October 15, 2010

• Celebrity Round Up 10/15

  Hmmm what to say?  All this talk of Chile and Chilean miners inspired me this evening.  I made a big pot of chili.  Oh it was so tasty and later I expect it to wreak havoc.  My house might collapse on me.  I am finally going to see Avatar.  I checked it out from the library.  There's nothing like being a year late on the biggest movie in the world.  It better be good or I am going to raise hell against all those that told me I should check it out.  Remember some images may not be safe for work or safe for life.  NSFW and NSFL.

  
  Zach Galifinakis posed for a magazine.  I don't know which because well...he shaved his beard.  Maybe he shaved so he could look more womanly.
  
  Here we see Tish, Noah, and Miley Cyrus.  Better look out Lohans, this is your competition.
  
  Miley isn't trying to be noticeable at all.  Soon she will be able to be noticeable all she wants because she'll be 18.
  
  Nobody fucks with the panda...I mean Taylor Momsen.  In the interview with that magazine, Taylor informs us that she's into porn and she really enjoys sex tapes except the Pam Anderson/ Tommy Lee sex tape.  She said she wouldn't have sex with Tommy Lee.  Oh and Tommy Lee better not try to change her mind because Taylor's only 17.  Be careful, Tommy Lee, somewhere Chris Hansen has his eyes on you.
  
  Snooki made a guest appearance on South Park this week.  She's never looked better.  See more at the end.
  
  When you look up the word "classy" in the dictionary, you'll more than likely see this photo of Shauna Sand.  But when I think of classy, Shauna Sand does not come to mind.  Oh well, I'm thinking she's practicing for her next sex tape.
  
  Minka Kelly was voted Esquire magazine's sexiest woman of the year.  I agree in principle however since she dates Derek Jeter I will have to say she's ugly.  Now to be sappy and I will not name names because I can't stand the guy...the women of Xanga are more attractive.
  
  Californians, what the hell were you thinking?  This woman could have been your governor.  Mary Carey would have legalized marijuana for tax revenue, eliminated the tanning salon tax, and socialized plastic surgery specifically breast enhancements.
  
  Lindsay Lohan's current stint is playing out like an I Love Lucy episode.  The Betty Ford Clinic has a strict no caffeine policy but Lindsay needs her Coca Cola.  She's used to waking up in a bathroom stall and going to a vending machine at the rest stop to get her Coke in the morning.  Now, she's committing acts that the best writers in Hollywood can't make up.  Lindsay and her rehab Ethel, snuck out and found that a neighboring building had a Coke machine.  They first tried to climb a fence but Lindsay's clothes got stuck and they were caught.  Another time, Lindsay and Ethel were flagging down people at the fence to have them buy Coke.  Turns out that the person they flagged down was a security guard for the Betty Ford Clinic.  This by far is the funniest thing Lindsay has ever done.  She and "Ethel" should pair up for a comedy show but Ethel is probably one of Lindsay's other personalities.
  
  Here we see Lady Gaga wearing 6 inch heels on a slippery boat deck.  That seems unsafe.  I bet when the coroner is examining the gash in her head from the fall, he will say she's outrageous, provocative, and completely original.
  
  Kim Kardashian posed nude for W magazine.  I don't get this.  A few weeks ago she was saying that she regretted posing for Playboy.  I guess being covered in silver paint in W and being covered in multiple body fluids in her sex tape is OK.
   
  
  Awww...OK I'm sold.
  
  Last Saturday would have been John Lennon's 70th birthday.  It was his son Sean's 35th birthday.  I think that is sort of freaky that Sean was born on his father's birthday.  It's also pretty sad.
  
  We haven't played this in some time.  Guess the ass!  I don't know how I could live without this game.  The other hint...like you looking at the caption, she's a cheater.  It's Leann Rimes.
  
  In an interview with Details magazine, Gavin Rossdale admitted to dating a cross-dresser for 5 years.  He basically said he got all up in her "bush" before he was in the band Bush.  This is what he said, "I think at the outset there was a sort of fear--that was right at the beginning of Bush, and I didn't want it to be part of it. It felt like a cheap shot, so I was like, 'I'm not getting involved.' I've never wanted to appear closed about it. It's not something I've talked about really because it's always been in the glare of a tabloid world. It's just one of those things: Move on. When you're 17, Jesus Christ. I don't think there's anything strange about any form of--you're learning about life. It's a part of growing up. That's it. No more, no less." Then Details asked, "So it was just a one-time experimentation?" And Gavin replied, "Yeah. That was it. You have to know what you like, and I know what I like."  So every guy goes through a phase where they date a cross-dresser?  Oh and if you go to Details' website to read the entire interview the follow up question was about tennis.  Hardcore journalism...FOX News, take note.
  
  Dustin Diamond or Screech as he'll forever be known since he was the only character that was in every single Saved by the Bell franchise.  A few years ago, his house in Wisconsin was almost foreclosed upon so he took to selling t-shirts to raise money.  Enough people bought the t-shirts so he kept the house.  Then he started pro-wrestling on a circuit in Wisconsin and soon he found himself as the champ.  Then of course there was the Celebrity Fit Club scandal and then he almost lost the house again but he sold a sex tape to raise funds.  Well times are tough and Screech is once again facing foreclosure.  He is $279,000 behind in payments.  I guess this means that there will be another sex tape with even grosser things because if I've learned anything from movie sequels it's that monsters in the sequels are bigger and scarier.  Seriously, did they ever teach money management at Bayside High?
  
