October 21, 2010

• Xanga Dreams

  A few years ago, when I first started coming out of my hole on Xanga, I got caught up with all the so called Xanga-lebrities and all the goings on here.  I ended up having this amazing dream back then of some of the more popular Xangans.  This was when I was having health problems and was a walking medical mystery.  I walked into the waiting room and there were two male Xangans making out.  I then looked in another corner and saw to vocal pro-lifers waiting.  I sat down next to them and the nurse came in and said, "We're ready for you to come in and have your abortions."  They became giddy and went skipping down the hall.  I often wondered if this was because the only people I've known to have abortions are pro-lifers.  I can't remember the rest but that's the gist of it.
  The other night I had another Xanga dream.  I have felt over the past week that my time here is dwindling because of computer problems so maybe my subconscious was telling me that I need to get things fixed and become a permanent fixture on Xanga. 
  I was sitting at my computer in an office and heard a knock on the door.  Someone said, "They're here."
  I stood up and answered, "Good."
  I walked out into the hallway of a dorm and not just any dorm but the dorm in which I lived my freshmen year of high school.  I walked up and down the hallway and inspected everyone standing in front of their dorm rooms.  I said, "Welcome to Xanga."
  Apparently I was in charge of a specific floor in the Xanga dorm that housed all the Xangans.  I am pretty sure that the floors were divided by different cliques and I was monitoring those that I am subscribed to in real life. 
  We all lived together and our blogging and commenting was how we talked with each other in the dorm.  We only had one rule and that was no smoking because if there was any smoking in the Xanga dorm then the servers would crash and the dorm would collapse.
  Of course things got hot and steamy and everyone was having sex.  I won't get into that because I wouldn't want to make my readers puke with disgust or get that look that girls get when they figure out that I like-like them.
  The best part of the dream was when I found another prankster.  I won't mention names.  We pulled pranks on numerous Xangans.  My favorite were the pranks I pulled that I learned in science class.  I don't know why but I had a cache of chemical in my my room and they helped me wreak havoc on the other floors of the dorm. 
  The first memorable prank involved having a kool-aid stand with a special blue kool-aid.  I spiked the kool-aid with methylene blue.  All the other Xangans came to buy lemonade and I was soon sold out.  About an hour after people started buying lemonade there were screams of fear and pain.  When methylene blue is ingested it will change the color of urine to blue.  People were screaming because they were peeing blue and thought they were dying.  I got called into the dean's office for the prank.  He said that I should have known better since spiking drinks is looked down upon in this day and age and he knew I read that one someone's blog.
  Another noteworthy prank involved all the sinks in the Xanga dorm and potassium permanganate.  I had seen this prank on some show so I decided to pull it on my fellow Xangans.  I unscrewed the filters from every faucet in the dorm and put a little of the potassium permanganate in the filter and then screwed it back on.  When people went to use the faucets, the potassium permanganate reacted with the water and turned the water's color to purple.  People were all "that's so cool, purple water" but then they looked at their hands.  The combination stains the skin to a brown color.  The other prankster and I had a field day going up to people and asking, "Where did you learn how to wipe?  Ever hear of toilet paper?"
  Then we had a problem with someone stealing food from the Xanga cafeteria.  The other supervisors and I gathered together to figure out how we could find who was responsible.  My idea was to sprinkle silver nitrate on all the food before the cafeteria closed and that way we could figure out who was stealing.  I sprinkled silver nitrate everywhere and the next morning we caught the culprit, a thinspo writer.  When silver nitrate comes in contact with skin, it dyes the skin black and because it's organic it takes a long time to get rid of the stains.  And the name of the cafeteria?  Theologian's Cafeteria.  God...even in my dreams I am a nerd.
  The dream ended when a Xangan that everyone despises tried to get in to the dorm but it wasn't accommodated for him.  He was shouting outside about how he wanted in but people wouldn't let him and he wanted to live on every floor.  I went out and hit him over the head with an empty beer bottle and the impact left him spinning.  I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard.
  
  
  Landon calling to the faraway towns.
  
  Irrelephant: A fat(or otherwise aesthetically strange person) who associates with a common group of friends or acquaintances and makes conversation awkward by telling stories or making jokes that are not at all humorous or related to the present situation.  Sadly, this is me.
  
  For a second there, I bet you thought I was racist
  
  YO JOE!
  
  You are dumb
  
  Okay, Xangans, here's what I need:

  -6 posts about The Simpsons
  -4 posts about abortion
  -3 posts about burkas and Islam
  -10 photos of breasts sent to my personal email
  -1 post about rule 34 with examples
  -3 posts on thinspo
  -4 posts about sinks
  -10 posts about suicide amongst soldiers that have served in Iraq
  -5 posts on anal sex
  -7 posts about sports
  -2 posts about why porn is good, examples must be included

  We need to make this the best service Xanga's ever had.  Let's not fuck it up and don't forget to communicate. Tag me and put "Order Up" in the title.
  Where is pansybradshaw when we need him?
  This post wasn't as good as what I thought it would be when I dreamed about posting it last night.

  • 11:16 AM
  • 57 Comments