January 24, 2011

  • Fact or Fiction

    I have ten statements about myself, five are true and five are false.  It is up to you to determine which ones are which.

    1.  One Saturday, I coached a football game in central Minnesota, hopped in my car and drove 6 hours to Milwaukee to catch a Radiohead show.   After the show I drove back to Minnesota where I was to be ordained as a minister the next day.  I made it back to my house with time for a shower.

    2.  As a way to make some extra money I auditioned for a movie this summer and was cast to play Newman in the Seinfeld XXX parody.  I got the part but didn't appear in the movie because I was fired because they found out that I am serving a lifetime ban from the pornographic movie industry because my penis is too large.

    3.  I have had sex in three different towns all sharing the name Watertown.

    4.  I voted for George Bush in 2000 and 2004

    5.  I invested in a gum company because I chew so much gum whilst coaching and I am the reason the stock skyrocketed.

    6.  I quit smoking cold turkey.

    7.  I saw Weezer in Ames, IA and after the show I was invited backstage because a friend and I were hanging out in the parking lot.  Inside I played ping pong with Rivers Cuomo.

    8.  I once met and hung out with a professional wrestler by the name of Sean Waltman.  He was a cool guy and the next year he came to my resort, he remembered me.  After I left a wrestling fan came up and demanded him to do his trademarks but he got angry and punched him.  I didn't see it happen so I didn't testify.

    9.  At one time I was the head writer of a comedy series on MTV2 but the show was canceled because of the writers' strike.

    10.  I have had coffee and donuts with Brett Favre.

    I should ask you if you think this one is true.

    Yep, that's pretty much what I've been thinking.

    You know...it's so true.

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