November 26, 2010
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How to Ruin Thanksgiving
So I thought I would share multiple ways you can ruin your Thanksgiving because I did some experimenting this year. Of course, you will have to try these next year.
Something may be labeled NSFW
-Call your father a "butt plug" during the pre-meal prayer
-Tell the cook that Chef Gordon Ramsay would kick them out of Hell's Kitchen for their culinary abortion and that Guy Fieri would enjoy the food because he is a dullard.
-Drink 10 beers in 10 minutes and let the fun begin and of course the beer has to be Schell's Lake Maid and with every bottle say "Normally I wouldn't eat (insert type of fish here) but for Miss (insert type of fish here) I'd make the exception. You really need to go to the website to understand my lame attempt at humor. Also you have to remember that I started that company's myspace site and refused to sell. I am a moron.
-Be a Lions fan so the meal will be more depressing
-Hit your brother-in-law in the face while playing a pick-up game of basketball
-Discuss how your daughter will be starting college and your granddaughter will be graduating from kindergarten this school year and you are only 30 years old.
-Become a militant NASCAR fan and demand that NASCAR be deemed a legitimate competitive sport
-Go shopping
-Tell everyone that you got a new job with TSA and grope yourself at the table and say that you are just practicing
-When you see a family member drinking Starbucks declare your hatred for the chain and say they are responsible for the collapse of the economy but laud their use of this song in their new commercials because Matt Pond PA really rocks.
-Two words: pro-wrestling reenactments
-Tell everyone that you are a "master baster"
-Let this be your family meal:
"Give us this day, our daily white bread."
-This is your meal:
I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving or as some members of my family call it...Thanks-Taking.
Comments (57)
i'm vaguely thankful for this post, butt-plug.
The Lions started out strong, and ended up weak but it didn't ruin my meal. I'm used to it now.
lol. I got some pretty good ways to ruin a holiday. I'll list what my mother usually does.
and...dear God those pictures are gross.
LOLZ!!! The TSA one was fucked up, haha.
Great post. I read it a day too late, I guess. But my family didn't need any help fucking up the holiday with my dad getting wasted before noon and totally charring the turkey he set out to smoke.
So it goes.
The TSA one was great and so wrong. I wish I had balls to do some of these things.. unfortunately, I'm a goodie two shoes lol
pro-wrestling reenactments! lol
This shit is too fucking funny.
The pics! Where'd you get these women posing as food?
Oh thanks to you my Thanksgiving was rueened. I think I'll drown my sorrows in Cool Hwip.
LOL
Haha. The TSA one is amazing. xD I hope you're having a great weekend!
butt plug, no comment about it, I just wanted to type the words.
you never disappoint me!!! i have an aunt that says she's in a stable relationship every time there's a big holiday. We look forward to her lies. They make the after dinner fullness dissipate with all the laughter we do behind her back. I know it's wrong and mean but it is so funny!
awesome! The song at the end rocks!
I think I would have enjoyed watching the pro-wresting reenactments (even though I don't really like wrestling it's cheesey). I had a mixed thanksgiving but that's the way most holidays are when you work retail.
eek that turkeygirl pic is (more than a little) disturbing... althoughhh, if there's a turkeyboy version then......... =P
Thanksgiving is a great day for drama . . . my personal favorite is asking drunk Uncle Benny to tell the story of how his business partner stole all the money and moved to Tahiti so the business went under and Uncle Benny had to work security at the mall.
Ah, so this is how americans enjoy a fair celebrations!
Might work for Christmas too. lol
Thought of you when I saw this site: http://mashupbreakdown.com/
Ha! Wish I had read this before Thanksgiving!
I could use some of these for Christmas, though. 
The TSA one has me snort-laughing! 
HUGS!
@complicatedlight - Butt plug is my new term of endearment so...thanks, man
@klberry514 - I went to college with some diehard Michigan sports teams fans and it was fun watching them be upset with the Lions and recently with the Wolverines.
@TheSecretLifeOfPandas - Oh yes...mothers on Thanksgiving...a couple of years ago I wanted to skip the holiday with my family and just hang out in my place in MN with a close friend but when my mom heard that I didn't want to come home she said that she would drive to my place and prepare the meal up there. I ended up going to WI and my friend is no longer my friend so I guess it all worked out?
@crazy2love - not as gross as the endless videos on the news of the new security procedures.
@CleteusMaximus - I had a cousin try to fry a turkey a couple of years ago and he ended up burning down his garage.
@Hinase - I actually went shopping early in the morning to get a digital video camera for $20. I am pretty embarrased to admit that
@SoftlyPearlsSlipOffAString - It gets pretty gross when it comes time to rip off my shirt ala Hulk Hogan
@HoursProductions - thank you
@In_Reason_I_Trust - Muki's Kitchen...I'd send you the link but I am in a library at the moment and there are little children around me.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - What was that? Say Cool Whip again.
@Shining_Garnet - thanks
@nov_way - oh it was very exciting and today...SNOW!
@dirtybay - It's more fun to say
@sw33tw3asl3 - oh yeah! I love that part of the thanksgiving holiday where the scapegoat of the family gets roasted.
@ccRowp - I totally forgot I had that on my Xanga and I forget which movie I heard that in but anyway I like this version better than the original by The Dead Kennedys
@NightlyDreams - I would have dreaded to work at the big W over the Thanksgiving holiday especially in the electronics
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Don't be embarrassed. You got a great deal. As long as you didn't go overboard like some people can in the morning.
@Peridot21 - a tom turkey which got it's name from Benjamin Franklin because he was mad with Thomas Jefferson for not selecting the turkey as the nation's bird so Franklin to get back at Jefferson called male turkeys toms. That Benjamin Franklin...what a card! Making fun of Thomas Jefferson via turkeys and hitting on receptionists...what a guy! When I get a computer again I'll find you something
@jacksoncroons - oh uncle Benny...he reminds me of my dad and how he had a chance to invest in Apple or Microsoft
@windoftheforest - oh yes...American holidays are the best
@nattata - oh I got other ways to ruin Christmas...thanks for the link, I'll have to view that as soon as I get a computer
@adamswomanlost - oh I have different ones for Christmas one of which is hanging mistletoe from my belt buckle
@Hinase - yeah like a woman at a Toys R Us in Madison that threatened to shoot someone because they called her out for butting in line and then there's the yearly stampedes when the doors open
@godfatherofgreenbay -
HA! Be sure to post your Christmas ones pre-Christmas, so I can add some excitement to my holidays!
You surely know how to make the community laugh.
I think the movie you're talking about is "Planet Terror"
@godfatherofgreenbay -
I'm having some pie with some Cool Hwip. You can't have pie without Cool Hwip.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Yeah I heard about that. I wonder what she wanted so much..that she'd threatened like that.
@Peridot21 - uh....i have a turkeyboy version. you'll like it. why not come and have a look...yeah....
@godfatherofgreenbay - lol i had no idea that's why they're called Toms... thanks for the info, i love stuff like that
...oh, and ok, find something for me when you get back, don't forget now! 
@complicatedlight - ok, be right there. great timing, btw ... i'm starving!
@Peridot21 - muahahahaha.....
i mean great! see you soon!
@complicatedlight - heh heh (i ain't skeart) ;P
@ccRowp - You know that's probably right, I may have to go pop that in the old dvd player and have my own grindhouse film fest
@godfatherofgreenbay - it was one of the better years actually (still bad but not completely hell)
LOL