December 25, 2010

• Celebrity Round Up 12/24/10

  Yeah, it's Christmas and I am doing this.  It sucks being alone.  I can really understand why they say that Christmas is the most depressing time of the year.  Last night, after I set up my mom's Christmas present, I noticed my leg had swollen.  I thought nothing of it because I had done a lot of strenuous activities yesterday.  I fell asleep trying to watch Der Untergang because that is a great holiday movie.  I woke up and could hardly put any weight on it and I winced in pain.  The more I tried to walk the more painful it became.  I go to the hospital and they wanted to keep me to drain the leg, the same leg that years before was bitten by a spider and the venom ate away all the muscle tissue in that area.  Anyway I said no, came home, poked it with a sterilized need and watched it drain.  Fun times.  It's back to normal as I type but then I wonder if you read this.  Some images are not safe for work or life.

  NSFW and NSFL

  
  Vince Vaughn and his welcomed a daughter into the world this week.  They named her Locklyn Kyla.  Are they inspired by the Loch Ness monster?  A casino in Laughlin, NV?  Maybe Vince is already planning for his career after acting because we are getting fed up with him planning the same character in every single movie except Rudy and Psycho.  I bet he's going to open a dance studio with his daughter when she gets older and they'll call it Pop and Locklyn.
  
  Vanessa Hudgens celebrated her birthday at Pure in Las Vegas.  Here we see her showing off one of her great assests and saying to her exboyfriend Zach Efron, "Hey, you can't be in this anymore while you pretend I'm a guy."
  
  No wonder Zach Efron loved Vanessa, he was totally into bears.  Is it me or does she look like a werewolf prostitute?
  
  Tracy Morgan had a kidney transplant.  His other kidneys had started to fail because of his diabetes.  Hey he and my dad have a lot in common...diabetes, kidney failure, shout nonsensical things, at one point in their lives were affiliated with a political party.  The writers of 30 Rock plan on writing Tracy out of the show while he recuperates.  The early plan is to say that his character had a breakdown.  That shouldn't be too difficult because his character on 30 Rock is pretty much how he really is.  The thing I am most concerned with is who performed the surgery.  Whoever it was, they will have to take a pregnancy test. 
  
  Here is the photo of Tony Romo taking a knee and proposing to his girlfriend.  If only he was proportionally good on the football field to all the coverage he gets in the media.  Even though he's from Wisconsin, I can't stand the guy.  Hell, Senator McCarthy ranks higher in my books than Tony Romo.  Oh and Cowboy fans, how does this photo look?  It's one of the only handoffs Romo hasn't botched in quite some time.
  
  Katie Holmes was spotted celebrating her 32nd birthday this week with Tom Cruise.  I don't know why but when I look at this photo and consider that Tom is getting pretty old for action roles and since he can't act his roles will be limited he could make a pretty good leprechaun either that or Katie is from my gene pool.
  
  Here is a shot from the set of the next Twilight movie.  They were shooting in Brazil and were preparing to film a sex scene in which Robert Pattinson's character has aggressive sex with Kristen Stewart's character.  These two are dating in real life so Robert did the thing any guy would do when asked to have sex with his girlfriend.  He asked if he could get a body double.  He claims he didn't want to hurt Kristen.  They eventually shot the scene and she was OK but afterward as a joke she showed him bruises that were actually make-up.  Robert broke down in tears and she had to console him.  Of course he was scared to have sex with her, she doesn't have a penis.  If a guy doesn't want to inflict some pain on his woman in the sack is either gay or they haven't been dating long enough or they aren't into anal.  OK and let the hate mail come in. 
  
  Phil Donahue turned 75 this week.  I used to enjoy this guy.  He always came on when I got home from school.  I watched Donahue instead of cartoons.  How awesome is that!  Caller from Dayton, OH...you're on.
  
  Paris Hilton unveiled her new Moto GP team this week.  That bike looks like a Confederate flag as seen through Barbie's eyes.  This is a great idea.  Just because the odometer on her vagina has been reset a few dozen times doesn't mean she knows about racing.
  
  And to make sure Paris gets the idea...she's spending Christmas in Maui.  What does Paris Hilton have in common with that pail?  They both can contain crabs.  The diameter of their opening is the same.  The both scored the same on the SATs.  The both cost the same.  OK I'm finished.
  
  
  THE OUTRAGE!  New scandalous photos of Miley Cyrus were leaked.  The strange thing is, I asked Santa for a hillbilly girl to act like she's a lesbian.  Then the other...the mouse isn't happy.  She looks like she's posing with the buffet at Clay Aiken's after party.  You know, that first one...I hear that is how lesbians have sex.  They pretend to lick each others breasts.  When people asked me for my comment, I said, "Aren't we on the verge of nuclear war in Korea?  Oh and what about that serial killer in New York?  Is Aaron Rodgers fully recovered from his concussion?"
  
  Here we seen Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green in Hawaii.   I have a hard time calling him Brian Austin Green.  He will always be David Silver to me.  This brings me to a new topic.  Celebrity couples have nickames like Brangelina, ScarJo, Bennifer, TomKat.  So what do we call this couple.  I was thinking Silver Fox but that's already Anderson Cooper's nickname.  How about Thumbs and the Luckiest SOB in the world?
  
