December 15, 2010
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Motivation
It's back. It's back. It's back and there are a lot of things I wrote while I was gone although all my Hanukkah jokes are a little too late.
Tomorrow is going to be a blast. This pastor calls me up and says I have to make a decision that will cost the church thousands of dollars. Apparently I was elected president or something a few years ago and that means I get to throw money around like it's going out of style. The church furnace broke down and I have to find the new one. I'm working with a guy and we are going to pick the hell out of that furnace catalog. I want it so hot in that church people will believe because they will know the languish of the fires of hell. OK so maybe I'm exaggerating but it's not often I get to throw around $5K to $10K on a furnace. I already have butterflies in my stomach.
I can't hold my liquor which is why I store it in my stomach.
I am so glad it is finally AC/DCember...this month totally rocks.
Every kiss begins with a "K" but every sexual encounter begins with a "hey, are you asleep?" and this is why my girlfriend and I have an on/off relationship. She gets on, I get off. When someone tells me that if I love something I should let it go I always imagine letting it go over a cliff; if it comes back then it was meant to be and if not, then I go get a hooker. Guys, give your woman a day off, have her sister fetch you beers. The last time a girl asked me to make her wet I poured a beer over her head. I like my ladies like I like my sleeping bags...laid flat with me inside.
When my parents told me I had to get my shit together, I said they were sick because that's totally unsanitary.
My toilet is so depressed because he's tired of all the shit I give him.
OK so why do people have private profiles on Twitter? They set up a Twitter account to share their thoughts with the world but they don't want anyone to see.
One of the creators of LOST said he didn't like the recent Harry Potter movie and went on to say that it was too drawn out and didn't end well. Insert joke here.
I don't use a scale to know how much I weigh. I tell people I am a ballerina and base my weight on the look of skepticism they give me.
I think LL Cool J and LL Bean should fight to the death to see which one ladies love more.
And now...your weekly dose of motivation.
I love Steven Wright but not as much as I love her...
Did anyone else just hear that? Nevermind...I take the "the" out of psychotherapist.
Comments (54)
LOL at the cat. I love how some cats are so laid back like that. I know one cat who doesn't care if you hold him upside down by his hind legs and swing him around.
Nataly Dawn is the besssst. I love Pomplamoose.
Oh my gosh! I just rediscovered Safety Dance and i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it.
great post!
i privatized my twitter cos half of my followers were online hookers :/ somehow it felt cheap lol. I finally got some motivation
The trolling kid is freaky.
I love the paragraph about relationships. I learned a lot!
Okay...the LOYALTY one...I am SO sure my dog would do that if I was under the tarp. He follows me around everywhere and sits at my feet in worship. If only I could find a man to do that.
I had NO motivation while you were AWOL, but it's back now, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Temper Trap? Really? I've had "Sweet Disposition" stuck in my head for DAYS, despite not having heard it for months. Love that tune.
Nataly Dawn is my latest musical obsession. She rocks!
That answers that question. I'm old. Nataly Dawn.
lol funny post
I giggled most of the way through this post. XD Thank you!
heck yeah, we can dance if we want to... love that song. =) ... oh, and when i googled it (cause i couldn't remember who sang it), i found it at onehitwonders.com lol
To be fair, the "liberal hypocrisy" one might not have been describing the former president. Perhaps they're just gay?
And "I like my women like I like my sleeping bags"... SO using that one in the future!
lol I feel I can conquer the world now!
Have fun spending all the money! :)
Nothing motivates me like sum good pics is and some good music, and gangstagrass!
And some wonderful statements
very nice post sir
Lol! Yay you for having the opportunity to go on a true shopping spree!
The one about letting things go is just ..great! But I think the same about the one regarding twitter and the rest, as well!
Oh, how I missed your posts! =D
Of corse I would find the sad part in your motivation post. That poor dog is so lost. (and this is how I will become that old lady with 40 pets living at the end of the street).
The dog's a bummer...but the cat is made of 'LOL'!
