison came threw the store shopping a couple years ago. That was just weird but I didn't actually see or meet them so I guess it doesn't count. :-/ My friends and I got to get pictures and meet Stabbing Westward but that wasn't really a thrill for me because I really didn't fallow them much. Met lots of rock bands that same concert but didn't know anyone of them before then. Guess my most famous meet and greet was the Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile lol Or Santa Clause lol
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Well, you know what they say about low prices... you get what you pay for! And you forget, I lived in Wisconsin for 7 years. That whole "things are cheaper here" thing only applies to gas, rent, and hookers.
All your cheese curds are belong to us!
You're huge! (Do you remember which movie that came from? Breaking the Waves or Margaret's Museum?)
@judyrutrider -
Well I have never seen Margaret's Museum so I will have to check if it's in my library system.
@godfatherofgreenbay - I infer that you have seen Breaking the Waves? You're kind of a twisted sort of guy, aren't you?
@judyrutrider -
Well...you caught me. There's just something about disturbing movies like that that appeals to me. I think they are the last true "horror" movies since the horror genre anymore should be called gore. Von Trier also directed one of my favorite movies, Dancer in the Dark. Have you ever seen any of Todd Solondz's films?
Comments are closed.