  Mary Kate Olsen is braving the flooding in southern California.  Hopefully Noah will pick her up in his ark because the world needs whatever it is she does.
  
  This is Lisa Robin Kelly.  She was arrested this week for DWI.  You're probably wondering who she is.  She was somewhat on That 70s Show.  She played Eric's older sister, Laurie, you know, the one with the tail.  Since that show went off the air it looks like she's had a tough time but then that's true for most all of that cast.
  
  Lindsay is in some trouble.  First she's turning me on by going braless.  Focus.  She claims she has a stalker and needs to be moved to a new facility.  Turns out that Lindsay knows what she's doing because this secret sober living facility is a party house where the inamets were partying up like Lutherans at a worship conference (if you want to know, ask).  No one witnessed Lindsay partaking but I'm shocked.  Last year she'd be snorting coke, injecting battery acid, and getting ritualistic piercings.  The sober Lindsay only sips vodka.  A staffer at the clinic demanded Lindsay take a sobriety test because Lindsay was out past curfew and the staffer knew she was at this "party" but Lindsay pushed her aside.  the staffer then grabbed Lindsay and claims that Lindsay punched her.  People are saying that Lindsay has already worked up her excuse.  She claims that this particular staff member has hated her from day one.  So forget a staff member hating her, Lindsay violated terms of her probation so why isn't she in jail?  It's not like this staffer is a homeless drifter that handed me an Urge cup and told me to pee in it while I was standing in line at the Kwik Trip.  And to think she almost made it through rehab without anyone pressing charges against her or did she?  The staffer is no longer interested in pressing charges.  She told the authorities to move on to more pressing concerns like who is leaking all these Miley Cyrus photos.  So I wonder if Lindsay's parents gift wrapped the hush money.
  
  You know, when I go shopping wearing nothing but a coat and fishnets, I get arrested.  Oh, Lady Gaga is wearing nude color underwear.  Maybe that's why I get arrested.  It's so embarrassing. 
  
  So is this porn for grandpas?  What is Lady Gaga wearing?  More importantly, why is a random woman grabbing her breast?  I have to say I enjoy Gaga's reaction, it's like "You grabbed my titty, no biggie."  Now if I were to do that.  The world hates me.
  
  Kate Gosselin and her children ran up the Rocky Steps in Philadelphia for a scene in the reality series which if you watch...STOP!  We must stop so they will go away.  If you thought that Kate would let her kids win a race to the top to help build their self-esteem, you'd be dead wrong.  I'm surprised she didn't try to trip them to ensure her victory.
  
  And that crash was all the teenaged girls' hearts crashing to the floor after they saw Justin Bieber walking with 18 year old Selena Gomez.  I'm shocked that some girls haven't phoned in to the police claiming that she is a pedophile.
  
  Johnny Weir is now making music.  His first album dropped this week and the sound can best be described as unicorns farting bubbles of glitter.  Why doesn't he stick to what he does best?  Being an underachieving Olympic athlete who judges washed-up celebrities attempting to ice skate.
  
  Hugh Hefner was spotted dining with his girlfriend this week at a sushi restaurant.  The funny thing about this is that Hugh brought his own food, pork chops, to the sushi place.  Some people would think that Hugh is going senile if he has to bring his own food to a restaurant.  What they don't know is that Hugh hates sushi because that was all he had to eat after his father went to go fight the North at Gettysburg.  DAMN YANKEES!
  
  Wow, Demi Lovato is really effed up.  A person from her tour said that her uncle would stand guard outside her dressing room or tour bus while she had sex with random people after her performances.  Also there is a rumored sex tape floating around featuring Demi with a variety of people.  PornHub has also asked Demi to sign a contract so she can do exclusive sex tapes for their website.  Wow...tour buses, coke, punching girls, sex tapes...all that's missing is a gigantic penis and tattoos and she'd be Tommy Lee.
  
  Courtney Love posted these photos a few weeks ago to show off her new tattoos.  She posted this when I was absent.  Aren't you glad I didn't post this photo while I was away from Xanga?
  
  You can almost hear the material in Coco's dress begging for mercy.  I don't know why but I have the strange desire to see her ride a bike wearing that.  I must listen to too much Queen.  Anyway...Merry ChristmASS.
  
  This tattoo should be in my terrible tattoo posts however it's here because it belongs to one of the people on 16 and Pregnant.  Amber Portwood recently got this tattoo.  She claims that the tattoo shows commitment to her daughter Leah.  Ummm...wouldn't saving the money for emergencies or establishing a college fund be a better commitment?  This is the same person who has recently admitted to leaking false stories about a pregnancy in order to garner attention.  This is the same mom who lost custody of her daughter because she assaulted the father on camera.  This is the same mom who can't drive her daughter to any appointments because she has a suspended license.  Thank you, MTV...THANK YOU!  I don't care if the baby is cute or not, I am amused that Amber is stuck with that ink for life or until she releases a sex tape to make money for laser removal surgery.

  Well that is it for this week.  I hope all of you have a merry Christmas.  You know, I just opened my front page and saw that I only had one friend online.  LOL!  This really does suck.  Enjoy the people you are with and do not take them for granted.

  • 2:55 AM
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