  Christina Aguilera is divorcing her husband.  People are claiming they've been separated for months and that she already has a new boyfriend.  Hmm a fall divorce must be a new celebrity trend sort of like the suicide attempt to promote a new album or the sex tape to launch an acting career.
  
  Speaking of sex tape, Kendra Wilkinson is splitting with her husband Hank Baskett.  He plays for the Minnesota Vikings and Kendra claims that she can't get any exposure living in the Twin Cities.  The funny thing is she's right.  She would get less exposure than Brett Favre's cock which is really sad.
  
  David Arquette is breaking up with his wife Courtney Cox.  He claims that she is always in his business and is constantly nagging him.  Well, there are rumors that David is cheating on Courtney so I guess that's justified.  Arquette also claims they haven't had sex in four months.  Oh boo-hoo...try being me.  Let's get this straight...Courtney is nagging, a busy body, and doesn't like sex.  I thought women like that only existed in fairy tales.
  
  Ben Harper divorced Laura Dern this week.  A representative for Ben said that he wasn't into her anymore and the marriage was boring and a chore.  What a jerk!  It was a chore and boring...sort of like listening to his music.
  
  Despite all these reports of failed marriages , here's some news about a relationship rekindling.  Andy Richter said that he has signed on to be Conan O'Brien's sidekick on his new show on TBS.   I can't wait for the November 8th premier and neither can Andy since the new job will get him out of the house...finally.
  
  Christina Hendricks posed omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg
  
  Carrie Fischer recently admitted that she liked to party on the set of Empire Strikes Back and by party I mean she did hundreds of dollars of coke a day.  John Belushi, who was in the process of kicking the habit, warned her that she was doing too much so that's saying something.  Are you really shocked that people were doing illegal narcotics during the making of the Star Wars movies?  I for one am not.  Think about it, you have a guy dressed in a cape, a talking robot, a bigfoot flying a space ship and whatever the hell Yoda is.  George Lucas had to be on something.  Hell, he had to be on something heavier than coke to think up Jar Jar Binks.
  
  Avril Lavigne was on the cover of my Maxim this month.  Shockingly the magazine isn't a special "I remember the year 2000" issue.  I have to hand it to Avril.  She knows one of my fetishes.
  
  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore tweeted that they were in Israel to work on their marriage.  What is so special about celebrities going to Israel to work on their problems?  Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown went there to work on their marriage and he still beat her and they divorced.  Whitney also went there to work on her drug problem but it did nothing.  I think the best thing they can do for their marriage is to get off Twitter and see a therapist.
  
  I thought I would be like Brett Favre and text ladies photos of my junk.  I sent one photo to AnnaLynne McCord and she sent me back this photo.  I'm trying to decide what her reaction is.  Is it orgasmic or did I blind her and turn her into a zombie?
  
  Alec Baldwin has taught me how to get free candy at the movies.  He was at a premier for an independent movie and during the screening he kept texting.  People around Alec were annoyed by the light and sound coming from his phone so they started throwing M&Ms at him.  After he got hit by a dozen, he stopped texting.  Thanks, Jack.
  
  This is a photo of Adam Sandler on the set of his new movie.  It's called So What? Who Cares?: The Joy Behar Story.  Actually it's a biopic about Jennifer Anniston.  No, it's the big screen adaptation of Blossom.  OK, the truth is, the movie is called Jack and Jill and Sandler plays both Jack and Jill.  That will be a guaranteed money maker.  I guess he didn't learn anything from Funny People.
  
  I'm shocked that Aaron Carter is still alive.  He posted this photo on Twitter.  I guess crystal meth is now being used to build muscle.  Who knew?
  
  Look at this photo and tell me that Britney Spears is not voting "yes" on Proposition 19.  Now, if only Lindsay had stuck with weed.
  
  After her appearance on Glee, Britney has started getting many offers to do work on TV including her own variety show.  Hell, the only thing she knows about variety is that Lorazepam comes in 200, 300, and 500 milligram doses.  I would actually pay to watch her do a talk show since she has multiple personalities.  Britney could interview herself, plus have a sidekick and bandleader weigh in on the interview.  That would still be funnier than Lopez Tonight.
  
  Bret Favre is the new Tiger Woods.  More female workers are coming forward saying that Favre propositioned them for sex.  The most recent was a massage therapist.  She claims that Favre eyed her like she was a slab of meat while she massaged one of his teammates.  Favre started contacting her via email and texts asking her and another female masseuse to come over because he had some bad intentions.  The woman's husband confronted Favre but Favre didn't apologize.  He probably won't get reprimanded by the NFL because the investigation will not start until later this year and by the time they make a ruling, the season will probably be finished.  Poor Brett Favre!  He threw a reckless pass that cost the Vikings a shot at the Super Bowl and a few seasons before he threw a careless pass that cost the Packers a shot at the Super Bowl.  Now he's thrown two more reckless passes but these could cost him a marriage.  The next time we see him crying on TV it will be because of a divorce, they aren't cheap.

  Video Section:
  Here's is Snooki on South Park.

  It's a Jersey Thing
  Tags: SOUTH
  PARKRandy Marsh,Eric Cartman,more...

  I found this video this week of Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly.  I had never heard this before.
  
  Shia Lebeouf sure knows how to fight.  He threw coffee and ran away.  What a tool!
  
  I hope everyone has a great weekend.  I may be scarce on Xanga because tomorrow is a huge football game in Madison and I may make a scene at ESPN Game Day and this may be my last post for some time because I am experiencing some computer problems.

  • 10:29 PM
  • 63 Comments