I skipped to the end because the end is great
Do you have any idea where the Us and them photograph was taken?
@methodElevated -
One of my cats walks around with straws in her fur and she doesn't care.
@winterEnds -
I was introduced to them through those catchy Hyundai commercials
@my_little_niche -
The Safety Dance is so much fun. I wish I could remember to do it if I ever go out dancing.
@ccRowp -
Oh sorry, I got a bunch of hooker bots even when my twitter was private so I just said, "Screw it". Hookers need attention too.
@adamswomanlost -
Yeah I had another trolling one but I don't post it because I would definitely get attacked by people here. Dikdoktor may have it though.
I question if my cats would be loyal like that but I figure that when I die, they'd start eating my body because sometimes in the night I wake up and they are chewing my toes.
@ZepBlueEyedGirl -
I was introduced to that song in a Diet Coke ad. Love it.
@Lithium98 -
I found her through those Hyundai commercials...hot
@POETIC_ISIS -
I didn't know her until I looked up info about the Hyundai commercials where the girl sings Christmas carols. For all the mention of Hyundai on this post I should get some royalties.
@Shining_Garnet -
Thank you
@emily_shannon -
Mission accomplished
@Peridot21 -
I had a trivia question that I don't have a prize for involving one hit wonders but I don't know when I should ask it.
@ithiliya -
Use it and if I ever hear it in the Dells as a pick up line I will blame you.
@sw33tw3asl3 -
DO IT!
@nattata -
It was fun but then it wasn't. The furnace was like 600lbs and we had to remove three doors to get it in the house and then it took about 5 hours to install. I was exhausted.
@CPKviperphoenix -
Thank you! I know I can rely on you for Gangstagrass appreciation.
@nov_way -
Yeah it was fun spending that much money but installing it was a pain...don't want to ever do that again. I am so happy to be back.
@NightlyDreams -
Yeah that one moved me to tears the first time I saw it.
@ZombieMom_Speaks -
yeah that dog one gets me down but I see a positive in it.
@throughthinking -
Thank you...I do have to credit Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL for the idea.
@ElevenStones -
I am thinking it's somewhere in Mexico
I'm glad your mojo is back!
I also don't understand protected Twitters if that's what blogs are for. o.O
Sometimes I forget that if I want to laugh all I have to do is come on your site and I'm good.
@godfatherofgreenbay -
Yes! Having you back is truly wonderful! and lol, hopefully you won't have to do that ever again.
really? selling out already? shucks.
@Pennington_Hall -
I love to hear that people find humor in my writings. That makes my day.
@nov_way -
Yeah, I know and this is why I am looking at buying myself a laptop.
@winterEnds -
Well I don't know if you could really call it selling out since they aren't singing their songs but singing Christmas carols. The funny thing is nowadays if a band wants exposure they lend their music to commercials or TV shows.
@godfatherofgreenbay - you don't, huh? why's that?
@Peridot21 -
I don't have anything to give away but the question would be "There is an artist that was a two time one hit wonder. Explain with the example how this phenomenon is possible."
@godfatherofgreenbay - umm that's makin' my head hurt lol ... i have no idea who it is, but is it someone that sang the same song using a different name or something? =/ srsly, i have no idea, as you can tell...
@Peridot21 -
OK here are two hints...the guy had one hit with his band and then one hit as a solo act -and- his solo hit has been covered by numerous acts for hits and was once used in an episode of The Office, used quite annoyingly in Darrell's opinion.
@godfatherofgreenbay - ughhhh without googling it, i can't figure it ouuut... and it's killin' me! lol =P
@Peridot21 -
The song on The Office is "Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochrane and he had a one hit wonder with the group Red Rider called "Lunatic Fringe". Sometimes it pays to watch VH-1.
@godfatherofgreenbay - daaaarn iiiit! why couldn't i remember thaaaat?? michael sang that song in the episode when darryl drove holly to her new place, right? i sooo should have been able to get that... (sad face)
@Peridot21 -
Comments are closed.